My phone tinkled and I plucked the receiver from its pocket and checked the caller ID. It was from my brother in east Delhi, who being shocked; spoke to me in a distorted voice that our sister in Amritsar is no more. Earth slipped under my feet and not believing the news immediately I scooped up my cell phone and dialed the number of her son who confirmed the news, telling me further about her deteriorating condition within two to three days. A year back I attended the marriage of her grandson and she was in good spirits, looked sparkling in a new sari and little bit of jewellery on her neck and arms. She never knew her age and after comparing it to my age I told her that you are younger to me by four to five years, and so it would be near about 77. All the old memories of my association with her crossed my memory lane and for some time I felt disturbed but kept the irritation out of my voice. I was suffering from backache but the thought of attending her last ceremony to make other family members aware of the love and affection we had made me alert for my presence. It was not possible for me to attend the funeral ceremony and so I decided to show up in the uthala ceremony which was on the fourth day. My son brought two air tickets for Amritsar for me and my wife, and we were escorted to the Indira Gandhi airport next morning by my daughter-in-law. I slumped back on my seat in the aircraft and my brain was in overdrive to bring back the old memories of our good and bad days.
The ache of her passing away flared up unexpectedly, but I presumed the touch of her skin, still feeling her sitting on her bed talking to me as if she was really there. During our childhood both of us remained in one house until she shifted to Quetta with my great aunt and uncle. After few years they brought her back for marriage and I attended the function with great gusto. All the children in the house were excited, exacting, and helpful and at no occasion their time became a hardship. In spite of all this we indulged in exploiting the weaknesses in others and enjoyed at each other�s expense. Some of the unforgotten things came running to my memory lane and in spite of so many people around me nothing could deter my feelings that had touched my life for years. She seemed like a sagging bag of skin in the photograph which they shot before taking her to the funeral ground. The pain of her sudden disappearance came back to me at a hundredfold, and I wanted to weep like a child. The moment impacted me to take more finesse than I had anticipated; I suddenly cut the feelings close not to be noticed by the younger people. No doubt they saw me in much remorse but I got up and headed downstairs to talk to other people in the gathering. I came to my real self after gulping a breath of fresh air, but the feelings made me vulnerable and exposed. I stayed at Amritsar for one night and came back to Delhi next morning.
My mind drifted back to sleep and turmoil as if happiness was not the part of my life. I once again yelped in surprise and pain when I received another call within a period of two months from Pathankot that my sister left for her heavenly abode on previous night. The caller clarified that I won�t be able to reach for the funeral from such a long distance, but could attend the last ceremony of the departed soul which they had arranged in a temple on the fourth day between 1 to 2 P.M. I got the Rail tickets reserved for us but it was in waiting at number 19. My son didn�t approve the idea of my travelling on unreserved tickets and bought two air tickets from Delhi to Pathankot and back. As usual they left me and my wife at the airport and we reached Jammu, the nearest city to Pathankot. We took another three hours to reach Pathankot by bus and attended the two ceremonies next morning, one in the graveyard and the other in the temple. I felt pain of separation and my brain couldn�t register the agony that was causing some mismatch, compelling me to take rest for fear of falling down. People in the house were busy and there were no attention givers, and so I rested for a while in a separate room on the first floor of their house. The buzzer of my mobile vibrated and I pressed the button to hear the call. It was my son, who advised me to try for sleeper in the express train, which would be more comfortable than going back to Jammu and reaching Delhi at night. Pathankot is not a big city and people know each other and my nephew helped me to get a second class rail ticket in express train, and we reached Delhi at 5 A.M. after sleeping well in the train.
I submitted before the Almighty praying to let her surrender at His feet and thinking the time to be a great healer I tried to get relief from the emotional stress thinking that death is a truth of life, and we mortals have to reach Paramdham, which is our permanent residence. I shared the attention between my work and the gospel of preachers to keep myself calm from within and during the next few days I forgot my dear sister as is the practice with we minor souls on this earth. Thinking of death from the side of a most devoutly religious person who only thinks to carry out the mission of God is extremely courageous as one gets a chance to meet God, who is our father, in the astral world to get ourselves purified and rejuvenated. This is the reality which is accurate and substantiated though we feel miffed in the absence of real knowledge. Due to physical confrontations, weakness due to old age and several other factors which lead us to deterioration, we go into a permanent state of transition which is a most noble condition, enriching us with the knowledge to perform good deeds which we had forgotten long back, and remained indulged in mudslinging and impervious to purity and remembrance of God. I was emotionally dead tired and thus straightened for a moment to work the kinks out of my back and get going.
We people can do nothing except to pay them our tributes, and remember them when we feel emotionally strong while enjoying the old fantasies in the company of close relatives. We are actors, come on the stage of this world, play our part and go away- so there is nothing special in it to get disturbed.