Stargate-SG1 - Jack O ' Lantern

Stargate-SG1

Jack O ' Lantern

By Marqaisa McAdams.

Title: Jack O ' Lantern

Author: Marqaisa McAdams/Marq

Series: Stargate SG-1

Category: Humor/Halloween

Rating: PG

Archive: Sure, just let me know where it goes

Jack O ' Lantern

By Marqaisa McAdams.

Colonel Jack O'Neill drove into Cheyenne Mountain, headquarters of the Stargate project. Nodding to the guards at the elevator, he entered the lift and pressed the desired level. After disembarking the elevator, Jack heard a familiar sneeze.

"Welcome back, Jack," Daniel Jackson, the civilian scientist on the SG-1 team greeted him from behind.

Jack shook his head. "Daniel, what aren't you allergic to?"

The young scientist tilted his head slightly in thought.

"I was being sarcastic, Daniel."

"How's that any different from your normal routine?" Jackson shot back, pleased at himself for thinking up a quick retort before the Air Force officer could get away.

"Very good, Daniel. Anything new?"

"General Hammond wanted to see us as soon as you got back. I think he has another mission for us."

"Great. Where are Carter and Teal'c?" Jack asked, heading for the board room, Daniel following close behind.

"They were around the board room last time I checked. Carter was explaining to Teal'c about Halloween."

"Is it that time already?"

"Just a few days away, Jack. You lose track of time when you're here. You didn't see any Halloween decorations while you were off base?"

"Didn't really pay any attention," O'Neill muttered.

"What? You don't like Halloween, Jack? I find it a fascinating holiday dating back to..." Daniel stopped his usual enthusiastic zeal when explaining other cultures and their celebrations when he noticed the look on his friend's face. "Jack, I'm so sorry. I forgot..."

"Forget about it," the soldier waved the matter away when he spotted Carter and Teal'c conversing near the board room. As expected Major Samantha Carter was explaining the importance of Halloween with the same zeal Daniel had. And as usual Teal'c stood silently, absorbing the information that Carter gave him.

Observing his two friends and teammates, Jack turned to Daniel and asked, "Are you sure that you and Carter weren't separated at birth? You two seem to get that same look in your eyes when talking about science and civilizations."

Grinning, Daniel joined Carter in a debate about All Hollow's Eve. Teal'c listened, but gave no indication that he wanted to join the debate.

That's Teal'c, Jack thought, if he has nothing to add he will listen patiently. Why can't I have that quality?

"As much as I hate to break up this debate," Jack interrupted. "I think General Hammond is waiting for us in the board room for our next assignment."

***

The SG-1 team listened as General Hammond gave them their next destination. He concluded with, "Gear up and be at the gate in an hour. Dismissed."

The SG-1 team assembled at the ramp of the Stargate dressed in their fatigues and armed. Daniel patted his jacket to make sure his digital recorder was still in his pocket so he could document this new world the team was about to encounter.

One by one the members of the SG-1 team jumped into the aqua wormhole until only Jack and Sam were left.

Giving him a sideways look, Sam asked, "You're not going to push me in like you did the first time, are you?"

"If you don't stare at it and drool like a love sick Beatles fan, then no, I won't," Jack answered back, smiling in his own special way.

"I didn't drool," she replied indignantly.

Scoffing, Jack side stepped and pushed Carter through the wormhole.

***

World: Lanternos

Daniel and Teal'c waited for their other two teammates to get acclimated to their new environment before moving away from the Stargate. Fishing out his digital corder, Daniel started filming his surroundings. "Fascinating," he said aloud, viewing the walls of the building in which the Stargate was housed through his video camera.

"Yeah, yeah," Jack muttered, feeling grumpy but not knowing why. "Everything, every world is fascinating to you, Daniel."

Refusing to be brought down to the level of grumpiness of his friend, Daniel ignored the comment and continued to study the walls. "I think I found the name of this world," the linguist told the others, running his fingers down the smooth wall decorated with various symbols.

"Great, what is it?" Jack asked, surveying the building for potential enemies. "I don't know about you three, but I'm tired of referring to most worlds we visit by numbers. It gets confusing."

Carter's lips quirked into a smile, knowing that her CO needed more than a weekend leave from his work. "I agree that it does help distinguishing which worlds we should revisit or avoid, but I never found it confusing assigning numbers to the planets before we visit them."

Grunting, the colonel shook his head and said, "Carter, you stay with Daniel while Teal'c and I do recon. We'll meet back here in 10 minutes."

"Yes, sir," she nodded, taking off her helmet and joining Daniel in his study of the language written on the stone walls.

"Wait, don't you want to know the name of the world?" Daniel called to the two men.

