[Chat Stories] Marq Vs. RDOD

By Marqaisa McAdams

Crossover: The Wizard of Oz/War of the Worlds

Rating: R

Warnings/Categories: PG - Humor

Disclaimer: Standard disclaimer applies here. War of the Worlds and its characters are property of Paramount Pictures. The rest belong to me. I do this only for fun and pleasure and for the fun and pleasure of any readers not for any money, so don't bother suing me.

Hi all,

Well, I finally finished it... it's about time, yes I know.... Well, I hope ya'll enjoy it.

Wesa, tell me how to spell your Yoda alter ego so I can correct it if necessary.

Enjoy:)

By Marqaisa McAdams.

Marq clenched her fists in frustration as she stared menacingly at the door that kicked her out of the RC chat room more than 3 times during any given session. Kay, a fellow regular in the chat room gave the door an infamous epitaph: Revolving Door of Death, at the first session a.k.a. as RDOD. Tonight, RDOD was being particularly nasty to her almost exclusively.

Sure, Marq thought, RDOD gave Wesa some attention. But Marq was convinced that the Door had it in for her and her only. The others in the room teased her and told her that RDOD had a crush on her and wanted her all to "himself".

"Oh lucky me," Marq muttered sarcastically.

She conferred with Wesa's list of clones they had "on hand". They were running low on Paul clones due to the fact that they, the three regulars, gave the new comers each 2 clones- one for recon missions against Brian the typo demon, the lagmonster, and, of course, RDOD. They used the other for comfort and up close and personal body guarding.

It didn't help that Marq's cloning chamber was on the fritz at the moment causing the RC chat squad to ration out the Paul clones as needed. Marq fervently wished she had cloned more Harrisons and Kinkaids to use as RDOD fodder before her cloning chamber went ka-put!

*SLAM***

RDOD has struck again. This time it was more like a stinging slap in the face for Marq than a momentary inconvenience. She looked around, but didn't see Kay and Wesa or even Geiar. Hands on her hips, Marq started to curse RDOD, but decided that that wasn't the best tactic to get of this dark place. Her ears perked up at the sound of familiar male voices. Suddenly lights came on. Marq covered her eyes to protect herself from the glare. All of the sudden she heard her name being shouted over and over again by male voices.

Adjusting her eyes to the light, Marq came toward the voices. She saw her 2 fantasy men and Geiar's favorite. Running up to them, Marq screeched to a halt when she saw what they were wearing.

Tony was dressed like a scantily clad scarecrow with brown face and body paint. Straw was coming out of Tony's shirt, hat, and shorts.

Ouch! Thought Marq, I hope the straw is not chaffing him in his sensitive areas.

He had no shirt so Marq could enjoy Tony's nicely muscled chest until they got back to the chat room. She smiled at herself. Kay may have the real Tony with her the rest of the time they're in chat sessions, but Marq got to spend some quality time with him for a little while during they're stay here at Chez Nowhere.

She turned to see the ever-delicious Paul Ironhorse next to Tony. Her jaw dropped at the sight of him painted all in silver. A loin clothe covering his lower extremities. Paul looked like a marvelous silver statue. She asked Paul to turn so she could check his clone identification number and his delish backside. Upon inspection of Paul's back, Marq couldn't find his cloning number, which meant only one thing: this Paul was the genuine article. A broad smile crept on her face.

This is looking better by the minute, Marq thought.

Looking over toward Harrison Marq couldn't help but laugh. Harrison tried to hide from her appraisal of his costume. Dressed in a raggedy lion suit and a brown Afro looking headdress, Harrison was the only one who didn't look that appealing to her. He looked like a big 3-year-old trying to pull off wearing a 1-year-olds Halloween costume. His face had a bad make-up job. Marq couldn't keep from laughing which won her a dirty look from Harrison, but even that didn't help stop her fit of hysterics.

After Marq calmed down she noticed that the three men were observing her from head to toe. Harrison's face split into a smile.

"My, my, what do we have here?" he asked, smiling at Marq wickedly.

"What are you talking about, Harrison?" Marq asked, glancing over at Paul and Tony to see their puzzled faces.

"Nice outfit, Marq. Get that at the 'We're not in Kansas anymore' store?"

Marq looked down and shrieked. She was wearing a Dorothy costume complete with the two thick braids falling on her shoulders. She screamed in anguish.

