| W O M E N |
| A study in Sydney showed that the kind of male face a woman finds attractive can differ depending on where she is in her menstrual cycle. For instance:- If she is ovulating she is attracted attracted to men with rugged and masculine features. If she is pre-menstrual, she is more prone to be attracted to man with scissors shoved in his temple, and a rake jammed up his arse. |
| Ever wonder why A,B,C,D, & F are used to define bra sizes? A - Almost B - Better C - Cute D - Damn good E - Enormous F - Fake |
A goup of girlfriends are on vacation when the see a 5-story hotel with a sign that reads:- 'For Women Only!' Since they are without their husbands and boyfriends, they decide to go in. The bouncer, a very attractive guy, explains how it works. 'We have 5 floors. Go up floor by floor and once you find what you are looking for, you can stay there. It's easy to decide since each floor has a sign that tells you what is inside that level. However once you pass a floor you can not return to it." So the women decide this sounds good and enter the first floor. The first sign says:- 'All men here have it short and thin.' The friends laugh and without hesitation move on to the next level At the second floor has a sign with the following:- 'All men here have it long and thin.' Still, this isn't good enough so the friends continue to the next level. Arriving at the third floor they find the next sign:- 'All men here are short and thick.' They still wish to do better however, so knowing there are 2 floors left they continue up. On the fourth floor the sign is perfect:- 'All men here are long and thick.' The women get all excited and start to enter this floor when they realize there is still one floor left. Wondering what the are missing, they head on up the fifth floor. On the fifth floor they find themselves facing a sign that says:- 'There are no men here. This floor was only built to prove that there is no way to please a woman.' (Do you think this statement is wrong?...then read the next one.) |
| HUSBAND SHOPPING! A 'Husband Shopping Centre' was opened where a woman could go to choose from among many men to be her husband. It was laid out in five floors with the men increasing in positive attributes as you ascended up the floors. The only rules were that once a door to any floor was opened, the shopper must choose a man from that floor; and that if they went up a floor, they could not go back down again, except to leave the place. So a couple of girlfriends go to the place to find men. First floor had door with a sign saying:- 'These men have jobs and love kids.' The women read the sign and say, "Well that's better then not having jobs, or not loving kids, but I wonder what's further up?" So up they go. Second floor says:- 'These men have high paying jobs, love kids, and are extremely good looking.' "Hmmmmm," say the girls, "but Iwonder what's further up?" Third floor:- 'These men have high paying jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking, and help with the housework.' "Wow!" say the women. "Very tempting, BUT there is more further up!" And so again they go up. Fourth floor:- 'These men have high paying jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking, help with the housework, and have a strong romantic streak.' "Oh mercy me. But just think!?!?! What must be waiting us further on?" So up to the fifth floor they rush. The sign on that door said:- 'There are no men here. This floor is just to prove that women are impossible to please. Thank-you for shopping and have a nice day. (Ok , in our defense I would just like to point out a few things. If he has a high paying job, he is never home to spend any of that money on us. Loves kids? You mean a fetish about baby goats is a good thing? Extremely good looking means an ego bigger then the MGM stadium. Housework? Putting the pizza lid down on the box after eating all the pizza does not count as housework. Romantic streak?......ROFPMSL....don't you just love fairytales girls.) |
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