"Ah, Panny-chan," Kiri yawned drowsily. "Midori�s asleep on the pillow there in the corner." Pan entered and crossed the darkened room to scoop up her child and take her back home.
"Arigatou, Kiri-san. I owe you one. Oyasumi," Pan said as she gently kissed Kiri�s forehead and left. The flight of stairs separating her from bed seemed thirty stories high as Pan plodded sleepily down to her floor. Midori cooed and sighed against her mother�s chest and raised a tiny hand to Pan�s face. Her chubby little fingers gripped at Pan�s cheek until pried away as she was put to bed in the comfort of their own home. Pan kicked off her small shoes and rubbed her feet painfully. She prepared herself for bed quickly and slid under the cold covers. Her tired eyes soon sagged shut as she ran the memories of the handsome, dark, purple-haired man over and over through her mind. A grin tugged lazily at the left corner of her mouth and she rubbed her eyes.
"You might as well have fun with this one, Pan," she said to herself as she rolled over. "Once he finds out you�ve got a kid, it�s all over. Just enjoy yourself for the time being..." Pan fell asleep, her dreams riddled with anxiousness and fantasies.
* * * * *
The next day was frantic for Pan. She again felt bad for leaving her baby with Kiri, but what other choice did she have? It was early morning and dawn had just broken. Pan let herself into Kiri�s apartment with the spare key the woman hid under her doormat. She placed her drowsy daughter back onto the pillow on the floor and stared at her fondly for a moment before tiptoeing out and locking the door behind her.
The usual morning crowd was waiting for her as she pushed her way through the masses of people to unlock the door. The lights were on inside as the cooks prepared for breakfast, and Pan was barely inside when the crowd shoved forward, happy to be inside from the morning coldness. The Jueru Cafe was unusually busy that day but within moments Seigyoku, Rubi, and Emerarudo had arrived and were waiting tables. Younger boys bussed the area, cleaning spills and messes along the way. Amejisuto said something to Pan about Shinju being sick that day, so on her lunch break Pan walked down the nearby ally to the owners� home. She brought warm soup and steamed rice with her, for which Shinju was grateful. Pan sat patiently while the woman sipped and nibbled at her food, then tucked her back into bed and left.
By mid-afternoon, Pan was worn down and anxiously awaiting five o�clock. Seigyoku�s fianc� Kohaku had come to visit her and Seigyoku begged Pan to watch her tables for awhile. The couple disappeared into the changing room and Pan felt a twinge of jealousy each time she walked by and heard muffled giggling and kissing sounds. She wanted someone to love her so bad...
"Hey, Pan!" Rubi called, red hair swaying as she bustled by. Rubi was into American things and did everything possible to make herself look like one of them; she even dyed her hair a shiny copper red, a move that angered a lot of the Japanese loyalists. Still, her bold and unyielding personality gave her the muscle to back it up. "It�s almost five! Where�s Seigyoku?"
"I�m here!" laughed the blonde as she stumbled out, Kohaku a step behind. Her lipstick was smeared and his blue-black hair was ruffled. Pan snorted.
"You should save that for your own time," she bit out and Seigyoku gave her a hurt look. "I�m leaving, so you�ll have to wait on your own damn tables."
"Panny-chan," Emerarudo said as she grabbed Pan around the wrist and pulled her over. "What�s with you? Are you feeling okay?" Pan instantly felt bad and shot Seigyoku an apologetic look, but the girl was already working again, face flushed an embarrassed shade of pink. Pan looked back at Emerarudo.
"I�m fine, I�m sorry," she sighed. "I guess I�m just nervous about my date tonight. He really didn�t leave me with a lot of time to get ready." Emerarudo squeezed her hand and smiled.
"You deserve a good man, Panny. I hope it all goes well. Tell me all the details on Monday!" Pan smiled back and left to gather her things in the changing room.
"Pan, it�s five. Go home already!" Amejisuto ordered Emerarudo. The girl just laughed and shook her head.
* * * * *
"Ano, Kiri-san... he�s late." Pan paced her apartment worriedly. "Forget it, he�s not coming."
Kiri laughed. "Just wait, Panny! Have patience. He�ll be here." Midori burbled in Kiri�s arms and the woman bounced her a bit. She helped Pan pick out her clothes: a silky black dress with thin shoulder straps and a soft red floral print. Pan decided on simple, black strapped shoes and Kiri had insisted she leave her hair down. They had washed it together and the old woman had massaged perfumes and sweet-smelling oils into Pan�s raven locks to make it shiny. She had allowed Pan to make a small bun on the back of her head, leaving most of the hair down and over her shoulders. Kiri secured the bun with two ivory hairpins.
"I knew this was too good to be true," Pan whispered and was about to plop down onto a chair when a loud knock fell on her door. She jumped up and took a deep breath. Trunks stood on the other side of the door and he grinned and produced a small bouquet of lilies.
"Gomen nasai, Son Pan," he said in a deep, relaxed voice. "Forgive me for being late. I had a little trouble finding the place." Pan blushed as she took the flowers from Trunks.
