If you believe in eternal love, I bet you are still single
SINGLES by Karenina Yaptinchay
Manila Standard, p. 24B, 1 June 2000

Is age directly proportional to the need or desire to marry? Is it true that the older you get, the more you want to get married. In a live radio discussion aired over RX93's Heard on Thursdays, the longest running talk show on FM radio, they had this theory that older young single adults from ages 25 to 30 tend to think of relationships more seriously, as each one can possibly lead them to the altar.

The discussion came and went. Although I did not hear the first of the series on how young adults view relationships, I was told that the younger group (from ages 20 to 25) was more playful, experimenting on relationships through MU or mutual understanding, something I have no concept of when I was younger and even to this day. What the heck does that mean? Some people would define it as "not having a relationship but actually having one."

The closest thing I could think of is "the warp between being friends and being boyfriend-girlfriend." But then again, some MUs do not mature into a serious relationship. I have nothing against it, really. I just don't quite understand the concept completely. (In communication school, "mutual understanding" is the term used to describe the end goal of the symmetric model of public relations.) My roommate calls it an escape of people who are too afraid to commit themselves to a relationship but want to draw pleasures from it. MU, which is probably exclusive to the Filipino lingo, is a phenomenon that may be present in other cultures but more recognized here, which is why it has earned an entry in the mainstream vocabulary.

For the younger ones, there are several stages toward a relationship. There is friendship, followed by MU, a more serious MU, and then the "boyfriend-girlfriend" thing, which does not necessarily end up in marriage. When you are young, you have all the time in the world to fall in and out of love or to lead yourself into and out of a "mutual understanding."

The subject did not gain much attention from the older group. Someone said it doesn't work, probably after having had that kind of relationship (or non-relationship). And someone said it only worked for males. I was relieved I that I was not asked since I would not know what to say.

The host asked the participants if they felt pressured to get married because of their age. Everybody said no. I felt like I was the only one on Earth (or above the age of 27), who couldn't say no, without knowing in my heart that I would be lying. I will not deny that I feel pressure, although it is not strong enough to make me go into something that I am not ready for.

As long as you have not given up the possibility of finding a lifetime partner, it will always be there to haunt you, given that there are a million and one other details in your life to work out for your future. It is the uncertainty that lies ahead. Somehow when you are with someone, planning becomes easier. When you're alone, the possibilities of planning your life are just endless. You can choose to focus on anything you want. When you are with someone (especially when you are married), major decisions will have to be made together. Of course, it can be more difficult, but at least you have a partner to take care of and be responsible for part, if not half, of the decision.

For some, parents are a cause of pressure, especially the older parents who wish to have a glimpse of their grandchildren before "we pass away." But for women, the biological clock is another major cause. A single friend asked me if I wanted to have children. Sure I do but it becomes difficult to raise a child in a society where children must be born to a married couple. I guess more than anything else, I want to get married because I want to have children and soon, because I want to have as much time as possible to care for them and prepare a better life for them.

Sometime ago, I made a pact with a single friend of mine that should we stay single beyond 35, we would live together. I told him I would decide in five years. He doesn't mind so much that he might not get married, but he is just terrified of living alone. I had this great idea of building a compound, exclusively for my friends and me, who might stay single forever and ever.

Imagine that! A pace exclusively for single people, with a country club, replete with a golf course, tennis courts, swimming pool, game room, library, travel agency, hospital, etc. Residents can enjoy life to the fullest with all the neighbors who will never ask why in the world you are not married yet because they are in the same predicament. It would be so much fun no one would want to get married anymore for if they do, they lose their membership privileges and have to move out.

When you get older, I guess you tend to think about hooking up with someone more and more because society all the time that your life is incomplete, unless you find the other half of you. Try social gatherings where it always comes up. Try the movies where the lead character always finds a partner as a form of salvation. Thank God for Ally McBeal, but then again, isn't her singleblessedness driving her nuts? I am so lucky I haven't reached her level in which she has become such an endearing character, someone as neurotic about love and the lack of it as you and me. Society also has its way of making us think and believe that getting married would solve every single person's problems. For instance, whenever I would start whining about how tired I am or how alone I sometimes feel, a married friend of mine would always recommend marriage as a cure-all. "You just need someone to make it all worthwhile," he would say. Yeah, whatever.

Single people in their 30s do feel the societal pressure but not just to get married but on how to deal with life on their own. True, we are social beings and we need to interact with others, although others does not necessarily mean a husband, a wife, or a constant partner. There are actually some singles out there who have come to believe that being single for life can be a choice and I hope society finds enough sophistication to respect such a choice.

Someone texted me, "If you believe in DESTINY, in SOULMATES, in LOVE at first sight, in ETERNAL LOVE, I BET ur still SINGLE…hehehe." What is so freaking funny about that?