"Someone around here has a real sick sense of humor," she muttered, casting a dirty look in Harrison's direction as he continued to laugh heartily at her behavior and dress.

Tony and Paul tried to soothe Marq's temper. She had to smile at the two gorgeous men on either side of her. Wrapping her arms around each of them, they set off along the lit up road that looked like it was stolen from Michael Jackson's "Billie Jean" video, with Harrison in tow.

"We don't have to sing any songs do we, Marq?" Paul asked, gulping. He didn't relish the thought of singing when he couldn't carry a tune...at least in his mind.

"By the Gods, I hope not," Marq exclaimed. She saw that Paul looked only slightly less distressed so she planted a small kiss on his shoulder to soothe his anxiety.

"Hey, what about me?" Tony asked, looking hurt that she was neglecting him.

"I'm sorry, Tony, but I don't want Kay to be mad at me for kissing you so I'm trying to be a good girl with you."

Tony raised an eyebrow.

"Really? Then whose hand is roaming down my backside and pinching me?"

Marq blushed and put her hand back around Tony's waist then thought better of it and took her hand completely away from his body all together lest temptation gets the best of her.

"Sorry about that, Tony. My hand couldn't help itself. I'll behave from now on. I promise."

"Pity," Tony and Paul said in unison. Tony sighed and moved a few more inches away from Marq. Paul was about to do the same when she pulled him back to her.

"I didn't mean you, soldier boy. You stay with me."

Paul smiled and said, "I'm glad. I thought you were going to behave with all of us. I was disappointed. So is Tony. Look, he's sulking."

Marq looked over at Tony. She felt bad for him, but knew that Kay would more than make it up to him when they got back.

Pity indeed, she thought. Tony might have been a great playmate, but now she'll never know. She saw Harrison walking alongside Tony and talking to him, trying to cheer him up. Finally, Tony smiled at a joke Harrison told him. It was a dirty joke, which made Marq, think of naughty little things pertaining to her and Paul exclusively. She hoped Wesa found comfort and fun in one of Paul's clones while Marq had the original to play with.

"Your halo is slipping somewhat," Paul whispered in Marq's ear causing her to giggle.

"Do you want me to take it off of you? I far prefer you less -um- angelic," Paul said, his arm encircling her waist.

"Really?" she asked, smiling up at him devilishly.

"Yeah, I like your horns better. We have more fun when your halo is gone."

"Well, I have to keep it on until we get back to the chat room at least, Paul. Or else Tony and Harrison might be witnessing a lot more of us than just kissing," Marq said.

Paul sighed and adjusted her halo. "You're right. Let's go catch up with the guys."

Marq and Paul ran to catch up with Harrison and Tony to find them standing still in front of Marq's cloning chamber, which rested on top of a very dead lagmonster, who had taken the form of Malzor the head of the second Mortheran invasion team.

"Hey, human, you killed Malzor, the lagmonster!" someone called out.

The 4 of them looked over to see Malzor's soldiers, led by Mana huddled in a group.

Marq let out a resounding "YES!" and challenged the Mortheran to retaliate against her.

Mana came forward and thanked Marq. She told Marq and her 3 male friends to seek out the great Wizard of E-group chat. Marq thanked her and started to continue with her friends on their journey when a scream was heard by the dead lagmonster. The four of them looked over and saw Brian, the typo demon, dressed in drag, crying over Malzor.

The men couldn't help but laugh at the sight of Brian in drag. He looked like a hooker...or really ugly hooker. Marq tried to keep her cool, but ended up breaking up into hysterics at the sight of Brian in fishnet stockings, a hideous orange spandex skirt, a hot pink halter top, and to top it off, a really bad case of 80's hair.

Brian lunged for Marq, but was knocked back by an invisible force.

"Gotcha!" came a familiar male voice.

"Norton!" Tony, Marq, Paul, and Harrison exclaimed together. The computer expert smiled as he continued to press the backspace key on his laptop.

"Ugh-oh," was the next words out of Norton's mouth.

"What's wrong?" Paul asked.

"My backspace button is broken."

"How about the delete key?" Tony suggested. "Same thing."

Brian got up and lunged for Norton this time.

"Sorry guys," Norton said as he pressed Control+Alt+Delete to end his mission there. He disappeared from the nether room, causing Brian to fall flat on his face.

