Roles singles play
SINGLES by Karenina Yaptinchay
Manila Standard, P. 24B, 2 November 2000

It's truth undeniable. Singles have evolved into a new species with specific roles in society. It didn't take long for me to realize that as a single person, I had already been stereotyped by many of my friends and family. If you are single, chances are you are probably marked as any of the following:

1. Comic relief

A forty-something single friend of mine provides the comic relief for her friends, who have been married so long they somehow find the adventures of a single person very entertaining. My friend says she loves playing the role and is always glad to relieve her friends of the stress that comes with married life. Occasionally, I also humor my friends with all my singlehood stories. Usually, they laugh at how I, at this age of mine, can act like a teen-ager. They find it funny and juvenile. I find it invigorating.

2. Matrimonial maid

Another very popular role for singles is "maid of honor" or bridesmaid. When couples plan weddings, the role of the maid usually goes to the best single friend or sister, unless all of them are already married. It is not so bad really, especially if you want stage a fashion show on bridal entourage designs. A friend is beginning to complain about being "always the bridesmaid, never the bride." A few years ago, she was asked to be the entourage of some five weddings that year that she can no longer fit all the gowns in her closet. I told her not to worry because soon enough all her friends will be married and she will have no more weddings to bridesmaid for. But I find it always an honor to be a maid, especially if it's the wedding of a person very dear to me, even if I know the guests are secretly wondering why in heaven's name am I still single. I doubt, however, if I'll be as honored if I would still be the first choice when my six-year old niece gets married in the future.

A friend of mine told me that the first people that come to her mind when she was looking for godparents for her kids were her single friends. I never really asked her why. A single person I know is godmother to all her friends' children. Is it because single people have a bigger chance of showing up at the christening? Or maybe the parents think that getting singles as godparents will make them part of their family?

When I was in the States, my cousins knew exactly who to call whenever they needed a babysitter — me! Because I was single then as I am now, I was always available. Baby-sitting, a real eye-opener for wannabe mothers, is one thing I will always be proud of. I started baby-sitting when I took care of my cousin. I still can't believe he turned 20 last July! I also took care of my nephews and nieces. But babysitting is really cool in the US because you earn dollars for it. My unbeatable record was taking care of seven kids from ages two to 11 in one night! Some of my friends get amazed whenever their kids stop bugging them when they start playing with me. I have become the favorite "tita." I am the queen of baby-sitting, baby. Babies can smell a baby-sitter a mile away.

5. Party organizer

If something has to be organized, the single person is always top of mind. Since most of your friends assume that you have nothing better to do, they usually appoint you as the party organizer without realizing that you can also be busy most of the time.

6. Objective adviser

Because I am not in any relationship, many of my friends seek me for advice about their relationships. Talking to other attached friends somehow turns the issue into a battle of the sexes. A single friend, who is more available than another married/attached friend, is one who usually looks at the issue as a friend not as an ally of a particular gender. But of course, we sometimes do have a tendency to side with our own gender especially if the issue has to do with sexism or chauvinism.

7.  Employee of the year

Because there is no love life to distract them, singles often spend more time at work than in any other place. Whether we like it or not, the workplace does consider marital status. All other things being equal (i.e. capability, experience, responsibility), singles are given more breaks. Bosses sometimes don’t want to go through a litany of excuses from married employees who have to go to parent-teacher meetings, attend family reunions, pick-up spouse and kids from work and school, etc. Besides, it makes the bosses feel guilty to make married people, who have other responsibilities, stay for overtime and work during weekends. If you are single, expect more work and opportunities.

8.  Reliable child

Everytime there is party at my parents' home, I am the designated "cake-buyer." Heck, I even bought myself my own birthday cake! Because you are single and assumed to have more time in your hands than any other member of your family, you get to buy the cake or anything needed at the final hour. You also get to drive for your parents a lot if a driver is not available. You also get to be good friends with the family lawyer. No, mother, I am not complaining.

9.  Party animal

A friend of mine called me one Saturday evening and asked why I was home. "But you are single," he said, "you should be partying!" The truth is I hardly party anymore. I think I am getting too old and tired of partying all night. Besides, since all my friends are already married, I do not have anybody to party with. The good thing about it is that you get to be invited to all these parties whether or not they really care about you or they just needed to fill the venue. The more, the merrier.

10.  Blind date

Because you are single, you are the first one your married friends think of when they are looking for a date for another friend. Somehow, some of your friends feel you should go out on dates so that you can widen your network of choices. Sometimes, I think they feel guilty that because they are in a relationship and I am not. For some inexplicable reason, they feel obliged to find me someone. I do appreciate the effort but personally, I don't go for blind dates. Just set me up with someone I've been dying to go out with. For the love of God, put your flirting where your mouth is and please ask me out, Mister You (and end my confusion)!

Although not exclusively reserved for singles, these roles are given primarily to single people based on what I have heard, seen and experienced. The list may be longer or shorter for some people. The list can also expand later to include roles that we have yet to play. I wonder if sometime in the future, singles can also take the role of running the country so that we could all end the "first family" syndrome.

Comments? E-mail me at [email protected].