Part II: The Crazies *_*

 

            Ranma grumbled after the two girls as they began their little girl talk.  Damn Akane.  That hurt.  Well, you deserved it, moron.  You were practically asking for it, his inner voice said.  Ranma snorted.  But he wondered what had been that comment about déjà vu.  Did Kagome do that sort of thing with her boyfriend too?  Ranma sighed.  No wonder the two were best friends.

            Ranma caught up behind them and tried to get into the conversation.  “So, Kagome, do you take Martial Arts too, like Akane?”

            Akane and Kagome looked up at him.  Kagome smiled.  “Iie, unfortunately.  It wouldn’t do me much good.  Everything out there is much stronger than me, physically anyway.  I’m better off with a projectile.  I’m thinking of getting into the archery club so I can get better faster.”

            Akane nodded.  “So, he doesn’t complain about you so much anymore, huh?”

            “Ah…”

            Ranma blinked.  Okay, he was lost again.  “What do you mean ‘he’?  Kagome’s boyfriend?  He wants her to do archery?  Are you at least good at it, Kagome, or are you a beginner?”

            Kagome shrugged.  “In my past life I was a good archer.  I’m much better now than when I first started.  Now I can actually hit the demons and not him.”

            Ranma’s eyes widened.  So, that’s why her boyfriend wanted her to practice.  She’d almost pegged him a few times.  Makes sense.  Wait a minute.  Demons?

            “Whoa, wait up a minute, Kagome.  Demons?  You and your boyfriend pick fights with demons?  I’m not saying it’s weird…it’s just unusual.”

            Kagome shrugged.  “Well, I am the reincarnation of a powerful Miko, and youkai have a tendency of hunting me down as well as me going after them.  You could say it’s my job…but I’m only doing it for him.”

            “Ouch.”

            Akane nodded and turned to Ranma.  “Exactly my point, Ranma.  Kagome’s been under a lot of stress lately with this demon hunting she’s doing and school and boy problems on top of that.  She’s been in more life or death situations recently than I care to recount.  She needs a vacation, so let’s make sure she has fun here, kay?” [Oh yeah…]

            Ranma shrugged.  “Sure.  But from what I’ve been hearing these things probably follow her around everywhere.  Her boyfriend was okay with letting her come all the way here alone?”

            Kagome sighed.  “He doesn’t know I’m gone yet.”

            “Oh boy.”

            Kagome nodded.  “Mm.  ‘Oh boy’.  When he finds out where I am he’s going to high tail it over here.  I hope you don’t mind a little more action than necessary, Ranma.  Because once he gets here all hell will probably break loose.”

            Ranma grinned.  “Really?  Does that mean this guy can fight?”

            Kagome nodded.  “Oh yeah.  He can fight.  He can probably kill you too.  But if he gets out of hand, I’ll control him.”

            Ranma lifted an eyebrow at that comment, but his mind drifted to the expectation of a good spar.  From that description, the guy was probably better than Ryoga!  A better sparring partner!  Ranma had been severely lacking a good challenge lately and now he was looking forward to this guy’s arrival.  Hold up.  He still hadn’t gotten his name.

            “Hey, Kagome—”

            “Nyao!!  Please!  Won’t you meee-arry me?!  Please!  I’ll make a good husband, I swear!!  Nyao!  Please meee-arry me?” [O.o]

            The three stood in silence as a giant ghost cat ran by them, chasing after a young girl.  She screamed the whole way past them while the cat continued to ask her to marry him.

            Kagome looked at Ranma and Akane.  “We did just see a giant ghost cat run by chasing a girl and asking her to marry him, didn’t we?”

            Ranma groaned.  “Yeah, we did.”

            Kagome nodded.  “Just making sure.  Do you want me to help the cat pass on?”

            Ranma blinked.  “You…can do that?”

            Akane nodded.  “Kagome comes from a shrine family.  She’s done this many times.  She helped a little girl stop from becoming an evil spirit a while ago.”

            “Really?  That’s im—”

            “THERE YOU ARE RANMA SAOTOME!!  HOW DARE YOU BETRAY AKANE WITH ANOTHER GIRL LIKE THAT?!  AND IN FRONT OF HER NO LESS!!  DIE, RANMA!!”

