The second women chirps, "My son is a Bishop.....whenever he walks into a room, people call him "Your Grace"."
The third women says, "My son is a Cardinal.....whenever he walks into a room, he's called "Your Eminence"."
Since the fourth women sips her coffee in silence, the first three give her this subtle "Well...?" look. So she says "My son is 6'2"; he has broad square shoulders; he's terribly handsome and dresses very well. Whenever he walks into a room, women say "Oh, my god....."
"I'm sorry," the clerk said. "This man just ordered our last bunch." The desperate customer turnes to me and begged, "may I please have those roses?"
"What happened?" I asked. "Did you forget your wedding anniversay?"
"It is even worse than that" he confided "I broke my wife's hard drive!"
A neighbour noticed her repeated trips to the curb and asked if she was waiting for a special delivery.
"No." she replied, "my computer keeps telling me I have mail!"
A good start!
"No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!"
Run, she's got a grenade in her mouth!
They drowned during spring training!
she went home.
But the second mouse gets the cheese.
The bonds eventually mature
Single women come home, see what is in the fridge and go to bed.
Married woman come home, see what is in bed and go to the fridge.
Because on the box, it said "From 2 - 4 years!"
CUSTOMER: "Wow. How can you see my screen from there?"
One day, as he was lying on the beach, he spotted movement out of the corner of his eye. It was a rowboat, and in it was the most gorgeous women he had ever seen. She rowed up to him. In disbelief, he asked her: "Where did you come from? How did you get here?" " I rowed from the other side of the island," she said. "I landed here when my cruise ship sank." "Amazing," he said. "I didn't know anyone else had survived. How many are there? You were lucky to have a row boat wash up with you." "It's only me," she said, "and the rowboat did not wash up; nothing did."
He was confused. "Then how did you get the rowboat?" "Oh, simple," replied the woman. "I made the rowboat out of materials that I found on the island. The oars were whittled from Gum tree branches. I wove the bottom from Palm branches and the sides and stern came from a Eucalyptus tree." "B-B-But that's impossible," stuttered the man. "You had no tools or hardware. How did u manage?" "Oh, that was no problem," replied the woman. "On the other side of the island there is a very unusal stratum of alluvial rock exposed. I found that if I fired it to a certain tempreture in my kiln, it melted into forgeable ductile iron. I used that for tools, and used the tools to make hardware.
"But enough of that," she said, "where do u live?" sheeplishly, he confessed that he had been sleeping on the beach the whole time. "Well, let's row over to my place, then," she said. After a few minutes of rowing she docked the rowboat at a small wharf. As the man looked to the shore he nearly fell out of the rowboat. Before him was a stone walk leading to an exquisite bungalow painted in blue and white. While the woman tied up the rowboat with an expertly woven hemp rope, she said casually," It's not much, but I call it home. Sit down, please; would you like a drink?" "No, no thank you," he said, still dazed. "I can't take any more coconut juice." "It's not coconut juice," the woman replied. "I have a still. How about a Pina Colada?"
Trying to hide his amazement, the man accepted, and they sat down on her couch to talk. After they had exchanged their stories, the woman announced. "I'm going to slip into something comfortable. Would you like to take a shower and shave? There is a razor upstairs in the cabinet in the bathroom." No longer questioning anything, the man went into the bathroom. There in a cabinet was a razor made from a bone handle. Two shells honed to a hollow ground edge were fastened onto its end inside a swivel mechanism. "This woman is amazing," he mused. "What next?"
When he returned, she greeted him wearning nothing but vines - strategically positioned - and smelling faintly of gardenias. She beckoned for him to sit down next to him. "Tell me," she began, suggestively, slithering closer to him, "we've been out here for a very long time. You've been lonely. There's something I'm sure you really feel like doing right now, something you've been longing for all these months. You know........" She stared into his eyes. He couldn't believe what he was heaing. "You mean--?" He replied, "I can check my e-mail from here?"
He awakens the next morning to his wife standing over him shouting at him 'So, you've been out drinking again!!'
'How did you know?' he asks.
'The pub called, you left your wheel chair there.'
"Excuse me, miss," said the flustered little assistant manager of the hotel, out of breath from running up the stairs. "The hotel doesn't mind you sunbathing on the roof but we would very much appreciate you wearing a bathing suit as you did yesterday."
"What difference does it make," Joan asked rather calmly. "No one can see up here, and besides, I'm covered with a towel."
"Not exactly," said the embarrased little man. "You're lying on the dinning room skyline."
