Title: Tears in Darkness

Author: Birgitt Schuknecht

Fandom: due South

Season: 3rd

Rating: PG13

Pairing: none

Category: drama

Disclaimer: The characters used in the following story are not mine. I do not make any money out of this. It's written for fun and for the fans of the show.

Spoilers: not for the show, but for Caroline von Trott's story "Fallen Hero"

Teaser: Ray Vecchio has to make a difficult decision during his undercover mission.

July 1999

By Birgitt Schuknecht.

Armando Langostini wasn't a happy man. Despite his outward appearance - decent and expensive designer clothes, all in black, a valuable gold watch around his left wrist and an eye-catching gold cross around his neck - he thought of himself as rotting from inside. And he hoped it wouldn't show on his face how disgusted he was by himself.

Once there had been a Chicago Police Detective, named Raymond Vecchio, member of a large and loving Italo-American family and respected by his superiors and colleagues at work. Despite all those bickering remarks he heard all day from his fellow workers he knew that he was a good cop and that his work was recognised. Finally. Thanks to the best part of his life, the best part of himself. Benton Fraser, Constable of the RCMP, a full-size Canadian, liaison officer at the Canadian Consulate in Chicago. This Ray Vecchio had helped "Benny" as he used to call him solving a murder case - the Mountie's father being the victim. They'd become friends, an unlikely pair, but nevertheless very successful. Benton Fraser had pulled him into numerous "situations", ending up in solving even more crimes and thus improving his - Ray's - formerly poor record.

There had been hard times between them as well, but after some years Ray had found himself content with the life he was leading. Content? No, that couldn't have been. Would he sit here now in a Italian Café sipping one cup of coffee after the other, reading the leading articles of various newspapers, and pretending to be part of a influential mob organisation run by the Iguana family, if he had been content with his life before? Surely not, he thought, carefully avoiding a frown on his face. He was never alone, even when he thought he was. There were Iguana's people all around. Family, friends of the family, friends who knew friends... It was going on endlessly. The power of the Iguanas here was even greater than that of the Zuko's in Chicago. The Zuko family had been part of Ray Vecchio's reality since he was a little boy, when he became friends with the mobster's son, Frankie Zuko. His intimate knowledge of this mob family had made his undercover mission a lot easier than he had expected.

Ray, no Armando had had many sleepless nights to figure out why he had gone undercover in the first place. There were several reasons for a mission like this. It would benefit his career immensely, if he succeeded. But a career was not all he desired. It had been a challenge for Ray Vecchio, a test for his abilities as a police officer. He had come to a standstill with his work. Benton Fraser had saved him years ago from going down the gutter, or from getting himself killed. With the help of his unknowing friend he had been able to overcome the crisis he'd been in then. But when Benny had left for Canada to spend his vacantions there Ray had realised that he had to prove himself without relying on his best friend.

Despite the danger Armando was constantly in he liked some aspects of this mission. His senses were alerted all the time, he was checking and rehearsing himself every waking hour. It almost seemed to him that he held control even in his sleep. But this alertness took its toll. Still he was not trusted. Although he had a flawless background history and knew that he was quite safe for the time being there was always the risk that he let slip something which would arise suspicion. It was a mental strain, but eventually it would show also physically. Armando only hoped that he would have completed the mission before this happened.

God, he missed Benny. Well, yes, he missed his family and his colleagues at work. But always it had been the Mountie he had turned to when he had to discuss serious matters. Although he had never admitted this. A small smile showed on his face, to be replaced just in time by the stoic expression he had trained on for weeks and weeks. He checked with his companion. Paolo was in deep discussion with the attractive waitress. Armando acknowledged Nico's taste in women with just one thought. Nico Torroni was a good friend of Stefano Iguana, the head of the family and of the organisation, and also a "business associate". One of the reasons why Armando picked his café as his favourite place he ate in.

Nico's was also near the premise where Armando was to contact the FBI in case of "difficulties". They had worked out numerous ways to get messages to him or enable him to get messages to the FBI. Another thing he had to remember by heart. It was his only way to get back into... normality. Paolo talked and talked. Armando looked at his "shadow" who was there to "protect" him as Stefano had pointed out with a grin. Armando had grinned back knowingly. Paolo reported every night on Armando's activities, and it was a matter of survival for Armando what Paolo told his boss. Nevertheless, Paolo was an amiable character, for a criminal, Armando reminded himself, making it all the harder for him to be careful with Paolo.

