Title: The needs of love

Author: Adalisa

Feedback: I love it. It's inspiring... and let's face it, it's the only real reason to keep writing.

Distribution: My site, anyone else, just ask.

Summary: Champ comes to terms with some unpleasant things about his feelings towards Trevor.

Sequel to: The rhythm of love

Rating: Pg-13 (Yeah, it has moved up from the G rating)

Disclaimer: Trevor, Champ and all Cupid characters were created by Rob Thomas, who is a genious, and belong to Tri Star Pictures, Sony and to the guys of ABC who didn't knew what they had and let die a wonderful series.

So while someone else takes them, I play a little with them.

Content: Champ/Trevor

Warning: This has m/m. You should know that already, since you found this.

Spoilers: Picking Up Stitches, Meat Market, A Fractured Fairy Tale.

Notes: This week's episode of Cupid was one of the saddest I've ever seen, and ended with a very haunting image: Trevor sitting on the top of a building, all dressed in black, eyes red because he had been crying. Not only it made me think of a new story -a Trevor POV which could or could not be a mirror to this Champ's stories- but it also made me write this one as soon as the episode was over. Thank goodness for laptops. Oh, yeah... and this is the first story in which I don't follow the episode in it's entirely. Just so you know in case you decide to watch the series.

By Adalisa.

I never thought much about those things... Even when I am a firm believer that love needs nurturing in order to grow, I never thought that _Love_ could have needs.

I never thought that Trevor would have needs.

Trying to avoid my thoughts about him, which I believe are getting a little out of hand especially since our Halloween adventure at the Gomorra, and his constant nagging for me to get some sort of date, I start courting our neighbor. She's a nice woman, a great kisser... and when I'm with her, I can almost forget Trevor.

_Almost_ is the code word here.

I can never take my mind away from him now.

When I meet him, I would find myself thinking about him from time to time... then it was as if I thought about him at least once each day... And so it grew, so gradually that I didn't realized it.

Not until I was kissing her, wondering if Trevor would be proud of me.

Pathetic, I know.

It was a very stupid and puerile attempt to see if I could get him at least a little jealous.

Of course, he didn't. And my heart took a nice dive into an absolute crash when he began trying to be helpful.

I yelled that I didn't need his advice on my love life. I bit my lips to stop me from yelling that I needed _him_ in my love life. I even went to the point of reminding him that he didn't had any action in the sex department, only to hear once again the Prime Directive of his mission.

No sex with mortals.

I was so desperate, that I asked what was wrong with becoming mortal, what was so wrong about becoming simply Trevor Hale, barman.

After all, I loved him that way.

Not that I told him that.

His answer was simple. He would not become Trevor Hale, barman. He would be Trevor Hale, 5000 year old _depressed_ barman.

I've seen him in his down moments. And I had promised myself that I would not let him go so depressed again.

But I failed. I hurt him again.

And instead of facing my mistake, instead of trying to make it right, I backed off and tried harder to get things to work with my neighbor. After all, she's a woman and she's mortal. My usual type of partner. That night at Taggerty's, a girl asked me about Trevor.

What he likes, what he does, what kind of movies he rents... where he lived.

What did I do? Nothing. I just told her that he worked there, never mentioned that we were roommates.

As much as I had said that I didn't want to think about Trevor, about my unrequited impossible love for Trevor... Even when I was angry at him for saying that if he wanted he could have an orgy of girls begging for him in the apartment... I couldn't let _her_ get near him.

I already have way too much competition with Dr. Allen alone.

Besides, Trevor was getting a little too desperate about his mission. Again, he was changing his goal from getting people to find their 'True Love' to settle with one night stands.

Now I wonder why didn't I saw that as a sign of a big depression in it's way.

Thankfully, I'm a little wiser about his moods now. I recognized a depression building when he started rambling about 'Sure Score' methods. But angry because he wasn't sharing his troubles with me, I choose to ignore the signs.

It wasn't until he re-decorated the dinner I had prepared for my date, changing it from a casual meeting to a 'let's fuck bufette' when I decided to face him.

As my date returned to her apartment, just upstairs from mine, I went to Taggerty's and demanded an explanation. And when he refused to give me one that wasn't about how I wouldn't get her in my bed, I called him insane.

I called him selfish.

And I still don't know what lie hurt him the most.

I left Taggerty's still mad, but I wasn't sure if I was mad against myself or against him... and I meet Mike, one of the singles at Dr. Allen's meeting.

Apparently, Dr. Allen has been canceling her small after therapy chats with Trevor just to be with her new boyfriend. That was all that Mike said, apart from the fact that Trevor was becoming really insistent with the subject of sex, with the fact that he had chosen celibacy.

Then it hit me like a ton of bricks.

