Have yourself a single-blessed Christmas
SINGLES by Karenina Yaptinchay
Manila Standard, P. 28B, 21 December 2000

I have learned that joy is something that is dependent on how we define joy and how joyful we allow ourselves to be.

Christmas is just around the corner. A season of joy. A season of love. But despite all the wonderful things one can associate with Christmas, a lot of single people dread this time of year for, according to them, it reminds them too much of their singlehood. My friend once told me some six months ago to find myself someone before Christmas so I won't be a member of SMP or "Samahan ng Malalamig ang Pasko." Well, Christmas is supposed to be cold. But of course, everyone believes it's better to have someone to snuggle up to when the cold breeze rushes in. Again, I say, it's not better just different. I admit it would be nice though to have someone to share it with but there is just no point in believing it is better.

Three years ago, I spent Christmas in New York. My immediate family was back here in Manila. All I had in New York were my good friend Arnel and his cousin Elaine. My bestfriend Pia and her boyfriend Yari (now her husband) were in New Jersey spending the eve with his relatives. At that time, I was "on a break" with my boyfriend so I didn’t care where I was anymore for I didn't "need" to call anyone in particular or stay put so I could wait for a phone call. I came from work in New Jersey so I got some groceries for our Christmas dinner, just for the three of us.

I started cooking the moment I got to my friend's midtown apartment, which I was sitting. Arnel went to dinner with another cousin and I was left with Elaine to go to Christmas mass at St. Patrick's. After throwing a slight tantrum at Arnel for arriving so late, all was forgiven as we celebrated Christmas with our tiny feast. The next day was spent in New Jersey with all my cousins for Christmas lunch where we were all so glad to have "family" in a place where we were called foreigners. At night, we drove all the way to South Jersey to hook up with Pia and Yari. We spent the day after Christmas shopping in Philadelphia and hanging out in South Street.

Although I was single and without my immediate family that Christmas, I could honestly say that it was the most unforgettable Christmas of my life. Although I was sad in the sense that I was not celebrating Christmas at home for the very first time in my life, I was also merry because I had a very extraordinary and fun time with my friends and family there. I realized that the Christmas joy I felt then was no less nor better than when I was here, just different. For the first time, I was on my own. For the first time, I was not just "going with the flow," attending all the Christmas parties and reunions. I was actually making things happen, the way I wanted it to be. I have learned that joy is something that is dependent on how we define joy and how joyful we would allow ourselves to be.

Last Christmas, I was too busy running around fixing up my condo and having a great time to ever notice I was single, until, of course, somebody in my family reunion looking for my boyfriend reminded me. That's ok, really. I understand there would nothing else to talk about since we only get to see each other at Christmas, anniversaries, grandparents' birthdays, baptisms, and, of course, weddings. And since I am one of the few remaining singles in my family, save for all my nephews and nieces, everyone is just dying to know when all of us can be together again for a wedding.

The good thing about being single during the holidays is that you have more time to relax and enjoy the holidays. You get to do what you want at your own time and pace because you do not have to adjust to somebody else's equally busy schedule.

When you are with someone, you have to plan carefully who to visit first and whose house you have to spend more time in, especially in situations where both your parents have Christmas dinners.

When you are single, you don't have to attend reunions and parties other than your own. Unless you are the most likeable and sociable person, reunions and parties of your other half can sometimes be very awkward and uncomfortable, especially if it's your first time to meet a whole clan of strangers. I remember how my ex used to tug my arm all the time during these parties, begging me so we could leave. Fair enough since I did the same to him, too.

You also do not have to shop for somebody else. I hated it when I had to come up with the most creative presents for prospective "in-laws" without any help from the person who should know them better. It's bad enough that you have to shop for people that you know. It's worse that you have to shop for people you don't know.

As a single person, you may choose to shop the last minute since your time is no one else's but yours. While most of my friends finished their Christmas shopping in October, I only started mine last weekend. There was not much rush now probably because everyone has finished shopping or run out of money, which is not too hard to do nowadays. My Christmas shopping went fairly smooth, except for the toy section, which almost drew me up the wall. The point is I shopped alone and there was no one to complain about being too tired, too many people, or me being too choosy about what I really wanted to buy. When I am with someone, I feel guilty for shopping the way I do, sometimes takes too long to decide whether to buy or not, sometimes, just buying what catches my fancy without thinking at all.

You can only appreciate the things I mentioned above when you are single. I must have sounded like a witch for almost detesting the realities of being part of a couple. I probably will not say the same things if I were part of a couple. I only highlighted the things I don't have to put up with while I am single. It's my way of finding joy.

But I know that once singlehood is over, priorities will be rethought and there will be more important things to think about like love and compassion, consideration and appreciation. If I am with someone I love during Christmas, I know I would love to spend time with his family and would be more than willing to meet and get to know all 10,000 of his relatives. I wouldn't mind attending parties with strangers, even spending half the night getting to know the buffet table, knowing that my hand is in his. I know I would be willing to run the extra thousand miles to get presents for all his friends and relatives whom I have never met. All the exhaustion will disappear the moment he genuinely shows appreciation for all the shopping I have done or we have done together. I would gladly stop shopping if he gets tired or hungry. And if he loves me, I believe he wouldn’t mind doing the same things, too. And it won't really matter how we found time because the important thing is we spent time together and every moment, no matter how hard to get, will count.

I know it is possible (but difficult) for a single person to find joy during the Christmas season. Nevertheless, I also believe there is another kind of joy that the season brings to couples who are in love, or at least trying to be in love. In the meantime, I remain single and I am still exploring the possibilities, perhaps in the process of figuring out whether or not I am in, or about to, fall in love. While I am at it, I might as well find joy in whatever reality that I am currently in.

But whether singles or couples, all of us must take Christmas for what it really is and try not to overburden ourselves with the anxieties that go along with it. It is the time to reflect on the good things and not the bad. Thank the Lord for all the blessings and give away as much love as you possibly can. Find joy in what you have or don’t have. It is a season of joy, you know. But more important, it is a season of eternal hope. Merry Christmas!

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