Fly me to the Moon
And other fairy tales that come true or fall apart on wedding night
SINGLES by Karenina Yaptinchay
Manila Standard, P. B24, 29 June 2000 

A honeymoon is more than just sex, having it for the first time or having it all day long.

I have always believed that the honeymoons are part and parcel of weddings. I am not a dinosaur that thrives in doing things the way they were done in the past but I believe that there are values in such traditions, values which, I think, are not values for nothing.

Too bad fairy tales always end when the honeymoon begins. Most movies about relationships end with a wedding scene or just the scene where the couple plans to married or just get together. Commercially, I think the implication of a happy ending in movies is good enough. You would not want to spend money on extra film that will show how the couple weds and goes off to their honeymoon, unless, of course, something tragic happens there.

Because I am single, I have no first-hand information about honeymoons. I had to do a bit of research. I had to look it up in the dictionary, where it is defined as the holiday newly married couples take.

Someone told me that when he was younger and unmarried, he used to think the honeymoon was where you will have the best sex of your life. He said it aloud, with no qualms, with his wife sitting beside him. On your honeymoon, he said, people expect you to have sex. When you are not yet married, people maliciously assume you are having sex but on your honeymoon they can safely assume that you are. He didn't tell me much since he told what he thought of honeymoons, rather than what happened on his.

His wife, a good friend of mine, said that to her, their honeymoon was "vacation" time, probably the only time they can be alone together as a married couple because she already had their first child in her womb when they were honeymooning.

Another friend of mine, who went on a honeymoon after his wedding, said that on their honeymoon, he suddenly found himself with a wife instead of a girlfriend. Of course, they had been to out-of-town trips before as boyfriend and girlfriend. But going on a trip with your wife for the first time was altogether different. What is important is that you are bonding for the first time and are legally together as husband and wife, which is worth celebrating.

I was a little bit surprised that among the people I interviewed many chose to forego their honeymoons. When I asked why, three of them said they already had children when they got married so they just decided to pass up on the honeymoon as there were just more important things to deal with at that time. Nevertheless, they told me a thing or two about their honeymoon fantasies, with the hope that someday, even years after their wedding, they can still go make it happen with their husbands.

A single friend, who was also part of the conversation and was probably still hoping for a perfect honeymoon, said that honeymoon to her must be the most romantic time with your spouse. I wanted to agree with her. In fact, I think I do agree with her.

To me, a honeymoon is a powerful tradition that should not be ignored, for as long as we can help it. I was surprised that when I was planning repeat, just planning my wedding, I had to convince my boyfriend to go on a honeymoon. Because we were counting on our savings, he said we could not afford it anymore. I suggested Bangkok because I had accumulated enough miles for a free trip there. So there, he agreed to the honeymoon but backed out on the wedding. But that's another long story.

I believe that honeymoons are always part of weddings. I dream of leaving my wedding reception with my future husband to head off to faraway Paris or Florence. I stubbornly refused to go there when I took a trip to Europe last year. I do not want to go there alone for am still saving those places for my future husband. I can just hear my friends telling me to dream on.

When I asked a friend why he did not go on a honeymoon, he jokingly said, "Because we already went on a honeymoon before the wedding." I knew what he meant, but to me, a honeymoon is more than just sex, having it for the first time or having it all day long.

I think that with or without a wedding coordinator, the couple is not spared from the emotional stress that comes along with planning a wedding. A vacation, after a hectic and chaotic period of planning and actually performing a wedding, is well deserved.

A lot of us dream of a perfect wedding, followed by a perfect honeymoon. We keep dreaming and planning things until reality sets in. Although most of us are lucky enough to make things happen, some are just caught in the most difficult of circumstances.

The good thing about being single is that you can keep dreaming about and planning your perfect wedding and perfect honeymoon. Who knows? You might get lucky. If you are married and have not been on a honeymoon, one that's at least worthy of a dream, you can only wish you can turn back the hands of time because more than anything else, the honeymoon is about that particular moment no one wants to lose. Or am I just being a dreamy, romantic single girl who has nothing but a dreamy, romantic single girl's notion of love, sex, marriage and honeymoons?