Shrugging, O'Neill replied, "Sure, why the hell not?"

"Lanternos."

"Lanternos? What kind of name is that?"

"I don't know, Jack. It's just the name of the world. And by the way, I'm recommending to General Hammond, once we get back, that you get a week away from the base. You're downright grouchy," Daniel informed him before turning back to the inscriptions.

"From your mouth to the General's ears," Jack mumbled to himself as he headed to the southern corridor.

***

Jack and Teal'c moved through the labyrinth of corridors, weapons ready, when they heard a maniacal laugh coming from behind. Turning 180 degrees, they saw shadows running into a dark abyss. Following the continual laughter, the two men tried to find the source of the evil mirth. Tapping Teal'c's shoulder, Jack pointed toward a lighted room at the end of the hallway where the noise was coming from. Quietly, they moved to the room and stopped short when they saw who...or rather what was inside.

"This has got to be someone's idea of a sick joke," Jack whispered.

"It is possible that Daniel Jackson knows how to speak to them if he can interpret the writing in the first room, O'Neill."

Jack looked over at Teal'c, who wore his usual passive look as he gazed upon the alien creatures.

"Come on, Teal'c," Jack whispered. "Don't you find these things the least bit creepy?"

"Creepy?" the Jaffa asked.

"Yeah, something that makes your skin crawl, haunts you, things that are not associated with good feelings."

In response, the Jaffa looked down at his arm. "If my skin crawls it's because my symbiote is moving within my body."

Shaking his head, O'Neill picked up his weapon. "Forget it."

With lightning speed Teal'c stepped in front of his friend's gun. "No, O'Neill."

"Come on, Teal'c. That's not natural. It's like we're in some bad B horror movie. Let's take them out."

"They have done nothing to us to show us they are a threat."

"They could be working for the Goa'uld for Pete's sake!" Jack exclaimed. "They could be spies."

The Jaffa looked over his shoulder then back at Jack. "We do not know that for certain. You claim that on Earth you're innocent until being proved guilty in your American court system. What does Daniel Jackson say? Give them the benefit of the doubt?"

Jack sighed. He hated when Teal'c started preaching to him about something Jack grew up with. What was worse was when Teal'c started quoting Daniel Jackson on occasion.

Looking over at the beings again, he stopped his initial protest. "Teal'c?"

"Yes, O'Neill?"

"They're watching us," the Air Force officer whispered, his eyes never leaving the beings who were watching them with curiosity.

Turning, the Jaffa found that his friend was right. Taking in the beings, Teal'c now could see what Jack was trying to explain.

Standing only 2 foot tall, the beings looked like jack o' lanterns with skinny little legs and black shoes that looked like they were stolen off Santa's elves. They had the same face, spooky carved smiles that glowed along with their diamond shaped eyes and noses. One jack o' lantern being stepped up and reached out with his vine entangled hand.

"O'Neill?"

"Yeah?"

"I believe I know what you are talking about now. My skin is crawling, but my symbiote is at rest in my stomach."

The leader's eyes glowed even more luminous as the maniacal laughing erupted in the once quiet room.

"Teal'c, are you thinking what I'm thinking?" Jack asked, backing away.

"I am not clairvoyant, O'Neill, but I'm thinking we should go back to where the Stargate is and get Daniel Jackson and Carter."

"See? You can be clairvoyant when you want to be," Jack said as the two men turned in unison and ran back down the empty corridor.

"They're following us," Jack yelled as he stole a glance over his shoulder.

"They are getting closer," Teal'c added.

"Tell me something I don't know."

Screeching to a halt Jack grabbed Teal'c and turned left into another corridor with a light at the end of it.

"Let's just hope the light at the end of this tunnel isn't an oncoming train," Jack quipped.

"What?"

"Never mind. Come on. We're almost there."

Jack and Teal'c ran as fast as they could, realizing that as they did the tiny jack o' lanterns had stopped chasing them entirely.

"It's an exit. They might be afraid to go outside," Jacked smiled for the first time since they discovered the freaky little pumpkin people.

"That would be a reasonable assumption."

Pushing the giant door that was open just enough to let the light in wider, the two men slipped through the crack and breathed a sigh of relief at leaving the beings behind.

"O'Neill?"

"Yeah?" Jack laughed as he tried to catch his breath from the run.

"We should go back inside."

"What? Why?" Jack's jaw dropped when he glanced at the world called Lanternos.

The sky of Lanternos was divided by night and day. On the left of the building it was day with the sun shining brightly. On their right was an inky black night with only the full moon giving light to its side of the world.

"O'Neill, what are those objects coming toward us in the sky?" the Jaffa asked.

Peering harder, Jack answered, "Looks too fat to be Goa'uld death gliders."

