2005
What I owe you
I may never be sure of.
When I was lost
You snatched me from the
Oblivion -
The dark I was trying to hide in.
With three kisses
You unlocked the woman in me
The woman held in the shackles
Of her own making.
And though I hated you
With a passion equal to yours for me -
I now respect you,
I now regard you,
I now see you in a new light.
You saw past the facade
And knew me, knew what
Could be in me,
Once the mask was removed.
And though I hated you
With a fever pitch of madness -
I now see you,
I now regard you,
I now realize you were in part
My savior,
No, not like the one in three,
But a rescuer giving the dying
A breath of life.
In three kisses,
Not one like the tales of Grimm describe,
In three kisses
You resurrected the dead woman
In me,
The woman now trying
To make sense of it all
A little too late.
But, perhaps -
Perhaps just in the nick of time
To learn how to be a woman
Free from the bindings
Wrapped around her by
Herself, her heritage, her history -
Perhaps just in time
To love without the bonds
Of the one who carried her,
Molded her,
Guided her into her mistakes,
Though she only has one person
To blame for them -
Me.
Myself/Herself.
The person I was when I
Believed the lies
Of my creator's making.

So now,
I thank you.
Though it is improper
To thank one for a kiss
I improperly thank you.
Though you may not remember
I wanted more than just a kiss
I thank you quite improperly.
Though I will never see you
Or ever have the chance
To kiss you again,
I thank you my handsome prince,
Not like the prince I once dreamed of.
I thank you my friend,
My rescuer once hated
Now beloved.
My heart is beating,
Thumping in my chest
In a new way.
My world has flipped on it's side,
My mind spinning
In this new way of thinking.

I'm frightened.

These emotions -
Not new,
But old
And unused
Fit like a child's dress
On a teenaged girl.

Teach me to love,
Oh my Father God,
Teach me to love.
Teach me to sing
With the emotions
I hide so far
On the inside
Of my heart.

My Father
My God
My Redeemer
Teach me to love like
He who walked through fire
For me.

Oh my Father
My Center
My Heart
Teach me to love
You more,
Because when my heart
Beats for You
I am never alone,
Because when my heart
Beats for You
I am Full.
The Emptiness
The Sinking
The Falling
Ends
When my spirit sings
Your song.


I don't know how I got it,
This blueness.
The spot on my leg that
Won't fade
As quickly as I wish.
The reminder of a bump,
A hit,
A light tap on my skin.
He says I bruise easily,
That I have skin
Too thin for play.
It doesn't matter.
I don't remember
Where they came from.
The blueness appears
And fades
Like the ebb of the tide
We watch in the summer.


I love you
For so many reasons.
For the way you
Stumble on your words
When you're a bit nervous.
For the way you
Smile a little to the side
When you've goofed up.
For the way your
Nose crinkles
When that smile appears.
I love you
For the way you
Sigh
When something touches your heart.
For the way you
Inspire me to write
When I wish to forget.
For the way you
Decided it didn't matter
When I realized
For so many reasons
I love you.

(For the one who got away, written
a little too late)
This grace
Is hard to handle,
Hard to understand.
The unconditional love
So freely given
Is something I don't deserve.
Don't You see me?
Don't You know what I've done?
You know all my past
And what was in that black heart
And You loved me then
Just as You do now.
I don't understand,
Though I long to.
This love
Is so unlike anything
I've ever known,
So unlike the loves I've had.
It's changed me,
Changed my heart
And not for wrong.

Hosted by www.Geocities.ws

1