Cherish, Treasure, Desire, Adore

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It's hard to say you're in love: I know this from experience. Well, back that up... First off, it's hard to *accept* the one you love as actually *being* the right one to love. Then it's hard to come to terms with your feelings, especially if the whole world is telling you that you're wrong in what you feel. And if your feelings for someone are wrong by society's standards, how can you possibly bring yourself to say something about it? How can you build the confidence to go after it? How can you cherish, treasure, adore and desire the one person that standards say *you cannot have*? It's very complicated, which is where my story begins.

I'd been in love with Trunks for years. Ever since we were kids I knew there was something special about him that I'd never be able to get over. He was a couple years older than me, which isn't really all that relevant, but he was always a good friend despite the small but definite age gap between us. I was always two years behind on the cool scale for him but he remained my best friend. I guess it finally hit me in high school that I loved Trunks. Now it wasn't *easy* for me to admit this to myself; I mean, hello! I'm a *guy* and I'm in love with my best friend who is also a guy?! I began to question my mental health. I had a long-term girlfriend and a fan club of my own, even if it wasn't as large as Trunks'; I was a good athlete, I had tons of guy friends... And yet I found myself feeling empty when he wasn't there. At first I chalked it up to just missing him; but then I started feeling empty even when he was with me, in my presence. I did a lot of searching one night and it hit me so clearly I couldn't have stopped it if I tried: I loved Trunks.

Now this isn't the usual 'happily-ever-after' you might be expecting, where everything works out naturally and in a smooth process. It's not an easy story to tell and it's very complicated, mainly because I was a baka... But bear with me, okay? Here's my tale....

Cherish, Treasure, Adore, Desire.
by: Ningyo no Misa

"Ossu, Goten!" Trunks laughed as he slapped me on the back. I winced, and then grinned as Trunks met my strides and we walked along the street together. It was my last year of high school but already I was cool with the college kids because of my association with Trunks. It had been that way even when I was just a freshman; I got to sit at the 'cool table' at lunch, was acknowledged by even *seniors* in the hallways and older girls were gaining interest in me right off the bat, and all because I was friends with Trunks. I should have been feeling great with my popularity by the time I turned a senior, but somehow I wasn't. I lowered my head as Trunks and I made our way across the leaf-laden sidewalk, dry leaves crunching underneath our sneakers with each step. He was talking about some college party on the coming Friday night he was invited to and wanted to know if I'd go. I frowned.

"Ano, Trunks," I smiled sheepishly, "you know Kaa-san would never let me go to a party, let alone one at a college with a bunch of people she doesn't know. And besides, I'm not even out of high school yet and-" Trunks stopped and clamped a hand over my mouth.

"Excuse me? Are you turning down the one possible chance you'll ever have to finally get into the cool crowd? I can't believe what I'm hearing!" I pried Trunks' fingers from my mouth. The furrow in his eyebrows told me he was quickly becoming annoyed with my answer so I fumbled to make it right.

"Well, Kaa-san doesn't have to know what we're doing..." I trailed off. That remark earned me another clap on the back and Trunks resumed his pace.

"I knew you'd come through, Goten! We'll tell your mom we're going to a friend's house or something to hang for a while... you know, something lame like that... Ha! It's gonna be great! Besides, what could happen?" I agreed, but on the inside I wasn't so sure. Trunks checked his watch, and then said he had to go to class, that he had just dropped by to ask about the party. I nodded and was soon left to walk among the scenes of fall alone. I sighed.

::I'm only doing this for you, Trunks.::

* * * * *

"Ten-kun!" Mother called me by her pet name, kissed me on the cheek and fussed with my hair. She hated the way I made it stick up in a spike fashion, but I batted her hand away. Trunks had told me this was the way to wear it, so I did even though Mother didn't approve. She didn't falter. She smoothed my wrinkled shirt and smiled.

"Did you have a nice day, sweetheart?"

"Yeah, sure," I mumbled and let my book bag slip from my fingers. It hit the floor with a soft *tmp* and Mother frowned.

"If only you'd have studied like your brother Gohan," she sighed, pointing at my lightweight bag. "Then maybe you wouldn't be struggling to get accepted to a decent school." I shrugged. We'd argued about this before and she had continually tried to put me in Gohan's shoes. I had decided early on that he was not my size and I'd never fit comfortably with his life.

"I'm sorry, Kaa-san, but I'm not Gohan." I walked away from her and trudged upstairs to my room. I flopped face down on my pillow and yawned. School was a major bore; I just had to get through the rest of this year. I didn't know what I'd do after that, but I didn't really care. I'd get by.

::Somehow...:: Mother's footsteps fell muffled on my ears as I listened through the masses of down feathers. She was bumbling around in the kitchen; Gohan would be over for dinner along with Videl and Pan.

