Saturday April 25: Today was the second and last day of the two day party in my dorm known affectionately as Spring Orgy. Most college parties in a dorm where the only rules are you break it you buy it and no sheep no goats are pretty crazy anyways, but Spring Orgy generally has events that push it over the top. This year, that event was a KY slide. Drunk people sliding down the hallway on a sheet of water/soap/lube/anything-that-is-slippery always makes for good entertainment. The only problem is that this was in the hallway right outside my door. Thanks to some luck and a crap-load of towels my room was salvaged without excessive amounts of water seeping under the door.
Also, there may or may not have been strippers for a bachelor party that may or may not have happened for our Professor in Residence that could possibly be getting married.
Monday, April 5th: War games started today. It is an every-man-for-himself, campus wide, Nerf gun war among members of the Mallet Assembly. It is great seeing students walking around campus with bright orange Nerf guns, dodging behind bushes and trees. Sadly, yours truly was knocked out in the first day.
Tuesday, March 30th: Firecrackers and toilets don�t mix, remember that kids. This has been scientifically proven, thanks to a physics experiment involving� you guessed it� a firecracker (the size of one black cat) and a toilet. I say scientifically proven, I mean some guys lit a firecracker, threw it into a toilet, and ran away giggling like little schoolgirls. The bottom of the toilet was blown out, rendering it unusable� which kind of sucks because it was the best toilet in there, and hence the one I enjoyed taking a crap in (which is probably too much information for all of you).
January (specific date not remembered): Some students (cough the stoners cough cough) pooled their money together and bought a tarantula, dubbing it the official Mallet Assembly Spider. Within 20 minutes the spider was dropped and shortly after died of injuries sustained from the fall. I�d feel sorry for the spider� being stuck in the care of stoners and all� but I dislike spiders anyway.
Tuesday, January 6th: The oldest and nastiest couch in the dorm is dragged into the hallway (right outside my room) and hacked to pieces with a hatchet, a hacksaw and an axe. Why someone had a hatchet, a hacksaw and an axe is beyond me, but the most baffling part of this occurence is the fact that all parties involved were sober. A rarity in this dorm.
November (specific date not remembered): Drop tested a printer from a third floor window� it didn�t survive the fall.
Friday, August 27th: Birdman (a lot of stories about this guy) gets drunk, and passes out. Upperclassmen draw tic-tac-toe games and a swaztica on his face with a sharpie. They then do other things to him. I'll just leave it at enema bottle and not go into details. Note: Birdman doesn't look at his face in the mirror and goes to class the next day with the stuff on his face.
Thursday, August 21st: Various inebriated freshman decide to take skateboards into the hall and sakte around. The skating degrades to luging (not sure if that is a real word, but it obviously means to luge [think winter olympics]). This somewhat scatterbrained activity does not prove to be dangerous enough, so the skaters continue to luge, but this time with two skaters at opposite ends of the hallway, headed towards each other. Basicaly it is a game of chicken, but lying on your back on a skateboard going down a narrow hallway limits your manouvering options so now it is just inebriated freshmen running in to each other on skateboards. Eventualy there was a ramp set up, but before any mid-air collisions could take place, the senior monitor put a stop to the whole thing. Apparently people in the dorm actually try to sleep.
Wednesday, August 20th: Bishop, failing to see the potential hazards, allows himself to be duct taped to a swivel chair. During an executive meeting in the dorm, a fellow dorm mate, taking full advantage of Bishop's incapacitated state, approaches Bishop with fly unzipped (not homo just funny). While trying to avoid imminent contact with male genetalia, Bishop falls over in the chair. Of course the chair is still attached to him (or vice versa depending on how you look at it), so the chair goes with him. Much laughing from those present.
Wednesday, August 20th: Birdman spills entire can of latex based paint on floor of dorm room, which pisses off roommate greatly (luckily not me).
Monday, August 18th: Birdman proceeds to get tremenduously drunk and shock himself 16 times with a cattle prod.