Hanging on the Flick of an Eyelash

by Wesa

Series: War of the Worlds

AU: Forbidden Lust

Disclaimer: No major characters are mine. They belong to Paramount and to Strangis and Strangis.

Category: Angst

Warning: This story deals with mature subject matter, including the slow recovery of a rape victim, although there is no description here of the actual crime. I know that I have oversimplified the emotional disturbance of the victim here, and for that I apologize to anyone who might take offense.

By Wesa.

There was no great problem getting permission to live in the guest house on the grounds of the burnt out wreck of the Cottage, and Ironhorse moved in there with his sergeants immediately. Of course, none of them had very many possessions to move. All of the Colonel's things had been destroyed with the Cottage, while the sergeants had bartered away most of their possessions for food and information during the last year of the war.

Harrison and Suzanne were recruited by the government to study the aliens and to advise the hastily appointed ambassador to the Morthren. Debi went back to school, and was surprised to find that she had been advanced to the twelfth grade. She would graduate from high school in the spring. "I guess it pays to have people with Ph.D.s home-schooling you," she told Ironhorse on a Saturday afternoon visit. "Only now I have to apply to college, and I don't even know what I want to major in," she added. "I'm a little scared."

"So take a variety of courses and find out what appeals to you," he suggested. "You don't have to make up your mind right away. You don't even have to go full-time, if you don't want to. I'm sure your mother would prefer that you live at home for a while," he added with a glance at Suzanne, "and frankly, Debi, so would I. You're not fifteen yet, and there are a lot of dangers out there, some of them much more subtle than aliens."

"That's what Harrison told her," Suzanne laughed.

Ironhorse chuckled. "Now you're frightening me," he told her. "Harrison and I thinking alike? That's scary."

Mother and daughter grinned, then catching sight of Kasey wandering around the edge of the lake, Debi asked, "How is Sgt. Coleman doing? Mom told me what happened."

Ironhorse was surprised that Suzanne had told Debi about the rape; he wasn't sure the teenager was mature enough to handle such information. "She's very depressed," he replied softly. "She doesn't talk much, doesn't do much, doesn't eat much, wants to bathe six times a day. We hear her crying at night a lot, though she denies it the next morning. Sometimes I think hysteria is hanging on the flick of an eyelash. The Fort Streeter hospital is sending a counselor out three times a week," he added, "but so far there hasn't been a lot of change."

"It will take time, Paul," Suzanne said softly, grasping his hand gently across the top of the table between them.

"I guess it's a little soon for her to be getting better," Debi told him. "I can't even imagine what she went through, what she must still be going through."

Ironhorse looked at her in horror. "I'm glad you can't," he told her. "You are not to put yourself in jeopardy. Ever."

Debi looked at him in surprise for a second, then threw her arms around him and kissed his cheek. "I love you, too, Colonel," she whispered before releasing him.

**********

Ironhorse was steadily getting stronger. Soon after they moved into the guesthouse he had abandoned the wheelchair completely, in favor of simply sitting down wherever his strength gave out, and after Debi and Suzanne's visit he started one of the long walks which had become his habit.

Eventually he found himself at the barn and corral, and was glad Debi had not asked him about the horse that had once resided there. Stavrakos had told him about the food riots that had occurred while he was held captive, so he understood that the high-spirited creature had been killed out of necessity, but still it saddened him. Debi would not have understood, he thought, then realized that she had lived through a time that to him was only an abstract idea. The teenager was in many ways very mature for her age, as children who survived wars so often were. He opened the barn door and went inside.

He wandered aimlessly for a few minutes; when he had been in charge of security for the Blackwood project, he had had no time to spend with Major Kensington looking after the horse, and he regretted that. Grooming a horse, in Ironhorse's opinion, was one of the most soothing things a human could do - first using the currycomb to take out any knots in the animal's coat, followed by a thorough brushing, then combing the mane and tail. He found himself in the tack room, absently fingering the brush with which Kensington had kept the gelding in show condition.

Somehow a window had been left ajar, and after being exposed to the weather for nearly a year the tack desperately needed conditioning. Ironhorse found himself taking the bridle down from its hook and searching the tack room for saddle soap and a rag with which to apply it. He sat down at the worktable and began soaping the leather carefully and thoroughly. He wasn't certain the saddle and bridle could be salvaged, but he intended to try.