Raising up yet again, Brian made for Marq again.

"Forgetting something are you, Brian?" a female voice came from their left.

"Yowesa!" Marq exclaimed, smiling at her friend/advisor.

"What?" Brian asked, looking clueless.

"Your brother's hand, crystal in it?" Yowesa said, giving him a "Duh!" look.

"Oh, yeah, yeah. Thanks." Brian knelt down and grabbed for the crystal, but it disappeared.

"Hey, what's the big deal?" Brian asked Yowesa. "Where is it?'"

"Found a new friend it has, yes, hmm," Yowesa told him. She pointed to Marq, who absently toyed with the crystal around her neck.

"I want it! I want it! I want it! Gimme!" Brian said, throwing a temper tantrum.

"Whoa! Someone needs some big time discipline," Tony said.

"No kidding," Harrison agreed, causing his 3 companions to look at him in surprise.

"And what discipline do you suggest, Harrison?" Marq asked. "I don't think 'Time Out' would phase him a bit."

Harrison simply smiled and snagged Paul from Marq's side and pulled him to Yowesa for debriefing.

Tony just looked over at Marq, who shrugged and covered her ears to keep from listening to Brian's wails of selfishness.

"Anytime now, guys," Marq complained, wanting desperately to slap Brian upside the head with a keyboard. She felt Tony elbow her. "What?" she asked, raising her voice in order to be heard above Brian.

"Look," Tony said, pointing at Paul and smiling.

Marq saw why Tony was smiling. Paul was wearing his war smile and had a giant bazooka with whiteout balls loaded in the weapon.

"Whoohoo!! Go get 'em, Paul!" Marq cheered, causing Brian to stop mid-tantrum. He took one look at Paul and abandoned his hissy fit.

Jumping up, Brian made a break for cover. He was a slow runner in his stiletto heels allowing Paul to focus in on him with his laser scope. Brian turned back to him and sobbed as he pulled off his heels. Throwing them at Paul, Brian stumbled backwards in horror as Paul pulled the trigger. A whiteout ball came at the typo demon at 75 mph and splattered all over him.

"No!" Brian cried, whom started disappearing at a rapid pace.

"I'm melting! I'm melting!" screeched Brian.

"Oh that's just ducky. Who knew Brian could be such a drama queen?"

"You mean a drama drag queen," Tony snickered, causing his friends to laugh.

"Good. Two down, one to go. I wonder how we can get rid of RDOD," Marq wondered aloud, several assassination tactics for RDOD flooding her mind. Paul and Tony splattered a number of ways to fix RDOD once and for all.

"Work on RDOD those tactics won't. The Wizard see, you must," Yowesa said. "Knows how to get rid of it, Wizard does."

Marq sighed and asked, "Okay, thanks. But how do we get to where this Wizard is?"

Yowesa just pointed to a green door that seemed to appear out of nowhere. "In the Wizard is."

Marq shrugged at Tony and the 4 of them thanked Yowesa and proceeded to the green door. There was no doorknob or keypad to allow them to enter so Paul rapped on the door and they waited for someone on the other side to allow them to enter. Nothing happened.

Being sarcastic, Marq said, "Open says me."

"Only if you say 'Pretty please with sugar on top'," came an ominous voice from hidden speakers.

"You're right, Marq. Someone here has a sick sense of humor," Harrison muttered.

"Pretty please with sugar on top," Marq said to the door. It slid up and allowed the 4 of them to enter. Marq and the guys found themselves in a room devoid of al colors except green.

The furniture and accessories all had to deal with anything green: grapes, leaves, grass, neon signs, and..."Kermit the Frog?" Harrison exclaimed, grabbing the stuffed toy from its mantel. He hugged it close to him. Paul had to snicker at Harrison's behavior.

"Get out much, Blackwood?" Ironhorse asked.

Harrison stuck his tongue out at his colleague.

"Oh that's very adult, Harrison," Marq snorted, rolling her eyes at Harrison.

"Bite me, Marq," Harrison retaliated.

"No thanks, Harrison. I have something way better and tastier than you to nibble on when we all get back to the chat room." Casting a look at Paul, Marq winked. If it hadn't been for Paul's silver makeup, Marq would've seen him blush to his roots.

Suddenly, the ominous voice they heard before boomed, "What do you want from the great Wizard of the E-group chat?"

