| She's ashamed of me Of the person I was and still am By the fact that I'm not afraid to talk about The things I used to do to myself. I'm not ashamed to show the scars, Or to talk to others about the things That used to go through my mind, Or even name the diseases without a blush. I don't care. And, though I know she loves me, She does not want to face the reality Of my mind, and how it used to tick Even when she was watching me. And since I love her, I watch the things I say And only talk about it If she mentions it first. 5/11/2000 |
| I can't change the past I wouldn't even if I could The things slowly add up They make a whole from a half Fill what should be broken And I find myself embracing my mistakes Even as I turn my back on them July 30, 2000 |
| You and the stupid things you do don't bother me anymore I woke up yesterday, and as I stepped into the shower I realized that I don't care anymore Maybe I never did And I smiled a secret smile to myself 8/18/2000 |
| Anger |
| The pain inside me will not heal, Cannot heal, I have no desire to put an end To the suffering. It doesn't color my life Like it used to, When the flavor of pain was new, When I could languish in the depth Of my emotion, Raw. But now, Now I know that this is a part of Life Not unique to my position. Pain, Completion of the Revolving cycle. So now I accept it, Part of the Everyday. And I'm not sad, Not angry. The pain still burns In my heart, in my head, As it will for People like me. 2003 |
| Your lies Have masked my love for you I can't feel what I should For the words you say With such ease I loved you once In a world without night But your lies have brought The dark and smoke and fog Into the sky of my love for you 2003 |
| My life has grown stark Such an empty shell Filled with pain And yet . . . And yet I still hope For a love That will continue Into the completion Of my life A love that will Fill my empty days With joy And yet . . . And yet I know I won't find that kind of love I don't believe in that fairytale 2003 |
| I'm just not right My mind is slow My heart is weak I can't compete With the old me Anymore I'm not right I'm not me Something changed Something flipped Something stopped And I can't do this I can't love you Like you want me to I'm not as able as I was To hurt for you 2003 |