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Thank God for old friends I found myself stuck at home again with no plans of going out. It was a beautiful but terribly hot day. I was too lazy to call anyone for a plan; my constant companion is out of town. I thought of washing my bed sheets just to keep me busy but after staring at them for an hour or so, I decided to just keep on staring. It was too good a day to spend on chores. After justifying why I should not do all of the items on my "to do" list, the idea of being bored at home actually inspired me to create. I decided to take out my oils and my paintbrushes. One of the many things I, as an unattached single, had come to appreciate is my long lost love for oil painting. When all of a sudden I found myself abruptly single again last year, I decided to go to art classes and take the exercise more seriously, knowing that I could not stand one more day sulking about my previous relationship or asking myself when my next one would be. There are different kinds of singles: those who are recently-singled, those who had always been single, and those who had relationships but had been single for a very long time. I fall under the recently-singled category, being single for about a year now. Recently-singled ones most probably have a harder time accepting single life as compared to those who had always been single and those who had been single for a long time. (I hardly consider those who have on-going relationships single because more, often than not, they act as if they are already married.) When you are recently-singled, you are more often than not confronted with so much time for yourself that you forget what you were keeping yourself busy with before going to the relationship that had just ended. When I found myself single again a year ago, I was surprised to have so much time in my hands for myself. I did have so much time that was able to put into albums all my old photographs. I felt that if I did not engage in any sort of recreation activity, I would go insane. So in addition to my art classes, I also attended candle-making sessions. I wanted to take pottery classes too but then I realized I was already spreading myself too thin. But the craft novelty wore off after a while. When I discovered how messy it was to make candles, I told myself I would make some only if my life depended on it. Somehow, I wanted to pay the candle-maker in the corner store an extra hundred bucks for making candles for people who can't stand making them. I would paint only if I am inspired and it takes a lot for me get my inspiration back (i.e. extreme boredom). It also pays to know when your favorite television shows are on. It gives you something to look forward to after work. When I first went back into my old couch-potato routine, I could not believe how many episodes of Dawson's Creek, Felicity, Friends and Ally McBeal I had missed. Thank God for re-runs. But then again, I do not enjoy watching television the whole day so I started bugging my friends who were sympathetic enough to hang out with the demented, heart-broken and grief-stricken sicko that I was. It is always a pleasure to see friends again even if you have already engaged in activities that do not require a companion. A recently-singled friend of mine got so excited that she can see her friends again. Not that she was forbidden to go out while in a relationship but because she just didn’t find time and the need to be in touch with friends while with her boyfriend. When you become single again, friends become very important in your new life. You would be glad you have kept friends through the years. Honestly, it doesn't really matter if they are married or single. What matters is whether they have time to hear you out and be there when you are in a slump. Of course, single people, more often than not, have time. Married people will just have to make time. A few days ago, I was in the company of a good friend, who after ten years of having different relationships (one after the other and sometimes overlapping) found himself without anyone again. I felt somewhat guilty for ridiculously and mercilessly claiming victory for single people in my head. I wanted to tell him, "We, singles, do have more fun and you must be glad you are single again." But I refrained from verbalizing since the breakup was affecting him so much. I tried to show more compassion as he was hurting, not because he was desperately seeking for a reconciliation but because of the betrayal and treachery he had just experienced. "What do I do now?" he asked. I wished he had been more specific about his question. Since I was in the same boat last year, I knew what he was talking about. I knew he was talking about how to spend his time. The sad part is that he was so out of touch with his friends that he didn’t know if everything would be the same should he start hanging out with them again. His friends are either married or have girlfriends. "You are the only true single person I know," he innocently said. It almost sounded like an insult, which made me feel like some kind of a freak. Actually, it was not. I knew it was his way of telling me how glad he was that I was not yet married, lest he would have no one to hang out with. We went out that night, trying to reenact the good old days when we would hang out on Saturday nights. We tried to relive our younger years but the fact that there were just the two of us and that alone made it different, nothing like the way we were before, when there were like 30 of us, all eager to have some fun. Unfazed by reality that was screaming in our faces, we roamed the mall and contemplated on watching a movie. But even a movie felt pathetic at that time. So we checked out all the bustling places in the area. We even played a game to find out which one of us could run into familiar faces. Whoever knew the most people would win the game. After walking the same path for about four times and at the score of 1-1, we had to quit the game for it became a bit tiring. We got some coffee and decided to go home. We did have fun that night, we just had to face reality: It could never be the way it used to be. Unlike before when there was an unwritten rule to go out on Saturday nights, you now have to set-up something near to a major production just to get people together. Everytime I check my group e-mail, someone always brings up the topic of getting together. In fact, that is all I get to read about the past couple of weeks. "Let's do lunch." "Let's all get together." "Look me up when you get to LA." "Call me sometimes." But hardly anything happens, probably because there are more important things to do like work and family, if any. We turned into creatures who actually work for a living (or live for working). Some of our friends even turned into parents. I asked a number of recently-singled friends how they spend their time nowadays. Dating is inevitable. Some are not too eager to get into another relationship, especially after a very exhausting one. Other, however, are just dying to jump into it. I guess it all depends on the kind of relationship you just got out off. Taking work and dating aside, most of them engage in sports. Whatever it is, it requires company, a friend. I cannot think of a sport that requires only one player. But friends cannot available 24 hours a day. Sometimes it takes a series of reality checks before you actually realize that as a single person, you do have to find things you enjoy doing on your own, just in case no one is available to keep you company. Unless the person has already premeditated a break-up or has accepted way ahead of time the realities of single life, one experiences some kind of confusion and uncertainty as to what to do next. The thing with relationships is more often than not they compel you to change your priorities and the casualty, of course, is your friends, who, after being your world for a long time, have to play second fiddle to your boyfriend or girlfriend. When suddenly you are alone again, you often find yourself taking refuge in the past, sometimes to pretend that the relationship you just got out of never happened. But it can never be the same and there is definitely no way of going back because things have changed and so have you. There is just one option left - move on forward and try to survive the rest of your life. Before you know it, you'll be having the time of your life for yourself and I bet you would wish for more. -30- |