"The meaning of life," Harrison quipped, causing Tony to jab him in the ribs to shut him up.

"What? Do I look like a bloody fortune cookie?" the voice asked, exasperated.

Tony, Paul, and Marq stifled their laughs as sudden fits of coughs.

Marq finally walked up to the general "wall" the voice was coming from and said, "No sir. Actually, we wanted two things from you. First to find a way to stop the Revolving Door of Death from shutting me out of the RC chat room on a regular basis. And second, for all 4 of us to get back into the chat room."

A long silence followed Marq's request.

"He must be thinking about whether or not to grant your requests," Tony whispered in Marqaisa's left ear causing Paul to become somewhat jealous of the attention Tony was giving her.

"Yeah," Marq nodded to Tony.

"What have you done to deserve my help?" the ominous voice asked.

"Well, we accidentally offed the lagmonster and intentionally '86'd' Brian the typo demon. Hope you weren't terribly attached to either of them. They were the bane of my friends and my existence in the chat room. They were, literally, pains in the ass. I also came with an offering if that helps. It's a crystal the lagmonster had in his hand when he bought the farm."

The ominous voice seemed to consider Marq's offer. In front of her appeared an old offering box.

"Cool! I could always use another crystal to add to my collection," the voice then said enthusiastically. "Two more and I can send for my very own Batman decoder ring that will tell me Batman's true identity."

All 4 of the costumed humans suppressed a groan.

"This guy doesn't get out much does he?" Harrison muttered to Paul, who was too busy watching Tony with Marq to pay attention to him.

"Huh? Oh yeah, Harrison. You're right."

Harrison looked at what or rather whom, Paul was staring at and laughed. "Jealous much, Paul?"

"Who? Me? C'mon, Harrison. Get real."

"Whatever," Harrison said. "Paul, denial is not a river in Egypt."

Paul threw Harrison a dirty look and repeated Harrison's one word phrase before. "Whatever!" He crossed over to stand beside Marq.

"Do you think this guy will accept?" he asked Marq as she deposited the crystal into the box.

"And miss the opportunity to get that awesome decoder ring so he can finally find out who Batman really is? No way!" Marq laughed softly and kissed Paul sweetly on the cheek. He grinned as he looked at her. His grin then turned into a straight lipped face of concern.

"What's wrong?" Marq asked.

"I don't know yet. Have any of you noticed this curtained area before?" Paul asked, walking over to the curtain.

His 3 friends shook their heads.

"No, but remember, Paul, this place a virtual wonderland of weird stuff. They pop in and out of this room in a snap," Marq replied.

"Right."

"Hey, you! Tall, dark, and silvery! Get away from that curtain. There's nothing behind it. Just my junk room," the ominous voice said hastily.

Tony looked around, but couldn't see any cameras anywhere, but that didn't mean they weren't there.

"Big Brother is watching us," Harrison grumbled.

Paul paid no attention to the voice's threats as he pulled back the heavy green curtain that reminded him of Scarlett O'Hara's curtain dress in Gone With the Wind.

Paul, Marq, and Harrison gasped at who was behind the curtain.

"Kensington!" Paul and Harrison exclaimed. The retired Major blushed guiltily at being found out.

"Hello, Colonel. Hello, Dr.," Kensington greeted the two men.

"H-how did you end up here? You died protecting Norton," Paul stuttered.

Kensington smiled and explained, "I might have died there, but here I live. I had a choice to become either a lagmonster or a great omnipotent Wizard. I opted for this less hated position. I knew the list would need me someday so I bided my time.

Harrison and Paul smiled at each other.

"Who gave you this job, Kensington?" Harrison asked out of curiosity.

"Mrs. Pennyworth, of course. She says the girls in the RC list gave her an important role in one of their Round Robins and assured me that they would need me one day, too. In the meantime, I would stay here and make sure the lagmonster, Brian, and RDOD doesn't harm the girls. If they get out of hand I have ways to get rid of them."

"So, you do have ways to get rid of RDOD? He has it in for me particularly," Marq said, stepping up to meet the man Paul spoke so highly of in private and missed when Kensington sacrificed his life for Norton's.

"Are you Lady Marqaisa?" Kensington asked politely.

"Yes," she answered, smiling. She liked this quiet man.