::Pan, always trying to get a hold of Trunks. Sorry, kid, but you're not the only one in this family pursuing that area of interest...::

"Goten! Goten, come help me with dinner!" I growled loudly into my mattress.

"Kaa-san, you know I don't cook! And I'm tired... why don't you do it?" No reply came so I let my eyes close, satisfied. Mother was never able to push me into anything like she had Gohan. If there were one thing I'd vow, it'd be to never become the puppet Gohan had as a kid.

::But that's doesn't mean I'm still not afraid of her temper.:: My thoughts drifted to the party Trunks invited me to. No doubt there'd be alcohol and drugs there. A smirk pulled at the corner of my mouth. It would take a lot to get me smashed so there was no worry about being caught. Mother would never know...

* * * * *

"Ah, ossu Chichi-san, Goten-kun!" Videl smiled as she entered the kitchen with Gohan and Pan. I waved half-heartedly, slumped in my chair. Family get-togethers weren't my idea of fun, especially when I could've been hanging out with Trunks.

"Sorry, man, I'd kill to go out tonight, but you see... Gohan and his family are coming over for dinner and Kaa-san's making a big to-do about it... Yeah, right, not like I don't see them all the time... Sure, sorry again. Yeah have fun... ja..." I squeezed my eyes shut as my earlier conversation with Trunks replayed in my mind. He wanted me to come out with him and a couple friends to see the latest Satan movie so we could make fun of it, but Mother had insisted a dinner with my brother and sister-in-law would be much more entertaining than seeing Pan's grandfather make a fool out of himself of the big screen. Right.

"Goten!" I wasn't expecting the punch Gohan gave to my gut and the air escaped me quickly. As I doubled over, Gohan blinked curiously at me behind thick glasses.

"You... dork...!!!" I wheezed and glared up at him. He laughed, turning a little red in the face like Father usually did. I gave him an angry smile. "We'll resolve this af... ::cough!:: ... after we eat!"

"Gomen, Goten! I didn't mean to hit you that hard. I thought you saw me!" Gohan laughed and I grumbled something again about payback. Mother clapped her hands.

"Well, kids, shall we eat? Panny-chan, go wash up, okay?" Pan, who had been sitting silently ever since, nodded and got up to wash her hands. She was going through a shy stage in her life. Videl took a seat once Mother sat and Gohan and I followed. Pan soon re-entered and dinner began. It was hell for me: slow, boring and full of idle chitchat. Gohan was babbling about some quantum physics thing he was working on in his spare time away from school and Videl kept remarking on how wonderful the meal was. Pan didn't say much but her ears perked up when I mentioned Trunks.

"So, Kaa-san," I said coolly as I shoveled in a mouthful of pork and rice, "Trunks invited me to a par- ah, get together he and a couple of his friends are having. May I go?" Mother nearly choked.

"Goten, you know I don't like you around that riffraff," she frowned as she set her bowl on the table. Her answer wasn't what I had hoped to hear; I became agitated. Gohan sat quietly, eating slowly and deliberately as if he were contemplating each bite. He studied it as if it were a piece of fine art before placing it delicately on his tongue and swallowing.

"Dear Kami, Gohan! Just eat!" I exploded. The room was hushed and all eyes turned to stare me down. Mother glared daggers.

"That's no way to talk to your brother!" I crossed my arms and sat back defiantly. Gohan rubbed the back of his head and calmed Mother.

"It's okay, Kaa-san. I'm sure Goten's just got a lot on his mind these days."

::Gohan, you have no idea,:: I sighed inwardly.

"I think you should let him go," Gohan continued, chopsticks raised slightly in the air. Mother just about blew a fuse. Videl patted her on the back as she launched a verbal attack on my brother.

"Are you insane?! Do you have any idea what those... those... thugs will do to my precious baby??? No! No, I say, out of the question!" Pan continued eating while I silently cheered Gohan on.

"Why not? I think it would be a good college experience for him." Gohan turned his head to look at me, eye winking under thick spectacles. For once Gohan was sounding like a normal being and not a geek. "Besides, Trunks is a trusted friend of the family and I'm sure he'd look out for Goten. Kind of like a brother." Mother clutched her chest as lines of worry formed over her brow. Conversation was tense from then on during dinner. Mother never once looked at me; I could tell she was angry, but I didn't care. I knew that I'd be going to that party thanks to Gohan's prodding. She always listened to him in the end.

After the meal, Gohan and I skipped out on cleanup and met up outside to throw a few kicks and punches. He was a lot better than me but he never overpowered my skill; he was a big brother in many gentle ways. It was hard to think this peace-loving nerd professor could transform into a deadly and merciless killing machine if need be. I shuddered.

"This party must be very important to you," Gohan mused as he attempted to swipe my legs out from under me. I jumped and aimed a punch at his face, which he caught.