The waitress, Nina, threw Armando a desperate look and he flashed her a smile. Yes, it was time to get back "to work". He stood, folding his newspapers meticulously, placing them on the table with accuracy. That was another habit he had taken to in the last weeks. It helped to concentrate. This calm accuracy showed in everything he did and that had even impressed Stefano. Armando was worth his money. Nevertheless he took no pride in what he was doing. His "work" made him sick at heart and soul. But it had been his own decision...

He went round the table and placed an arm around Paolo's shoulders. Without a word and with just a nod to Nina he pulled the still babbling man with him, out of the café and into the park. It was a fine spring day and the paths and lanes were filled with people. This was a populated place at all times, but today it was simply crowded. And Armando was nervous with crowds now. He felt uncomfortable if he wasn't able to check everything that was around him. He started fidgeting with the keys in his left pocket. Paolo eyed him interestedly. "Si, Armando, I'm nervous too. I haven't forgotten the threats the boss had got lately, and we are well known to be his men." Armando smiled a little and tried not to look relieved. "Paolo, that's exactly what's protecting us in this neighbourhood. Surely they won't try anything on Iguana grou..."

He was interrupted midsentence by someone running into him. Armando drew in his breath sharply. Just in time he hindered Paolo to draw his gun. "Easy..." What his companion thought to be an attack was just a little boy staring at him now in wide eyed horror. Closer inspection revealed that it was only one of the boys who used the busy park as their hunting grounds for customers. This one was one of the countless shoe polishers. And the little boy was good at his job. He recovered quickly. "Uh, ah... I'm awfully sorry, Sir. Ya need a polish. I'm the best, ya know. And the cheapest... and..."

Armando cut in impatiently: "And the fastest, most intelligent... I know the story, boy, spare me. Now look, you're right. I do need a polish. Thanks to you, trampling on my shoes. Nice trick, though." Paolo gave a laugh. The boy had the decency to blush a little. He fingered with a cloth and prepared to start his work. Armando wouldn't have that. He snatched the cloth from the boys grip. "Let me do this myself. I have no time for this."

He bent down and removed any signs of dust from his shoes. He stood, gave the cloth back to the boy, slapped his cheek lightly and moved on, with a still laughing Paolo in tow. The boy called after him: "And my money?" Armando turned, never stopping though. He laughed at the little angry face. "You're a good one." And with that he tossed him a coin he pulled from his pocket. Paolo looked at him questioningly. "Ah, I have a great heart for those. Reminds me of myself..." And Paolo grinned, nodding in total understanding. And Armando tightened his grip on the little piece of paper he had pulled from the little shoe polisher's cloth.

***

The first moment he was alone and believed himself safe Armando examined the message he'd got in the park. The door of the restroom was locked and he leaned at the edge of the basin as he read the few words, neatly written down on the paper he held with slightly trembling hands.

"Red has cancer." Nothing more. Nothing less. Armando shook his head in disbelief. He knew what these words meant. But he didn't want to believe it. He refused to accept it. This has to be a mistake. He even thought over the possibility that the Iguanas had figured out all about his undercover mission. This could be a trap or a cruel joke before killing him off.

Armando stood with effort. No! The message was true. He could feel it. Oh, God, Benny... Armando had agreed with his superiors upon a few code words, just to avoid using any names in messages. Red was his friend Benton, for obvious reasons. But... cancer? Armando realised that his body was shaking from shock. Amazingly his mental conditioning set in automatically. He concentrated on breathing, calmly, deeply, regularly. The shaking stopped. He straightened his back. Without thinking about the message anymore, he pulled out a lighter, setting it on fire. Neither his face nor his body gave away any emotion as he watched it burn. Then - when it threatened to singe his fingers - he throw it into the toilet and flushed it down, putting the lighter back into his pocket.

Checking his face in the mirror Armando decided that it was safe to leave the restroom. He turned, hesitated and then turned again. He washed his hands thoroughly as if he had to free his hands from every possible evidence. This also had become a habit with him in the last weeks. On some days he seemed to wash his hands constantly.

