the stupid things I do. oh well it proves that I love you. wahaha.

it's nearly 11 and there's no sign of her. I wasn't supposed to be online tonight but just couldn't help it. ~10th june

really crazy over linkin park...I've downloaded every single song they've released (or so I believe) and I'm getting all the music videos of the songs I like. which is a lot. ~5th june (like guess who loves LP)

haiz sister left yesterday, and I couldn't send her off coz I'm
sick and was lying in bed pathetically last night. but still
pretty glad I didn't because I cried like shit last night. ~26th july

let's hope I run into jae [on the bus] then. hehheh. haven't seen her for a couple of days already. ~23rd july

it's true that my radar for vril is like
khairiah's radar for terrorist and joyce's previous radar for
her hot pants (sheesh saw him AGAIN today) and eh same as my
radar for eewei last time. ~22nd july

I've kept off lp for so long,
only to revive it today. why? coz I saw vril. haha no lah. it
isn't the first time I'm seeing her since I stopped the lp
and it didn't revive. I don't know. ~14th july

there's
a reason why I didn't get up and go out of the lecture
theatre today. sup was like hey why are we still here? how
to tell her? because I love being here with my cca friends
and talking rubbish even though sometimes it means that I
have less time to do proper work at home. eldds meeting
ended at like 4 or so, but I only left the school at like 6
something. haiz. ~14th july

like I like school so much I stay an extra of
2 hours [with crystal]. hey but then again I saw vril. haha. my vril radar
is superbly powerful. ~12th july

so fun to
be back with my dearest friends carissa dibz and vicky. I
realise I've talked about it already. ~6th july

crystal was stoning behind him during lit today. I felt like moving into the seat next to hers but that would have been so damn obvious. hehe. ~24th august

every entry seems to have her name. but that's also because she's worth talking about. ~21 august (never get tired, don't I)

4) Erotomania: When a person develops an unreasonable love of a stranger or acquaintance who doesn't reciprocate. ~21 august (it applies like ALL the time)

hey I deserted my friend, leaving crystal sitting on the bench all by herself and thinking gosh where's she flying off to just because I KNEW she was going home and I could take the exact same buses she takes and I just wanted to accompany her. ~19th august

there was this really ugly looking phrase scrawled in black permanent marker on the side of the table which said 'delon was here'. and honestly if I could I would have taken a picture of it and uploaded it here. haha it was so stupid. ~19th august

today! I love wednesdays. why? because I get to see avril. haha. really! it's not a joke. I know I'll get to see her and my mood really swings high. really high and it scared maril pretty bad today. heh. it's not the first time and it won't be the last. the problem is that these are the last few wednesdays I'll get to see her and talk to her like that. ~18th august

I alighted at avril's stop and called her. she was like where are you and my reply was heh at the bus stop outside your place...she was like WHAT?! ~18th august

then I did something I haven't done for so long. something stupid that my friends never fail to be amazed by. something stupid my mother would scold me for. I took a 359 nearly one whole loop so that I could accompany mae and avril a little more. mae was totally dissing me like saying wah lao just because of avril right??!! well not that I didn't want to take a 12 or 21 with mae it was just that when she asked me to do that it was like 9 something at night and mother's going to kill someone soon, but today it was like evening before six and so I didn't mind. stop eating so much vinegar okay mae my dearest wife...you know why I love avril so don't eat so much okay? bad for health. ~11th august

after that went for lit lecture. initially I was like nearly right behind him...then kalidas asked us to move right in front of him. but his class had to move too because kalidas didn't want us so high up. damn. but never mind. it will fade....it will.... ~8th august

just went against my principles. haha. just finished listening to avril lavigne's my happy ending. yeah. I downloaded that. even though I really hate that punk kid but ah somehow I like this song. actually it's so lavigne but yet...never mind. ~5th august (and now guess who likes lavigne...)

ah...felt like blogging yesterday but gave it up for a greater and much more 'noble' cause [aka calling avril]. nah it wasn't noble at all. in fact it just proved that I didn't have enough determination. so sad. broke my own promise. ~30th september

talked a lot to jashan during recess. we were talking and talking until the first bell went and we were like oh dear. because she hadn't eaten, I hadn't bought my food either and I had to change. we were like laughing and laughing and we went off our separate ways. ~30th september

and the strangest part is, whenever I have a strong feeling I'm going to see that girl, my class would automatically take the spiral staircase, which is the stairs that they hate most, yet they would actually take it sometimes. and it goes by the other way, more crowded, and certainly more giddy. but it goes past e4-3. and that's her classroom. heh. of course there were occasions where I pushed my friends into the spiral stairs so that we could walk past e4-3. but whenever that happened, she would either be still in class, still having class, or disappeared. so the moral of the story is, don't push it. ~30th september

so meida and I went up to 4th floor, and meida wanted to go to toilet. and I thought oh great toilet, because toilet makes me go past e block. and vril's in e4-2. ~28th september

after school I decided to stop looking around because she isn't there. even if she is I wouldn't have the chance to see her because my radar tells me that detection will fail the entire day. even on the phone. ah dammit. stupid right. things I do. ~28th september

and after that we made our way all the way up to e4-4 for math. I was hoping so hard to see her you know. I didn't know if she was still in school because most of them finished by 12 plus. and in the morning I saw the lights in e4-3 and I was like ahhh....but my only chance was that period after math lecture. ~27th september

you know everytime I'm hungry I'll think of the shrek oreos that I haven't eaten. I don't rightly know if the reason why I'm not eating them is because I'm 1)too lazy to open them, 2)not hungry enough to finish them all and there's no one to share with, or...

3) I can't bear to eat them. they're from avril.

ah shit you lah girl. they've been there since 11th may. that's your birthday ~28th september

there must be a way out of this silly mess. there must be a way to stop myself from turning right during morning assembly, to stop myself from sitting so close during chinese, to stop myself from looking for him during lit lectures, to STOP looking. ~25th september

I caught a glimpse (just a glimpse...) of her in the LT level one toilet on the way to the stairs. so I just hypnotically went towards the toilet. wee khee was laughing saying oi the stairs is further to the left lah...but obviously I couldn't be bothered. I promised avril I'd wish her luck if I saw her. and this really really 1% chance of seeing her before the exam came. ~20th september

she told me that she'll probably be out by around 1630. I was rather happy because school ends at 1600. then all I had to do was to stick around for about half an hour to an hour and I would see her. or so I thought. then I suddenly realised that I finish at 1530 instead, ~20th september (I still stayed, by the way, and didn't see her. then I went white sands and saw her. great.)

then because I remembered that the year 2s finished at 1100, I decided to wait. I was laughing at khairiah for staying and counting down to 1100 just to see k*** when in actual fact I was no better. khairiah was like 'just a glimpse will do...' and all of us were laughing. actually, I just wanted a glimpse too. yeah that would do. ~19th september

yeah. anyway I really really thought it faded. and then I did the fatal thing on monday morning. first day of school. I lined up at my class line and...

turned right.

stupid. look right only see him. he was like exactly parallel to me. goodness. so much for thinking it had faded. rubbish ~15th september

anyway vril left at 6 plus. I walked her to the bus stop I walk to every morning. said byebye. haiz. double haiz.

never felt this way before. it scares me. does it? no. it upsets me. ~1st september

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continue another day! so late!