I've got all the time in the world,
but I'm running late for work
SINGLES by Karenina Yaptinchay
Manila Standard, P. 24B, 10 August 2000

The single woman of the new millennium has earned a reputation that is at once inspiring and terrifying. She is not only encouraged to make things happen for herself, she is also expected to do so.

Dynamic. Career-oriented. Objective-driven. Independent. Street-smart. Go-getter. Straightforward.

No, I am not describing in a few words what is expected of someone applying for a job. I just enumerated the words my single friend used to describe the single woman of the new century. It was liberating to hear that the single woman is perceived to have all those qualities. It sounds like the new stereotype portrays the single woman as invincible. Is she?

Some people think single people have a dynamic lifestyle. Because you are single, people tend to think that you have nothing better to do, so they expect you to have all the time in the world to go partying, meeting so many people in the process. It sounds fun. To a certain extent, the dynamism comes with the fun of being spontaneous and adventurous. The downside is that being tired or not having money don't seem to be good enough as excuses anymore. True, on certain days, I get so bored that I jump into any invitation that comes along. But sometimes, I just want to be alone. Some people have this notion that this single dynamic lifestyle can accommodate almost anything.

When you are single, you sometimes find yourself so busy, sometimes busier than married people who have to take care of their partners. You tend to engage in all sorts of activities for fear of boredom. Most likely, you also fall into the trap of agreeing to more invitations than you can handle, thinking that you do have all the time in the world. Then, you find yourself trying to squeeze in everything into your very tight schedule because you are just too tired to explain why or how you won't be able to make it. If you don't show up, you're either lazy or a flake or sometimes, you just work too damn hard.

Single women today, so they also say, are career-oriented. Marriage can probably wait because more than any other time in history, companies (at least those who want to be perceived as good employers) give due acknowledgement to the working woman.

Although society still has a long way to go in terms of affirmative action, there is enough reason to believe that women have a chance, even a slim one, to succeed in the workplace. And although there are more opportunities now for women, there are still inequality problems in the workplace because, let's face it, we live in a society where strength of a woman is sometimes construed as a threat rather than an asset. When I told my ex-boyfriend of my illusion of becoming a housewife, he questioned why I wanted to get a master's degree, which I said I would need for my career development. I told him I needed something to fall back on, just in case I don’t end up as a housewife. The freak, thinking like his macho predecessors that everything is about him, got insulted.

Single people, not just women but even men, who choose their careers over marriage make the choice for a number of reasons, one of which, I believe, is that they still haven't found the right partner. But some choose to focus on careers for personal fulfillment or economic reasons.

I, for one, work hard to earn a good living. But given a choice, I wouldn't want to keep working all my life just to survive. And if I don’t get married and become a housewife, I want to retire at the age of forty. I got violent reactions from my married friends when I said I would gladly give up my job to raise a family. They all said raising a family is not as easy as it seems. But who said anything about it being easy? I just said I prefer it, if I have that choice.

I guess single people are perceived to be career-oriented because they have more time for their jobs. After all, there seems to be nothing better to do when you are single than to dedicate most of your time to work and to do whatever it is you enjoy doing.

Because the single woman has no man to depend on, she is also perceived to be independent, emotionally or otherwise. Although I see this more as a compliment, it's amazing how some people can turn it around to be a social defect. Someone told me that some people, particularly men, find women who are too independent intimidating. They say some men would rather be with needy women so it makes the men feel more important. Whatever.

Being a go-getter and straightforward are positive descriptions of the single woman, if taken in the context of life in general. But when my friends and I discussed the same in the context of finding a partner, I was a bit appalled. I didn’t know how to react. I didn’t know if I would be embarrassed or flattered because, after all, I am a single woman of the new century (and the old one for that matter). Part of me wanted to say thanks for all the credit. But another part wanted to deny that I represent that kind of woman.

Today's single women are expected to be headstrong about they want. In fact, more often than not, they are pressured to play the role. A go-getter is someone who stops at nothing just to get what he or she wants and in the case of today's woman, it doesn’t matter what it is, a job or a man. A male friend says the single woman of the new century is a no-nonsense type of girl who is straightforward in expressing what she wants to say or do, adding that men, especially those over 25, are tired of playing schoolgirl games. He told me if I find someone I like, I should make the first move.

What the heck is the first move? Do you just ask someone for a date right out of the blue? What if he says no? "If you don't ask him out, someone else probably will," he said. He told me I might end up sorry because there are a lot of single women out there who make things happen for them and I wouldn’t want to be left behind if the train goes choo-chooing away.

Thanks, but no thanks. I just can't put myself into what can possibly turn into a humiliating and embarrassing situation. Others can be very good at accepting rejection but I would rather die. Some of you might wonder what in heaven's name is my problem about asking someone out? It's simple. I won't compromise my beliefs or standards just to get what I want. What I want is for the man to make the first move. And if he won't, maybe he is not the right one for me. After all, I do not want to go out with someone who does not have the courage to ask me out. Call it stubborn but I am not giving in. Is that fair enough?

The single woman of the new millennium has earned a reputation for herself that is at once inspiring and terrifying. She is not only encouraged to make things happen for herself, she is also expected to do so (as if it’s not enough that society is pressuring her to get married). When things aren't happening the way she wants, she gets to hear inspiring-but-pressure-filled remarks like, "So what are you waiting for?"

I have no violent objections to the words mentioned in the beginning of this article. I just wanted to stress that being single is not always as rosy as it appears to be. Allow me to add a few more words that would describe a single woman of the new century: confused, pressured, hopeful, neurotic and bored.