"Well... yeah, I guess it is," I shrugged and wrenched my hand free. "Gohan, what I don't understand is... why did you help me out back there?"

"I never had time to be cool," Gohan answered as he dodged my efforts to kick his side. "Mother always made me study. I never had any fun unless it was fighting or sparring... and even then I didn't thoroughly enjoy that. I'm not one for violence, you know."

"Hai, hai, I know that," I grumbled. "But that still doesn't answer my question."

"You weren't meant to be me." Gohan smiled in understanding. He knew exactly how I felt. "If you were, the kamisen would've made me twins. You're much more of a people person than I am. You stick out, you're popular... all I've got is my brains. But that's the life that some of us are supposed to have. I'm not resentful: that's why I helped you. Because a carefree life is the kind you're destined to have and I won't interfere with that. Mother will only because she wants another me, another Gohan. It won't happen. And don't ever let it, got me kid?" Gohan landed a punch on my jaw that sent me sprawling.

"Whatever you say, Onii-san," I grinned and hopped up to my feet. I dusted myself off as Gohan chuckled and went back inside to ease Mother's worries. "Yosh!" I yelled to the night air and darted back up to my room. So many plans had to be made... I had to look perfect.

* * * * *

The end of the week took forever to arrive; but when it did, I was ecstatic.
Mother wasn't speaking to me that Friday night but I didn't care. Actually, it was rather nice not to have to listen to her nag. Trunks had called me Wednesday to make sure I was still going. He said to be ready as soon as possible after school and then he'd swing by the house and pick me up. The party wasn't starting until 8 but Trunks said we could grab a late lunch and go get the party necessities. As long as I was with Trunks I didn't care where we went.

I studied myself in the mirror: dark, baggy jeans that hugged my slim waist, a tight, white tank top and an unbuttoned red shirt over top completed my outfit. I slid a dark brown belt through the loops on my pants and grinned. I went to the bathroom to fix my hair. I ran my hands through it and added some gel, making it messy yet still in style. I accidentally put on too much cologne but decided that the time outside would diminish the scent quite a bit. Outside a car horn honked impatiently and I jogged to the door to put on my shoes. Mother was standing there with her arms crossed.

"You be careful," she said, her tone hard. "Consider yourself lucky; this won't be happening for a long time in the future, wakarimasu ka?" I rolled my eyes and nodded. Thankful to be out of my mother's claws, I took a running leap and jumped into the passenger seat in Trunks' convertible.

"Watch the interior," he frowned. "What's with the old bat of yours?" I slouched in my seat enjoying the wind that whipped through my hair as Trunks picked up speed and headed back for the city.

"What do you mean?"

"She shot me death looks the whole time I was waiting for you. I heard her little speech before you came out here, too," Trunks said as he floored it. Trees and foliage streaked by and slowly thinned out as he drove, a sign that we were nearing the city. I just shrugged and smiled.

"Kaa-san is Kaa-san."

"Well, anyway, I hope you're ready to party," Trunks grinned and put on some shades. "Cuz we are gonna be rockin' tonight!" He let out a yell as we zipped into city limits and cruised the streets. I laughed; Trunks was so carefree. He did and said whatever was on his mind regardless. Sometimes I wished I could be like that...

* * * * *

The time in-between the end of school and the starting time of the party flew. Before I knew it we were standing outside of a frat house listening to the bumping bass lines that pounded from behind the closed door. I was a little unsure about this whole thing; Trunks had been in charge of getting some of the beer, which I had tucked under my arm. But he had also shown me a bag of weed he had bought earlier, a rather large one at that. I'd had a drink or two before but I'd never been high. I wondered what I would do when the time came to smoke or pass.

Trunks knocked furiously on the door then let himself in. There were a few people there already, more guys than girls. Trunks frowned and pulled a guy aside.

"Dude, I thought you said there'd be chicks here!" he shouted above the noise.

"There will be, just have faith, my man!" came the reply and Trunks nodded.

"This is my friend Goten!"

"Hey man!"

"Hi," I said, not loud enough to be heard. Suddenly I wasn't feeling too good about this. There were girls already making eyes at Trunks and my jealously factor skyrocketed. Trunks noticed the sudden jump in my Ki level and clamped a hand down on my shoulder. I flinched and immediately suppressed my anger.

"Don't worry, Goten! There are plenty of chicks here, we can share!" Trunks winked at me and I exhaled in relief as he turned away to chat some more. I surveyed the place as I set the beer down on the kitchen counter. Blacklight posters covered the walls, empty alcohol bottles cluttered the tables, music blared and rattled the windows. A couple was making out on the battered leather couch and I turned a slight shade of pink as one of them caught me looking and scowled. I averted my eyes quickly and took a small walk around the room. The brown shag carpet was old and worn under my shoes and paint peeled off in the vacant wall space. This was my first real party and it was starting to be a downer. I found Trunks again and tugged on his sleeve.

