Part I
The
chrysalis shimmered rainbow colors in the moonlight. It had been
made by a caterpillar in the fall. All winter it had hung here.
But now it was spring, and the chrysalis was about to open. The
chrysalis was gently vibrating now, as the tenant within awoke. A
split appeared at one end. Slowly, the split widened, until the
chrysalis broke apart.
Out came a middle-aged woman with curlers in her hair. She looked
around, stomped out her cigarette, and walked to the edge of the
road, where she extended her arm and stuck out her thumb.
Coming down the road was a cow. On the cow's back was a small
granite garden gnome wearing an enormous pair of sunglasses. Upon
seeing the hitchhiker, the gnome quickly engaged the reverse
thrusters, launching the cow into outer space. However, he could
not steer the cow, because it kept jumping over the moon.
Finally, he landed on the moon and put the cow in neutral. As the
cow munched on some green cheese, the gnome studied a map.
Finally, he put the cow back in gear and sped off to a huge
ballroom where hundreds of little people were dancing with all
sorts of animals.
At one end of the ballroom, there was a huge pit full of pies. At
midnight, a clock slowly chimed. At this, the dancers all ran to
the edge of the pit and jumped in! Pie-filling flew everywhere.
The little people and animals began swimming to and fro in a sea
of pie-filling. Suddenly, a giraffe stopped swimming, stuck its
long neck out of the sea of pie filling, and said, "I'm
tired of this! Every night we do the same thing! Can't we do
something different for a change?" The others pronounced the
giraffe a heretic and sentenced it to be exiled to Bermuda.
The giraffe sadly boarded the ship that was to take it to
Bermuda. On board the ship were five goats, an orangutang, three
ducks, and a horde of pirates. The captain was afraid that
something would happen to his fancy clothes, so he dove
overboard, where he was accidently swallowed by a manatee.
The captain lived in the manatee's stomach. Eventually, he
befriended the manatee and began to call him "Pokey."
And Pokey began to call the man "Cap." Pokey told Cap
about how he had lost his fin in the Underwater War of '52.
One day, Pokey took Cap to the secret Mermaid's Ball, where they
saw an octopus dancing with a squid. Cap stuck his head out of
Pokey's mouth for a better look, but the mermaids saw him and
used their long green hair as a net to capture him. They then
imprisoned him in a giant clam-shell while awaiting the arrival
of their queen.
Finally, the Queen of the Deep arrived, surrounded by a bodyguard
of sharks. She was riding a huge white seahorse. Atop her head
was a tiara of pearls. She raised her enchanted wand and released
the prisoner. She told him that fate had brought him there
because the only way mermaids can have children is with the aid
of a human male.
Cap agreed to do his best to help each and every one of the
mermaids. He was then escorted by two narwhals to a very nice
room in the Upside-Down Palace at the bottom of the sea. As Cap
was relaxing, there was a knock at the door. It was a singing
telegram from Pokey, warning Cap about an approaching submarine.
The approaching mini-sub was yellow with a big smiley-face on the
front and a cat's tail on the back. It passed through the area
without incident, but later was swept up in a hurricane, which
tossed the tiny sub onto the shore of an uncharted desert isle,
where the skipper took off his hat and smacked the first mate
over the head with it, saying, "Gilligan, you fool!"
Suddenly, the music stopped. Everyone rushed to find a seat, and
the one left standing was none other than Skipper. Thus he was
cursed to wander the Earth forever until he can find the perfect
tea, which, unbeknownst to our hero, is made only by the mermaids
of the ocean.
Our hero began this fateful quest by shaping some tofu into a
likeness of the Sphinx, which then came alive and said, "If
you can answer my riddle, then I will answer one question for
you. But if you can not answer my riddle, then I will eat
you."
And the riddle was "What goes up must...."
"Finish it!" demanded the Sphinx. "I will give you
five seconds to answer. 5...4...3...2..."
"WAIT!" yelled Skipper. "Give me a hint,
PLEASE!"
The Sphinx replied, "You want a HINT? A HINT? Okay, HERE'S
your HINT!" and with that, the Sphinx tied a large
lobster-bib around its neck and got out a large knife and fork.
"How's THAT for a Hint ?"
Skipper yelled again, "Wait! Give me another hint!
PLEASE!"
The Sphynx roared back, "You want ANOTHER hint? HERE'S your
HINT!" grabbing Skipper and throwing him up in the air with
all its might.