As the round objects floated closer to the building, Jack turned back to the door and tried to push the door open. Hovering in the twin skies were millions of floating jack o' lanterns with the same evil smile that the pumpkin people had.

"Help me open this, Teal'c. We're getting the hell out of here!"

Together they were able to open the heavy stone door and slip through as their ears caught the maniacal laughing from both the giant pumpkins and their smaller counterparts.

Running through the labyrinth of hallways, the two warriors finally heard the voices of their teammates.

"Carter? Daniel?" Jack yelled.

"We're here, sir. What's wrong?" Carter asked, moving away from Daniel, who was journaling his findings into his book.

"Hit the G.D.O. and dial us the hell back home."

"But, sir," Sam objected.

"That's an order, Major. This place is freaking me out beyond belief. We've got giant pumpkins pursuing us outside and little ones chasing us in this hold."

"Giant pumpkins, Jack? Chasing you?" Daniel asked, skeptical.

"Teal'c?" Jack asked, wanting confirmation from his fellow witness.

"O'Neill speaks the truth. I believe it would be best if we make a hasty retreat."

His last words hadn't even died on his tongue when the SG-1 team heard the maniacal laughter of the beings getting closer.

"Sir, they might be peaceful," Carter argued.

"Peaceful, my ass. That kind of laughter isn't peaceful. It's- how did I describe it before, Teal'c?"

"I believe the word you used was creepy, O'Neill."

"That's it. Those things are creepy, Carter. Now get us the hell out of here. I'm not about to be carved by those things and put on their porches."

Carter nodded and hurried to the dial home device to lock in the coordinates for home. She had finished locking in the last coordinate when she saw them coming.

"Sir? They're here," she managed to say through her shock.

"See? Was I lying? No, I wasn't."

"They are poised for attack, O'Neill."

"They could just want to talk. I believe I might be able to understand their language," Daniel tried to object.

"Let's see if they understand the words 'pumpkin pie'!" Jack snarled as he readied his gun.

Before he could fire the Stargate opened and the members of the team ran up the steps.

"Sir, let's just leave. We don't have to come back here again," Carter yelled out to Jack who still had his weapon poised for a kill.

"O'Neill, Carter is right. Let's go back to Earth."

Lowering his weapon, Jack ran up the stairs, pulling Daniel up with him.

"Why can't we try to communicate with them?" Daniel argued. A piercing laugh filled the room causing Daniel to pale. "Never mind. Forget that I asked." Jumping into the liquidy wormhole, the linguist was soon followed by Jack.

***

Location: Earth, Stargate Command

"You're telling me," General Hammond began after he was debriefed about SG-1's visit to Lanternos. "That both giant and dwarf jack o' lanterns inhabited world X54531?"

"The world is called Lanternos, General," Daniel interrupted.

"Fitting when you think about it," Jack muttered.

"And am I correct when I say that both you, Colonel, and Teal'c were pursued by both sizes of these beings?"

"Well, the giant ones just hovered in the sky, sir, but they were still getting closer when Teal'c and I finally were able to get back inside," Jack told his CO.

"I see. Did they have weapons?"

"Well, no, General, but that laugh we described to you and they way they looked was reason enough for us to determine they were a threat," Daniel informed him..

"That's not very diplomatic of you, Doctor Jackson. Usually you're the first one to defend different species the team encounters."

"Yes, sir, but Colonel O'Neill is right in saying that these beings were creepy. I didn't realize it until I heard their laugh and saw them close up. I mean they chased the colonel and Teal'c all over the building. Who knows what plans they had for us?"

"Sir," Jack spoke up. "I believe we should just chalk this up to experience and leave that world alone. Better yet, let's give the Goa'uld the coordinates to Lanternos for laughs."

Hammond raised an eyebrow then shook his head. He should be used to Jack's dry humor by now, but sometimes it still rubbed him the wrong way on certain days. "I don't find that funny, Colonel. When I have read all of your separate reports on your visit to Lanternos then I will have personnel put a warning not to visit this world again."

"Thank you, sir."

"You're dismissed. Go and get yourselves something to eat. They fixed something special for dessert," General Hammond informed them.

"What's that, sir?" Jack asked.

"Pumpkin pie," his CO answered absently, his attention on his paperwork.

Carter, Jack, and Daniel burst into laughter as they left the board room with the confused Teal'c following them to the mess hall.

"I do not understand," the Jaffa announced as they entered the elevator, causing the trio to break down into more laughter, dropping down to the elevator floor in mirth. Teal'c watched the three humans with curiosity then shook his head, exhaling what could only be interpreted as the Jaffa equivalent of a sigh. "I will never understand human jokes."

The End

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