Outside Paolo was pacing the anteroom of the park's rest room. He turned as Armando came out. Armando held up his hands in an apologising gesture. "Scusi, Paolo. Too much coffee at Nico's." Paolo shook his head in agitation. "Enough of that, Armando." Paolo came over to him, his face clearly showing a mixture of anger and fear. Armando held his breath. "Stefano called over the cell phone a minute ago. Armando, you're not going to like it..." Paolo choked on the next words. "Carla was nearly kidnapped. Stefano expects us at home."

Armando reeled back to the door behind him. Carla was Stefano's four year old daughter. His only offspring. The only person the mobster loved and trusted completely. If anything was to happen to her... Armando's fear of the consequences were intensified by his own feelings for the sweet little girl. Carla reminded him of his own nieces at home and there were times when he played with her, that he could ignore his new existence as a criminal. "Nearly kidnapped? She's safe now?"

"Scusi, Armando, I should have told you that at first. I didn't want to worry you." Armando accepted Paolo's concern with a nod. "Who..." Paolo answered his unfinished question with a mere look. "Pelegrini." Armando stated it as a fact. There was no other possibility that the family rivalling the Iguanas as the leading organisation in town were behind this.

Armando laid a hand on Paolo's shoulder. "Let's go, Paolo. Stefano will be needing us." And the two men got out into the spring sunshine, heading towards the Iguana Residence, not without checking their surroundings constantly. There were no safe grounds for the Iguana men anymore.

***

Stefano Iguana could have been mistaken as a brother of Armando. Both men were tall, slender at the verge to skinniness. Olive skin and green eyes. Even their prominent noses and their hair or better their lack of hair were alike. When they had met first, there'd been a stunned silence around them. Slowly Stefano had started to smile. "Looks like a lost son returning..." Armando hadn't been fooled by those words. No way that this would make his mission any easier. On the contrary, it had aroused all the more suspicion. Armando had cursed his superiors for not informing him on this fact. Later, when he had been alone after the first meeting, he had figured out that the FBI had left him in the dark deliberately about his physical likeness with the mobster, by showing him only snapshots of Stefano, being of a very poor quality. He wouldn't have recognised his own mother on pictures like those. That night after his first encounter with Stefano had been the first time he'd felt like a pawn in game he didn't even know the rules of.

And now Armando was even behaving like a brother. He pulled Stefano into his arms after he had entered the study the mobster had been waiting for him. Paolo had stayed behind. Embracing Stefano was the first emotional contact with his boss since he joined the family. No, their first emotional contact had been the feelings they shared for Carla. Stefano had recognised Armando's interest for his daughter. And again that had furthered Stefano's caution. It had cost weeks to convince the mobster that Armando just liked Carla for her own sake.

Armando knew that he was on dangerous ground. He couldn't allow himself to forget his undercover mission for a single minute. He feared that he had already lost some of his perspective. But that couldn't be helped now. And from a certain point of view this crisis was the ideal opportunity to further the bond between him and Stefano. What cruel irony! To betray a man in a matter dear to both men's hearts. And Armando felt filthy again, to use a little girl in a game of distrust and fear.

After a few minutes Stefano pulled free. "Grazie, Armando, I just needed that. What do you know?" Armando shook his head. "Only what Paolo told me about your phone call. I haven't spoken to anyone yet. Carla's all right?" Stefano let his relief show. "Si, Armando, don't worry. You can see her after I've filled you in. I think Carla doesn't even know what that was all about. She's talking about it like an adventure game we played with her."

Armando smiled slightly. "She's a tough one, like her daddy. What happened?" Stefano nodded. "You should know the details. But let's sit." He drew Armando with him to the couch. With a gesture of his left hand he made his guards leave the room. They followed his orders silently. After the door had closed, Stefano searched Armando's eyes. For a second Armando felt like looking into a mirror. Stefano grinned at him. "I came to trust you, Armando. You're a good man and... damn, you look like the brother I never had. I do not know if my trust in you is justified, far from it. But I do know that I can trust you in anything that concerns my daughter." Stefano looked at him expectantly. Armando decided the man deserved nothing less than the truth: "I cannot prove that you can trust me. And you wouldn't believe me if I gave you my word on it. But I'll do anything to protect Carla. She's like a daughter to me, too." For a moment the stunned expression on mobster's face let him believe that he had gone to far. But Stefano finally smiled at him, the first real smile he had ever got from the mobster.