Skipper flew up into the clouds, and he almost seemed to hover
for a moment in their fuzzy whiteness before coming down.
Suddenly he realized the answer to the riddle as he plummeted
towards the ground. Fortunately, his fall was broken by landing
on an unsuspecting duck.
"QUAAAAAAAAACK!!!"
"What goes up must come down!" said Skipper.
The Sphinx had already worked up an appetite, so it said,
"Best two out of three?" Skipper agreed, so the Sphinx
took a moment to think of a really really hard riddle this time.
Then it said, "What is the average airspeed velocity of an
unladen swallow?"
Skipper replied, "An African or a European swallow?"
The Sphinx said, "What you get when you mate an African
female with a European male swallow."
Skipper replied, "An Asian swallow that is capable of flying
at Mach 13."
"WRONG!" yelled the Sphinx, "The correct answer is
Mach 14!"
"Rats," said Skipper, "That was gonna be my next
guess."
The Sphinx thought up the final deciding riddle. It was "How
many licks does it take to get to the center of a
Tootsie-Pop?"
But nobody ever found out because at that point a swallow stuck
on the front of a Space Shuttle crashed straight into the Sphinx
at Mach 14 (so THAT'S how they do it!) and blew it to
smithereens.
Skipper carefully maneuvered around the crushed Sphinx and
Shuttle and continued on his way. Before long, he came to a
lemonade stand run by Attila the Hun. Skipper ordered a lemonade,
but accidently knocked over the house of cards that Attila had
been building for the past five hours.
When Skipper came to, he did not know where he was. It looked
like the desert. Sitting on a log was a cowboy playing a
harmonica.
The cowboy was actually a troll selling toothpaste. The cowboy
suit, harmonica, and desert were part of a movie set that was
being used for a commercial. The director yelled,
"Action!" so the troll, who called himself Texas Pete,
rattled off the ad for Vitameatavegamin toothpaste. The jingle
went:
"This is the legend of Texas Pete,
Who never brushed his teeth or washed his feet.
He never had to draw his gun,
Because his breath was enough to stun."
At this point, a gunslinger in black swaggered up to Pete and
said, "Pardner, this town ain't big enough for the both of
us."
Pete responded, "Pardner, this town WOULD be big enough for
the both of us if you'd LOSE SOME WEIGHT!"
The gunslinger angrily replied, "Pardner, them's fightin'
words. Ahm a-givin' you three seconds to draw yer gun. 1...
2..."
Pete drew his gun with exceptional speed, so quickly that the
gunslinger didn't even see the pencil move. The gunslinger fell
into Skippers arms, clutching his heart. He looked up at Skipper
and said in the voice of a dying man, "Ack... cough...
remember... to record... Monty Python...."
Then a bright light shone onto them and they heard the words,
"CUT! That's a wrap."
Their work here finished, everyone boarded a jumbo-jet, where
they were waited hand and foot by penguins. There was Wimpy,
Wobbly, Little Klutz, and Fishbreath, the leader, who opened his
tuxedo to reveal a bomb, saying, "Take this plane to
Antarctica!"
Skipper started forward, but the director yelled, "CUT! NO
NO NO! YOU'RE DOING IT ALL WRONG! IT SHOULD BE LIKE..."
We interrupt this story to bring you something completely
different: a cow singing the National Anthem.
"Mooo moo mooo mooo mooo mooooooooooo!"
And now back to our story.
Skipper, the penguins, the director, the film-crew, Bob of the
Boy Scouts, Texas Pete, the cow, the pilot and copilot, the
firemen, the jugglers, and the roller-blading judge in drag were
all dancing and singing the theme-song. All of a sudden the pilot
said, "Hey! Who's flying the plane?" But by then it was
too late, for at that very moment, the airplane crashed into a
mountain made of cottage-cheese.
Thankfully, everyone was alive and unharmed. Only the plane was
totally destroyed in the crash. The director went to the cockpit
to radio for help. All he got was static. He turned to the pilot,
"Can't you do something about this?"
The pilot's head emerged from the rubble of the control panel. He
said, "I'm givin' 'er all she's got! If I push any 'arder
the whole thing'll blow!"
The director turned to the Penguins, "How's our food
supply?" They replied, "Sir, the food was destroyed in
the crash. We are stuck on this cheese mountain with no food, no
water, no radio, no supply of Playboy magazines... WE'RE ALL
GOING TO DIE I TELL YOU! IT'S ALL OVER, OVER I TELL YOU,
OVER!"
