The man of my dreams

Kay De'Vil

Warnings: DEATH STORY.

Disclaimer: All cannon characters are the property of Pet Fly Productions, no copyright infringement is intended by this story.

By Kay De'Vil.

He stood at the edge of the grave looking down at the neatly cut lawn, looking down at the final resting place of his friend, his best friend the man who had been both a father and a brother too him. He could feel the sting of tears as they gathered in his eyes, but he didn't care, for he knew that his tears meant nothing, he had failed his friend. He had failed the only man who had truly meant anything to him.

His hand slowly reached out to caress the smooth marble, it was smooth, cool and strong just like the man who lay beneath the ground had once been. His fingers traced the gold lettering upon the headstone his eyes unable to look at the words for the knowledge of the betrayal he felt in his heart. The wind picked up around him; his once long hair now short whipped forward into his eyes, blocking his sight. He felt his knees giving way from under him as he felt the torrent of grief that had filled him now wash over him robbing him of his breath, almost of his very soul.

Dropping to his knees he slowly leaned forward resting his forehead upon the damp freshly cut grass. His hands came up over his ears as thought to block out the silent accusations that where being carried in the wind, accusations that did not come from the air, but came from his heart. It screamed of the betrayal and loss he felt deep inside it mourned the loss of a good man.

He drew in breath and sobbed as he smelt the scent of the grass, his thoughts wondering back to a time before the betrayal of his friend who would have savoured the scent of the freshly cut grass instead of reeled at the sweet scent as he found himself doing. The scent filled his nostrils resurrecting even more memories. But as he drew in another gasp of air, his tears streaming down his face he no longer smelt the sweet scent of the grass instead his nostrils were filled with the scent of the jungle, the pungent tang of decaying foliage.

His hands moved up, folding his arms over his head trying to prevent the vision or nightmare he knew this to be. He shivered despite the heat of the jungle, his tears pooling beneath him in the self imposed darkness he could not look up he could not raise his head from the leaf covered earth for he knew what sight would greet him. A sight that would both enthral and terrify him in the same moment, a sight he did not dare to look up at but fought desperately not too. "Please God no, not this..." he pleaded into the darkness of the cavern created by his own body

"Blair?" questioned that oh so familiar voice

"Please no" he pleaded "I can't look at you. I betrayed you... I couldn't be the man you needed me to be... I couldn't be what you needed"

He felt a hand come to rest upon his back, caught the scent of the earth as it gave way under his tormentors knees.

"You never betrayed me Blair... You could never do that" the voice he had long to hear for so many weeks now spoke in gentle hushed tones, a hand caressed his back soothing away tension. "You were always the man I wanted to be... the man of my dreams. The man I prayed to be, but could never have been." The hand on his back stopped its circular motion, slowly sliding up his body to mould itself to his head, joined moments later by the other.

Those strong familiar fingers ran their way through his hair caressing his head as they had done so many times in life "Please" he pleaded finally with the courage to look up into the eyes of the man he had betrayed, the man he had failed "Please Jim... I wasn't strong enough... I failed you!"

"Never" stated Jim his ocean blue eyes gleaming in the gentle light of the jungle "Never Chief, you where and always will be my saving grace"

Tears fell from Blair's eyes unchecked, his own eyes locked upon those of his departed friend "You died... you weren't supposed to die..."

"Yes, yes I was...My death isn't important Chief" as he spoke Jim's hand moved to caress Blair's cheek his thumb gently brushing the tears from beneath his left eye

"It's important to me!" exclaimed Blair more tears streaking a fresh path down his face as Jim's other hand joined its counterpart to once again remove the tears.

Jim shook his head compassion and understanding filling his eye's as he looked at his friend, his brother... his guide "No Blair... my death isn't important... my life was. You are... You're the man I always wanted to be. Innocent, pure... untouched by the evils of man... No matter what happened you never lost your faith in people, you trusted when I doubted, you showed compassion when I feared to get too close. You are everything I wanted to be and so much more... You were, are the power behind me Blair... You are the one who kept me human, saved me from a fate I had been destined too for many years."

"But you died because of me... because I wasn't strong enough" exclaimed Blair "Because I trusted her"

"No Blair... you weren't responsible for my death... she was. She was the one who deceived you, played upon your trust... used you in the worst way, but none of that matters. You could never betray me Blair, because you are me. You are the person I would have become given half the chance... the person I longed to be... You are a part of me Blair, as I am a part of you... Never forget that Blair." As Jim spoke he released Blair's face to close his hands around Blair's arms and gently pull him to his feet.

Something about Jim's actions told Blair they didn't have much longer, there was so much he wanted to say, but words failed him; no simple word could express his feelings, his grief, and his loss. But as he looked into Jim's eyes he knew they didn't need words because Jim already knew... Had always known.

"Don't let your grief cost you what little of me is left inside" as he spoke Jim's hand came to rest on Blair's chest above his heart "I'm here, always have been and always will be. I am always with you Blair... you have never failed me because you have always kept a part of me inside you, hidden away from the world, away from the evil. You have kept me safe since the day we met and you will always keep me safe." As Jim spoke the jungle began to swirl around him, slowly vanishing to be replaced by the grass verge where Jim's body had been laid to rest.

"No not yet" pleaded Blair his hands closing around Jim's arms desperate to hold onto the moment, to hold onto his friend.

A smile appeared upon Jim's face as for one last time he tussled Blair's hair "See you Chief, and remember that I'm here; always" his other hand rested upon Blair's chest as it had done before as slowly Jim began to vanish. Blair cried out his hands reaching out to touch Jim but he was no longer there, instead his hands closed around another firm body, ones whose hands where closed around his shoulders, pulling him across the void back to reality and into the warmth of a friends embrace.

Resting his head upon Simon's shoulder Blair slipped his arms around the big Captain, his tears still falling unchecked, his heart aching for the loss of his friend from his life, but he no longer felt the wave of betrayal that had been there earlier. Instead he felt the warmth of friendship and the knowledge that he would never truly be alone again, for as long as he remembered and loved the man he had been privileged to call friend... James Joseph Ellison.

The End.