Don't ask me why I'm single
SINGLES by Karenina Yaptinchay
Manila Standard, 8 February 2001

When I took trips with some of my married cousins with children, it took forever to plan and prepare. We also had to make sure all the toys, diapers, and snacks for kids were packed days before. When you are single, you just bring yourself and some clothes that will last you throughout the trip.

Although most of my friends are married, I still have some single friends. We've been hanging out more often than usual since we bumped into each other on January 16. We happened to find ourselves together again at EDSA, without any plans of actually meeting up.

Although I also saw a lot of my married friends also screaming their minds out in EDSA, my single friends outnumbered them. I have heard stories of how some married people even escaped from their husbands and pretended to go to see a friend but actually went to join the deafening call for Erap's resignation. A married friend of mine regretted not being able to go there even for just a day because her husband did not want to go.

My single friends seemed to have found it easier to slip out of the house at 11pm that Tuesday night and the nights after. It was also easier to decide to stay until the wee hours of the morning. After midnight, the married people around me would excuse themselves and just promised to return early the next day. The single people just went to get some coffee in the nearest coffee place.

When you are single and "of legal age," it is quicker to come up with the decision on whether you should stay or not and most of the excuses for not staying are entirely personal, either you are too tired, too bored, too sick, or too lazy. Occasionally, there would be other personal or professional commitments to attend to. When you are married, commitments are eternal. Responsibilities to spouse and the rest of the family will always compel you to drop everything else.

When my single friends and I had our unexpected reunion at EDSA, we found time to make up for lost time, busy as we have all been with our own separate lives. Any chance we got to go out after work, we would take. We would watch movies, check out each other’s condos or living quarters, have dinners together, or even go to out-of-town together.

When singles leave the city, it is fairly easy to plan because sometimes, there is no plan at all. All you have to decide really is the ETD or the estimated time of departure. Before our trip to Baguio last week, my single friends and I did not even talk to each other until late Friday evening, only hours before we were to leave. I did even not pack until midnight.

When I took trips with some of my married cousins with children, it took forever to plan and prepare. We also had to make sure all the toys, diapers, and snacks for kids were packed days before. When you are single, you just bring yourself and some clothes that will last you throughout the trip or just until you start your shopping spree abroad.

A single friend of mine recently flew to the United States and even I was worried if he would make it to his flight. His plane was scheduled to leave at 10:30pm one Saturday. He spent the whole day attending meetings and told me he can only be available at 5:00 in the afternoon. He picked me up so I could go with him somewhere in Greenhills where he could have his cellphone unlocked. Honestly, I was a bit panicky and kept reminding him of the time. But he told me not to worry too much because he had done that several times before. After dropping me off at about 7:00pm, he rushed home to pack. He called me at 8:30pm to tell me he was on the way to the airport. I was quite impressed when he called me the next day to tell me he arrived safely in the Los Angeles International airport. While it is common for single people to travel alone but it is also common for single people to travel with other singles.

Someone asked me sometime ago if I prefer to hang out with single than married people. The truth is I don’t have preferences based on civil status. It just so happened that my single friends do have more time to hang out with me.

It is invigorating, however, to be in the company of people with whom you can share the joys of being single.

In our last trip to Baguio, it sort of surprised me that none of us single people even brought up why we were single. It was the least of everyone’s concern because everyone too busy having fun. Could it be depressing for some? Maybe singles do not find the novelty in the conversation anymore. I was intrigued. I just had to bring it up and asked one of my single friends after the trip how come no one among us really complained about being single.

"Maybe because we know why we are single and it becomes pointless to even talk about it or we are just too busy enjoying our lives," she said, adding that there was no point in sulking because the only reason why she was still single was that she had yet to meet the right person. She was wondering, though, what could be taking him so long. It is not, however, worth losing sleep over.

What is most distressing, according to her, is when people ask why she is still single. We single people all know how that feels. A single person could be asked that question a little too often that it could really make you want to scream.

Because we singles face the same challenges and dilemma, we do not subject each other to irritation, annoyance, and potential embarrassment by not asking, "Why aren’t we married yet?" There are a million other things to talk about so why the hell would we want to discuss that one stigmatic thing? When singles hang out with each other, topics of conversation revolve around work, old friends, jokes, future plans, good food, latest "in" places, trips abroad. Married friends talk about their work, old friends, spouses, other married couples, in-laws, children, having children, living expenses. Except for work and old friends, I find it hard to follow or appreciate what they are trying to say.

Whenever I hang out with my equally single friends, I always forget my civil status because being single seemed "normal." In fact, the only time when I thought about my singlehood during the trip to Baguio was when my race-car-driver-wannabe single friend scared us with her sharp turns in Kennon Road. One of us yelled, "Oh my God! If we fall off the cliff, we are all going to die virgins!"

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