Skipper slapped the penguin, "Get a hold of yourself!
Someone will come and save us... if not, well then... we may have
to eat each other in order to survive."
(suspense music)
Suddenly, a tremendous shadow blotted out the sun. It was a giant
preparing to eat his salad topped with cottage cheese. He plunged
in his fork, got a good scoop, and the tiny plane and survivors
were no more than bacon-bits to him as he swallowed.
They found themselves falling down a tunnel, until finally they
landed in a humongous cavern. At one end of the cavern was a
door, and at the other end was a bar, with reggae music and
dancing-girls in grass skirts.
A magician sitting at the bar said, "How do you do? My name
is Shmuckaluckalikethat the Great Annoying One. I have traveled
the world searching for a mighty hero to help me retrieve the
mystic tea. But sadly, the plane that was carrying the hero
crash-landed in a giant bowl of salad. Now I may never find
him."
At this point, the dancing-girls were gathering around Skipper,
muttering something about "The Preordained One."
Shmuckaluckalikethat the Great Annoying One now realized that
Skipper was the preordained hero he had been searching for, so he
went to the door and beckoned for Skipper to follow him. Skipper
followed the magician to the door, turned, and said,
"Where's the bathroom? I haven't gone since the beginning of
the story!"
Shmuckaluckalikethat the Great Annoying One waved his wand, and
in a puff of multicolor smoke, a Port-a-Potty appeared. The door
creaked open, and within was a giant, snarling, sonofagun
rabbit-eating Secret Service agent. He held Skipper back and
said, "Sorry sir, you have to wait." Talking to his
collar, "Sector secure bring him in."
Suddenly a limo pulled up and Bill Clinton stepped out. After
giving a politician's smile and wave, he dissappeared into the
Port-a-Potty. Secret Service men surrounded the Port-a-Potty to
make sure the President was not disturbed. Skipper watched as
Monica Lewinsky entered after Clinton. Skipper then in
frustration said, "To Hell with it. I'll hold it." With
that he turned and followed the magician out the door.
Skipper and the magician traveled for quite a long while.
Finally, they came to a bridge with an evil-looking toll-booth.
Meanwhile, on a nearby full-sized nuclear submarine, the SONAR
man was yelling, "Sir, there is troop movement in the bridge
sector, Sir."
The commanding officer leaned forward and looked at the SONAR,
"Hmm... prepare the nukes."
So a seaman ran down to the silos and began ranting an
inspirational speech to the missiles in the silos. "All
right men, er... missiles... er, anyways, I want you go out there
and, um... really blow up hard!!! Yeah!"
The missiles reacted quite surprisingly to this tirade. They
inexplicably turned into a bowl of petunias and a very surprised
sperm whale. The sperm whale stared the seaman in the eye and
yelled, "ARE YOU CAPTAIN AHAB????!!!!!????"
The seaman did the only thing he could think of, which was to
say, "Yes I am."
The whale became so enraged, it threatened to blow up like a
nuclear missile, but all it did was flatulate. Still, it was a
whale of a flatulation. It blew the so-called-Ahab into tiny
little bits.
Meanwhile, the commander, tired of waiting for the seaman to
prepare the nukes, said, "Oh poo." He reached into his
pocket and produced a bunch of keys. Taking one of the keys, he
inserted it into a slot which read, "Launch."
"Allright," said the commander, "on the count of
three. One... two... wait for it... three!" With that he
turned the key, and the "nukes" launched.
Unfortunately, the crew had hidden crates of the magical mystical
green tea in the silos. The crates were farted right out of the
silos and into the water around the sub, turning a very large
portion of the ocean into TEA! Whereupon the seven seas became
the seven teas, the seamen became teamen, the sea creatures
became tea creatures, and a giant tea-serpent reared its ugly
head near the bridge.
At the same time as all of this was going on, something big was
happening on the surface of the moon. Inside of a huge crater
there was what appeared to be a gigantic cannon, pointing towards
the Earth. more specifically, it was pinpointed right on our
heroes.
At the controls was a strange-looking little man in what looked
like a Roman soldier's uniform. For those of you who haven't
caught on, this is our favorite cartoon Martian, Marvin the
Martian, and once again he is up to no good.
"Oh goody! Finally I am close enough to the Earth that I
won't miss. Soon, my Illudium Q-36 Explosive Space Modulator will
serve its purpose and destroy the Earth. Then I can continue my
study of Venus unhindered." He reached for a button labeled
"FIRE."
