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A Dream Is A Wish Your Heart Makes Chapter 34 Early morning sunlight streamed through the window onto the two occupants of the room. Kevin remained where he had been all night � sitting in a chair across from the bed, watching Kristy as she lay asleep. His eyes focused on her face, watching for the first sign that she was waking up. He couldn�t help but notice how the light played on her flawless skin and golden hair, truly making her look like an angel to him. Kevin realized that this was what he wanted to wake up to every day. Kristy felt the sunlight on her face, but didn�t open her eyes as she snuggled a little deeper under the blankets. Her mind remained partially in its dream-state, but reality was intruding. She felt uneasy, like something awful had happened � though she couldn�t fully grasp what it was as she hovered between dreams and reality. She squeezed her eyes shut � wanting to remain asleep and ignore what the real world held in store for her. Kevin watched her stir and felt his heart constrict as her peaceful expression was replaced by a slight frown as she struggled to stay asleep. Kristy was close to drifting back to sleep when she had the feeling that someone was watching her. Her eyes flew open and she involuntarily moved back as she saw Kevin sitting across from her. "What are you doing here?!" Despite preparing himself for the worst, Kristy�s reaction tore Kevin�s heart in two. She�d visibly moved away from him � like being too close to him put her in danger. Kevin took a deep breath. "We need to talk." "I don�t have anything to say to you." Kristy sat up, pulling the blanket with her. "Okay, but I have a lot you need to hear. Please?" Kristy heard the softness in his voice, but couldn�t forget the reality of what had happened the night before. He�d hurt her like no one else ever had � like no one else ever could. She remained sitting at the head of the bed, her back pressed against the headboard, and nodded slowly. "I�m not exactly sure how to start," Kevin said, standing and moving to the bed. His heart ached as Kristy pulled the covers closer and pressed herself against the headboard even more. He sat at the edge of the bed, and turned to her. "I was up all night, trying to come up with the right words to tell you how I feel � to let you know how much you mean to me � and to try to explain the way I�ve been lately." Kristy didn�t say anything, but realized for the first time that Kevin was still wearing his clothes from last night, and that his eyes were red and irritated. She wanted to contribute it to the amount of alcohol he�d consumed, not yet believing that he�d spent a sleepless, agonizing night by her side. Part of her recognized the sincerity of his words, but she wasn't willing to put herself through that again. "Last night was possibly the worst night of my life." Kevin talked to his hands � folded in his lap. He couldn�t bear to see the anger and pain in Kristy�s eyes. Kristy watched him and could see he was upset � but made no move to make him feel less so. �Good,� she thought, �Now you know how I felt.� "I behaved horribly� and worse, treated you badly. You didn�t deserve any of that." He raised emotional green eyes to the woman in front of him. "I�m so sorry I hurt you, Baby. I was an ass and you have every reason to hate me. I only hope that after you hear me out, you can find it in your heart to forgive me� and give us another chance." Kristy�s eyes widened slightly. He wanted another chance? Her heart and mind did battle, wanting to believe him � yet afraid to let him in again. "Do you remember the first night we spent together - I mean, really together?" Kristy nodded slowly, knowing he was referring to the night after Allen's attack. "I didn't sleep that night either." Kevin's admission surprised Kristy. "I spent the whole night holding you in my arms and thinking about how much you meant to me. I used to think that was the hardest night of my life." Kristy's forehead creased as she listened to him talk. "I had to lie there with the knowledge that you'd been hurt because of me." "What?" Kristy shook her head. How could Kevin blame himself for what Allen had done? "The reason Allen went after you was to get to me. He admitted he wanted to hurt me... and nothing could hurt me more than hurting you. I thought I could let it go, but every time you had a nightmare, it tore me up inside." Kristy realized what Kevin was saying. That feeling of safety she had whenever she was in his arms... the sound of his voice in the night. 'Kristy, it�s okay. I�m here.' Kristy's eyes widened as she remembered what her subconscious had always known. 'Shhh, Princess. You�re safe. I won�t let anything hurt you.' It had been Kevin who'd comforted her in the daytime, and chased away her fear at night. "I remember." Kevin looked up and saw the tears in Kristy's eyes. He moved towards her, holding her gaze with his and reaching for her hand. Her skin felt so soft and warm as he caressed the back of her hand with his thumb. "That night I knew I loved you more than anything in this world. But I was scared, because I realized that by loving you, I put you at risk... that some other 'Allen' could hurt you. And I would die if anything happened to you, Kris." Kristy squeezed his hand slightly as she sat and listened. Everything Kevin had said so far only reinforced the fact that they loved each other. Yet, it still didn't explain why they'd gotten so distant or why he'd acted that way the night before. Kevin saw