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My perfect partner "The perfect partner is not someone you can live with, but someone you
can't live Myki, who is also married like, Mia, says, "The perfect partner is someone who I see as perfect, even though she is not." Everyone has a different description of what a perfect partner is, especially in a society of varying standards, preference, and criteria. I e-mailed my friends to describe to me what a perfect partner is. Since most of my friends are married, they just ended up describing to me what their spouses are to them or how they want them to be - perfect. "A perfect partner? One who has a good heart...is close to God...and follows God's words. He may be refilling the toilet paper and paper towels the wrong way, or folding the clothes differently, or putting the clothes in the hamper inside out, or there's still some speck of rice on the spoon that he just washed. But with God in both our hearts, my husband and I have learned to live w/ each other....ok ok ok...he learned to live with me and tolerate my sometimes irrational behavior," says Finnette, another married friend. "Thoughtful," says Pia, who only got married last year. "Calls when he or she will be late, remembers special occasions and celebrates those occasions, considerate of the other person's feelings." Compatibility and accommodation of the other's needs are very important, according to Pia. She explains about her husband, "Yari and I both like the outdoors and pets -- although lately, I've been having second thoughts about our two cats because of our daughter Sidney. Yari likes to watch CNN financial news while I like Dawson's Creek so when Dawson's Creek is on, that's the end of the news!" Being single, I have my own criteria of what a perfect partner is. And because I am single, I do not have to base my description of a perfect partner on anyone, not on a current boyfriend nor a spouse. Kind-hearted and respectful A perfect partner is one who is kind, not just to you, but to his and your parents, friends, neighbors, or even the kids roaming the streets of Metro Manila. He is not only kind to humans but also to animals and nature. Being kind-hearted extends to being polite. He does not use demeaning or condescending words when he talks, especially during an argument. He respects you for who you are and doesn't hold your shortcomings against you. The perfect partner is also humble, honest, thoughtful and sweet. Good Communicator The perfect partner is able to communicate effectively. Good communication skills also breed honesty. Sometimes, people lie because they don't know how to say the truth. A good communicator can tell you that the clothes you are wearing make you look fat without really hurting your feelings. He does not only tell you what you need to know. He tells it to you at the right time and in the right mood, with the best intentions. Emotionally Strong Some believe that being emotional is inherently female. But I guess a little dose of emotions, not really too much, is important for males to understand females. A perfect partner to me is someone who can understand my emotions and he can do so by putting himself in my place. Someone who knows how to be emotional is loving, passionate and feeling. In addition to being sympathetically emotional, he must also be emotionally strong, strong enough to accept his faults and apologize for his mistakes. A perfect partner is someone who does not falsely blame you or other people for his shortcomings. Attractive (at least to me) I am not going to lie and say that looks don't matter. Perfect physical attributes, however, are very subjective so I will refrain from describing what kind of eyes or how tall or how short. But at any rate, a perfect partner to me is one I find attractive, someone who has good sense of humor, who does not take offense if a joke is on him, and can tell a good joke to make you laugh. A perfect partner is someone who smiles a lot and can also make me smile. I find clean people attractive, too. A perfect partner is someone who still smells good even after a grueling tennis match. Intellectual A perfect partner for me is someone who understands what I am talking about, someone who does not scream when he has a hard time understanding. Because I am female, my perfect partner must be more intelligent than, if not as intelligent as I, unless of course, he is willing to accept my intellectual superiority. But based on what we experience and see, males do not normally accept the fact that their partners are smarter than they. Financial status People who are madly in love tell me that money doesn't matter. They are probably right, if you and your partner decide to live like hermits in the mountains and plant crops for food. I will not be too specific about finances but the least I could ask for is someone with a regular job and someone who can at least pay for his part of the meal. It's pathetic how today's economic situation can actually affect my idea of perfection. But I am sure all of you will agree with me when I say, it would be nice though if he owns a house and at least one car. I know I am not only describing a perfect partner, I am describing a perfect human being. But I believe that what kind of a person one is dictates what kind of a partner one will make. I can go on all day telling you about what to me is a perfect partner but none of it really makes sense if the partner does not find those values equally important. I guess a perfect partner is someone who agrees with you on what is right and wrong or what is good or bad. For example, disagreements arise if you feel that lying is wrong but your partner feels lying is ok sometimes. It is interesting to note that none of my single friends described to me what a perfect partner is. Maybe it is due to lack of reference. Perhaps, no one wanted to set the criteria for fear of settling for a not-so-perfect partner. Besides, singles are still on the look out and they would rather keep the flexibility to change their standards on what a perfect partner is. My married friends didn't have a hard time since all they had to do was take a good look at their spouses. What I have enumerated above is based on my own and personal bias, and honestly, I feel I missed a couple of things. Perfection is too hard to figure out. We all know that nothing is perfect in this world. Everyone has his/her own idea of a perfect partner. But once in a relationship, everyone also concedes to the imperfections of his/her partner. At the end of the day, we all try to survive with a not-so-perfect partner in a not-so-perfect world. -30- |