**********

Kasey paced across the living room, looking out the darkening front window anxiously. "What do you mean you don't know where he is?" she demanded angrily. "He just got out of the hospital, for Pete's sake! What if he went out on the road for his walk, stumbled and fell, or got hit by a car? We have to go look for him!" She went into the kitchen and started banging around in the pantry, then came out with a flashlight, checking the batteries. "I'm going out after him and you can't stop me."

"Kasey, I'm sure he's okay," Derriman told her, convincing no one. "He's an adult. He's had no problems walking for over a week. He probably got tired and just sat down to rest. Maybe he's just out there thinking; sort of an Indian version of Dr. Blackwood's meditation. He won't appreciate being interrupted."

"Then he can yell at me," Kasey retorted, "or put me on report. Whatever. I have to go out, Bill. If he comes in, send Alex out to find me. I'm going to start out on the road."

**********

Ironhorse had been working for about an hour and it was fully dark outside when something began rubbing against his ankle, and looking down he found Mrs. Pennyworth's cat Ginger purring up at him. Taking his smile for an invitation, the sleek, well-fed red tabby leaped onto the table and tried to 'help' him. He pushed the inquisitive nose out of the saddle soap and put the lid back on the jar, telling the animal that she didn't really want any of that to eat. Ginger purred and switched her tail, then pawed at his hands. Ironhorse chuckled and wiped his hands clean on the rag before stroking the smooth fur and scratching behind her ears. "Must be some mice around, huh, Ginger? You don't look underfed - uh-oh." He caught the pointed chin and lifted it so that the cat's green eyes met his dark ones. "So you found a boyfriend, huh?" he asked the cat. She slitted her eyes at him and purred still more loudly. "Where did you hide your kittens?"

Stavrakos and Derriman were becoming almost as concerned as Kasey when Ironhorse returned to the guesthouse carrying a cardboard box full of kittens, with Ginger trotting along behind him. He ignored his sergeants' worried questions. "I thought maybe a kitten would help Kasey," he said.

Derriman sent Stavrakos out to look for Kasey. "She wouldn't stay here," he told Ironhorse. "She was worried about you." He shook his head. "No," he corrected himself. "Alex and I were worried. Kasey was almost crazy. I'd have had to lock her in her room to keep her here."

**********

After assuring herself that Ironhorse was all right, Kasey noticed the box on the floor in the corner of the kitchen and crouched over it. She smiled tenderly at the kittens and ran one fingertip the full three inches from the nose of a tiny gray-and-white female to the tip of her tail. "So sweet," she murmured. "What happened to Mrs. P?" she asked, scratching Ginger's ear before she picked up the mewling kitten.

Ironhorse smiled. "Dr. Blackwood found her," he told her. "Suzanne said that with all of the rest of us dead, as she assumed we were when she saw what had happened to the Cottage, she reasoned that Miss Van Buren would need someone to look after her, and headed to Portland. He found her working at Whitewood Mental Hospital. She's still there; she and Sylvia have become good friends."

"That's good," Kasey said. "Do you think she'll want her cat back?"

"I'm sure she'll let us keep Ginger until the kittens are weaned," the Colonel replied. "I wonder if the hospital would let Sylvia have a kitten? If it's even a good idea."

Kasey looked up from the kitten she now held close to her heart. "You're planning to keep the rest?" she asked.

"Well, maybe not all of them. Debi might like to have one." Only when Kasey flinched and stepped back from him did Ironhorse suddenly realize that he had reached a finger to stroke the kitten she held between her breasts. "Kasey, I'm sorry. I wasn't--" He broke off uncertainly.

Her eyes met his, apologetically. "Sorry, Colonel," she said mournfully. "I can't-I mean, it just reminds me of-of what they did, and I don't even remember what they did, but I know what they were going to do--" Her eyes filled with tears, and shaking, she carefully placed the kitten back in the box with the others before she fled down the hall to her bedroom. A deep wracking sob echoed up the hallway just before the door slammed shut.

The three men looked at each other, Ironhorse returning the others' gaze a little sheepishly. "Well, that didn't work out the way I hoped," he told the sergeants.

"It was a good try, though," Stavrakos told him.

"Is living here with three men, alone, what's right for her?" Derriman wondered. "Would she be better off with women around her?"

**********

"Do you want me to go?" Kasey asked Ironhorse mournfully the next evening. "The counselor said you had suggested I might be better off away from you. Do you want me to leave?"

