On my own
SINGLES by Karenina Yaptinchay
Manila Standard, P. 24B, 8 March 2000

Moving out gives you a chance to be more creative. What your place, your very own, looks like will depend on your newfound creative, decorative skills. For the first time, you discover your exceptional ability to fit an entire wardrobe under a bed or paint a lamp at three in the morning.

Except for the bathroom wall, which had to be torn down for an extension, my roommate and I fixed our condo unit by ourselves. We are very proud of it. Being the first tenants, we got the place as bare as we could get. If we had some extra cash, we would have hired carpenters, especially since we were busy with our day jobs. Thus, we tried to do everything on our own. Sometimes, we would spend more money buying the wrong things.

But as my former boss used to say after an exhausting and seemingly worthless task, "aren't you glad you learned something?" I sure did. I learned how to paint the bathroom and living room walls, drill on concrete, change light bulbs, make oriental lanterns, and, of course, put up shelves. We learned the difference between regular and water-based paint. We learned that we needed wall plugs to put a screw in a concrete wall. Heck, we even discovered the art of drilling without messing up your floor. We definitely know now not to spray paint without adequately covering your floor with newspapers or not to spray with open-toed shoes if you don't want instant nail polish on your feet.

These are the things you would not learn to do while living with your parents because it is their house and they can do whatever they want with it without bothering you.

When I complained about by backaches, the reactions I got were quite interesting and worth pondering upon. The most common comment was "You should have hired help." Well, I wish I could but unlike some people who can afford to live like kings, some of us actually have to live on a budget. The second most common comment was "Why the hell did you move out? It is so comfortable living with parents." I know, I know. But some of us actually want to be on our own, given the pros and cons of it.

But of course, most of them meant well as in they actually want you to be comfortable and "worry free." Then I began to wonder what keeps single people my age from moving out. I bet some people actually want to move out but they can't because they do not have enough money or guts to do so. Some are just not allowed to move out by their parents. While some may enjoy living at home with their parents even beyond the "moving out" age, some just can't stand being alone.

But there are people like me who actually got up and made that decision (no matter how terrifying the thought may be) to leave their parent's nest. Whatever the reason - by necessity or by choice - I find it quite a feat to have moved out in a culture that dictates otherwise.

My grandmother called my move "American-style." Whatever. Moving out, especially when you are still single, has yet to become a popular choice among Filipinos. Heck, some stay with their parents even if they are already married! I understand some people do not have better options. I am talking about those who have but don't do anything about it. But then again the question of what is a "better option" remains to be defined, subjectively if you will.

Once you entertain the idea of being on your own, the thought of partying all night and living a wild life immediately comes to mind. But once you actually do it, reality bites. In my case, I would rather make the most of my rent by staying home as much as I can, enjoying some peace and quiet. But then again, I am not the partying type. Hosting a party once in a while is OK but only for super special occasions. Just the idea of cleaning up the mess after a party is enough to discourage me from throwing one.

I know the advantages of living with mom and dad. It all occurred to me when I left for the States, where I cried for almost two months missing home. I missed the way my mom took care of my meals and my laundry. Most of all, I missed the way she took care of me. I had to do everything or nobody else will. (But I did have a kick from not making my bed for weeks. It was quite a thrill, finding it the way I left it in the morning!) I lived with my cousin but I did have my share of taking out the trash and shoveling the snow before going to school. There was no one to clean my car so I did not clean it for a year. The good thing about it was no one cared that it was dirty except me.

It has not been long since I moved out of my parent's house. I would have done it earlier but the economy just wouldn't allow it. When I landed a job, which would afford me a decent life on my own, I knew I could no longer live with the "you-live-in-my-house-till-you-get-married" syndrome of the Filipino family. It wasn't so much because it annoyed me but because I do not have to adhere to it. I moved out because I feel that at my age, I should be able to at least try to survive and deal with life's little imperfections on my own. A little more responsibility can hurt, sure, but how else would we learn?

If we are to "bend" the norms of our culture, we might as well bend them to our advantage. Do it but do it responsibly and make it work for you. Of course, there will be lapses. The least you could do is stay out of trouble, although you will get into some kind of trouble, like being "a box of chocolates" all too sweet for your own good. Well, just keep the faith. All troubles will go away in time to give ways to new ones. (end)