            Ranma turned and managed to lift his leg fast enough to stop Ryoga’s charge and knock him on his butt.  “Oh, god, Ryoga!  Why don’t you ask what’s going on before charging head first?”

            Akane rolled her eyes.  “Oh, Ryoga.  Don’t be silly.  This is my best friend, Kagome Higurashi from Tokyo.  She’s come for a visit.  We were just talking.”  Akane turned to Kagome, but her friend was trying to stifle her laughter.  “Kagome…?”

            Kagome laughed and waved at Ryoga.  “Konnichiwa, Ryoga-kun.”  She giggled again.  “You remind me of someone I know.  It’s a pleasure to meet you.  I’ve heard a lot about you from Akane.”

            Ryoga’s eyes focused finally from Ranma’s kick and his jaw dropped as he stared at Kagome.  “You’re…Akane’s best friend?  Wow!  Not only is Akane beautiful, but so is her best friend!”  He stood up and grabbed Kagome’s hands.  “It’s a pleasure to meet you too!”  He bowed over her hands.

            Kagome giggled.  “At least you’re a lot more polite than the person you remind me of.” [and we all know who this is, ne, minna?]

            Ranma blinked.  “Who does he remind you of, Kagome?”

            Akane grinned and looked at Kagome.  “That Kouga guy, right?”

            Kagome nodded.  “You know how Ryoga-kun is your rival in battle and for Akane, Ranma?”  Ranma nodded slowly, not really wanting to admit it.  “Well, Kouga-kun is basically the same thing to us.  That’s why Ryoga reminds me of him.”

            “So, this Kouga guy is a severe pain in the ass?”

            “RANMA!!” Ryoga bellowed.

            Kagome nodded.  “Pretty much.”

Akane groaned.  “Kagome, you’re terrible.”

Kagome shrugged her shoulders and continued.  “It’s true.  He’s nice too, but definitely annoys the heck out of—”

“Ranma darling!”

“Ranma honey!”

“Nihao, Ranma!”

Ranma cursed as Kodachi, Ukyo, and Shampoo jumped on him.  The three sent Ryoga crashing into a nearby wall.  Ranma struggled to get them off.  “Get off of me!!”

Akane groaned as the three girls dropped in on them.  “Oh no.  Couldn’t they have waited till we got you settled first?”

Kagome blinked as she stared at the women attacking Ranma.  One of them looked eerily like Sango.  When he finally managed to get free, he jumped behind Kagome and Akane.  Akane gave him a narrowed look.

“What are you doing, Ranma?  They’re your problem.”

“You say that like I wanted it!”

“You’re the one who got engaged to all three of them.”

Kagome’s jaw dropped.  “Are you serious, Akane?  I know you told me they were also engaged to him, but I thought it was their ideas, not Ranma’s.”

Ranma shook his head.  “Oyaji sold me off to practically all the girls in China just to get some food.  I’m pretty much engaged to the entirety of China and Japan thanks to him.  Ukyo is one of them.  Shampoo has this stupid Chinese Amazon tradition that says that if a man beats a member of the tribe she has to marry him.  If I’d known that ahead of time, I never would have picked a fight with an Amazon!  As for Kodachi…she came up with it on her own.”

Kagome blinked at Ranma’s explanation.  She turned to Akane.  Her friend nodded.  That was the whole story of those three.  When Kagome turned to the three women they were all eyeing her evilly.

Ukyo spoke first.  “Ranma honey, who is this girl?”

Kodachi humphed.  “Another rival for my Ranma darling’s heart?  I’m warning you, you look too frail to compete with me!  Oh ho ho ho!” @_@

Shampoo jumped in front of Kagome.  “You’re pretty, but Shampoo much better looking.  You no win Ranma from Shampoo!”

Kagome stared at them for a beat and then burst out laughing.  “Iya, iya!  I’m not a rival for Ranma!  I’m Akane’s best friend from Tokyo prefecture here for a visit and a vacation!  I’m not interested in Ranma-kun at all!”

The harsh looks on the girls’ faces suddenly faded.  Ukyo grinned.  “You mean you’ve already got a boyfriend?”

“For lack of a better word, hai,” Kagome said with a smile.

The three blinked.  Ukyo shrugged.  “Whatever.  I’m Ukyo.  Okonomiyaki cook extraordinare!”  Kagome smiled at the Sango look-alike.