"Yo, Trunks, is this gonna get any better?" I grumbled and Trunks frowned. He held up a finger to one of his friends, grabbed me by my arm and led me out into the quieter hallway.

"Look, what's your problem, Goten? Do you want to leave or something? The party hasn't even started and you're already whining. Go home to mommy or something, okay?" I bristled.

"Shizuka na! I've had enough!" I shouted and turned to walk away. If Trunks was going to be a baka all night then I might as well go back home. So what if he called me a momma's boy? It wouldn't be the first time. Even though he was my best friend, and romantic interest, he could still be a major prick when it came to looking cool. Trunks grunted in regret and trotted up to me.

"Matte yo, Goten," he sighed, pushing the purple bangs out of his eyes. "I'm sorry, okay? C'mon, don't leave. You just have to wait for things to spice up. It's not a bundle of fun right away. You gotta get stoned and plastered first." A smirk much like the one his father always wore slid onto his face. He nodded back to the party and I sighed, following him back. My resistance always crumbled around him.

"Everything okay?" Trunks' friend called from the kitchen. Trunks gave him the thumbs up and led me to a couple of girls.

"Treena, Amei, this is my good friend Goten. Why don't you show him a good time?" Trunks laughed and patted me on the back as the two attractive girls instantly latched onto my arms and led me to the couch. I uttered a cry of protest but Trunks was already across the room. The couple from before was still making out and having a time at it, so I judged. Treena and Amei cooed, running their fingers through my hair and asking little questions in sexy voices. I took a deep breath and forced a smile, like I was actually enjoying these little sluts crawling around on my lap. What I had wanted was for Treena and Amei to be replaced with just one person: Trunks. I wanted him to be the one I snuggled with, whispered cute nothings to, kissed, touched. But at that moment all I could do was imagine and watch hopelessly as a blonde dressed in skimpy clothes walked up to Trunks and enveloped him in a smothering kiss. It might have only been seconds but for me it felt like an eternity of agony. When she finally pulled away, Trunks' lips were pouty with the kiss and his face was flushed. He laughed, enjoying her greeting and once again my Ki surged. Trunks' head snapped over to look at me while I quickly increased the size of my smile and grabbed the closest of the two girls and kissed her.

"Oi, Goten," Treena pouted and slapped my arm. I realized I must've been kissing Amei; but even though I put as much passion into it as possible, I just didn't feel anything. I heard Trunks and his friends cheering me on and Amei emitted a series of moans and sighs. She was actually a pretty good kisser, and the only problem I faced was fooling myself that I was kissing Trunks. Well, that and the fact that neither Amei nor Treena got me going. I had to fake it for the sake of saving face. I pulled away, wanting to gag, but made myself calm down as Amei smiled triumphantly. Treena pulled my face violently toward her and locked lips with me. I was surprised but didn't have the nerve to pull away from her. Instead, I was subjected to the torture of enduring this seemingly never- ending kiss.

::Trunks!:: my brain screamed. ::I love Trunks!:: At least my mind and heart could say what I could not. A beer was placed in my hand by someone I didn't know, but I was happy to have a distraction for my lips. I opened the can eagerly and downed it in one gulp. Treena and Amei gasped.

"Hey!" Amei called. "Someone get this guy a 40!" Trunks nodded and threw a 40-ounce my way from across the room. I caught it easily, popped the top and finished it in two swallows.

"Kuso!" Treena breathed. "Did you see how he just pounded that thing?" Amei nodded at her, wide-eyed, and they both snuggled closer into my arms. I wanted to scream.

"Trunks! You got anything else?" In less than a minute a bottle of Everclear was in my hand and I was gulping it down.

::Maybe if I pass out they'll go away!:: After most of the hard liquor was gone, I was starting to feel a little fuzzy, but nothing major. Normally anyone would have passed out after the combination of the 40 and a couple shots of the Everclear, but I was virtually unaffected. One of Trunks' friends, Jikkyu, approached me with a grin.

"Trunks can hold his alcohol and it looks like you can, too. How's about you and him get into a drinking contest?" I held my hands up with a sheepish grin.

"I don't think you've got anything that could put me or Trunks under the table."

"Oh no?" Trunks questioned as he gestured to the opened liquor cabinet. "Jikkyu and I stocked up for just such an emergency!" Indeed they had; bottles in various colors lined the cabinet four deep and eight across and there were three shelves. I eyed the cabinet wearily, not really wanting to get hammered but knowing I couldn't back down to the challenge.

"Sure, all right," I heard myself say. Trunks beamed.

"Good man!" he exclaimed and grabbed as many bottles would fit in his arms. He slammed them down on the coffee table in front of me and took a seat on the carpet. Treena and Amei finally let go to give me some room and I was relieved.

