Manila is no place for singles
Why is everyone walking in pairs, in packs, in hordes?
SINGLES by Karenina Yaptinchay
Manila Standard, P. 13B, 9 November 2000

Recently, my LA-based friend arrived to spend a month-long vacation in Manila. Understandably, she was shaken up by the turmoil the country is in right now. She even panicked when one of our friends refused to go out last weekend for fear of a rumored military coup d'etat. I tried to assure her that since the government fiasco started, rumors of a coup had become part of everyday conversations and that she had nothing to fear.

When we talked, she was convincing me to return to the US, where quality of life is better. Honestly, I had been thinking about packing up my bags, especially now that I am single and not attached to anyone who could stop me from leaving.

My aunt once told me that the best time to explore the world and find your place in the sun is when you are single. When I left for the US before, finding myself was hardly on my mind. I pretty much believed that I have found myself before, in my country, and that I was just pursuing what my "found" self wanted to do. Besides, life is too short and we have to live every moment of it in the best way that we can.

While you are still single, you can afford to try all options. Live in one place and if that place no longer worked for you, you can pack up your bags and move on, exploring new opportunities. Of course, it is not easy but it is a hell of a lot easier than bringing an entire family with you anytime you decide to move, if you can still afford to move at all.

Been there, done that. When I left the Philippines a few years back, I remember how difficult it was because I didn't know where to start. Thank God for my family. My cousins were very helpful in orienting me because I was just not used to systems that actually worked. A lot of things worried me at first. When I lived in school during the orientation week, I was worried about not being able to call home. But I realized soon enough that it was not a problem since there was a phone booth practically in every block on campus. I didn’t need a cellular phone.

I was worried about how I can pay for my tuition because I didn’t want to bring a lot of cash, too scared of getting mugged. Besides, the school might think I stole the money since paying in hundred dollar bills was not really the norm. But personal checks are accepted in most places, including the oriental store.

I also worried about washing my clothes, which was never a problem back home. But it was just a matter of time before I started to enjoy washing my own clothes. Aside from the fact that water was available everywhere, there was a launderette wherever you went.

When I bought a car, all I did was to look at the merchandise, write a personal check to the owner (who gave me the deed of sale in return), and then register the car in my name. When I got my license, it took me only an hour to take the test, have my picture taken, and then go home with my driver's license. There wasn't even a line.

When I was living there, I realized that I could do so much on my own. The systems work well for most people, including singles who lived alone and did not have to rely on family and friends to get things done. Of course there are also occasional system failures but they were more the exceptions than the rule.

I realized how you could live comfortably, conveniently, and safely as a single person every single day of your life. There are nursing homes where you can stay until your time comes. Single people in the US also get pressured into marriage, but society recognizes the possibility of some people living alone for the rest of their lives.

You learn how to be independent, to be strong. You learn that no one could really help you but yourself. More important, you learn to appreciate your family and friends for what they are, not because they can do your laundry or cook for you.

Here in the Philippines, you somehow get the feeling that the whole system is custom-made for married couples or families. Most people I know are still not used to the idea that being on your own is an option for single people. They even find it odd that I chose to live in my own place, which is just five minutes away from my mom's house.

And because our society is not accustomed to single people living alone, there are hardly considerations nor any amenities that cater to the needs of those who choose to live alone. It's almost as if the only way to live comfortably, conveniently, and safely here is to find a spouse or live with your family. No one really notices the dilemma (or the existence) of single people who are living alone. In France, the government even allocated some 77 million francs for single people who want to live on their own but could not afford to.

And why do I feel weird everytime I go to the grocery by myself? Why can't I get myself to watch a movie alone? Why is everyone walking in pairs, in packs, or in hordes? Maybe it's just me. Maybe I am thinking about it too much. But I do miss Central Park where I can sit quietly alone in one of the benches, drinking a nice cup of coffee, watching ducks wading on the pond without anyone staring at me or without feeling like a total freak.

Everyone assumes being alone is a temporary state and that there will always be someone to count on. There will always be someone to lend you money when you run out of it, let you use a cellphone when you don't have one, watch your condo while you are at work, or take care of you when you get old. Unfortunately, that is not always the case and then we are all left to just feel sorry for those who remain single and live alone for the rest of their lives.

I have been trying my best to survive in the Philippines as an independent single, although I have an option not to. It is not at all easy but I can survive, sort of like fasting for a cause. But even Gadhi had to stop fasting at some point.

So why did I come back despite all the comfort, financially and otherwise, of living single abroad? There are other things that count in life. I came back in 1998 because I thought that the Philippines had a chance of a better future (and economy) ahead of it with a very promising new president. But when the election was concluded, I was so disgusted and took the next plane out.

But while I was there again, I came to a crossroad when I had to choose whether I should remain single or not. I returned later that year because I thought I have already found in the Philippines what could have ended my single life and to salvage what's left of a dying relationship, which ended miserably anyway. Oh, well. That's life. You win some and lose some.

But all depends on what we want and what we are searching for in life, it doesn’t really matter where we are. I know even if life in the US can be very comfortable, I still could be as uncomfortable as I am here.

But now that love is out of the question and that it would take time for all of us to recover from the current major economic crisis, I am seriously contemplating a return to the US. If only the darn peso will stop depreciating, maybe I would consider packing up my bags again and try to find myself or whatever it was I lost when I came home.

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