Freedom of choice
SINGLES by Karenina Yaptinchay
Manila Standard, P. B20, 10 May 2001

Only when you are single can you truly be able to do what you want without having to think of what the people around would rather have you do. Nevertheless, being free does not mean being free from responsibility.

A friend asked me for the nth time why in heaven's name did I decide to live by myself only a couple of blocks from my parents. Being married for about 15 years already, she said if she were in my position, she would stick with her parents, enjoying the free ride for as long as she could.

While I do believe living with your parents has its advantages, being on your own has plus points, too. One of such advantages is freedom.

"Freedom from what?" she asked. Having been married since she was 19, I figured it was futile to explain to her the joys of being able to be on your own, of being independent. Being independent allows you to choose the way you want to survive and the way you want to live your life.

My friend got me thinking though. What is it really that I am trying to break free from? It is not as if I am in bondage at my parents' house. In fact, my parents have always been generous in letting me do whatever it is I damn well please, except painting their house purple.

Okay, okay. It is possible to enjoy a certain amount of freedom even if you live with your parents, depending on how much freedom they give you. I do recognize the fact that not everyone can afford, financially and emotionally, to live alone. Freedom is a state of mind more than a physical domestic arrangement. But then again, freedom is highlighted all the more if the environment supports it. Of course, you get the most of it when you are free from any kind of constraint, self-imposed or otherwise. Nevertheless, living on your own still means more freedom than living with others. And only when you are single can you live on your own.

Unfortunately, many of us in this society were brought up to rely on other people, if not our parents, our grandparents, or even our spouses, if any. Being free and on your own is more of an aberration than the norm. Most of us are expected by society to be under the care of other people. It reminds me of the story of "learned helplessness," the story of how a caged bird refused to fly out of its cage even if the doors had been opened. Apparently, the bird had been caged for so long that he had forgotten how or didn’t have the resolve to fly.

When I started writing in this column, many of those who came across it continuously share their thoughts on being single. Most of the thoughts were equating singlehood with freedom. In fact, I received several e-mails with the following passage:

"Single means freedom. You are free to spend a week's vacation on the beach, to take computer courses, to work late on an interesting project, to spend the day in bed with a good book or simply with a person who has read one."

Only when you are single can you truly be able to do what you want without having to think of what the people around would rather have you do. Nevertheless, being free does not mean being free from responsibility. In fact I believe that freedom is directly proportional to responsibility. The more freedom you enjoy, the more responsible you have to be.

When you decide to exercise your freedom and go to the beach, you have to be responsible enough to let people know where you are if you want people to know where to look for you in case you don't show up for next week's meeting. If you decide to throw a party, you have to be responsible enough to clean the mess after and remind those who drank too much not to drive.

We have all heard the case of the crowded movie theater. If you yell, "Fire, fire!" in a crowded movie theater (especially if there was no fire to begin with), are you just exercising your Constitutional right to freedom of speech? If you encourage people to overthrow a government and incite people to march to Mendiola to throw rocks, is that an expression of freedom? I don't think so.

I had also been warned one too many by friends that being too free is not necessarily a good thing. A friend told me that because I am so used to being free, I would have a hard time to adjust in case I decide to get married. She said when I get married, I would no longer be as "free as a bird" (not the caged one).

I guess the issue of freedom no longer becomes an issue if you willingly give it up for something more meaningful to you, like love and companionship. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that. It is really a matter of choice and let's just hope we all have the freedom to make that choice.

I still maintain that I am living on my own because I would like to exercise my freedom, not from anything, but to choose whatever it is I feel would make my life more meaningful. Besides, the person who would hold me captive for the rest of my life has yet to come.

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While we are on the topic of freedom, I would like to share my thoughts on the freedom to choose who we want to have as the leaders of this country. Because I desperately believe in change and good governance, I am rooting for 13-0 in favor of the People's Power Coalition (PPC) in the senatorial election. I believe the PPC candidates have the moral integrity to lead this nation, especially UP Economics Professor Mareng Winnie Monsod and my former Congressman soon-to-be-Senator Joker Arroyo.

Recently, we have recognized the existence of a women's vote, although many arguments are still being raised against it. But is there a single people's vote? While I believe that there are certain rights that should be afforded exclusively for single people, no party has registered or communicated that they are for the rights of single people. Maybe I should organize one.

But in the absence of that party, I choose Aksyon Demokratiko for party list representative. Aksyon is the party of Education Secretary Raul Roco and is focused on reforms in education, which I believe is the answer to all our problems.

For those of you who are still confused with the "Party List" system, it simply means that in addition to your Congressional District Representative (like Teddy Boy Locsin, my choice for the 1^st District of Makati), you can also choose a party that you think should be represented in Congress.

In my city, I hope Edu Manzano wins as Mayor no matter what others say. I am free to choose whomever I please. Good luck to you, Edu, even if I hate one of your councilors.

On May 14, please, please vote wisely!

Comments? E-mail me at [email protected].