Trunks and I started off with a bottle of vodka. He finished his first and waited for me to finish, a sly grin on his face. Cheers of 'Trunks!' and 'Goten!' filled the room as the contest progressed. We moved on to tequila, then rum, and pretty soon after that I had no idea what I was drinking. I was starting to feel it, a warm, burning fire that ignited in the bottom of my stomach and then shot its way up to my chest. It wasn't exactly painful but I didn't welcome it fully, either. I knew I was done for: Trunks' clear expression didn't falter at all. Halfway through, a bong was passed around and my impaired judgment encouraged me to take a few hits. A haze settled over my eyes and I felt a little giddy.

"Still goin'?" Trunks said with a laugh.

"You betcha!" Trunks was right: the party was getting better now that I was getting smashed. Suddenly everything was funny and everyone was my friend. I even put my arm around Treena much to Amei's dismay. And all the time I just kept staring at Trunks. I laughed for no reason, I blushed in obscurity. In my world of fuzz and haze, Trunks was even more desirable than before. The alcohol and drugs had poisoned my senses but not my heart. If anything, they magnified my feelings for Trunks tenfold and I felt more and more sure that this was right.

I'm not too sure what all happened for the rest of the night; Trunks most likely won the drinking contest. I was on the verge of passing out and found myself being led down the hall to a bedroom. There was a small, soft hand in mine and a blurred image of a blonde danced in front of my eyes. I was sure it was Amei... or was it Treena? One of them had brown hair but I really couldn't remember which. It didn't matter anyway. Even in my stupor I knew exactly what this was leading to. I tried to resist and I could've easily had I not been intoxicated, but Amei (or Treena, whoever it was) proved very persistent.

"Don't worry, Goten," she purred in my ear as she pushed open the door to a vacant room. "I'll make this all worth your while. You'll have bragging rights when you go back to high school." I dry heaved. Amei, as I had decided it must be, mistook it, thinking it was because of the liquor. In fact, it *was* probably partly my drunkenness, but most of it was due to my situation. This girl was throwing herself at me without a clue that I had no interest in the female species. But what could I do? I did what my brain screamed through the cloud of alcohol: *RUN*! I just took off down the hall, bumping into the walls and stumbling around when I turned a corner and ran face first into a chest. For a moment I thought it was another girl; but as I slowly inhaled the scent and moved my face from between two muscular pectorals, I knew exactly who it was.

"Where ya goin', Goten?" My heart pounded in my chest and I swallowed hard.

"Amei... Treena... someone... in there," I panted, pointing back to the room I had fled. Trunks followed my finger and a huge, doofy grin spread across his face.

"Dude! What are you doing out here?! Get back in there, man, she wants you bad!" I shook my head furiously, making myself dizzy. I belched a thick, nauseating burp and grasped my stomach.

"I don't want... I think I'm gonna puke." Trunks shook me, sending my stomach into somersaults.

"You'll make it," he assured me, the stupid grin never faltering.

"But I don't wanna!" I protested as Trunks turned me around and pushed me back down the carpeted hallway. "Iie! I don't want her, I want y--!" Trunks shoved me hard into the room and closed the door quickly. Amei pounced quickly and began ripping at my clothes. I shut my eyes, not caring anymore. I just wanted to drift far, far away. I felt myself falling backwards onto the bed and a small body positioned itself on top; the rest after that I just want to forget.

* * * * *

The next morning I awoke with a groan. My head was spinning even in my reclined position and an overwhelming urge to vomit seized my throat. I forced my stomach to calm enough for me to sit up. Arms and legs not my own disentangled themselves from around my waist and chest and my eyes snapped open.

"Kuso!" I cried as I jumped up. Mallets of pain smashed into the sides of my head as I surveyed the sleeping form in front of me.

::Last night was not a dream... it was real. *This* is real, *she* is real! Dear Kami, no...:: It was not Amei but Treena that lay in the bed. A tiny smile was on her face as a light snore exited her nose. Amei or not, it was still very bad and I knew then that the rising tension in my throat would relieve itself any moment. I grabbed my discarded boxers and dashed for the bathroom. I hugged the toilet as I purged myself of all my disgust and shame. The acid burned my throat and mouth, and left a bitter taste on my tongue. I needed to get out.

Back in the room I had shared with Treena, I dressed in a hurry and flung open the curtains on the window. Intense sunlight pierced my eyes and burned them. I winced and covered the glass to the outside world. Blue and red spots fluttered across my eyes before dissipating to the corners. I had to find Trunks; he'd know what to do. I went on a frantic search, throwing open bedroom doors only to find sleeping couples I didn't know. The living room held a snoring group of single guys, and Amei sat dozing in a recliner. Where was Trunks? A sliding glass door opened behind me and I whirled around to see my best friend stretching and yawning and, to my utter surprise, completely in the buff. He was so open about it as he scratched his side and nodded to me.

