What you give up when you marry
SINGLES by Karenina Yaptinchay
Manila Standard, p. 24B, 16 March 2000

You can buy ten pairs of shoes without feeling guilty about it. Single life is all about I, me, and myself. I guess that's why some people don't want to get married yet. There's just too much to give up.

A single friend of mine who lived in upstate New York told me his apartment contained nothing but a beanbag and a television set. While others may find it pathetic, I actually found it funny. It worked for him since he ate out most of the time and hardly stayed home.

What's good thing about being single is it allows you to discover your eccentricities. Living alone gives you enough room to realize how far you can or will go. You get the chance to determine just how much you are willing to take, how far you can tolerate your idiosyncrasies. Being single affords you the time to discover and know yourself better, as well as the opportunity to tighten some loose screws in due time.

It sometimes sounds selfish or irresponsible when you think about it. On the contrary, you get to be responsible for your own actions, your own decisions, and your own life, only if you want to. Depending on your choice, you can learn to take care of yourself, which to me is very basic. How else can one take care of another if one can not even take care of oneself?

When you are single, you have the chance to do anything, anything at all for a few kicks. You can explore, experiment, probe into the boundaries of what's right and what's wrong, which I bet are mostly second-hand information for many of us. Of course, there are couples who may dare go wild, wilder than what society will tolerate, but if they do, they are more prone to criticisms, the killer of spirits, than single people.

If you're married and suddenly decide to hop on a plane to another country without telling your spouse, you are insensitive. If you're single, who the hell cares? If you are married and decide to leave your good-for-nothing spouse, you are uncommitted. If you are single and decide to leave your good-for-nothing boyfriend, or, better yet, your soon-to-be good-for-nothing boyfriend, you are smart. If you are married and work 12-hour days, you are not spending enough time at home. If you are single, you don't need to spend time at home. If you are married and tired of taking care of your kids and then you drop them off at your parent's house, you are indolent, irresponsible. If you are single, you can be indolent, irresponsible, so long as you can afford it.

When you are single, there is also much flexibility in the areas of career and travel. Being single allows you to take your sweet, sweet time, where your career is concerned. On the other hand, it allows you to go full blast with your career, too. Going back to school seemed a logical choice in my case when I felt confused about what I really want to do for a living. After carefully assessing the situation, I decided to quit my job, pack my bags and leave for the States to pursue further studies. (How I came up with the money is another story.) Although it took a year of preparation, I did not have to worry about how my non-income would affect other people. The options were available to me. This was how I learned what being the "master of your fate" meant. If in case you make the wrong decisions, then learn how to deal with the consequences and move on. When you're single, you're less likely to drag somebody else into your mess. But when you're married, whether you like it or not, your spouse inevitably gets dragged into it.

When I travel, I do not have to worry much. When I have free time, I can just take my backpack and travel wherever my money can afford to take me, which is very near. Except for plane fares and shopping sprees, I really do not have to spend that much on travel since I only visit places where I had at least one person to see. Everyone was willing to take me in as a free loader since I am all by myself. Sometimes, I feel sorry for some of my friends who whine about not being able to travel the way they used to when they were single. Traveling with the entire family requires a lot of planning, at least more than when one is single. But then again, I can't stand another 18-hour flight alone!

Most, if not all, of my married friends advised me to enjoy single life, recognizing the freedom that comes with it. No, they do not regret having married - most of them, at least - but they admit there are a number of things you just can't do anymore, especially when you have kids.

What they miss most about being single is the monetary freedom. You can buy ten pairs of shoes without feeling guilty about it. You can go on for months without putting aside part of your salary for the proverbial rainy day. When you are single, life is all about I, me, and myself. I guess that's why some people I know do not want to get married yet. There is just too much to give up.

Some of my married friends even say that if they had a choice, they would rather be single now. I have no idea if they mean it. If they do, they just probably miss the good old days. If they don't, they are probably just trying to humor me or themselves.