| Shakespeare: It's absolute crap! What is he talking about? He's going to put on a bow and arrow and potter down to the seaside? This is Prince Hamlet, not King Canute! He might as well kill himself if that's the best idea he can come up with. Blackadder: Creative thinking, Bill! Hamlet; perhaps he should top himself! Shakespeare: In Act One? Blackadder: Well, yeah, well, look we must think about bums on seats, Bill. Let's face it: It's the ghost that's selling this show at the moment. Joe Public loves the ghost; he loves the swordfights; he loves the crazy chick in the see-through dress who does the flower gags and then drowns herself. But no-one likes Hamlet -- no-one. Shakespeare: [disgusted] All right, then, I'll kill him off for you. [picks up paper and quill] Ermm... [reads] "Aye; there's the rub. To die, to sleep..." [writes] "Whoops! (Hamlet falls off the battlements)" [puts down paper and quill] Blackadder: Bill, Bill, Bill; I can see, I can see you're annoyed. I'm sorry. Hamlet has his moments. The mad stuff is very funny. It really is hysterical. But all I'm saying, Shakey, is let's just shorten this one terribly dull speech. Shakespeare: ...and all I'm saying is no. You cut one word, and you can take my name off the credits. Blackadder: All right. I'll tell you what I'll do: I'll trim this speech, and you can put back in those awful cockney gravediggers. Shakespeare: The both of them? Blackadder: Yeah. Shakespeare: And the skull routine? Blackadder: Yep -- the whole sketch. Shakespeare: All right, then; you've got a deal -- and we'll see which one history remembers. [turns to leave] Blackadder: Bill, I love you! [WS exits] Blackadder: Tempermental git! |
| See, isn't that far more entertaining? |