"Hey Goten," Trunks greeted in a sleep-deprived voice as he walked by me, stooping occasionally to pick up his scattered clothing. I stared in obvious places and, to my dismay, began to show my excitement outwardly. I quickly sat down on the edge of an unoccupied couch and did my best to conceal my early erection.

"Ano, Trunks... are we leaving soon?" I stammered and blushed as he dressed slowly, seductively. It was almost as if he was purposely *teasing* me. Trunks looked back over his shoulder and smiled slyly at me, which only increased my problem. I gritted my teeth and tried to gain control.

"Hai. It's best not to be here when the girls wake up." He glanced over to the porch and continued dressing. I looked back and saw a girl wrapped up in a blanket, alone. That was where Trunks had been. "Seems you had quite a night!" he commented. I snorted and rolled my eyes.

"I don't feel so great about it." Trunks just laughed.

"Don't be a such a kid, Goten! It's always awkward your first time." I decided to take Trunks' word for it; after all, he probably knew more about sex than I did. I couldn't tell him that the reason for my disappointment was that it'd been Treena in there and not *him*. We gathered our things in silence and Trunks tossed me a pair of sunglasses that had been left behind on the bar. He produced his own and we left the frat, flying silently through the early morning back to the car, and then back to our homes. Trunks paused long enough for me to hop out, then took off in a roar of dust and exhaust. It couldn't have been any later than eight, but I knew right away that this would be a long day.

* * * * *

Mother attacked me as soon as I walked in the door. She was half upset, half worried, and fully spastic. She could smell the pungent odor of sweet leaf that lingered in the threads of my clothes and the sharp, unmistakable scent of alcohol. First she slapped me; then she hugged me and cried. I just stood there, not even blinking to the slap that would've knocked any normal kid backwards. Mother cried into my shirt, her tears leaving wet blotches, darkening the fire engine red color to crimson.

"Don't you ever do that to me again! I knew this would happen; but never again, Goten. Never!" She sent me to my room and I eagerly complied, needing to sleep off my hangover. The thud of my feet on the hardwood floor echoed loudly in my ears as I stomped up the stairs, feet dragging behind me. I curled up on my bed, glad to be in my own company rather than that of Treena, Amei or even Trunks. I needed time alone to gather myself. I know it sounds funny to say this, but having sex for the first time took its toll on my emotions, especially because it was with someone I had no real feelings for. I couldn't believe what had gone down just a mere five or six hours ago; had it been real? I must've asked myself that a million times before I drifted off to sleep with the painful answer: yes.

* * * * *

In the whole time I was unconscious, it felt like an eternity. It was strange; I was actually aware that I was asleep. I didn't dream, I didn't think... It was more like being in a completely black room, just sitting, not doing. When I finally saw fit to wake, it was well into the night. Mother hadn't bothered me during the morning or afternoon. My stomach growled to get me moving. Even though I had slept for almost twelve hours I was still exhausted, but I managed to make my way downstairs and into the kitchen. Mother was sitting there, talking on the phone, her lips in a tight line. She paused when I walked in, then mumbled something about needing to call the person back. When she hung up, she motioned for me to sit and then began preparing dinner. As she cooked, she talked.

"That was Bulma. I told her what went on at that party. Don't think I'm a fool, Goten; I know it was Trunks that got you to do that stuff. You don't usually follow orders easily. It takes a heavy influence and no one has more of an impact on you than Trunks." I bowed my head; I knew she was right. But what could I do, or say, to make it better?

"And what did Bulma-san have to say?" Mother turned her back and tended to her cooking.

"Bulma is thoroughly upset and disappointed, not just with her son but also with you." Well, I didn't really care too much what Bulma had to say... but it was the thing my mother said next that clinched my guilt. "And if your father were alive today, you'd see just how much your actions have hurt him."

::Tou-san... no... I'm sorry...:: Hot food was placed on a plate in front of me, but I had suddenly lost my appetite. I hadn't even taken into account what Father would think. He was my favorite, how could I let him down like that?

"Kaa-san, I- I'm sorry," I managed in a weak voice, as if reconciling with her would somehow make things better with Father, and bowed my head further. Her small, cold fingers slid under my chin and firmly lifted my head up. My eyes did not meet hers, but I could sense the presence of tears in her eyes.

"Look at me, Goten. These tears, they have no bearing to what Goku is inevitably feeling right now. We raised you better than this. He taught you honor and respect. Well," Mother cut off as she let go, folded her apron and made her exit. "we all lost honor, but you... you are the only one who has lost respect." Her words stung. The truth always hurts, but it felt as if my whole body had been ripped apart by it.