"Armando, that is enough for me. I have a great favour to ask and I will not force this upon you, since I have to get anything that you can give me in this matter, your skill, your heart and soul, and maybe your life... Armando Langostini, will you protect my daughter? Will you take care of her for me?" Armando was slightly shocked. That was perhaps the first time in the mobster's life, that he let down all his defences.

There was only one answer to this, and this answer had nothing to do with his undercover mission. He spoke as Ray Vecchio, not as Armando Langostini, when he said: "Try to stop me!"

***

The rest of the day had been hard on Armando. After Stefano had made him the custodian of his child, he had told him about the near kidnapping. Then both men had visited Carla in her room. She clearly had been happy to hear that Armando was going to be her new guard. The little girl was familiar with having armed man around her constantly and Armando felt a pang of regret as he saw what she took for a normal childhood.

In the hours to come he had been busy with developing security plans for his little charge. Stefano had watched him the whole time, content with his efforts. He had supplied anything Armando had demanded, letting him a free hand in the whole matter. It hadn't been before three in the morning that both men had felt that Armando had done enough for one day. His task was far from completed, but he had made a good start. And before he would go to bed he checked a final time on the little girl in her room, fast asleep.

Stefano joined him when he came out of the bedroom. "You're going to move. I had your stuff brought over into there. You should be near her all the time." He pointed at the room next to Carla's. Armando nodded. "I wanted to suggest that myself first thing in the morning. I didn't believe I would use my bed tonight anyway." Stefano smiled tiredly. "You can go to bed now, Armando. You checked and double-checked security. Tonight we - she should be safe."

Still Armando hesitated. "Stefano, I haven't told you yet, but there's something I cannot hide from you." The mobster assessed him with only the hint of suspicion, but he didn't say anything. Armando went on. "This... attempt of kidnapping... I think it was only a warning, it was done far from professional." Stefano nodded agreement. "Si, that's what I thought. So?"

Armando sighed. It was only a hunch, but if he was right... "I think there's more to it. Why take all this risk for a warning? The kidnappers might have got themselves killed. They were lucky to escape." Stefano became interested. "Yes? Go on, Armando." There was no way back for him now. Go on, Armando, all you risk is making a fool out of yourself. "Perhaps it was a decoy. Maybe they left something behind... Something we wouldn't be looking for, if we thought it was an attempted kidnapping..."

He couldn't end his speculations. At first Armando thought Stefano was yelling at him, but then he realised his boss was bellowing for security. And in the next moment the house was alive again with people swarming the whole residence and its outside. Stefano and Armando watched their efforts for a while, then his boss addressed him. "Get your staff and take Carla out of here." He handed him a card he'd pulled out his wallet. "This is a safe refuge for you. Take her there, and make sure that you're not followed. You can use the BMW. Here are the keys. I give you a call when it's safe to come back. And check the..."

"... car before I use it. I will. Be careful, Stefano." Armando touched his boss's arm briefly before he went to get Carla.

***

Armando watched Carla sleeping soundly in the small bed. He had tucked her in two hours ago and she had been far too exhausted to stay awake, despite the excitement she'd experienced. Uncomfortably he shifted in the armchair he sat in, tightening again the grip on his gun. Guards were outside, but after the last hours he wasn't sure if there was any possibility of safety at all. Exhaustion hindered that he was able to think clearly, but he was past the point of sleeping now. He just sat there, thinking... nothing.

When his cell phone finally chirped he jumped out of the chair, nearly straining his back. With a groan he put the gun into his pocket, pulled out the phone and clipped it open, eyeing Carla all the time. The girl hadn't heard anything. "Yes?" His boss's voice was full of checked anger. "We found a bomb. It would have destroyed the whole house. The timer was set for six o'clock. We'd have all died in our beds. Our experts took care of it. It's safe to come back now."

