> > > > >>>Subject: Re: IN THE BEDROOM~ this is
> > wicked funny!

> > > > >>> >  TO MY DEAR GIRLFRIEND,

> > > > >>> >  During the past year I have tried to
> > make love to
  you 365 times.

  I have succeeded 36 times, which is  an average of once every ten days.
> > > > >>> >
> > > > >>> >  The  following is a list of why I
> > did not succeed more often:
> > > > >>> >
> > > > >>> >  54 times the sheets were clean
> > > > >>> >
> > > > >>> >  17 times it was too late
> > > > >>> >
> > > > >>> >  49 times you were too tired
> > > > >>> >
> > > > >>> >  20 times it was too hot
> > > > >>> >
> > > > >>> >  15 times you pretended to be asleep
> > > > >>> >
> > > > >>> >  22 times you had a headache
> > > > >>> >
> > > > >>> >  17 times you were afraid of waking the baby
 
> > > > >>> >  16 times you said you were too sore
> > > > >>> >
> > > > >>> >  12 times it was the wrong time of the month
> > > > >>> >
> > > > >>> >  19 times you had to get up early
> > > > >>> >
> > > > >>> >  9 times you said weren't in the mood
> > > > >>> >
> > > > >>> >  7 times you were sunburned
> > > > >>> >
> > > > >>> >  6 times you were watching the late show
> > > > >>> >
> > > > >>> >  5 times you didn't want to mess up your new hair-do

> > > > >>> >  3 times you said the neighbors would hear us
> > > > >>> >
> > > > >>> >  9 times you said your mother would hear us
 
> > > > >>> >  Of the 36 times I did succeed, the activity was not satisfactory because:
> > > > >>> >
> > > > >>> >  6 times you just laid there
> > > > >>> >
> > > > >>> >  8 times you reminded me there's a crack in the ceiling
> > > > >>> >
> > > > >>> >  4 times you told me to hurry up and get it over with
> > > > >>> >
> > > > >>> >  7 times I had to wake you and tell you I finished
> > > > >>> >
> > > > >>> >  1 time I was afraid I had hurt you because I felt you move
> > > > >>> >
> > > > >>> >
> > > > >>> >
> > > > >>> >  TO MY DEAR BOYFRIEND,
> > > > >>> >
> > > > >>> >  I think you have things a little
> > confused.  Here are the reasons
> > >you
> > > > >>>didn't
> > > > >>> >
> > > > >>> >  get more than you did:
> > > > >>> >
> > > > >>> >  5 times you came home drunk and
> > tried to screw the cat
> > > > >>> >
> > > > >>> >  36 times you did not come home at
> > all
> > > > >>> >
> > > > >>> >  21 times you didn't cum
> > > > >>> >
> > > > >>> >  33 times you came too soon
> > > > >>> >
> > > > >>> >  19 times you went soft before you
> > got in
> > > > >>> >
> > > > >>> >  38 times you worked too late
> > > > >>> >
> > > > >>> >  10 times you got cramps in your toes
> > > > >>> >
> > > > >>> >  29 times you had to get up early to
> > play golf
> > > > >>> >
> > > > >>> >  2 times you were in a fight and
> > someone kicked you in the balls
> > > > >>> >
> > > > >>> >  4 times you got it stuck in your
> > zipper
> > > > >>> >
> > > > >>> >  3 times you had a cold and your nose
> > was running
> > > > >>> >
> > > > >>> >  2 times you had a splinter in your
> > finger
> > > > >>> >
> > > > >>> >  20 times you lost the notion after
> > thinking about it all day
> > > > >>> >
> > > > >>> >  6 times you came in your pajamas
> > while reading a dirty book
> > > > >>> >
> > > > >>> >  98 times you were too busy watching
> > football, baseball, etc. on
> > > >TV
> > > > >>> >
> > > > >>> >
> > > > >>> >
> > > > >>> >  Of the times we did get together the
> > reason I laid still was
> > >because
> > > > >>>you
> > > > >>> >
> > > > >>> >  missed and were screwing the sheets.
> >  I wasn't talking about  the
> > > > >>>crack
> > > > >>> >
> > > > >>> >  in the ceiling, what I said was ,
> > "Would you prefer me on
> > > > >>> >
> > > > >>> >  my  back or  kneeling?"
> > > > >>> >
> > > > >>> >  The time you felt me move was
> > because you farted and I was trying
> > >to
> > > > >>> >
> > > > >>> >  breathe.
> > > > >>> >