Post-Valentine blues
I miss having a boyfriend like I miss my dog
SINGLES by Karenina Yaptinchay
Manila Standard, P. B13, 15 February 2001

Love can make the grass greener, the sun brighter, and the sky bluer. Who does not want to experience that? It is indeed better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.

Some weeks ago, while hanging out with a married friend, I said the unexpected. During a very lengthy discussion, somewhere between catching up with work and future career plans, I paused, gave a loud sigh, and said I actually missed having a boyfriend. Although I was dead serious about my claim (at least, I thought), my friend burst in laughter as if I just delivered the punchline of a stupendously funny joke. When she finally stopped laughing, she told me I didn’t mean what I said and that I only said what I said because Valentine's Day was fast approaching.

Maybe she was right. Maybe I just had too much of all those valentine specials on television or the concert tickets being offered to me for Valentine's Day. Every commercial establishment did a good job in reminding all of us that it is wonderful to have a special someone. Valentine special: Buy a cake and get a dozen red roses absolutely free! Valentine, as we know it, was pretty much in my face, like I should be in some kind of romantic relationship for me to be able to avail of all the Valentine specials – food, shows, flowers and other gifts. Somehow, I felt deprived because I could not celebrate it with someone really special.

If there is one day in a year when we have to look at our lives and pamper the one person we really truly love (well, at least at that time), yesterday was that day. More than any other time of the year, married or attached single people are given the chance to celebrate romance or pressured to celebrate it. Whichever the case, it makes the single person think about wanting to have a partner even only so he or she can celebrate the occasion with the rest of the "attached" sector of the population.

I was also not spared from questions about who I was spending Valentine with and what my plans were. But when I told those who asked that I did not have a date, let alone any plans, they were quick to tell me that I do not need a date on Valentine's Day. Who were they kidding? How can you not think of going out on a date with all those promotions? Talk about irony. I know I am not a big fan of dating but we need to be realistic here.

Unfortunately for us singles, Valentine's Day has been stereotyped to be a day for people who are in romantically in love, a day when couples celebrate togetherness and romance. With all the promotions on romance going on, how could anyone celebrate Valentine alone. Imagine eating in a restaurant alone on Valentine's Day? Sure you can always eat alone on any other day but going out all by yourself to celebrate romance when you have none in your life is totally absurd.

Some singles braved the occasion by holding a pre-Valentine party for single people somewhere in Manila. I really don’t know how it turned out. There is really nothing wrong with celebrating romance in absentia. I guess the hope of finding romance in the future is enough to celebrate.

But I believe that single people are allowed to want to have or miss having a boyfriend/girlfriend at least once a year. Thanks to all the Valentine advertisements. After all, we are only human beings and we are reminded by the society where we belong that it feels good to be in love. Sure but then again, it is not up to us to be in love or not. It's not as if we decide we want to be in love and then all of a sudden, Voila!

Some single people claim that the only time we think of wanting to have a boyfriend or girlfriend is when society pressures us into it. Just look at what the capitalist society has got us thinking? My sister-in-law was probably right when she said Valentine's Day is probably just a creation of some flower shop owner who was out to make some extra bucks.

It is true that capitalist society does remind us once a year of how great it is to be in love and we can't help but be duped into thinking that way. After all, we are mere human beings and I doubt if there is one of us who refuses to be loved by someone. Each one of us yearns to be cared for, to be flattered, to be adored, and to be spoiled once in a while. In the same way, some of us desire to care, to flatter, to adore, and to spoil someone else.

Love is a wonderful thing, no matter what people say about it. It only turns sour if two people have already fallen out of love or if they have forgotten how to love. But love can make the grass greener, the sun brighter, and the sky bluer. Who does not want to experience that? It is indeed better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.

It is also never too late to fall in love. A married friend of mine told me the story of his aunt who got married at the age of 85! When she and her boyfriend separated during World War II, life went on for the two of them in separate provinces. He got married. She did not. Some years back, they found each other again. The man was already widowed and they were free to get married to each other, albeit at a very, very old age. My friend would always tease me with the story to stress that I still have about 50 more years left to find myself a husband.

Sure, it is great to be in love but not all of us are blessed with a partner. IN fact, some scholars on relationships recommend that it is sometimes better for some people to remain single especially if there are personal issues that need to be resolved first. There is nothing wrong with being single. Sometimes it is even better than having to drag an innocent person into your own personal mess.

In the absence of that someone, we all try to hang tough and try to live as normal as we can, even if we know that being single all our lives is far from being the norm, at least in our present society.

I am not against the celebration of Valentine's day nor am I sour-graping the fact that I have no one special to spend it with. Even if I was deprived of a Valentine yesterday, I am glad that people are reminded at least once a year of how good it feels to be in love. My only regret was that I was not able to participate in the Valentine shopping madness. Well, I also missed out on having an excuse to splurge on a fancy dinner out. Sure, I miss having a boyfriend, but then again I also miss my dog, which died about 15 years ago.

Comments? E-mail me at [email protected].