Armando let himself down in the chair. His body was shaking heavily. "Nnnoo, I.. I'd prefer to stay here ff.. for the next hours. I wouldn't want to wake Carla again. She needs her sleep. Better you come here." Armando voice became steadier with every word.

He should have expected the mobster's answer. "I'd love to, but I stay put. I don't want to risk being followed. I expect you two back for lunch. Grab some sleep yourself, Armando." Now that the crisis was over, Armando thought himself able to comply his boss's wishes. "I'll try, boss." He heard a small laugh. "Yes, try. And Armando... thank you. I'll never forget that."

"God, Stefano, don't thank me. If I only had thought sooner of this possibility... if the timer had been set..." He was never meant to end this sentence. "No, stop that. It's over now, Armando. I'll see you tom... no, at noon." The phone went dead. Armando switched it off and tossed it over onto another chair. Then he stood, stretched and went out into the anteroom. He informed his guards of the situation, ordering them to wake him in five hours. Back in the room he nearly stumbled onto the couch. He reached for the small table lamp, switching it off. Armando snuggled under a blanket, listening to the rhythmical breaths of the sleeping child. Finally he closed his eyes.

But sleep escaped him. His mind sprang into activity again. All the events of the day came back to him with stunning clarity. Stefano asking him to protect his daughter, Carla whooping with delight at the news, himself realising the danger they were in... Oh, God, Benny! He had all forgotten about him. After he'd subdued his thoughts of his best friend's suffering there hadn't been a single second his mind had been free to think about Benny.

With a pang of guilt he sat upright. Staring into the darkness tears spilled from his eyes. He didn't bother to brush them away. What should he do? If he got the message yesterday... he was sure he would have ended this mission. Benny needed him, badly. But now... He had a breakthrough now. The head of the Iguana family owed him. He was able now to succeed in his task. However, was he willing to pay this price for it? Benny might... die. Yes, let's face it, Vecchio, you might never see him again. And he's alone now. OK, there was his - Ray's family - he could turn to for help. But knowing Benny Ray knew that was never going to happen.

Why? Why did they give him the message at all? He didn't want to know. He didn't want to know what his family was having for dinner tomorrow. He didn't want to know what the weather in Chicago was like. He didn't want to know... that his best friend was dying. Why had he to chose between his friendship and the most important task in his whole life?

He reached again for the lamp, switching it on again. The door opened almost instantly and an alerted guard looked into the room. Armando waved an OK to him and the man disappeared again, closing the door behind him without a sound. Armando's gaze settled on the little girl in the bed. Yes, he had a breakthrough now. He was going to succeed in his mission. But there was more. Much more. He couldn't go back now. All he could do was praying for Benny. And that he did.

***

It seemed only to have been yesterday that he was looking at Carla in the bedroom of the safe house after the bomb had been found. Now she was in a bed again and he was looking at her again. But she wasn't sleeping now. She was in pain. And fighting... Fighting a battle she was going to lose. Carla Iguana was going to die.

The attack had been vicious. This morning Armando had taken Carla to church, since her father was hindered by... important business. After mass was over he had led her over to a shrine dedicated to the Mother of God, helping her to light a candle in remembrance of the mother Carla had barely known. The mobster's wife had died when the little girl had been only two years old. Lighting candles for her every Sunday morning was a custom Carla had picked up after the anniversary of her mother's death three months ago. It had given Armando the opportunity to light a candle for his own purposes. In the last four weeks Carla and Benny had been constantly on his mind. But that hadn't hindered his work or his dedication for his undercover mission. On the contrary. It gave him the energy to survive.

They both had settled down before the image of the Holy Virgin. Both had prayed intently. Carla's small hand had been in his. And when Carla had started crying, he'd pressed her hand reassuringly. The little girl had smiled up to him, tears shining in her blue eyes. Blue eyes... Armando had wanted to cry himself. But he had to control himself. Carla had stood and kissed him lightly on the cheek.

In the next moment the world had exploded. A gunshot had echoed through the church and in the next moment Armando had collapsed into darkness. The next thing he'd known was the smiling face of a nurse, saying "He's coming to now, Doctor." Then there had been blackness again.

