Mutual Obsession
Part Five: Trowa
Heero came back alone. He looked older, somehow. I didn't ask him what
had happened, and he didn't volunteer the information.
I hadn't expected Duo to come back.
I knew when Duo had left. I think I was the second one to find out,
after Heero. I had gone outside after helping Quatre with the
groceries, looking for the newspaper, and I saw Duo speeding off on his
motorcycle. I knew he was leaving for good- his bag was too full for
him not to be. It was too bad, that he felt he didn't want to stay with
us, but it was his decision. I hadn't known Duo very well, our few
meetings during the war had been brief and not conducive to the
beginnings of friendship. Nonetheless, I considered him an ally, at
least an equal on the battlefield, and I respected him for it.
Quatre might have missed Duo a little, at first, but forgot about the
other boy soon enough. Quatre's kind, friendly, but he also has flaws
like any one else, instilled in him from childhood. Wufei never even
gave Duo a chance, and I'm sure he feels remorseful for it now. Heero
made sure of that.
Heero. I think I understand Heero the most. We shared a certain
camaraderie during the war, no doubt born of my admiration of him. So I
understood, after Duo left, why he started to withdraw from us. And I
understand why he punched Quatre for saying the things he did, though I
don't condone the action, and I stepped in before he had a chance to
seriously injure the boy. And when I asked him where he was going,
after he decided to go search out the missing boy, I already knew the
answer.
That doesn't mean I understood Heero's obsession. I don't know if Heero
considered Duo a romantic partner. I don't even know if Heero
considered him a friend. I don't think he did, or else Duo would never
have left. Maybe, if Heero had been raised with a greater affinity for
emotions, if he had been raised without the war, he would never have
developed his fixation. Maybe he would have realized an attraction for
what it was, and acted upon it. But then, if he had done that, he
wouldn't be the Heero Yuy we know now.
I don't think Duo knew about Heero's strange fascination with him. I
don't know how Duo felt about the media dubbed "perfect soldier". I
think Duo might have realized their connection, at least
subconsciously, but he wouldn't know what to make of it any more than
Heero did. Despite his social inclinations, Duo might have been just as
lost as Heero. Emotions, after all, are a luxury when you're just
trying to survive each day, and I'm not sure the people who loved him
were around long enough for him to truly love them back. At any rate, I
didn't expect Duo to come back.
But here he was, standing at our doorstep. I had been the one to open
the door.
"Duo."
"Hey, Trowa." He smiles at me, but his eyes are searching over my
shoulder. "Is Heero home?"
I move out of the way to let him in, and he reads my silent invitation
and steps inside. Wufei's standing in the hallway connected to the
foyer, and he steps forward when he sees Duo.
"Maxwell." And then he clasps his hands in front of his chest, bowing a
little, before he makes his way out of the room.
Duo turns and looks at me with a confused expression. "What was that
all about?"
Not one for explanations, I just shrug. "Heero's upstairs."
"No, I'm right here." We both turn too look at the source of the voice,
but he's only staring at Duo. He's standing at the base of the stairs,
one hand gripping the rail. It's infinitely awkward in this room right
now, and I decide to leave. I retreat to the living room, where there's
only silence for a few minutes. But then I realize their voices carry
over the vents, when they finally start to speak.
"You said you would miss me, so here I am."
A pause. "Where's your bag?"
"Well…I don't think I'll be staying."
"Oh." And I can see Heero nod in acquiesce. "Then why'd you come back?"
"Honestly? I don't know."
I didn't hear anything for the next few minutes, and I wondered if
either one of them knew what to do or say. It must be strange. Up until
a few days ago, Duo undoubtedly thought that Heero didn't have the
slightest interest in him. And Heero, well, Heero was completely
clueless. He had acted on his emotions, even if he couldn't completely
understand what they were telling him, and now they had led him into
unknown territory. Duo was the one to break the pause.
"If you want, you can come back with me."
"Back to L2?"
"Yeah. I figure we can take it from there." He laughs a little. "We
handled the war, we should be able to handle each other, right?"
"I'll go pack."
I hear Heero going back upstairs, and I head back to the foyer. I lean
against the doorway until he notices I'm there, and when he turns
around I analyze his expressions. He seems so unsure, like he's going
through motions he doesn't know the meaning of.
"Ne, Trowa." He looks toward me, expression questioning, and I can't
help but think he's asking for some kind of absolution. "You don't hate
me, do you?"
I answer him honestly. It's what I do for people I respect. "No. I
don't hate you."
He smiles a little bit, understanding, just as Heero comes back down
the stairs, a small duffel in his hand. Neither of them is one for
possessions. He stops in front of me, nodding. "Tell the others I'm
leaving."
And then he's making his way to Duo's side. They look so awkward
together… any one who didn't know them would think they didn't belong
together.
I walk into the kitchen, vaguely aware of the sound of the front door
closing again. Quatre's standing there, behind the counter, a tray full
of black lumps in his oven mitted hands.
He smiles at me. "Cookie?"
And I can't help but smile back.
We were strangers when this war started. Each of us had our own story,
and they happened to interweave with one another, for at least one
brief moment in time. I can't say I'm not grateful for the experience.
Now it seems as though our entanglement is over, and none of us quite
expected the results. I think, though, that all of us are stronger for
it. And as for Duo and Heero, maybe now they'll be able to find
whatever it is they've been looking for. Friendship, acceptance,
security, salvation… they'll be able to find it together.
Of that, I'm absolutely sure.
~owari~