He stood up and grabbed Marq's hand and kissed it. She blushed at his gentlemanly act.

"Nice to meet you, milady."

"Nice to meet you, too Major Kensington. Forgive my dress. I don't normally dress like I'm going to a Hollywood pictures theme party."

"No, that's only on Tuesdays and Thursdays," Harrison joked.

Marq stuck her tongue out at Harrison, who said, "Oh, that's very lady-like, Marq. What will Kensington think of you now I wonder?"

The retired Major came to her defense. "I still think she's quite a lady, Dr. Blackwood. And to answer your previous question, Lady Marqaisa, yes I do have a way to stop RDOD. Here," he handed Marq a small pile of "out of order" signs with various explanations.

Marq raised an eyebrow at them.

"You're kidding, right? Out of order signs?"

"Yes, milady. Just put it on the door when you re-enter the chat room and RDOD won't bother you for the rest of the night. It will be too busy wondering why it's not working. "

"Not the brightest crayon in the box is it?" Marq asked sarcastically.

Kensington laughed. "No, it's not. Just remember to keep them hidden from RDOD when you're not using the chat room and to take it off once you leave and put it on when you first come in."

"How do we get back to the RC chat then? And once we're back in how do I get out of chat when I'm finished?"

"There's a black door that will appear in 5 seconds. You can go back that way. To get out of the chat for the night just exit the program like you normally do."

Marq thanked Kensington and gave him a kiss on the cheek causing him to blush. The men thanked him as well and Marq and her 3 male companions went to the black door that the older man had promised them.

"Ready?" Marq asked.

"Ready," the two soldiers said.

The three of them looked at Harrison, who was unusually quiet.

"What? Do you think I want to go back in there looking like this? The girls will laugh their asses off," Harrison complained.

"And that would be any different from normal ...how?" Marq asked, smirking.

"Funny! You don't have a new girl who might be interested in you and you only in there based on whatever she heard from the other chatters. I do. I want to impress Geiar and this doesn't make the right impression. You're lucky, guys. Tony, you've got Kay. You're her creation so you're basically hers exclusively. Paul, Kay, Wesa, and Marq here all lust after you. Geiar is okay with you, but she's the only one who liked me for myself once the girls started giving her the 411 on me." Harrison looked sad for a moment and his companions felt sorry for him until a smile escaped his lips.

"Harrison!" Marq cried out, punching him in the arm.

"Come on. Let's just get it over with. I'm not exactly Ms. All That right now in the evening gown competition so we're even on that scale. Let's just go."

Marq walked to the door and saw it open. She could see her 3 friends in the RC chat talking nonstop. Taking a deep breath, Marq walked in. Her clothes instantly changed back to her wardrobe she had on for that chat. The men followed her in one by one.

"Welcome back, Marq," came a chorus of female voices.

"Thanks, ya'll. Sorry it took me so long to get back. We had some pest control problems to take care of."

"Oh, so that's where you took these original three?" Wesa asked, as her Paul clone handed her some chocolate.

"Yup. We had a little adventure," commented Marq as Tony rejoined Kay and her clone of Paul at their chosen comfy area in the room.

"Sorry I was gone for so long, Kay," Tony apologized.

"You were only gone for about 10 seconds along with Marq and the boys, but I still missed you," Kay purred.

Harrison gravitated toward Geiar. He sat next to her and they started talking nonstop about various subjects they had in common.

Marq stuck an "Out of Order" sign on the glass door and whispered to the other girls what it was for and told them of her and the boys' adventure.

Paul put his arm around Marq and gave her a hearty kiss. She reveled in it and took him to their secluded spot to lay in the comfort of each other's arms. Paul pulled her halo off of her head and tossed it aside with a grin and a wink.

Several minutes later, Marq spoke up to the rest of the chatters and mentioned the possibility of having Kensington being a major character in their next Round Robin. Her suggestion was met with positive nods and a question from Geiar.

"Whose Kensington?" Geiar asked.

The group filled her in on the 411 on Major Kensington as each one of them basked in the attention their male companions were giving them. Marq smiled at her friends and their companions then turned to smile at Paul and kissed him teasingly on the mouth murmuring something intelligible to the others in his ear. Paul's face broke out into a broad and devilish smile as he wrapped his arms around her. Marq sighed and enjoyed the rest of the chat and the warmth of Paul's closeness.

The End!