He shook his head, barely restraining himself from reaching out to touch her. "I want things to be back the way they were," he told her. "Well, almost the way they were. I don't miss the war. And ... if you don't want sex, Kasey, that's okay. I want what's best for you."

They walked through the Cottage grounds, together, but never touching. Even when Ironhorse plucked a dandelion from Kensington's once-perfect green lawn and offered it to her, he made certain that it had a long enough stem that she didn't have to touch his hand when she accepted the flower. Very carefully, she didn't. "I wish--" Kasey began.

Ironhorse looked at her. "What?"

"I used to dream of the day we could be together," she said. "Like this, for no good reason, and not worry about what anyone thought of it. And now we can, we are, and I can't--" She broke off, too distressed to continue.

"I'm sorry," he told her. "I wish I could have stopped them. I should have stopped them."

"You did stop them," she told him.

He shook his head. "Stavrakos, Derriman, and Wakabayashi stopped them," he corrected her. "I stopped you from giving them what they deserved. I'd feel sorry about that, if I didn't think you would have been prosecuted for murder if I hadn't."

"Would have been worth it," Kasey murmured, "especially if I can't ever ... love ... a man again."

"Kasey ... " Involuntarily, he reached for her, stopping the movement only when she flinched.

"Please don't touch me, Colonel," Kasey said.

"I won't," he promised. "I want to, but if it's not what you want, I won't." He looked at her, studying her expression. "You got me away from the aliens," he told her. "You rescued me. But even if you hadn't been a part of that, Kasey, I still would have loved you. I mean, it started as simple lust between us, but it became more than that, at least for me. I learned things about you that I would never have known. You became so much more than a soldier to me, more than a woman; you were someone who understood me in a way no other woman ever has." Ironhorse fumbled a little, trying to find the right words. "I know you're hurting. I won't pretend that I could possibly understand how you feel, but I want to comfort you. If only I knew how."

She gave him a wan smile. "I wish I could tell you," she replied. "I wish I had eaten my supper that night, so I didn't remember what they did, what they were going to do. But I wanted to be able to fight them, if what you suspected was true, and I couldn't do that if I was drugged out of my mind." She sighed. "It was all for nothing. By the time I was certain of what they were there for, I was already restrained so that I couldn't fight effectively. If you hadn't come when you did..." Her voice trailed off in horror.

There seemed nothing he could say in response. They walked on in silence.

**********

In the third week, Ironhorse resumed daily workouts, and was joined first by Stavrakos, then by Derriman. On that Friday morning, Kasey also showed up on the lawn in front of the guesthouse dressed in sweats and sneakers. "Is this a private club, or can anyone join?" she asked.

Derriman reached out to her tentatively. "Are you sure?" he asked.

Kasey looked at him, not at the hand that brushed her elbow, Ironhorse noted. "I'm okay, Bill," she insisted. "The counselor says being active is good for me, and when I told her about you guys all working out every morning, she thought I should join you. If you don't mind?"

"Not at all," Derriman replied with a glance at Ironhorse, who nodded approvingly. "Glad you're back."

**********

After their workout, Ironhorse drew Derriman aside as Kasey disappeared down the hallway toward her bedroom. "She responds to you," he murmured. "I'm going to check with her counselor, but I wonder if it might be a good idea for you to spend more time with her."

Derriman protested, "Colonel, I don't know anything about -- "

"You don't have to," Ironhorse interrupted. "Just get her to react normally."

"She is reacting normally, Colonel," Stavrakos objected. "She was used in a way no one should ever be used. Of course she's angry about it, not only at the men who did it, but at all men. Even if she doesn't consider Derriman a threat."

Ironhorse grinned in response to Derriman's expression. "Maybe that's why she responds to you, Derriman," he said softly.

"What, because she thinks I'm old? Because she doesn't think I'm a real man?" Derriman protested.

"Because she trusts you completely," Stavrakos suggested. "Maybe you're a father or brother figure to her. Something in her tells her that you won't hurt her, wouldn't even if she was completely helpless." He frowned a little. "I wish she could trust that I wouldn't, but it's probably my fault that she doesn't."

Ironhorse nodded. "The way you looked at her that first day you came into my office," he agreed. "She didn't like it, I could see that even then, but she was strong and whole then. If she couldn't ignore it, she could at least feel secure that she could defend herself." His eyes narrowed. "That's what she needs," he murmured. "Gentlemen, tomorrow we start trading falls. We're going to help Kasey regain her self-confidence. We're going to find a way to rebuild her self-esteem."