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I wish you could see the sadness of a business man as his livelihood goes up in flames, or that family returning home, only to find their home and belongings damaged or lost for good. I wish you could know what it's like to search a burning bedroom for trapped children, flames rolling above your head, your palms and knees burning as you crawl, the floor sagging under your weight as the kitchen below you burns. I wish you could comprehend a wife's horror at 3am as I check her husband of 40 years for a pulse and find none. I start CPR anyway, hoping to bring him back, knowing intuitively it is too late. But wanting his wife and family to know that everything possible was done to try to save his life. I wish you knew the unique smell of burning insulation, the taste of soot filled mucus, the feeling of intense heat through your turnout gear, the sound of flames crackling, the erieness of being able to see nothing in dense smoke. Sensations I've become too familiar with. I wish you knew how it feels to go to work in the morning after having spent most of the night hot and soaking wet in a multiple alarm fire. I wish you could read my mind as I respond to a building fire "Is it a working fire or a false alarm? How is the building constructed? What hazards await me? Is anyone trapped?" Or to an EMS call "What is wrong with the patient? Is it minor or life threatning? Is the caller really in distress or is he waiting for us with a 2x4 or a gun?" I wish you could be in the emergency room as a doctor pronounces dead the beautiful 5 year old girl I have been trying to save during the past 25 minutes. Who will never go on a first date or say the words "I love you mommy" again. I wish you could know the fustration I feel in the cab of the engine or ambulance, my driver with his foot pressing down hard on the pedal, my arm tugging again and again at the air horn chain, and constantly changing the sound of the siren, as you fail to yeild the right of way in an intersection or in traffic. When you need us however, your first comment upon arrival will be "It took you forever to get here!" I wish you could know my thoughts as I extricate a girl of teenage years from the remains of her automobile. "What if this was my sister, a girlfriend. or a firend? What were her parents' reactions going to be when they opened the door to find a police officer with hat in hand?"
I wish you could know how it feels to walk in the back door and greet my parents and family, not having the heart to tell them that I nearly did not come back from the last call. I wish you could realize the physical, emotional and mental drain or missed meals, lost sleep or foregone social activities, in addition to all the tragedy my eyes have seen. I wish you could know the brotherhood and self satisfaction of helping save a life or preserving someones property, or being able to be there in time of crisis, or creating order from total chaos. I wish you could understand what it feels like to have a little boy tugging at your arm and asking "Is mommy ok?" Not even being able to look in his eyes without tears of your own and not knowing what to say. Or to have to hold back a long time friend who watches his buddy having rescue breathing done on him as they take him away in the ambulance. You know all along he didn't have his sealtbelt on. A sensation I have become too familiar with. Unless you have lived with this kind of life, you will never truly understand, or appreciate who I am, what we are, or what our job really means to us... ---Unknown--- I have heard that this is one of those ongoing poems that firefighters add to now and then. Please feel free to add a "wish you could" to this poem if you are a Firefighter or EMT/Paramedic. |