Shampoo bounced.  “I Shampoo!  Amazon Warrior and Ramen cook!”

“And I…” the girl with the wavy black hair said, black rose petals suddenly appearing out of nowhere and billowing about her.  “Am Kodachi Kuno, the Black Rose! Oh ho ho ho ho ho ho!”

Kagome rolled her eyes.  Oh boy.  Akane wasn’t kidding when she said these people were wackos.  “I’m Kagome Higurashi, Akane no tomodachi and Miko-in-training.”  Kagome gave them a small bow.

“Wow,” Ukyo murmured.  “Miko-in-training?  Does that mean you’ve got magic powers or something?”

Kagome smiled.  “I can blow up anything that’s evil.  Especially, when I get really mad.  I can sense power in things and people and I can sense youkai—”

“Speaking of which, do you sense that?  My flesh is crawling—”

“DAMN YOU, RANMA!!”

“Not now, Ryoga.”  Ranma knocked him down again.

There was silence in the group.  Kagome shivered.  Ranma was right… the presence of evil… Not a youkai, but still evil…

Suddenly a small shadowy figure appeared before Kagome, saliva dripping from its wrinkled face.  “New blood…”

“KKKYYYYAAAAA!!” Kagome screamed and stepped back.

Ranma’s fist sent the thing into the concrete, a vein was pulsing on Ranma’s head.  Kagome blinked and looked toward the thing that had been about to attack her.

It was a short, withered old man.

“You old…freak.  Ganging up on Akane’s friend like that…” Ranma lifted the old man from the floor by the back of his shirt.  “Don’t you have any decency at all?!”

Happousai grinned evilly as he faced Ranma and squirted the boy with a toy water gun filled with ice water.  Ranma promptly transformed and coughed, tossing the old man away from him.  “Ack!  That’s cold!!  Damn you, you old freak!  What'd you do that for?!”

Kagome could only stare in shock at Ranma.  It really was true.  Ranma did turn into a girl.  Kagome grinned.  This was funny, but what about that…?

Happousai was on the floor wriggling his way toward Kagome.  She gave a light screech and stepped back, closer to Akane.  Akane’s eye was ticking.  “Grandpa Happousai, you little lecher.  Didn’t Ranma’s pounding teach you anything?  I’m not going let you do a thing to Kagome!”

“But Akane… I just wanted to say hello to your beautiful friend in my own special way.  She’s so lovely and I just wanted to snuggle a little and grab a quick feel…”

Blue lines appeared on Kagome’s face.  Na-nani?  Was he talking about…?

“Please, Akane.  Just a quick feel?  It’s rare we get such a pretty girl around these parts.  Ranma is bountiful, but he isn’t half as cute as she is!”

Ranma picked up the old man by the shirt again, but before he could pound him, someone grabbed him from behind and grabbed Ranma’s breasts.

“Pigtailed girl!!  Oh, where have you been, my love?!”

“AAACCKKK!!!  LET ME GO!!!”

Ryoga muttered, “Pervert” under his breath, while Shampoo and Ukyo immediately went to Ranma’s rescue.

“Let Ranma go, you stupid blockhead!”

“Release Ranma honey, or your going to get a spatula in the head!”

Both girls sent Kuno flying into the distance, his index finger, thumb and pinky extended in the traditional shape.  Kagome just stared in surprise as he vanished into the sky.  She turned to Akane.  “That was…?”

“Kuno.”

“Oh.”

            Shampoo and Ukyo wiped their hands.  Kodachi approached Ranma with a pissed look.  “You redheaded slut!  What did you do with my Ranma darling?  I will find where you have hidden him!”  She turned around and jumped off into the distance, black rose petals following her.  “Ranma darliiinnggg~?!!  Where are you, dearest?!  Your Black Rose is here!  Oh ho ho ho ho!”

            Silence.

            Kagome looked at Akane.  “That was weird.”

            Akane rolled her eyes.  “You have no idea.”

            Wriggle, wriggle.  Kagome sensed an evil presence approaching her and saw Happousai coming at her again.  She cringed and stepped back.  “Kyaaa…!”

            “I wouldn’t do that if I were you, old man.”

