It feels good to feel young again
SINGLES by Karenina Yaptinchay
Manila Standard, P. 24B, 16 November 2000

Last Saturday, I got a kick watching another new episode of Sex and the City on HBO. A comedy series about the life of 30-something singles living in Manhattan, Sex and the City has become the best thing that happened on television for us growing old as singles. The episode was about 20-something single females where Carrie, the lead character, asks the question: "Are they friends or foes?" She was flattered when her 20-something groupie followed her wherever she went, praising her and looking up to her as a mentor. Carrie later threw up when she found the love of her life hanging out with a 26-year-old who works at Ralph Lauren. Twenty-something girls, whose youth can obviously make a 30-something girl envious, could be okay until you find them with "the man who broke your heart." Yup, I surely know how that feels.

But unlike Carrie who probably puked only after extreme partying and drinking a dozen glasses of Cosmopolitan, hearing about the news about my ex wanting to marry a 21-year-old girl was enough to make me throw up and make my nose bleed. It also took me several months to stop nauseating. I had become a self-proclaimed bulemic. Although I tried to eat as much as I can, the mere thought made me sick.

But Carrie raises a very important point and it cannot be denied. As we get older, younger women do pose a threat. Men my age or older are either married, happily or otherwise, or prefer women who are five to 10 years younger. Aside from the fact that they are less vindictive, younger women give the men the ego boost they sometimes badly need.

In the same manner, young women prefer older men because they seem to have the security and stability most women are looking for. So what happens to the 30-something female? They are left to compete with youth and innocence and, hopefully, arm themselves with experience and maturity, if that matters to men at all. May the best man (or woman) win.

But losing men to younger women is one reality that older women have to live with. But then again when you think about it, you get screwed when you get screwed. People screw people all the time. And it does not have to be a younger woman to do the screwing. It can be a freaking 60 year-old matron for all I care.

I have nothing against younger women who are in their 20s. In fact, I had been hanging out with them now that most of my 30-something friends have already married. Besides, I was also in my in my 20s once.

Looking back, those years were mostly about finding myself and finding the right relationship. During those years, I had the chance to venture out into the world and test the waters. Minus the heartaches, which come with every relationship, I could say that those were the best years of my life. I always tell my younger friends how envious I am of their age and that I wish I had more years to spend in my 20s. But then when I think about it, the more I realize I could not bear having to go through the same dilemmas and pain again. After all, I tried so hard to get over these heartaches.

For those who are romantically involved, my advice to them is to try hard to do their best to make them better people. If anything goes wrong, as there will surely be mistakes along the way, they have to try their best to again to learn from their experiences.. God has given us legs so that we can stand up everytime we fall; even if we have fallen so flat on the floor. When you are younger, you also have the advantage of time, youth, and invincibility. That is the rule of the game.

When you reach your late 20s or 30s, things suddenly change. You begin to worry about security, stability, finding your match, and later on, child bearing. Whether you like it or not, people will remind you about your status. When you are with someone, they ask when you will get married. When you are alone and single, they ask you when will you ever find your husband. For a couple of months last year, I allowed those unsolicited comments to bother me. But then I realized what is really important is that I am content and that I am free to do what I want. Happy? That really depends on how we define happiness.

But I am no longer in my 20's. Let's face it, the older you get, the less you get to hang out with friends your age, save for those you really grew up with. Most of the friends I grew up with are either married or out of the country. As a human being, you have to socialize and it is just a matter of time before you find yourself in the company of people younger than you. Hanging out with younger people makes me feel young and old at the same time. Young in the sense that I get to realize that I can still enjoy things they enjoy. Besides, I seem to blend in and people mistake me for a 21-year-old. (Whether they are just being polite or sarcastic, I don't really care anymore.) Reality bites, however, when they regard me as the most senior in the group. But it sure does feel good to feel young again.

A single friend of mine said he could not, for the life of him, see himself as an old man. We can't help discussing how we will be, say, 20 years from now. Whether we still remain single or not, we haven't got any clue. But it wouldn't hurt toying on the possibility that we all might end up single and alone. When I am 35, I will start building my country club exclusively for singles and I will launch a massive campaign to get funds from all those single people who have nowhere to put the money they had been saving during all those years of hard work. Everyone will be shareholders.

Many of my older friends tell me I should have nothing to worry about because I am still young and I shouldn't spend much time thinking about growing old and remaining single. They are probably right since they have all been there and have gone through the same dilemma. I try not to worry that much really, except that tomorrow is my birthday.

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