::This... this is all *Trunks'* fault!:: I seethed everywhere but in a tiny corner of my heart. My anger blinded me from it, screaming over its pleas, failing to recognize my truth. And it was, simply, that I could never hate Trunks no matter *what* he did to me, and that I still loved him even though I ached from shame. But I didn't realize this. My heart felt as if it were made of cold, hard lead and it weighed down my chest. I couldn't feel the beats resonating through my body, the beats that would've told me I was still right in my feelings. I felt totally turned off to Trunks and I shoved away from the table, exiting the house in a blur and jumping off into the dusky sky.

* * * * *

"Tou-san, please, if you can hear me... forgive me!" My cries echoed in the open air as I kneeled, broken and destroyed on the grass. A light mist had picked up and it soon soaked through my clothes. I shivered under the cold, wet fabric but I would not leave the solitary comfort of being alone. At least the only person I had to deal with was myself. As I stared up at the graying sky through tear-blurred eyes, I wondered where Father was and what he was thinking. I was sure he hated me.

"Goten." The voice was faint and wispy, like it had been carried to my ears on the wind.

"H-hai? Who's there?" A breeze wafted across the terrain and I shivered more.

"It's your father, Goten; can you not recognize my voice?" I bolted up and threw my face skyward.

"Tou-san! It's really you! Oh, please, Tou-san, talk to me! Tell me you forgive me..."

"Of course I forgive you, my son. How could I not? But I am very disappointed. What were you thinking?" Father's voice broke up as the wind grew fiercer. I could barely hear him, even with my Saiyan ears.

"It was Trunks' idea." The words came out bitter.

"Ah, I see. It was wrong of him, hai; but it was not he that forced you to do any of it. You could have said no."

"Hai..." I sighed and swallowed hard.

"I notice you have a certain... well, attraction to him. Hontou?" A deep blush crept on my face as I squinted at the clouds.

"I don't know what you're talking about." Father laughed his happy-go-lucky laugh. I smiled a little despite myself; it was so good to hear that from him once more.

"Just because I'm dead doesn't mean I don't know what's going on down there. Besides, you know better than to lie to your father." There was a hint of amusement in his tone and I bowed my head.

"Gomen... it's just that... Well, Tou-san, you know it's not accepted here." Father was silent a moment. I almost thought he had gone when he spoke again.

"If you love him, then how can it be wrong?" I was at a loss for words. I couldn't explain it. That tiny voice in my heart had found someone to say the truth through, and that someone was my father. He had usually been a good judge of character, maybe a tad vulnerable and over-trusting, but he knew me and he also knew Trunks. Could he be right?

"But Tou-san, I'm angry with him! He made me humiliate myself, he made me dishonor the family, he--"

"Iie, Goten, you're wrong. Trunks is not bad at heart, nor are you, and as I said before, you were the one that chose to act on your decisions. So you cannot blame him for your mistakes." Where was all this wisdom coming from?

"What should I do?" I asked as I ran a hand through my damp hair.

"Tell him how you feel. I know many ways this could turn out but I can't tell you which way is right, Goten, I'm sorry. You have to decide for yourself what the outcome will be. And now, I must go. Take care of your mother for me, son. I'll be watching over you." Without warning, the wind died and left me standing alone once more.

* * * * *

When I arrived back home, Mother told me Trunks had called a number of times while I was out. I didn't bother calling him back; I didn't feel like confessing everything just yet. Plus that, I was still irritated with him even though Father had raised a good argument. It was almost midnight and I was praying that Trunks didn't try to call again, but to my dismay, he did.

"Ossu, Goten. Can we talk?"

"Iie, gomen, I'm busy."

"Goten... Onegai. This is important." I was doing my best to sound indifferent to Trunks' urgency. Though my stomach turned and my heart fluttered, I did not allow it to show in my voice.

"Nanda? What do you want to say?"

"Well, I... ano... I j-just wanted to tell you I..."

"Hayaku!" I barked into the phone. Why was I acting like this? Trunks bristled.

"Look, I can't say this over the phone, okay? Would you meet me somewhere?" I blinked.

"Nani? You mean now?" I asked as I eyed the clock.

"Hai, ima." Trunks' tone had gone from nervous to pleading. I sighed and gave in.

"All right then. Where?"

"By the high school," Trunks replied excitedly. "Arigatou, Goten!" I hung up the phone and grabbed the sides of my head. What on Earth was I doing?

* * * * *

When I found Trunks he was sitting on a rail outside the school steps. His long legs swung back and forth in the air and his purple bangs covered his eyes.

"Well?" Trunks looked up at me and motioned for me to take a seat next to him. I did.

"I bet you're wondering what's so important that it can't be said over the phone, neh?" I nodded and waited for Trunks to continue. "Well, last night at the party, I began to feel a little... funny." Trunks stood and started pacing back and forth in front of me. One hand was thrust up into his hair and the other hung tensely at his side. I raised an eyebrow at him and he gave me a tired smile.

