Then came another blow, I was arrested for drink-driving. And whilst I was waiting for the court hearing I managed to get myself arrested again for the same offence. Things were pretty bleak and I was looking at a prison sentence. So I did something that seemed utterly reasonable to me in my completely unreasonable state and jumped bail and left the country !
Three months later, having drunk a few major cities dry, I returned to the UK, penniless, homeless and with a warrant out for my arrest. I had hit absolute rock bottom. After arriving back in the country I spent three days on a bender, spending the last of my cash on alcohol in the sure knowledge that I was going to prison at some point. On the evening of the third day home I walked into a police station and gave myself up. I was placed in cells overnight prior to my court appearance the very next morning.
Fortunately a very good lawyer defended me on legal aid and I was given a three year driving ban and a year's probation. It was the wake up call that I needed. I sat there in court, unwashed, scruffy, homeless, handcuffed to a prison guard and an alcoholic to boot. A far cry from the sharp suits and beautiful life I had so recently left behind.
Things took an upturn, I met a girl from the north of the country and, after a period of courting, moved up to be with her. I got a job in engineering and we eventually moved into a house together. But still the drinking was there. Over time it got worse again until I was unable to control it or my behaviour anymore and I decided to try to stop it once and for all.I did my first home detox (see the section on links for details on detox options) in November 2002.
I stayed dry for three weeks afterwards. The first period in my life for over ten years where I had not had a drink every single day. I thought I was in control and started having the odd drink, kidding myself that I didn't need it. Gradually it grew worse and worse until I was back at stage one again. I was spending in excess of a hundred pounds a week on alcohol and it was only going to be a matter of time before I lost my wonderful new life again not to mention the fact that I was slowly poisoning myself.
So it was that I did my second detox and I have stayed dry since. I have a different attitude now, I know that I am one of those people who can't have the odd drink, I'm an all or nothing person. So I have comitted myself to complete abstinence. I have changed and my attitude has changed, I remind myself daily how good it feels not to throw up in the morning, how much better everything tastes and feels without alcohol. I have clarity of thought, energy and enthusiasm in place of the sickness and lethargy that alcohol gave me.
In August of this year (2004) I am marrying the most beautiful, patient, kind, loving and giving woman that I have ever met. She is my rock and if that's not worth fighting for, nothing is.
I am a recovering alcoholic, I always will be. The difference this time is that I am bigger than the drink. I know that the battle is fought daily...
But I hate to lose, at anything.