Suddenly, out of the clear red sky, an anvil came crashing down
on our favorite Martian's head! But who could have dropped it?
Why, none other than our unlikely hero, Wolfboy, chaser of cars
and eater of the government cheese! But where did he come from?
Where was he going? Why do I keep asking annoying questions? Only
Wolfboy, and possibly my mother, knows for sure!
With his job done, Wolfboy flew off into the night on his trusty
vacuum, Bob, and vanished into a flock of winged toilets that was
migrating to the planet of the purple paperweights to participate
in the perennial poker playoffs. Last year the toilet team had
won with a royal flush.
Wolfboy was happily chasing the flock, when all of a sudden,
someone screamed,"There he is!!" An angry mob pointed
at him and shouted, "REVENGE!!!"
"Oh, no!" shouted Wolfboy, "And I had tickets to
Tidy Bowl XXXIV!" Wolfboy gave a yipe, and the chase was on!
He ran from the huge angry mob that was stampeding after him.
The mob set upon an innocent bystander and beat the poor chap
silly with their blocks of government cheese.
"For the glory of the Goddess, and all the toilets of
France!" Wolfboy shouted.
But then, a shadowy figure walked out of the mist. It was none
other than that intergalactically famous bounty hunter, Tash
Gribbs! He drew his EE-11 heavy blaster rifle and took off his
top-hat.
Sitting atop his bald head was a chicken, holding a tiny joystick
in its wings. The chicken looked around for a moment as Tash
stood frozen. Then the chicken pushed the joystick forward, and
Tash took a step forward. The chicken then pushed the joystick to
the left, and Tash turned to the left. The chicken then pressed a
button, and Tash fired over the heads of the crowd, hitting the
ceiling. This caused a few particles of dust to fall from the
ceiling, which set into motion a remarkable chain of events.
One of these falling particles of dust was to change the fate of
the universe. It drifted down and gently landed on the right
shoulder of a man named Endicott Squargle. This caused him to
think he had dandruff, which caused him to stop off and get some
dandruff shampoo. This in turn caused him to run five minutes
behind schedule.
When the Secret Republic of Albanian Motorcyclists did not
recieve a call from Endicott at precisely five o'clock as per
their demands regarding the ransom of his beloved wife Freida,
they retaliated by firing a missile filled with clam chowder at a
passing cruise-ship.
The famous scientist Ker'Plip Quagglebluff was travelling on this
cruise-ship trying to get the bugs out of his most recent
invention, a time-machine. Now a missile of clam chowder would be
no problem for most people, but Ker'Plip had a severe allergy to
clams, so he fled through the time-machine, which teleported him
into the distant past, where he accidently caused the extinction
of the dinosaurs.
As a direct result of this little misadventure, he would go on to
write the book that was to change the fate of mankind.
Now, this book would come to be read by a certain Mrs. Fungus
Noseblower, who would be inspired by it to join the Institute for
the Study of Whether Or Not a Tree Makes a Sound When It Falls in
the Forest And No One Is Around to Hear It.
She went to receive an Award for her research in the middle of
the Black Forest. No journalist dared to go there, so they all
sent tape recorders. Mrs. Noseblower sat in the Forest, surounded
by hundreds of (well, maybe ten) tape recorders. She became so
excited that she died of a heart attack.
No one was around. But all of the tape recorders were going when
a tree FELL!!! Ten tape recorders recorded this noise. This made
global headlines.
This meant that the story about Cletus, the famous spitting yak,
who had been sent as a diplomatic envoy to the country of Argent,
did not make the news. The year-long cheese-factory strike in
Argent threatened to make their free government cheese
unavailable to the rich and famous.
Cletus, upon seeing that his story was not on the front page
anymore, became so angry that he chewed up the newspaper and spat
it out the window. It flew across the street and into an open
window at the art museum, where it splatted against a wall and
stuck there.
One day, a renowned art-critic spotted it and proclaimed it a
masterpiece. The Louvre offered to buy it for a zillion Francs,
but was refused. In the years that followed, the Yakspit became a
national treasure. Its image was placed in elementary school
textbooks, on coins and currency, and on the national flag.
People named their children after it. Eventually, a religion
developed around it, and people all over the world began
converting to Yakspitism.
But a few malcontents refused to convert to the trendy
Yakspitism. One of these was Wolfboy, who protested by founding
his own religion. It was centered around the messages of coming
doom that were revealed to him by the government cheese he had
eaten. He had begun to call his religion "Cheesyism."
