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Wishing On Nothing Chapter 8 Nick looked a little shocked and didn�t say anything so I went out. �I don�t have her anymore I had to give her up for adoption and I wish I wouldn�t have now. But I couldn�t handle it myself.� I said thinking of the moment when I took a final look at my first child. He still didn�t say anything but I wasn�t surprised at all. �I didn�t want it if that is what you think, Nick. He raped me but I loved him and I didn�t want him to do that but it�s not like I could fight him. He had power over me. He never knew I was going to have his baby because I got fed up with what he was doing to me and I killed him in self defense.� I said quietly. �I am so sorry!� He said. �Don�t pity me. That�s not what I need. I am fine.� I said. �How can you say you are fine? Obviously it had some effect on you. I mean why did you come here?� He asked. �Truthfully? I don�t know. Maybe because he was the only guy to ever love me and make me feel wanted and loved. Maybe because I know that he will be the only one to ever do that.� I said. �Love is not hitting or abusing someone.� Nick said. �He didn�t always do that. He loved me more than anyone ever would and I killed him and sometimes I wish I wouldn�t have.� I said. �How do you know someone won�t come and love you more than he ever did?� Nick asked. �Because I won�t let anyone love me like that anymore. It hurt the first time and still does and I am not going through it all again.� I said. �Everything comes with pain but the perfect person to love you could be right in front of your eyes and you still wouldn�t do anything?� He asked. �No, I wouldn�t. I don�t want to put anyone through my life and who I am. I can barely stand it myself. I mean look at me. I have killed someone, had a daughter, and I am only 19.� I said. �Really? I thought you were much older.� He said. �Yeah well life has been kind and made me add a few years to my skin.� I said. �Why don�t we go back?� He asked. �No I am going to go home. Maybe I will see ya around and maybe I won�t.� I said and started to get up. �You are leaving just like that?� Nick asked me. �Yeah. What do you want from me?� I asked. �To be a part of my life.� He said. �I�m sorry Nick but it is not that easy.� I said and got into my car and drove off. I turned the radio on just as the DJ said �and now the Backstreet Boys with �All I Have To Give�� and I started to listen to the words. I could tell which one Nick was even though this was my second time hearing the song. The part that really made me think was �I don�t know what he does to make you cry but I�ll be there to make you smile� and I knew it was Nick singing. If only it really was that easy. I got back home and got ready for bed. I did my usual and cried myself to sleep thinking the same thing I always did before I go to sleep. When will someone save me? But I didn�t even think about Nick being the one.Next: Chapter 9 |