Me and my roommate
SINGLES by Karenina Yaptinchay
Manila Standard, p. 24B, 13 July 2000

Having a roommate has its advantages and disadvantages.  Like saying goodbye to a boyfriend or girlfriend, parting with a roommate is difficult.  It's like divorce minus the heartache.

One of the things some single people do is move out and live on their own or with a roommate. Some months ago, I moved out of my parent's house, the second time for me. The first time was when I moved to the US, where I lived for two years with my cousin. My friend Sue and I talked about sharing an apartment in Manhattan but things did not push through because I had to come back to Manila.

Now, I'm on my own again. In the beginning, I had a roommate, at least for the first few months, but then she moved out. I found myself living on cold food - fruit, salads, bread and cold meat - since she owned both the stove and the refrigerator. I got myself a refrigerator, courtesy of mom, but it took me weeks to drag myself out of bed on a Saturday morning to get a stove. Now, I'm realizing, with or without a stove, cooking is no longer fun for me. I still live on take-out food or left-overs from dinners out or from my mom's house.

Having a roommate has its advantages and disadvantages to having a roommate. Like saying good-bye to boyfriend or girlfriend, parting with a roommate is difficult. It's like divorce, minus the heartache. My roommate and I had to sit down, settle the bills, and divide our accumulated and shared property. It was sad to come home one day to find only a note from her telling me she took out all her stuff and that she would call. Both of us had to "move on."

But sometimes having a roommate is even better than a having a relationship with a boyfriend or girlfriend. A relationship with a roommate has clear limits. You can do whatever you want with your life so long as you do not compromise your living arrangements. Rules are set right from the very beginning. The rules are more specific and somehow it is easier to stick to them. For example, a special rule we agreed on was no boyfriend could sleep overnight. If a rule has to be broken, it is easier to apologize and forgive or say it will not happen again. No hard feelings. Nothing personal.

It's like having a family without being married. It's even so much better than being with your parents in the sense that you're free to do what you want. The comparison is like living with a sister with whom you really get along, minus the fear of telling on you to your parents about crazy stuff you do. Of course, I also get worried if my roommate does not go home at the time that I expect her. When we finally get to see each other, it is more like getting to know what we did during the time that we were not together. No need to justify actions because neither one is responsible for the other.

If you have a roommate, you find yourself with someone, even if you are single. When my roommate and I decided to share an apartment last year, we were so excited that we did everything together. We would buy stuff for the house, go to the grocery, and shop for clothes together. On a lazy day, we would eat nothing but junk food and play scrabble all day. We would also cook for each other whenever we feel like it. Whoever has more time would whip something up. And somehow, it is more fun to laugh with someone while watching "Friends."

Your roommate becomes your buddy. She will always be there in trying times, doing her best to lift you up in times of depression. It feels good to have someone listen to what kind of a day you had, whether it's good or bad. She was the shoulder I cried on and I was hers when things got out of hand. We solved household problems together and split the chores, although I have to admit she did more in terms of taking care of the apartment because of my time mismanagement.

When you live with someone, you also learn to be considerate of the other's needs and feelings. My roommate loves to clean the bathroom so I try not to mess it up. I would rather wash the dishes, which she hates doing. You also learn to practice what you learned in kindergarten, such as asking permission if you need to borrow anything that is not yours, cleaning up your own mess, respecting the privacy of others, or putting things back where they belong.

It is also cheaper to have a roommate than being on your own. We split our bills in the middle. It was like getting your association dues, cleaning, electricity and phone bills at 50% off. We pulled our resources together. She had her stuff and so did I. I brought in the furniture and she, the appliances. We even saved money on shopping for clothes since we were almost the same size.

On the downside, you have to live with someone not related to you, someone over whom you have no right, whatsoever. Of course, you have to be friends to begin with but you definitely have no right to interfere with your roommate's life, even if you disagree with what is being done, except when it gets down to the ground rules. You have to manage living with someone whose life does not really have anything to do with yours.

You also lose your right to complain as you would if you were living with a spouse. The living arrangement is temporary because you both know that it will end when one of you decides to move on, either with a spouse, a boyfriend or a girlfriend, another roommate, or even nobody at all. Sometimes, you just want to be on your own. Therefore, you can't complain that your roommate starts buying all sorts of fixtures and furnishing that you are really not too wild about. Besides, the stuff is hers, not yours. You don't have to live with a rice god (which my roommate managed to turn into a side table lamp in the living room) for the rest of your life. (Don't get me wrong, Kath. I love that lamp!)

You have to live with each other's idiosyncrasies. I must admit that I could be a real slob sometimes and I would definitely take offense if my roommate started criticizing the way I leave my bed all messed up. I fix it sometimes but only when I want to and not because someone is annoyed by it. What's in my room is my business. My roommate and I were good to each other that way.

Because not all our friends are common to us, we also have to live with having people you hardly know hang out in the apartment. Then, you lose your right to walk in your underwear in your living room. Well, you can but why on earth would you want to do that? On your part, you really do not want to have your own friends around and impose on your roommate.

Now that I am living alone, life goes on. I try to survive the best way that I can. But aloneness struck me hard when I was going home one stormy night and I had no one to call, even just to ask if the roads to the apartment are flooded. It doesn’t seem as scary going home during the flood if you had someone with you, just in case you get stranded. It's better to know that you are not the only one who has to brave the storm to get to the same place. After all, misery loves company. But then again, so does happiness.