What makes you feel good is not always good for you
SINGLES by Karenina Yaptinchay
Manila Standard, P. 4D, 23 May 2001

Most people would rather be certain they are miserable than risk being happy - Robert Anthony

It's no secret. Many of us female singles believe that there is a shortage of single men. What's worse, there is a shortage of good single men. The definition of what a "good" man is, however, dependent on personal preferences in values and taste. For example, a materialistic single female may consider someone very rich a good man while a romantic may consider an equally romantic man a good one. Whichever the case, "good" could translate into what actually makes us feel good about ourselves, about life in general. The definition is entirely subjective.

I had been comparing two single men in terms of what they do or say that makes me feel good. But first, let me describe each one.

Bachelor No. 1 is a cutie by my standards. And he knows that half of the entire female population agrees with me. He is witty, charming, funny, athletic, organized, and rugged even in his office clothes. He is so witty that I am beginning to think he relied on his wit to get through highschool, college, and even graduate school. Although most girls we know think he is a snob, he has a certain charm that could make me smile during one of my most stressful moments. He says the most ridiculous things during the most inappropriate time, which makes me laugh hysterically. He loves sports and looks casual even in a suit.

Bachelor No. 2 is a cutie, too, by most people's standards. He is intelligent, hardworking, ambitious, serious, charismatic and formal. He is so intelligent I sometimes feel my I.Q. is that of an eight-year-old. He does not go home from work before eight in the evening on a regular day and reports for work on weekends, even if he is not supposed to. Learning about his aspirations in life and his dedication to achieve them makes me admire his resilience and his ability to actually accomplish everything he has set out to do. He is always clean, too clean, sometimes, and very particular on his choice of sport. In a suit, you'd think he is escorting me to my senior prom.

Just by introducing them, you'd already detect some of my biases. Bachelor No. 1 calms me down when I am ready to pull my hair out by saying something that would make me forget about what I was stressing over. He would cite a similar experience that would always end humorously.

Bachelor No. 2, on the other hand, calms me down by telling me I think too much about the details, almost like a psychologist. He would give me tips on how to relax and cite philosophical theories that would make me get over my stress. Only then will I crack my own joke to amuse myself and he usually ends up laughing at me.

I admit I am not the tidiest person in the world. I guess single people who live on their own develop a certain withdrawal from tidiness rules that had to be observed when living with other people. Occasionally, I could be a slob. Bachelor No. 1 is so organized with his things. His place is so organized you'd think he learned is obsessive-compulsiveness from Jack Nicholson's character in the movie "As Good as it Gets." He would tell me my place isn't as untidy as I described, although I sometimes feel I have unknown pets living in my piles of unorganized trash. Not only is he funny, he is also a liar but in a "just-to-make-you-feel-good" kind of way.

Bachelor No. 2 has his own piles of trash to deal with. Like me, he is a memorabilla rat that he tends to keep everything with the slightest meaning for posterity purposes. In a way, he makes me feel good everytime I find his place more disorganized than mine.

Because Bachelor No. 1 loves sports, he really doesn't mind performing for an audience. Aside from the fact that he knows he looks good in his sporty outfit, he also gets a kick out of girls ogling at him most of the time. I really don't mind watching sports. In fact, I sometimes prefer being a spectator over being a player. Bachelor No. 2 plays sports with me and tries to beat me every single time. The competitive bastard. I'll get you next time.

When I panic before a deadline, Bachelor No. 1 would tell me to loosen up and would downplay the importance of the deadline by telling me stories where he did worse. Bachelor No. 2 amazingly tells me something so inspirational that I couldn't wait to get off the phone with him so I could start working.

Every woman wants to be treated like a lady. Bachelor No. 2 is the perfect gentleman, at least according to the book of etiquette. He automatically walks on the right side when we cross the street, opens doors for me, makes sure I am safe inside the car before he motions to get in, and even carries my handbag for me when I get tired. Bachelor No. 1 couldn't care less if my arms are ready to fall off from the weight of the suitcase I am carrying. And he isn't exactly the "door opener" type either.

Recently, being fed up with monotony in my life, I changed my hairstyle, which I had worn in one length since I was in the sixth grade. The change terrified me at first because I was not used to managing or mismanaging my hair the way most women do. Bachelor No. 1 told me how my new hairstyle fit and how nice it looked on me. The funny thing was I did not parade in front of him, let alone force him to make a judgment, whether good or bad. He just gave his unsolicited but sweet comment.

After several hours with Bachelor No. 2, I had to ask him what he thought of my hair. I felt I had to force him to tell me "it looks okay." He didn't say anything even if every darn person we saw that day noticed the change. How could you not notice? Could you be more blind? Maybe he just doesn't care much about physical traits. But mind you, he does not fail to notice every damn power point presentation I prepare.

So what can a man do that would make me feel good? It is obvious in my account that Bachelor No. 1 makes me feel good most, if not all, of the time. Laughing makes me feel good. Making someone laugh makes me tired. Telling me that it's okay to be a slob sometimes and even attempting to convince me that I am not one makes me feel good. Thinking that "who-can-mess-up-the-room-first" is a potential game Bachelor No. 2 and I can play in the future does not really excite me. Preferring that I watch instead of trying to beat (or be beaten by) Bachelor No. 1 in his favorite sport actually makes me feel better than losing a tennis match to Bachelor No. 2. Although I feel strongly for equal rights for men and women, it still makes me feel good to be treated well, with the right amount of courtesy and chivalry.

But then again, people prefer different things. Although Bachelor No. 1 gets the best of me, many of you might think Bachelor No. 2 is ideal. The truth is all my friends want me to marry Bachelor No. 2 (even if we are just friends) because he is more responsible, focused, and well-planned for the future. In fact, my friends fell in love with him the first time they met him. On the other hand, they think Bachelor No. 1, the smooth operator, has the makings of a "heartbreaker" and could sometimes be so self-centered. My bestfriend even said I am just setting myself up for another heartbreak.

But do you give up things that make you feel good for security and stability? Can't you have your cake and eat it too? But then again what makes you feel good may not necessarily and always be good for you. You think?

Comments? E-mail me at [email protected].

POSTSCRIPT: I intentionally altered some facts not only to protect the identities of my bachelors but also to spare me from embarrassment.