Tell me why I don't like weddings
SINGLES by Karenina Yaptinchay
Manila Standard, p. 24B, 23 March 2000

At a wedding, everybody gets a change to inquire about your love life or the lack of it. The occasion itself is a reminder of what you might never have - a partner for life.

Why do some people immediately comment on your weight, whether you gained or lost some, thinking it's some kind of a personal greeting? Is it the lack of something to say or are we just predisposed to think there's nothing to it, just a harmless comment, instead of an unsolicited opinion on others' physique. Whatever the reason, I can't seem to figure it out.

Among single people, especially those in their thirties, a comment on one's single status or love life is common, made, of course, after one's weight has been made the subject of small talk. "Hi, there! Gosh, you gained so much weight!" And the automatic follow through would be, "So, how's your love life?" if they have no idea if you are involved or not. If they are somewhat familiar, they would ask about your wedding plans.

There are certain social events where being single is likely to be a peculiar interest to the people, old friends, old acquaintances, uncles, aunts, enemies, rivals you will meet again.

Most of my friends are married and have children. Gone are the days when we would meet after work, go to parties together, get some kicks on Saturday nights, or simply hang out. At this point in our lives, social gatherings are mostly weddings, baptisms and children's parties.

It is such a dilemma for me to receive an invitation to a wedding. You feel happy for the soon-to-be-blessed couple but then you indulge in self-pity not necessarily because you have yet to get married but because you hate it that you have to go alone. And when you want to bring a date while you are still uninvolved, most of your friends would beg off, especially if they do not know the couple. If they do know the couple but did not get invited, why the hell would they go? If only you can get your hands on the guest list, then you can locate those who are likely to go alone. They probably have the same dilemma as you so you can plan to go together. But then you don't want to bother the soon-to-be-wed, knowing how busy they are, just for that.

I told a friend of mine who has two kids to not be offended if I do not show up in any of her kid's parties that can be "potentially" troubling for a single person. She understood. I love to see old friends but that's all I ever get to do, just see them, since most of the time they are running after their kids while their husbands are all together, doing male stuff.

I am not too excited to hang out with my friends' husbands at children's birthday parties and baptisms and honestly, I am not interested in finding out what and where the hottest girlie bar is. But when my friends do get a chance to sit down and chat, they talk about their kids like all mothers do. I think kids are adorable but the conversation makes me feel out of place since I have yet to have kids of my own. My contributions are limited to my baby-sitting sting, of which, incidentally, I am very proud.

After my most recent breakup, I didn't go to family reunions to avoid questions I found difficult to answer, especially because they have been used to seeing me with my ex-boyfriend. My grandmother for one would ask me where my ex is every time she sees me, even though I already told her a dozen times we had broken up.

There are no exceptions. If you go alone in these occasions, you will inevitably get asked about your mysterious love life or the lack of it, as if you are a freak who can't seem to get along with anyone. Frankly, I would rather go these affairs as a clown. You don't see anyone asking him how his love life is.

As long as you are single, expect some people to ask you about you and your single life, who you are seeing right now, and why isn't he or she around. Others even have the gall to ask why you are not yet married, as if it is all up to you. The best thing to do is ask them how much time do they have to listen to your story and then blurt out the loudest laugh. Either they get offended or think that you somehow lost it along the way. Then you can also ask them to find you a husband (or wife), which of course is absurd. But expect them to start setting you up with their other single friends. The gesture is well-appreciated. Too bad I do not go on dates.

Most single people are so used to the fact that they get asked about their singleblessedness or singlecursedness, as the case may be, that it comes with the decision to go to social gatherings, even without having to think about or being bothered by it. I must admit that it's not necessarily offensive, though it could be, especially after a messy breakup or, worse, when the single person is in the process of self-analysis, wondering where he or she might have done wrong.

I am pretty sure no offense is ever meant. It is just like asking how you are, but with specifics in mind. In my case, it depends on who asks me. If it's someone I care about, I get teary-eyed, appreciating the concern. If it's someone I hardly care about, I get annoyed. Some single people I know do not seem to mind whether the question is asked by a stranger or a friend. I guess it depends on how hung up you are on being alone.