"It�s no problem at all. Trunks, I�d like you to meet my friend Kiritsubo." Trunks bowed to Kiri and she nodded her head back.
"How do you do, Kiritsubo-san?" Kiri laughed.
"You can just call me Kiri. I�m very well, thank you! And this precious thing is Midori." Trunks approached the woman and the baby. He stuck a finger out to Midori and laughed when she curled a fist around it and cooed.
"Is this your granddaughter, Kiri-san?" he asked. Kiri closed her mouth and looked at Pan for a sign. Pan�s stomach knotted, but she nodded her head anyway.
"Hai, Trunks-san," Pan lied as she licked her lips, "Midori is Kiri�s granddaughter." Kiri forced a smile and bounced the little girl on her lap some more as Trunks fluffed her hair.
"She�s very beautiful, like you, Pan." Pan blushed as Trunks took her hand, regaining the familiar feeling she had gotten the first time they touched. "Come. Kiri-san, it was nice to meet you." Kiri waved and Trunks and Pan soon began their first date.
* * * * *
"Dinner was wonderful, arigatou, Trunks-san," Pan breathed as she bowed low in front of him. They were standing on the threshold of her apartment building and the evening was replaying itself in her head. Her thoughts swam with sake and a numb happiness as she remembered the feel of his hand on hers, the cool, long fingers trailing slowly over her open palm. Trunks bowed back and cupped her cheek with a warm hand.
"I want to see you again," he whispered as he stooped, bending his head to hers and touching her lips briefly with his mouth. Pan swallowed a lump in her throat as she took a step back. It wasn�t that she didn�t like Trunks� "What is it?" he asked, sensing her discomfort.
"N-nothing. I�ve just been� well, this thing isn�t easy for me since�" Pan stumbled, flustered and flirting between falsity and truth. ::Should I tell him about Midori?:: Trunks took her gently by her shoulders and pressed her to him. Pan gasped at the move, and her skin lit up as his body and muscle met with hers. He was firm, secure, inviting�
"The past means nothing to me, Pan. It is done, neh? Nothing to worry about anymore. You�re with me now, here, in the present and future." ::Oh, Trunks-san,:: Pan sighed to herself. ::You have no idea how much the past is affecting everything we�re doing right now.::
* * * * *
Over the next four months, Pan and Trunks continued to see each other. On the nights she was the quietest, he would ask her if she was worried about their age difference, or worried about her father, or perhaps something else. She would smile politely and say no, thank you, everything was just fine. He stopped in to see her at work sometimes and Pan continued to conceal the real identity of Midori. Kiritsubo was getting upset with her, always saying she was forsaking her own child, but Pan didn�t know how to fix it. If she told Trunks that Midori was her daughter, he�d be furious with her for lying and inevitably run away just like the last man did. Pan still didn�t trust him, and Trunks knew it.
"Besides, Kiri-san," Pan had told the older woman, "if I tell him now, he�ll think everything about me is a lie." A weak excuse, she knew, but Kiri relented a little in her attacks. She knew Pan was finally somewhat happy and that Trunks would know sooner or later that Midori was really her daughter.
Kiri sat in her apartment, alone except for Midori, and wondered just how much longer Pan could hold out. The two had gotten into an argument just moments before Pan left with Trunks and Kiri had exploded, accusing Pan of being a bad mother and neglecting her own child, her own responsibility. Pan�s jaw had dropped, her eyes wide and angry, but fortunately Trunks had arrived before she could retaliate. And then Kiri had to fake being all right, and then Pan had to fake being all right, and Pan had left hurt and stunned.
"I don�t know what your mommy�s going to do, M-chan." ::Between working and this older man, will she be able to keep up? She�s gotten in way too deep. She should have just told him in the beginning that�:: "�you are hers, not mine," Kiri whispered before slipping back into silence.
* * * * *
"You look wonderful," Trunks breathed as they walked in the cool June night. Pan had decided on her regular kimono-wear. She had worn all her dresses twice already. Trunks� large hand circled around hers, warm and soft. They went to dinner, then to a play. Pan�s heart began a dull kind of ache in her chest, a feeling that had occurred the first time that she met Trunks. She did not know what it was, only that it had never happened when she was with Nicholas. She hoped she was all right.
Trunks invited her over to his house for cha; she was looking a little tense, he said, and suggested that the green tea might soothe her a bit. Pan agreed, and the two sipped the warm, bittersweet liquid together inside his house. The paper-thin walls glowed in front of the moonlight and Pan requested a small tour of his garden. Trunks showed her the bonsai trees that had been in his family for fifty years; he showed her the rocks serving as memorials for the members of his immediate family (they had all been killed in previous wars); and lastly, he took her to his small pond. Inside, large, sparkling goldfish glided below the surface, brushing against Pan�s bare feet and making her giggle: she was ticklish. Trunks began to prod into her about her past; she ended up spilling everything about Nicholas, save for his ties in with Midori.
"So, he just left you?" Trunks asked carefully. They were seated on the grassy, sloping bank of the pond. Pan kept her face turned away and nodded. The gentle wind had picked up her loose strands of hair and was engaging in a drowsy dance with the raven fibers.
