This entry was posted on 2001-04-14
Kyoto
I'm home. At least in my home in Japan -- Kyoto.
On the shinkansen, all the way from Tokyo to Kyoto all I could think about is that I'm going back to my home in Japan.
Like many homecomings, coming to Kyoto was bittersweet. On one hand I was so glad to be going somewhere familiar. But on the other hand I fell in love with Tokyo (and got pretty accustomed to being in Tokyo) and more importantly, my experience living in Japan was very mixed.
When the shinkansen got to the Kansai area, the sky turned gray. Gray -- that is how I best remember Kansai. The sun was hardly ever shining when I lived in this part of the country. As soon as the train pulled into Kyoto-eki, I began to have many flashbacks. I remember the first time I ever went to Tokyo, when the return train pulled into Kyoto-eki how lonely I felt. I wanted to be back in Tokyo with the Sango family (my Tokyo "host family"). I didn't want to have to go to classes the next day. I also remembered all the times that I went to Nara, went shopping in the mall beneath the station, and got lost wandering around the station area looking for food that I would eat.
This time when I arrived, Kyoto didn't seem as big as before. After staying in Tokyo, nothing can feel big. I got in the long taxi line to hail a cab to the ryokan. Since I had no clue where I was going, I figured it would be easier to take a cab with my heavy luggage. Then, after settling in, I could find the nearest bus stop. The cab ride through the station area reminded me of the parts of Kyoto that I am not fond of. The entire station area is gray and ugly. This is not the postcard pretty image of Kyoto and its temples that most people think of. In fact, for a first time visitor, arrival into Kyoto-eki must be really disappointing.
The ryokan itself is decent. Not nearly as cool as the one I stayed at in Shizuoka last time I was here (that inn has to take the prize for best Japanese inn I've ever stayed at). The proprietors are friendly enough. In fact, the man is really helpful. But for some reason I am getting bad vibes.
Being here in Kyoto is giving me a lot to think about and a lot to work out in my head. I can't quite explain it in words, though. And a lot of it is really deep and personal shit. I figured that I better get some of it out of my system right away so that I can enjoy the rest of my time here. That is why I boarded a train for Hirakata-shi, the exact city I lived and studied in.
Hirakata-shi is located on the Keihan train line about halfway in between Kyoto and (ugg) Osaka. The ride was a trip down memory lane. Ugly, small town station after ugly, small town station. (The Kyoto to Osaka journey is not exactly scenic). As we passed through some stations, I wanted to laugh. At others I almost cried.
When I look back at all the crap that occurred during my study abroad experience, I give myself a lot of credit for finishing the year here. I hated my school, most of my classes, and a lot of the other students. To put it nicely, Kansai Gaidai is by far the worst place for any international student who possesses a true, deep interest in Japanese culture and language (especially language). I was sick and depressed for at least half the time that I was there. The other half, when I was healthy and happy was when I was able to get the hell out of Hirakata. If it were not for all the traveling that I did while I was a student here, I would have gone home hating everything about this country.
Yes, my actual study abroad experience was mostly shitty (a few days ago I wrote about why I should've gone to Waseda, and today it's really all clear to me). But at least I grew to love (and still do) this country. And as I said before, Kansai Gaidai and all of its crap made me so much stronger. I began to realize that I could handle almost any shitty situation. And when I didn't have a lot of money, and needed to escape for a day, I'd come here, to Kyoto. Although it was horrible at times, living in Japan was a great experience for me. My language skills improved drastically (especially when I stopped going to my shitty language courses at Kansai Gaidai, and instead used my time to explore on my own). And I lived and breathed my college major everyday.
Hirakata-shi itself was very hard for me to confront. But I had to go back there today, my first day in the Kansai area, to be able to let go of some major shit. I walked around a bit, took some pictures (something I could never bring myself to do when I lived there because I just wanted to erase the memories), went to Kiddyland (my favorite store there), and bought some bread at a bakery that I used to like. The one thing that kept me from bursting out in tears was knowing that tonight I'd get on a train bound for Kyoto and wouldn't have to stay in Hirakata. I wouldn't have to go back to classes there. I wouldn't have to see some of the other students who I hated. I was on my own. This time in Hirakata, I was not there as an exchange student.
A few things did actually make me smile. I loved hearing Kansai-ben! And I even understood it (and used it earlier)! I love passing Fushimi Inari on the Keihan line because I have great memories of that shrine. As the train flew past Makino-eki, I smiled, thinking about Heather's, Maria's, and my karaoke nights. At Kuzuha, where Michelle lived, I laughed out loud when I thought about how we wanted to freak everyone out back at Wittenberg by dressing in the latest Japanese fashions. But most of today's journey was pretty difficult (emotionally) for me.
When I (phew) got back to Kyoto, I went to a local sento to cleanse my soul (and I still insist that Hirakata is dirty, so a bath was necessary). I also planned what I am going to do here in the next few days. Since Kyoto is one place I've seen a lot of, I am hoping to go to Kanezawa tomorrow. On Monday I'll go back to some of my favorite temples and shrines. And on Tuesday, I hope to go to Shikoku (the smallest of Japan's four main islands), which is only about two hours away. That way I can say I've been to all four of Japan's major islands (Shikoku, Honshu, Kyushu, and Hokkaido). And on Wednesday, it's back to Tokyo bright and early.
If you are thinking that I'm not happy to be in Kyoto, I am sorry that I mislead you. I am happy to be here. Kyoto is one of my favorite cities in Japan. But I also knew that coming back would force me to confront a lot of shit. I got that out of the way today, so hopefully I can fully enjoy the rest of my time here.
Hopefully I'll make it to Kanezawa tomorrow (a restored samurai town) and I'll have some cool stories to tell. On a somber note (for me at least), the sakura have already bloomed here. Damn! But maybe up in the mountains I'll be able to see some of my favorite trees in bloom. . . I'll keep you updated.