Give single people a break
SINGLES by Karenina Yaptinchay
Manila Standard, P. B24, 19 April 2001

While singles yearn for companionship, married people yearn for a faithful companion. While singles get a sense of accomplishment in waking up every morning to make it to work on time, married people find achievement in being able to keep their job to sustain the family. While single people are pleased to be able to plan their career development, married people – especially those who have children – are pleased to be able to set aside educational funds for their kids. Because the needs are different, the lifestyles are different, too.

One very hot summer Sunday, I decided to give myself a break. After almost two years of trying to survive my singlehood and independent lifestyle, I suddenly felt deprived. Just like any ordinary human being, single or otherwise, I am pretty caught up with making a living that I have forgotten some details that can actually give my life some meaning, even just a little bit.

Because life seems so hard nowadays, I have already given up checking how much money I have in my bank account long ago because I just end up getting depressed how much money I have left for my small personal indulgences. Also, I get depressed everytime I see how much of my salary goes to taxes that I never see working to make my life easier. But as soon as I discovered that my hardly explored back account recently contained extra cash that I could actually spend for absolutely anything I please, I immediately called a friend so we can do together what we do best - SHOP!

Surprisingly, after living like a scrooge for quite some time now, I didn’t buy anything that would just collect dust on my shelf or occupy much-needed space in my closet. Instead, I bought stuff that I desperately needed for my apartment. It's funny how I was helplessly drawn to the furniture section like paperclips would to a magnet. And because I had been sleeping in the same freebie of a mattress that came with my bed, I decided to treat myself to a nice new mattress, with springs and all. I was so exhilarated that all I wanted to do was go home to try out and sleep soundly on my new mattress, even if I am an insomniac.

I really don't know how long before this new high would wear off, but I truly felt a rebirth. I was counting on the fact that, aside from eliminating the back pains I had been experiencing, a new mattress could mean sleepful nights for me.

It may sound ridiculous at first to equate acquisition of material things with happiness because the former is mere temporary. As single friend who recently bought himself a brand new bed told me, the excitement lasted him only a week. But then again he added, "It's better to have one week of happiness than a lifetime of loneliness."

Some time ago when I wrote about how liberating shopping can be for a single person, I had been unfairly accused by a married person that shopping is simply an escape single people use to "fill in" the emptiness of single life, like it was a bad thing. While what that person said was probably true, he sort of made me feel guilty I had extra money to spend on myself.

A married friend almost reprimanded me for buying all those seemingly not-so-important stuff for my temporary pleasure and lectured about how important it is to save or invest money for the future although I am honestly not sure what it holds for me. I hear you, friend. She said it is always wise to have some cash stashed away just in case I find myself in some kind of emergency. She added I should invest in stocks, property or insurance so that I would have some assets, just in case I would (again) be in some kind of emergency.

I agree with her 101 percent. Why do you think I had been living like a pauper all these years? It is true that most singles do not have a spouse to rely on in cases of such emergency so it is always best to be prepared. Singles are left to fend for themselves most of the time. But what if you have enough safety nets to cover a million emergencies, what then?

It is also true that because a single person does not have to feed an entire family or raise a beautiful child, he or she is left, or should I say, entitled, to spend some of his or her hard earnings on himself or herself. But what could be so wrong about that, especially if that's what a lot of married people dream of? I have heard enough whining from my married friends about how they are so deprived of shopping for themselves since they got married.

It is disappointing that instead of being happy for a single person for being able to do what some married couples can no longer do, some members of our society tend to frown upon such "irresponsible" and "juvenile" spending behavior. While it may be the most practical thing to do, I sometimes don’t see the point of me competing with the married population on "stretching-the-buck-until-it-hurts" attitude.

I know my married friends mean well. In fact, they just wanted me to be ready for the future, something most of them were not apparently ready for when they got married. But just like them, I am sure I can manage with whatever resources I have right now. They just worry too much about us single fellows. We can all manage, either by ourselves or, ironically, with a little help from everybody else.

I may not speak for all single people out there but a lot of us, whether we admit it or not, find some pleasure in other things because we fall short on others. And do not mean that in a negative kind of way. With the absence of a spouse, children or family, some single people do have the tendency to release their emotions on or find temporary joy in other things - could be an activity, an object, or even another person. It does not even have to be mutually exclusive. It could be a combination of all three.

Most single people I know bury themselves in their work in the hope of attaining their professional ambition, if they have one. But what if there is no ambition to speak or dream of? Some singles indulge in work for lack of anything more worthwhile to do. Sometimes, without really meaning to, extra time at work actually paves the way to a budding, if not an extremely successful, career. Some are obsessed with recreational activities like going to the gym or other "partner-finding" pastimes like dating and partying.

Because living single is way too different from living a married life, many of the obsessions and desires are naturally far from the same. While singles yearn for companionship, married people yearn for a faithful companion. While singles get a sense of accomplishment in waking up every morning to make it to work on time, married people find achievement in being able to keep their job to sustain the family. While single people are pleased to be able to plan their career development, married people – especially those who have children – are pleased to be able to set aside educational funds for their kids. Because the needs are different, the lifestyles are different, too. I just hope that reality earns more acceptance than skepticism and criticism.

A married friend recently analyzed me for the nth time as being "too hard to please," claiming it to be the reason why I am still single. She theorized that women who do not seem to need anything anymore threaten men, and thus, turn potential mates off.

Well, here's some news. Contrary to what most people think, the more time I spend being single makes me appreciate little things more and more. Being able to sleep in a bed I bought for myself excites me, even for just a couple of days. Being able to choose the perfect outfit for the day sends me off to work as a happy woman. Knowing my friends are available to keep me company on my birthday makes me sappy. Receiving a platonic text message from my crush is enough to put a smile on my face that could last me an entire day. Heck, just being able to survive another day being single in a couple's world makes me proud of myself!

And so I humbly, and, with all due respect, ask the critics out there to please, please, for the love of God, do give us single people the break we badly need and deserve. Just like you, we are just trying to survive, and, sometimes, even enjoy, life the only way we know how.

Comments? E-mail me at [email protected].