Like mergers, not all marriages are made in heaven
SINGLES by Karenina Yaptinchay
Manila Standard, P. 24B, 15 March 2001

A person needs only two things to start a business - capitalization and guts. You need these two things, too, to get married. For capitalization, you need love, trust, compassion, money, too. And, of course, you need guts to make the commitment.

A single friend and I engaged in a heated debate about the economics of being single and being married. From what she has heard from married couples and perhaps for being an accountant, she said being married affords a person to have and save more money as compared to when one is still single. We never got to finish the debate because there were just too many issues to address for us to arrive at a conclusion.

Six years ago, I would have agreed with her especially during the time when I was jobless, willing to just leave it all up to my boyfriend who at least had a job at that time. Because I was bored, penniless, and nothing better to think about, I figured he could save on laundry by having me wash all his clothes and use the money he paid the laundry woman to feed me. He must have thought I lost my mind so he started finding me a job. I also thought back then that if a couple both had a job, getting married means double income, therefore, more money.

I thought getting married was similar in many ways to a corporate merger where both parties, while losing some of their own identities, will produce one single entity with a stronger portfolio and increased assets.

But after hearing many of my married friends whine about the expenses that come with getting married and having kids, I had to refute my earlier belief. Apparently, it is not that simple. Not all mergers, just like marriages, are made in heaven. Some companies, especially the weaker ones, end up losing their identity, becoming only one of the assets (or liabilities) of the bigger company. Some mergers even turn out to be mistakes of gargantuan proportions.

Expenses start as early as dating, which can be construed as initial capitalization or investment. If the single male wishes to impress the single female, he would offer to spend for everything during a date. If the single female wants to make a political statement, she would split the bill. Whichever the case, both will find excuses to go out and eventually begin the spending spree.

When the single male and female decide to become a couple, they become more comfortable and honest with each other, honest enough to tell each other not to spend too much. The initial capitalization seemed to have paid off and such situation can be likened to the "break-even" or even the "ROI" or return on investment stage, depending on the pace of the involvement. At this stage, both parties can reap from the benefit of hanging out in each other's places or being invited to each parents' place for free meals.

But when the relationship becomes serious enough to consider marriage, the single male would eventually find more sources of operational expense in order to buy an engagement ring, probably worth a month's salary, if he cared enough to go through the whole "proper" process of courtship and marriage proposal. Such is the expansion stage or increased investment.

When the proposal is accepted, the couple will check their back accounts to decide whether to have a small or a big wedding. Of course, after realizing that nothing has been saved for a rainy day, let alone a wedding, some may have to rely on good old parents to foot the bill. While some people find nothing wrong with having parents pay for their own wedding, others would rather stay single. In this case, negotiations bog down, reaching a deadlock of sorts, and the merger will not be completed.

Some people I know say having a big wedding is an added investment, a way to get back what you spent through the gifts you receive. They spend big on the wedding, inviting all the relatives, friends, acquaintances, politicians, etc. etc., hoping another ROI for the expansion.

Some couples, however, have innovated. I saw a couple on television who actually took the word "sponsor" a little bit too literally. They sought sponsors for the wedding, offering advertising in exchange for the dress, cake, reception, limousine, invitations, flowers, and so on and so forth. As a result, they spent nothing. At any rate, a wedding is synonymous with spending.

Once married, a couple will have to find their own place, unless they do not mind living with parents. They may either rent or start buying property. While some people are lucky enough to get houses as wedding gifts, some people have to rent a place if they still have not invested in their own property. If the couple have two cars, they have to find a place with a two-car garage or secure enough to just park one car on the street. More practical and less moneyed couples opt to have just one car, gaining income by selling an asset.

Unless the wife (or the husband) agrees to do all the laundry, iron clothes, wash all the dishes, and regularly clean the entire house, there will be no need to employ a third party. Most couples nowadays, however, choose to hire help because, let's face it, if both are not busy earning a living, both are too lazy to clean the each other's mess. When you are still single, you can get by with doing all the chores because you are, in fact, well-equipped adequately to take care of yourself and clean up your own mess. But getting married doubles everything. You won't believe how much laundry, dirty dishes, and dead skin two people can accumulate in a week!

If the wife is not yet pregnant at the time of the wedding, the couple will at least get the chance to recover from all the expenses by living thriftily for a year or so. But later, they will realize that the only way to go forward is to have kids, another expansion in the growing partnership. While having children is probably the best joy any married couple could have, no one will contest that having children is the also the biggest expense of married life. While it is the most expensive, it is the wisest investment a couple can make. Children deserve all the best in this world. You can probably do without an engagement ring, a big wedding, or a house with a two-car garage, but you cannot do without food, clothes, and education for your children.

Because the joy of having your own family inspires you to make life as wonderful as you possibly can, you continue to further invest and acquire assets and it goes on and on and on and on. If your kids turn out to be dependents for the rest of their single or married lives, then you continue to provide not just for your own children but for your children's children as well.

On the other hand, if one is single, expenses only include apartment rental or property investment, food, clothes, recreation, and perhaps, more clothes. Of course, there are other noble things you can spend your money on but what I mentioned are just the necessities.

When I asked a married friend if she had more money now than when she was single, she said yes only because she has learned how to budget when she got married. When she was single, she had more money for herself and nothing for an entire household. I guess everything evens out fairly. True, a combined income indeed makes more money. But it's also money spent for combined needs, which are very different from the needs of a single person. Conversely, a single person has less money and, in most cases, also has fewer needs.

Just like in business, we all know that partnerships, private corporations, government-owned-and-controlled corporations (GOCCs) are part of the dynamics of our economy. But let us not forget that there are the small and medium enterprises (SMEs), which are, more often than not, run by single proprietors. The bigger entities are pressured to make more money to make up for capital and operational expenses. The SMEs just make enough to keep the business going and if they get lucky, they may have enough or more to spend for an expansion to a partnership or a corporation.

A friend once told me that there are only two things a person needs to start a business - capitalization and guts. I guess the same goes for people who get married. You must have some capital (not just in monetary terms but also in terms of love, respect, trust, compassion) to start a life with someone and some guts to actually make the commitment. Once you have both, then life together will have a pretty good chance of survival, growth, and expansion.

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