that she was still torn. As much as he didn't want to hurt her anymore, she had to know the whole story. "So, lying beside you, holding you in my arms, I made the hardest decision I've ever made. I decided that to keep you safe, I couldn't have you in my life." Kristy's brow furrowed. "But, I was already in your life." Kevin nodded. "I know, and things were going too well to just tell you I didn't want to be with you - you would've known it was a lie. You had to want to leave me." Kristy felt her cheeks flush as she understood the depth of Kevin's last statement. "And you knew there wasn't any reason for me to leave with things as they were." Kevin nodded again. "So you started to push me away." "I wanted you to think I wasn't really the person you thought you knew... that way it would be my problem, not yours. Unfortunately, it's not like I could just stop loving you - I ended up making it harder than if I'd broken up with you out of the blue. So, I decided that last night..." "You'd end it for good," Kristy finished for him. Kevin sighed, his eyes searching hers for some sign of understanding. Kristy shook her head, her eyes filling with tears. "How dare you?" Kevin remained sitting on the edge of the bed as Kristy pulled away from him again. He saw her struggle with her emotions, tears gently falling from anger-filled eyes. "I've waited my whole life to find this kind of love... I'd begun to think I'd never find it. But then I met you and let myself hope that it was possible. "Even though from the beginning I knew I was taking a chance. Dating someone in the music business - let alone 'a Backstreet Boy' - isn't my reality. Then add the 'preconceived notion' of fanfic... I was worried I'd be let down. But I wasn't... loving you was easier and better than I ever could've imagined." Kevin edged towards her, but Kristy moved away from him, crawling out of the bed. "But you were willing to throw it away because it got hard." Kristy couldn't contain the tears any longer as they spilled down her cheeks. "No, I only did it because I love you. I wanted to protect you." Kristy sent Kevin a look filled with disbelief, sadness, and anger. "I don't want your 'protection'. You have this misguided sense of nobility that makes you think I need rescuing... I don't. And I don't need you making decisions about MY life." "I was wrong." Kevin looked at her, trying to fight his own tears. "I was so wrong." Kristy shook her head and moved to stand by the window. Kevin watched her shoulders shake as she continued to cry, her anger fading. "You'd push me away, and then you'd pull me back. And each time I told myself I wouldn't let you, 'cause it hurt too much to be pushed away again. But I always let you... and each time it hurt even more." Kristy's voice broke with a sob and Kevin felt the lump in his throat grow. "I love you, Princess. I promise I'll never hurt you again." Kristy turned to Kevin, her eyes reflecting all the hurt from the previous weeks. "But you promised you'd never hurt me to begin with." "Kristy, please..." Kristy shook her head, tears streaming down her face. "Kevin, you've had me on an emotional roller coaster... and I want off. I can't keep doing this." Kevin sat frozen as Kristy moved away from the window. He'd destroyed the best thing in his life. He dropped his head down as Kristy walked past the bed. He didn't want his last memory of her to be the sight of her walking out on him. Kevin let the tears he'd been holding back fall freely. "My Angel..." he whispered. He closed his eyes as his heart broke in two. The room was quiet except for the sounds of soft crying. Kevin remained sitting on the bed, his head bent with his eyes closed - the soft touch of a hand on his causing him to raise his head. He opened teary eyes to see Kristy, also crying, kneeling before him. "So from here on out, we're a team... got it?" Kevin's eyes widened as he realized she was really still there. He brought his hand to the side of her face and slowly caressed her cheek, wiping the tears away. He lowered his head, searching her expressive hazel eyes - which told him more than any words could say. Their lips met in a sweet, gentle, soul-binding kiss. They slowly broke apart and Kevin helped Kristy from her place on the floor onto his lap, wrapping her in his arms. He held her tightly - if left up to him, he'd never let go. His hands caressed her back and ran over her silky blond hair and he kissed her temple, then forehead, then eyelids, then cheeks - finally brushing his lips over hers slowly. "I love you so much," he murmured in her ear as he pulled her close to him again. Kristy held on to Kevin as closely as he held her. She loved him too deeply to give up on them. She knew they had a lot to work out... she'd forgiven, but she wouldn't forget - at least not for awhile. She believed that those who didn't remember the past were doomed to repeat it, and she had no intentions of doing that. Kristy traced random patterns on Kevin's back as they continued to sit on the bed, wrapped in each other's arms. She felt Kevin's breathing even out and his head rested against hers. "Kev? Oh sweetie, you didn't sleep last night." She pulled back from his embrace. "Do you want to take a nap?" She knew the others wouldn't be up for several hours, though she knew everyone would be anxious to know how they were. Between staying up all night and the emotional morning thus far, Kevin was drained... but knew there was only one way he'd be able to get any sleep. "Only if you stay with me." "Always."Next: Chapter 35 |