            Happousai turned to Ranma with a smirk.  “Really, Ranma?  And why not?  Such a lovely specimen… all I want is just one little cuddle, that’s all.”

            “She’s got a boyfriend.”

            Happousai lifted a wrinkled brow.  “And is he here?”

            “Tsk, tsk, tsk.  Shame on you, Happy.  Picking on a poor girl like that.  And a girl with a boyfriend no less.  I’m sure he’ll be trouble, eh, girlie?”

            Shampoo clapped with glee.  “Grandma!”

            Ranma groaned.  “Oh, great.  The old crone is here too, now.”

            Cologne humphed.  “You should show more respect for your elders, Son-in-law.”

            “I’m not your son-in-law,” Ranma growled at her.

            Happousai nodded.  “Yes…you should show more respect for your elders.”  He turned back to Kagome.  “So come on, missy.  Let’s feel them delicious little beauties.”

            A vein cracked.  Kagome had had enough.  She stepped forward, her eyes narrowed, emanating a raging, evil aura.  She was shrouded in blue and her eyes glowed a dangerous red.  Happousai looked up at her and gave a little shriek.  “If you know what’s good for you, you wouldn’t dare.  I’m dating a youkai right now and he’ll slice and dice you if he ever found out you touched me.  You may be a demon yourself…but he’s a real one.”

            Happousai skirted back.

Cologne gave a light whistle.  “This girl does have some power.  Dating a youkai, eh?  Courageous.  We might actually have some interesting things going on in this dull town for a while.”

Happousai gulped.  “Nevermind.  No one wants to touch a girl that scary… Then again…”

            POW!

            The old man went flying of into the distance.  A vein pulsed on Ranma and Ryoga’s hands.  Both had punched the pervert into the distance.  Ukyo was heating up some water for Ranma while Shampoo bounced up and down clapping.

Cologne rolled her eyes.  “Shampoo come home soon.  It’s getting late.”

“Yes, Grandma!”

            Kagome looked at Akane and heaved a sigh.  “Are we missing anyone?”

            Akane was about to open her mouth when suddenly they heard a “SHAMPOO!!” coming toward them.

Akane sighed.  “He’s the last one.”

Mousse suddenly burst in landing on the kettle, spilling the hot water.

“Aaahh!!  You moron, look what you did, Mousse!!” Ranma bellowed.

Ryoga burst out laughing.  “HA!  Serves you right, Ranma—”

Ryoga was cut off when Ranma punched him into the distance, Ryoga’s hands also making the traditional hand symbol.

Ranma heaved.  “Damn it!!  Why does this always happen to me?!”

“Ranma Saotome!!  What have you done with my beautiful Shampoo?!  Where is she?!”

“Uh…”

Ranma turned around to see Mousse challenging a stunned Kagome.  She smiled lightly.  “A-no… Gomen—Mousse was it?—I’m not Ranma.  He’s over there, in girl form.  I’m Kagome Higurashi.”

“What?!  You’re not Ranma?  Then where…?”

“Stupid Mousse.”

Mousse whirled around.  “Shampoo?  Oh, my beautiful Shampoo!  I’ve been looking everywhere for you!”  He clasped Ranma’s hands.  Ranma looked at Mousse through narrowed eyes.  Why didn’t the moron have his glasses on?  “Come my darling Shampoo!  Let’s go home!” He wrapped his arms around Ranma.

Veins popped up all over Ranma’s head.  “LET…ME…GO…!!!”  He sent Mousse flying after Ryoga.

Ranma heaved and heaved.  He turned to Ukyo and Shampoo.  The only two loons left.  “We’d like to get Kagome to the dojo now if that’s okay.  Do you mind giving us some peace?”

Ukyo smiled.  “Sure, Ranma honey.  After all, Kagome already has a boyfriend…or whatever, and we don’t have to worry her putting moves on you.  Hope you have a nice time here, Kagome!”

Shampoo nodded.  “Shampoo see you soon, Ranma!  You think of Shampoo while she gone, promise?”

The two jumped off with a wave.

The three were finally alone again.  Kagome sighed and looked at Akane and Ranma.  “And you two have to deal with them all of the time?”  Akane and Ranma nodded.  “Nevermind, I’d rather deal with youkai than these people.”

Akane and Ranma nodded in agreement and then continued toward the Tendo dojo.