Greek gods were insatiable according to legends. Trevor himself has provided me with enough mental images to last me three lifetimes of fantasies, just by telling me about his favorite parties... And now he couldn't even consider it.

As rude as I put it to him, the springs on his bed didn't squeak anymore.

And everyone he knew was getting some.

Even Dr.Allen, the Ice Queen of facts was getting some.

I ran back home, decided to apologize, to somehow make things better with him... Heck, even to allow him to butt in my not so interesting love life.

I didn't went to the door, using the fire stair instead... I wanted to clean a little of the mess I had done and wanted to get there before Trevor.

No such luck.

He was there, talking to the phone, a bottle of wine in his hand.

And his words froze my heart.

He was talking to Dr. Allen, or maybe to her answering machine, telling her that she had won, that he had found a girl to love, and that he would get laid and forget all about Cupid. He would forsake immortality and that she could congratulate herself for it.

His eyes were so dark, that I believed it.

Someone knocked out the door, and he went to answer. It was the woman who had been asking about him at Taggerty's, and I knew that I had to get out of there before I embarrassed myself.

Just to return to the apartment, five minutes later, this time using the door.

I don't know why I returned, but as I wondered if I could ignore the laughs on Trevor's room long enough to stop my heart from breaking, I saw a paper tacked in the wall. It was a poem, and Trevor had done a little doodle, pointing me to recite it to our neighbor upstairs.

His way of saying 'I'm sorry'.

I went out the window, through the fire stair... Thinking of doing as Trevor said, and winning back my neighbor's heart. That would have done a wonderful picture... I, reciting her love words, kissing her hand, looking at her smile, while Trevor sacrificed immortality in the arms of some unknown woman.

In the arms of someone who wasn't me.

The phone rang, pulling me out of my thoughts. I didn't ran inside to pick it up, knowing that the answering machine would get it. Trevor ran inside the room, wearing only his boxers, and I saw him through the open window, wishing that it was me the one who put him in such a state that he could not find the 'not disturb' button.

At the end, it might have been a good thing.

After his latest 'call us' recording ended, Dr. Allen's voice filled the room.

"Trevor, is Claire. Listen a couple of things. One, I wanted to apologize. About talking to Alex, I shouldn't have done that, it was wrong of me. Two, regarding your call I think it's a great thing. You know, finding a girlfriend might be exactly what you need. Regarding the 'cured' thing, I will believe it when I see it, and I'll see you again. But this is a step forward. And, Trevor... remember to lock your door." Her tone was mocking, but concealing. Just what I expected from the Ice Queen.

And once again, her words hurt Trevor. They made him feel as if no one believed in him anymore.

From my hiding place, I saw his smile break, as he returned to his room to tell his girl to go away... And I heard him cry.

For the first time since Trevor waltzed in my life, I heard him cry.

"I have to go home." He told Helena, over and over again. She was gone, and he kept crying.

I waited there, reading silently the poem he had chosen for me, until his tears stopped, and he left the house. I couldn't face him like this, because I was crying too.

He is right, you know? He has no reason to be here. He has to go to his real home.

He _needs_ to go home.

Because if he doesn't, this world will eat him. His joy, his life... and his mind.

So you see, it's not him the one who is being selfish. I've seen him struggle into making people happy, even when it won't help him to get the hundred couples he needs to return home. And whenever he pushes someone, it's for their own good, not for Trevor's sake.

This time, this days, it has been different because he is depressed... And he has no one to listen to his troubles.

Because Claire doesn't want to listen to his real problems.

Because he doesn't want me to know his real problem.

What Trevor needs is someone who will listen to him, someone who believes him.

Someone like me?

I wish.

But he will never let me near him.

I couldn't stay sitting around, so I grabbed my jacket and went out to find him... Ready to keep walking until I saw him again.

That was three hours ago.

I'm sitting in a 24-hours coffee, looking at the building across the street.

In the top of it, leaning in one of the Greek-style columns, I can see Trevor, sitting down.

I know that he will not jump, but still, seeing him like that breaks my heart.

I cannot go to him, because I don't have the words to explain my actions.

But I can wait for him, and be there when he needs a friend.

I can try at least to fill some of his needs, even when I cannot tell him the truth of my feelings.

Because when I saw his tears, I understood.

Love does not only need understanding, care, and time.

Love also needs Love.

And It's the only thing I can give Trevor, even if it is just from afar, even if I cannot tell him that.

But looking at his lonesome figure, I can name that feeling, I can say it out loud.

"I love you, Trevor Hale."

Love needs trust.

"I love you, Cupid."

To be continued...

--

Adalisa

-Obi Wan and Darth Maul Rule!

(WhiteKnight's own Dama de los AU)