He was now without any followers except for a large mouse. But
the mouse would soon be banished from the church for nibbling on
the Messiah.
Elsewhere, Skipper, Shmuckaluckalikethat the Great Annoying One,
and the tea-monster were lounging on a beach sipping mystical tea
Margaritas and talking about the good old days. Suddenly their
peace was disturbed by a cloud of sand caused by Ralph Waldo
Emerson and Frank Lloyd Wright running by. Frank was chasing
Ralph because he suspected Ralph of stealing one of his
houseplans. What Ralph had actually stolen was something far more
sinister, because he had, in fact, stolen the very last bottle of
Faygo from the fridge.
Now, normally this would not be a problem, as Faygo costs about 5
cents for a 2-liter bottle. But, as fate would have it, this
particular bottle was the elusive peach-flavored Faygo.
And that is how my dream ended. When I woke up, I was concerned,
so I went to see a shrink. Well, I spent hours sitting on his
couch trying to explain to this quack the dream I had just had. I
went on and on about Skippers, penguins, Bill Clinton, countless
cameos, strange mystical tea, .... As I was pouring out all I
could remember of this dream, the shrink looked up from his note
pad.
He opened his mouth and said, "Ya, zis is a most peculiar
dream. I don't think ve haf shcrrrratched ze surface yet,
no?"
I gave him a funny look. "What do you mean, Doc? I told you
everything I can remember."
"It is vat you don't remember is vat is important. Ve vill
try hypnosis to yog ze memory, ya?" He produced a glass with
some strange green liquid. "Drink zis, it vill help mit ze
hypnosis."
I drank the liquid. It tasted like... tea? I heared him saying,
"Unt now I vill count to zen. Ven I reach zen, you vill be
in a deep shleep. Vonce you are ashleep you vill continue mit
your dream."
"Now... von... two... unt zree... vor... unt vive... unt
zix..."
And I was back in the ballroom, dancing the Lambada, the
forbidden dance of love, with a cow! But then, the cow tripped
over an electrical cord, pulling the plug from its socket.
That cord was the power-supply to the universe. Now that the
universe was unplugged, the stars stopped shining, cutting short
the careers of astronomers everywhere.
Fortunately, there was another universe. However, in the other
universe, everything was backwards. Right was left and left was
right. People stood on their heads, spoke backwards, always
obeyed the speed-limit, and never obeyed the laws of physics.
At a little cafe where all the tables were turned upside-down,
people were standing around with chairs on their heads. As a
waiter came around with a pot of coffee, the customers would pour
their coffee into the waiter's pot then eat their coffee-cups,
then the waiter would pay them.
Now, high on the hill of Gasex, Snalvin the flatulent sat high on
his throne. He summoned his most trusted servant, a light and
airy fellow named Nimrod the Robust. Snalvin told him to "Go
forth, and without fail perpetrate the shaving of frogs that I
may use the hair thereof to weave myself the finest
nose-warmer."
With that, the young man was off. But no sooner did he get
started on his endeavor than he was stopped by a gang of
hoodlums, who promptly held him down and clipped his toenails.
Fortunately, they allowed him to buy back his toenails, but at an
outrageous price.
It was about this time that most of the readers trying to follow
this story lost track of the plot. The poor confused little plot
didn't know where to turn. It was hopelessly lost. But then it
was offered a movie-contract from Hollywood, where the worse the
plot, the more they love the movie.
So the movie was made, and it was so bad that it was taken out of
the cinemas and sold to television stations instead. One night a
woman named Caroline happened to catch it on TV.
"Oh, jeez, I hate this movie!" Caroline said, turning
the channel.
The only other show on TV was some goofy 1970's horror flick
called "The Evil Walking Dead of Mortimerville." She
was not in the mood for that, being all alone in her home, out in
the middle of nowhere on a rural back road surrounded by woods,
alone except for the small family plot of the people who had
lived in her house in the 1880's located in back of the house.
She left the TV and went up to her room where she turned on the
stereo. The song "Mambo Number Five" was playing. She
cranked it up and started dancing around the room.
But outside in the cold brisk October air, a dark figure heard
the racket.
While Caroline sang loudly and danced to the music the figure
opened the front door and started up the stairs. It crept down
the hallway to her room where it snuck up behind her. It grabbed
her shoulder.
She turned to see a decaying skeleton grinning at her.
