Dateless in Manila
SINGLES by Karenina Yaptinchay
Manila Standard, P. B30, 31 May 2001

Unluckily for us singles, couple parties will be haunting us for the rest of our single lives. It is one item in the long list of "nightmares of being single" that we simply just have to accept and live with.

Last week, I received a wedding invitation in the mail. It was very sweet of my friend to invite me and someone I haven't met to his wedding. Being one of those who married "late," my friend knew exactly how awkward it always is when you are invited to a wedding full of people you do not know.

But underneath the appreciation towards my friend's generous gesture, I felt panic for I don't know who to bring to the affair. Even if he wanted me to bring someone, I could not, for the life of me, name one freaking person.

Another friend whom I have not been in touch with for sometime got invited me to her birthday party. Because I had not seen her for the longest time, I had no idea who she invited or who her friends are now. Because I am not even sure if our common friends were still her friends, I didn’t know who to hook up with. I wouldn't dare show up to a party alone, especially if I have not seen the celebrant for ages. Of course, it was okay if I bring someone along. But the problem was there was no one to bring. Strike two. One more and I am definitely out.

Just days ago, I got invited to a dinner and the host specifically put at the end of the invitation: "Please bring your respective partners." I screamed.

Three strikes in just one week. I definitely struck out.

After stressing out over the absence of a "date," I attended each one of them. To the wedding, I went with a couple who were compassionate enough to pick me up. When we arrived, I quietly looked around for anyone who arrived alone. As expected, guests came in pairs, except for two people - myself and my married friend whose wife is due to give birth soon. Even the children had nannies accompanying them at the ratio of one is to one. Dateless, my friend and I conveniently sat together throughout the whole evening. Although my friend arrived alone, he didn't look as pathetic as I probably would. I really do not know why it looks sadder for a female to walk into a party all dressed and made up with no one beside her. But then again, maybe it's just all in my neurotic mind.

When my friends started kidding about how I would be the only one to participate in the bouquet throw, I knew it was time to leave. Nevertheless, it was a beautiful wedding.

A friend picked me up so we can go together to our friend's birthday party. I was lucky to find an equally single friend struggling with the thought of going to the birthday party alone.

For a time, I selfishly rejoiced at the cost-cutting initiatives of most companies not to invite spouses or partners in almost all corporate functions. Otherwise, I would have already gone insane trying to find a "date" for every freaking occasion. My friend and his girlfriend fought endlessly about how he could not bring her along to any of his business parties. Although the truth is that most companies are cost cutting, his girlfriend didn’t believe him.

Looking at the whole scenario selflessly, it would be nice to have partners everywhere you go, but only if you have one for yourself. In fact, if I do have a partner now, I would love to bring him along to wherever I went.

When you step into your 30s as single person, it becomes more and more frequent for you to be invited to occasions that are made for couples and families. When you get into a guest list, you are automatically entitled to bring one more person. Besides, at your age, you are expected to be married or at least seeing someone.

This is where an ex-boyfriend/girlfriend comes in handy if you remain friends after your break-up but only until he/she finds a new partner or gets married. As for me, aside from the fact that I wouldn't be caught dead with my ex-boyfriend, he has already found someone he could abuse for the rest of his life. But what if there is no ex at all?

Good friends, not "fair-weather" ones, could also be there for you in times of desperation. But what if all of them are already married? In my case, I only have four unmarried male friends who would selflessly come to my rescue. But they are not available all the time for me. They have a life too, you know.

The worst possible scenario is not finding a "show date." Finding a real date, someone you are considering to have a relationship with, is another story. At this point in my life, I am hardly concerned with real dates because I believe that they will come in due time. What pressures me more is the need to show or be with someone in occasions where it is required.

So what is so wrong with arriving alone to a function where you are expected to arrive as a couple? If you are numb, absolutely nothing. But all of us, single or married, are individuals with feelings. Unluckily for us singles, couple parties will be haunting us for the rest of our single lives. It is one item in the long list of "nightmares of being single" that we simply just have to accept and live with.

But there are some things that are definitely more important than my issues or nightmares like seeing my friend get married, attending my friend's birthday, or being with people I like.

Of course, I cannot blame the hosts for asking me to bring a date. After all, we jointly inhabit in a society where the rule is to conform, and if you break the rules of convention, you run the risk of being ostracized. We definitely cannot stop holding parties just because single people like me have issues with going to parties alone. Besides, we are considered the "minority," an aberration. And in a democracy, majority rules no matter how painful it is for the minority.

Comments? E-mail me at [email protected].