When Armando had awakened the next time only Stefano had been with him. He had tried to sit up and his boss had helped him. His left shoulder was bandaged and there had been a throbbing pain. He'd felt dizzy. Painkillers. He'd looked up at Stefano and his boss had informed him in a soft voice. "You're in ER. They stunned the guards outside the church. You were shot from behind. It's only a shoulder wound. The bullet had gone right through. Nothing serious."

Armando had shaken his head to get rid of his numbness. "Carla? She safe?" There had never been an answer. Stefano just had put his arm tightly round his waist, helped him stand and brought him over to another room. And there they were now, staring at the little one Armando had come to love in the last months.

Stefano left him standing and stumbled over to his daughter, kneeling beside her, taking her hand. She was still unconscious. Medical equipment had been removed already, there was nothing more to be done. They could just wait for the end...

With a sigh Armando leaned against the wall beside him, watching father and daughter all the time. But his mind wandered of. Only yesterday, there had been another message. A slightly longer one, this time. "Red is treated well. Don't worry, a friend is with him." Up until now he hadn't allowed to think about this note, but now his mind focused on the expression "a friend is with him". Armando shook his head in disbelieve. He was Benny's friend. No one could replace him! A idea formed in his head. Replacement... FBI had arranged a replacement for him at the precinct, to cover up for him. No, that's fairly unlikely that this man should be with Benny now.

Unlikely? If the Mountie continued his habit of gracing the precinct with his presence, anything would be possible. Armando thought back to the time he got entangled in Benny's adventures in the first place. Armando couldn't force the thought from his head that there might be a Ray Vecchio at Benny's side after all. Unlikely? But who would take any chances with a Mountie, especially with a Mountie like Benton Fraser!

"... a friend is with him." He - Armando, no Ray - should be with him. God, that's going to be difficult. He didn't even know how to refer to himself. Nonetheless, he would be with Benny. Armando knew that this here was the end of it. If Carla died... no, when she died, there will be nothing more to do for him. His mission could go down the gutter, he didn't care anymore. Without Carla there was only one person in the world he cared for. Benny. He had to be with him. And he would...

"Armando?" The soft voice woke him out of his reverie. He tried to focus. Stefano eyed him with concern. "You're OK?" A small nod. "She wants to see you." Armando stretched a little, trying to win some time. Then he realised there wasn't much more time left. He went over to the bed. A priest he'd never seen enter the room just had finished last rites and left.

Armando knelt down beside Carla. She was calm now, pale, deathly pale, but without a trace of pain in her face. She even managed to smile up to him. A smile that enlightened her face with a unearthly beauty and there was a sparkle in her eyes. Armando couldn't hold back his tears anymore. Stefano stood behind him, placing a hand on his shoulder.

"Carla..." but he couldn't go on, his voice broke. She still smiled to him. "Mando, don't cry." Mando was the name she'd used for him right from the start. It were the only times when he liked the otherwise hated cover name. With an effort he stifled a sob and brushed away his tears. "Scusi, cara. I'm just a little tired." And with that he took her hands into his, raising them to his mouth and kissing her tips.

She giggled. "Please stop it, Mando. It tickles." He gasped at her innocent courage. "Mando, would you do me a favour?" His astonishment grew. The last one of the Iguana family asking for a favour had been her father, asking of him to guard his child. And how miserably had he failed... "Go on, Princessa." Her smile seemed to intensify even more. "I love that. And I love you, Mando. Like I love my papa. Please, take care of him for me."

Armando had had more than his share of fighting demons in those last months. But that had been a piece of cake compared to this. He thought he would brake if he answered this. But she deserved it. Go on, you idiot. Don't show her what a coward you are. He finally managed a smile. "Try and stop me!" And the hand on his shoulder tightened to a firm grip.

Carla sighed contentedly. "I love your smile, Mando." And with that she closed her eyes, and her head rolled slowly to the side. But the smile on her face remained... Stefano pulled him up and both man hugged tightly. There was only one thought left in Armando's numbed mind. Sorry, Benny, I have to stay. But I won't worry. You're with a friend..."

***

Three months later

This time the message was different. Armando refused destroy it, like those before. Instead he carried it with him all the time, close to his heart, no matter what the risk. And every night he held it in his hands, staring at it intently. It was a only a snapshot showing Benton Fraser with a little girl on his arms and a man with spiky blonde hair beside him...

The End