It was old Joseph Carnwalder who was supposed to be dead and
rotting in the family plot.
"You know little girl, your parents were right," he
said, breathing his putrid, moldy breath on her. "Your music
is loud enough to wake the dead! Now you're going to
pay!!!!"
With that old Joseph reached into his pocket and pulled out a
Cornish gamehen. "Hey cool!" he exclaimed, "I
forgot they buried me with this." He put it up to where his
nose had used to be and sniffed it. Then he turned back to her,
"Do you mind if I use the kitchen and cook this up?"
Caroline rolled her eyes. "You're the one haunting me. I'm
not going to stop you."
He rushed into the kitchen and started to prepare the gamehen.
"You'll love my special stuffing-mix," he said, adding
the secret mystery ingredient.
When the meal was finally ready, old Joseph called the rest of
his very large family to dinner. They all climbed out of their
graves and started coming into the house.
Every possible exit was blocked by zombies coming into the house.
Caroline was panicked, her heart beating loudly and her breathing
quick and fast. Wildly, she searched the kitchen, looking for
something that might let her escape. The only things her
terror-filled eyes percieved were a soup ladle and... a block of
cheese.
Caroline thought she was doomed until, all of a sudden, Leonardo
Di Caprio burst through the door and said, "Don't worry
little lady. I'll... I'll... What will I do?"
"Cut!" the directer yelled. "Mr. Di Caprio, if you
can't get the lines right you're out of this film! Let's take
ten, people."
Caroline, played by Neve Campbell, and the Pineapple Kid, played
by Glen Beaudin, walked off the set, complaining to each other
about Di Caprio.
Leo heard this and went to pout in his trailer with his Latin
lover, Carlos. At least, he would have if Carlos had been in his
trailer, but he wasn't! Leonardo was alarmed. He called out
Carlos's name. Carlos didn't come. He called to him again but
Carlos was nowhere to be found! Where could he be?
Carlos recovered conciousness in a bleak, dark room. As he
struggled to remove the ropes which tied him to a chair, he tried
to figure out who had kidnapped him, and why. His eyes struggled
to focus on the taunting figure of his captor who stood looming
over him. Carlos could not believe what he was seeing. The
kidnapper was an invisible woman.
A tight white leather outfit, showing all the curves of a woman's
body, seemed to be wrapped around thin air. Her empty glove
reached down and grabbed Carlos's head. Her disembodied voice
said, "Excuse me, but do you have any cheap yellow
mustard?" Before Carlos could react, the invisible woman
reached out and he immediately could smell pastrami and Swiss
cheese she had handled in her invisible hand. Carlos felt hungry
and scared at the same time and wondered to himself, "What
time does MASH come on tonight? I really want to know if Henry
Blake is going to make it home allright."
The invisible woman decided to make stew and not let Carlos have
any. In her stew she added chicken, corn, onions, and green
peppers. She set her cauldron to boil and then taunted Carlos
with invisible turnips. Carlos, being Latin, had never seen a
turnip, especially an invisible turnip, which kinda goes without
saying, as he really wasn't seeing it now. Anyway, the cruel
invisible turnip woman continued to taunt Carlos, saying
"Ha, ha, you can't see the turnip." Carlos was about to
break down and cry. But then, a sudden burst of anger gave him
the strength to break away and flee.
Carlos ran as fast as he could until he came upon two people
sitting around a fire in the hills. One was a large hulking
figure wearing a cowboy hat, and the other was slim and dark and
wore a black sombrero. The sound of a harmonica drifted sweetly
on the night breezes.
For those of you who did not pay attention in Biology class, the
ploctopus is a cross between a platypus and an octopus. They are
known to dine exclusively on left-socks, which they sever from
their victims after luring them to their lairs with sweet
harmonica music.
Entranced by the music, Carlos, the cowboy, and the black-clad
swordsman began sleepwalking towards the ploctopus. They would
have been captured by it, but at that very moment, by sheer
coincidence, the ploctopus was squashed by a falling piano.
Meanwhile, Fate, the Spider-Queen, controller of all destiny, was
scratching her eight-eyed head and flipping through the last few
pages of the script. Also, having a few pairs of legs left over,
she was knitting a very nice cloak for Death, her betrothed.
Death kept postponing the wedding, because he knew that she had
devoured her last husband on the honeymoon. Her last husband had
been Logicus, the god of sense, and ever since his disappearance,
the world makes absolutely no sense.
Part II in progress
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