The Wisdom of the Masses
Genuine words from the inhabitants...
"Time is moving along now." "I've always wanted to have lesbians, I've just never got round to making them..." "You're not walking today." (The Government employees who visited me one day) "What about snapdragons?" (I apologise for my sense of humour.) "Passions used to be on, like, every day. I get home now and I'm like uurgh!" "We're gonna get you! You'll be one of us!" (A threat from someone carrying a pink feather boa.) "I've never been in a room with no people in it." (Surprisingly perceptive.) "I've never really thought about how you would punish a worm..." "Ah! The Emperor Bob." "No, he's being examined damn you!" "They're an ignorant bunch. They're ignorant! Chinese people, just so you know... You can put that in your book. Can I see your book? Where does it say 'Die!'?" "I live in a household with people." "Is there some on these buildings?" "You have been deceived! Deceived, I tell you, if you thought television was here for your amusement." "I don't want to be a roadsign anymore. Help me. Free me." ( ~ A roadsign ) "I'll fight for the right to kill them!" "Bob was in command." "Can you stop shooting me?" "I've made it worse. Who cares?" "You and I live inside the fishbowl." " 'Capitalism' is the answer." "Red? What colour is red?" "Scientists like biologist Brian Forsyth are really upset." "If things had been different then things would have been different." (An attempt to comprehend evolution) "It's every five years. The next one is Tuesday." "I was just a child, and back then, at 10 you were just a child." "Do you know where Petrea is?" "Are you OK?" "It's a Monday timetable today, isn't it?" "Push center for emergency." (On the escape hatch of a bus.) "What exactly do you mean by 'self-awareness'?" "Aren't there cannibals there?" (Referring to Egypt.) "I have to go and talk about Jakarta now. I'll be back soon." "She's not a woman, she's a girl. She's the Pizza Hut girl!!" (Shouted with some conviction) "... a big slug-like thing with teeth." (Overheard in a library, said in explanation apparently.) "The Trading Post does not sell night vision goggles." (Becoming agitated, and proceeding to kick person who asserted that the Trading Post does sell night vision goggles.) "When you think that trouble has occurred." (Title of an air-conditioner manual.) "The reality of suicide, and why life is always worth living." (Title of an article in a Girlfriend magazine) "Why should I be depressed when I can step outside without being shot?" (The perspective of an Eclectic Hedgewitch) "What's another week of oink oink?" "If you're doing nothing, make sure you sit down, so it's obvious that you're doing nothing." (20 minutes of Its wisdom, verbatim) "He was wearing an orange shirt, but he was making some kind of sense." "It shouldn't have had six legs. It was, like, a horse... It was about *that* big, and it was all squished up. It had these tiny little legs, all six, and it lived in this tiny little world on her hand, and ate minuscule little bits of grass. It was all very small. It was very tall, and it was like 'eeee-eeee-eee!' " "I don't trust them down in A block." "Imagine me young. Can you imagine how gross I'd be?" "We don't like you Christie. We all know you don't have a brain tumour." "Gehe spiele, nacht kinder (Go play, children of the night)." "Mum took me off the tablets today." Don't think I'm stalking you, or anything. I mean, I have been following you, and watching you and stuff... but I'm not a stalker. I'm a photographer. I'm Jeff." "You're going to Hell, Heathen." "Ima, shinda hooga iie desu (It would be better if you died now)." "Some Africans run ten miles barefoot to school just because they want to go." "The use of the word "terrible" suggests that something negative, or not very nice happened." "God hates people who swear. If he was a Christian, he wouldn't swear, and God wouldn't hate him, so you could like him. You can't ever like someone God hates, you know. If you do God will hate you." "Where I lived it was perfectly normal to have a seaside donkey for the winter. Mine escaped and rampaged around the village." "Sure, she's weird. But I don't think she's, like, dangerous. But her friend who likes death and guns and stuff wants to kill me." "Hello. Hello. Hey. Hello. Do you like my teeth? They have gums." "Free Roosters. Apply Within." "And in the novel Steinbeck...(silence for a long moment)... what do you think is the most popular colour of car?" "Can you repeat that, Sir?" "I've got it all planned out. I'm going to die at the age of 103." "You'd better start, you know, or you'll wind up talking to yourself in elevators." "Thou shalt not steal from thy government." "And next- lengthening little people. An astounding new breakthrough." "So Germany was unified, and everything was beautiful." "I really think it would be better if I locked you all in here... and set fire to the building." "Chickens do NOT make cheese!" "God, you're so inintelligent." "How would you deal with that? Teachers rampaging around with Socialist slogans, chanting and shouting." "Don't say that to me, or I'll make it happen." Crooks is NOT a cohesive tie! How could it ever be a cohesive tie?" "Christianity? Ha! It's a religion for losers." "So he asked himself this: do I make the nation great through internal reform, or do I make it great by invading North Africa? Naturally, he chose to invade North Africa."
"Poor you."
"Yeah!"
"It's so tragic."
"I know!" (The utter failure to appreciate sarcasm was quite beautiful.)
"No! No! I won't believe it! It's not 89 degrees. It can't be!"
"I'm not exactly very interested in destroying George."
"There'll be machines - just let them win. Give them what they want."
"Geese display even irregular copying."( ~ The Voices )
"Yeah."
"Hey! Ben! I want to kill you!"
"What was the question?"
"Nevermind."
"No. Sorry. Yep."
"No, I'm with her."
"Yeah."
"That's really screwed." (Overheard on a Monday.)
"Well, like, being a girl, and putting on make-up and stuff..." (Really. It really fucking said this.)
"No, P-----, we need the air!"
"Oh no - the spaceship's back! What's it done with J-----?"
"Can I have a look?"
"Not my hair!"
"Look around, Sir, everyone else is talking."
"What? I wasn't....I wasn't talking!"
"When is this due? Have you told us? Yeah, but like, the date..."
"What, A-----? What? Don't look at me, you don't have the right!."
"I don't feel safe. I don't feel safe on my own! No, you can't. I've got physio this afternoon. No, seriously, it starts at four... NO!"
"Hee hee... what are you laughing at? Uhh, yuck!"
"What? It's dead. He's run out of petrol."
"Is Antarctica, um, you know, where the snow is? Is Antarctica where the snow is, or is it in America? Yeah, I get confused. Is Antarctica where the snow is, or is that that other place? Is it part of America?"
"That's all I wanted to know. Just don't look at me!"
"Look what the Master's done now. He's refuelled the petrol and he's bothering us. Or is J----- in there?"
"That's weird, did she shoot it?"
"No, but when she shocked it, it went all 'aaargh!' and I was like 'aaaahh!'. It went all ferocious, and I was so scared of it!"
"But was it cute though?"
"Well, kind of.... It was a Guidance Officer."
"Really? Has she phoned him?" (I think I may have misheard this conversation...)
-- Repeated a disturbing number of consecutive times in a menacing whisper
"Oh. (worriedly) Is that, like, for ever?"
" Just until I do something again."
-- Sentence example given by Japanese teacher
"But they have drink bottles, don't they, Miss?"
"Yes, I believe they do. Some of them even have shoes now."
-- Sign in a suburban front yard
"No...because I can't remember what I said."
"Really?"
"Yeah. I'll be old and bent and mean, but I'll be 103. And that's a good number."