"You know that girl I was with? Out on the balcony?"

"Sure, why?"

"She and I never... you know..." This wasn't sinking in.

"Okay... so?" Trunks sighed in exasperation and threw his arms in the air.

"I'm not finished yet! We didn't because I... Kuso, how to say this... I was thinking of someone else. I just kinda pushed her aside and went to sleep." I laughed.

"I wish my night could've been like that. Instead I wake up to Amei or Treena or whoever in hell it was." Trunks shook his head.

"I thought the same thing when I woke up. 'Why her? Why not the one I *really* wanted?'" Trunks looked distraught as he continued pacing. I rubbed the back of my neck.

"And you're telling me this why...? You want me to call her for you or something? Well do you have this girl's number?" Trunks stopped with his head down.

"Iie. No, that's not it. Let me put it this way... When you came out of the room the first time last night, you seemed very hesitant about Treena. I noticed also that you were really tense around the girls at the party until you were too trashed to care. And it made me think, you know, about all the other times we've gone out. You were exactly the same around women: shy, reserved, unsure. And for the first time last night, that's how I felt, too. You didn't notice I was teasing you when I dressed in the morning? You didn't notice I walked out naked just so you could see me that way?" My throat tightened and my mouth went dry.

"Ah, wait a sec..." I began as I put my hands up in front of me to shield myself from his words. Trunks grabbed me by the shoulders and put our faces nose to nose. My chest almost burst open.

"Don't you see what I'm saying? The whole time I was with her, I was thinking about you..." Trunks whispered as his eyes fell from mine. My jaw dropped open.

::This... this can't be real!:: Trunks' grip tightened as he went on.

"I thought I was going crazy, you know? Like it was the alcohol or the drugs or something... I wished it were at first, Goten, but I still feel exactly the same now that I'm sober." I tried to push Trunks away. I wanted to leave; but why? He had just confessed the one thing I had been living to hear and I wanted to run away from it. But my brain convinced me that society would never accept, Mother would never accept...

"Let go," I whimpered as his lips found their way slowly to mine. Instead of fighting back, I closed my eyes and instantly felt the warm softness of Trunks' mouth pushing against mine. A gentle breeze blew by, ruffling our hair. His bangs tickled above my eyes as he parted our lips with his tongue. Realization struck and I panicked. With a violent shove, I finally managed to break free of Trunks' hold and I jumped off the rail into the air.

"Stop! Don't ever touch me!" I cried, hot tears of shame running down my face. Trunks' shoulders slumped and he stared up at me with a hurt look in his eyes.

"No matter what happens, Goten, I want you to know that you just kissed back. Even if it was for a split second... you wanted it." I clenched my teeth and sped off for home again. I felt Trunks' Ki leaving in the opposite direction and I suddenly stopped dead in the sky. I looked back over my shoulder at his distancing form and sighed. I started off slowly, then stopped again as Trunks' Ki totally disappeared.

"Nande..." I breathed as I turned around carefully. Trunks burst through the air and grabbed me around the waist. I automatically started thrashing around and fighting, but his hold was powerful.

"Shimasen!!!" I shrieked, clawing madly at his arms. "You kusottarre, let... me... go!!!"

"Iie! Not until you tell me!"

"Nani?! Tell you what?!"

"That you feel the same as I do!" I fell silent and motionless. "Admit it, Goten. Forget everyone exists but you and me; who cares what others think? I'm willing to embrace this destiny because I know now that I love you. I even knew back when we were *kids* for Kami's sake, Goten! It was just in a different form, but now it has surfaced. You can't deny me." Then Trunks released me. I turned my back on him, defeated and ashamed that my secret was out. Trunks reached for my hand; I let him take it. Trunks turned me back around; I let him do so. Trunks kissed me again; I kissed back. I didn't have to say it, not yet. Trunks would wait until I was ready to say I loved him. But he had a pretty good idea that I did when I snaked my arms around his neck and gently pulled him closer, deepening the kiss.

"Gomen nasai, Trunks-kun," I murmured in his ear as we lowered ourselves to the soft ground below. Trunks began to undress me. Lightning kisses shocked up through my body as they struck my lips, face, neck, chest, thighs... This was so much better than I could have imagined. We acted out our love through the night and decided from then on to never deprive ourselves of the other. And as time went on, I learned to cherish, treasure, adore and desire the one person I was to be with until the world ceased to exist.

* * * * *

THE END. my first DBZ yaoi! strange, i know, these guys seem so manly and all... but after exploring such fics from b-chan and other various authors, i couldn't resist! you all know i'm always up for a challenge ^^ hope you liked! if you aren't a yaoi fan and are deeply scarred by this fic, hey, i warned you. Lemmie know what you yaoi fans think!