"But that�s not important, is it, Trunks?" Pan begged with her eyes as she finally turned to face him. "It�s in the past. Dozo, do not ask any more questions."
"Panny-chan, you�ve barely told me anything about yourself. I�ve told you all about me, my family, and my job. What is it that could stain you so much that you don�t want to tell me?" Trunks persisted. He had sensed a resistance from Pan since he first met her, especially when he asked about her relatives and friends. She would not let him kiss her much, always turning her head at the last second and leaving him feeling like a fool. But he couldn�t be away from her and he wasn�t about to lose her. He was determined to straighten things out.
"You wouldn�t understand," Pan sighed as tears sprang to her eyes. She stood abruptly, thin frame reflecting sadly in the water below, and walked away slowly.
"Wait, Pan, I have some news to tell you about my job!" She did not heed him. Trunks rubbed the bridge of his nose and got up to go after her. She was almost through the shoji door of his home when he circled his large hand around her upper arm.
"Pan, wait. What wouldn�t I understand?" he asked softly, forgetting his job for the moment. "I understand you�ve been hurt, but do you think you�re the only one who has ever felt that way? I understand you�re uncomfortable around me when we�re alone, I understand you�re busy and tired from working so much. But Pan, what I don�t understand is why you are so withdrawn from me. Can�t you see that I need you?" Pan began to cry. Her tears turned a liquid silver in the pale moonlight and it was everything she could do to keep from throwing herself against Trunks and holding onto him. Instead she bit her lip, so hard it began to bleed, and a slight taste of rust was on her tongue.
"I must tell you something." Pan took a deep breath and exhaled slowly, willing her heart to stop pounding in her chest. A twinge of pain stabbed at her temple as she continued: "Midori is not Kiritsubo-san�s granddaughter." Trunks just looked at her. She didn�t want to have to finish the rest, she wanted to go back to ignorance, and everything in her face pleaded at Trunks to make her stop. But he did not. "Midori is my� my� daughter. She is my daughter, Trunks."
"N-nani?" he cried, letting go of her and taking a step backwards. The shocked look on his face and the anger in his eyes forced Pan to her knees and she put her forehead to the ground. "Midori is your daughter?"
"Hai, Trunks-sama," Pan sobbed. ::Here it comes. He�s going to order me away.::
"How could you do this to me, Pan?" Trunks demanded angrily as he took another step away. "How could you stand there day after day and lie right to my face? So some American serviceman knocked you up and left you, you think that gives you a right to hide something like that from me?!"
"Dozo, dozo, Trunks-sama, forgive me!" The tears were streaming down her face now but Trunks remained cold.
"Get out of here," he rasped, hands balled into fists. "You lied to me! You lied right to my face, Pan!" Sobs wracked Pan�s body; she couldn�t find the strength to move. "Ima! Get out!!!"
"Iie! I won�t!" Trunks shook a finger at her.
"Your father was right to throw you out, Pan. You�re full of nothing but deceit." His voice was cold, accusing, and arrogant. Pan sat up, tears flowing out of anger now, and she lifted herself to her feet slowly, deliberately.
"Kutabare!" Pan shouted, face set defiantly. Trunks, taken aback, advanced on her and grabbed her by the front of her kimono, jerking her up to meet his face. Pan continued, regardless. "What would you know? How would you feel if you were thrown out and abandoned? I didn�t ask for this, you bastard! I didn�t ask for any of this, but it happened and I can�t change it now! But you�ve proved to be just like Nicholas, you son of a bi--!!" Trunks� brows furrowed and his face twisted in anger as he raised his open hand. Pan cried out but didn�t move. Rather, she stared him right in the eye.
"Hit me, then." Her voice was flat, uncaring. "Hit me and get it over with." Trunks froze. He blinked, lowered her slowly to the ground, and held her there, just held her as she tried helplessly to get away, crying and beating on his chest with her small fists. Trunks buried his face in her hair, inhaling her perfume and enjoying the cool, silky feel of her beautiful hair on his skin. He shushed her, hugged her tight, rocked her in his arms. She stilled and let herself become further enveloped in his arms.
"Please, don�t hurt me, Trunks. I�ve been hurt too much," she whimpered. And then Pan threw her arms around Trunks� neck and hugged him back.
* * * * *
All of Pan�s thoughts dispersed as Trunks kissed her passionately and thrust deeper into her. The tears on her cheeks had not yet dried from their "kuzetsu" (as Kiri liked to call fights between partners), but they had long since been forgotten. It had begun when Trunks had kissed her softly all over her face when he held her outside; he avoided her lips, knowing she would not like him to be so forward. But to his surprise, she had pulled his mouth to hers and initiated the physical sensations. All her old emotions came flooding back to her, the emotions that enabled her to love and trust, and she welcomed them for the night. She had led him into the house, she had laid him back on the tatami, she had undressed him. She. And just has he had rocked her in his arms only moments earlier, he was rocking inside of her now.
"Y-yare!" Pan gasped, eyes rolling upward as Trunks ground his hips into hers. It had hurt a little in the beginning, but not as much as it had when Nicholas took her the first time. Her nails dragged across Trunks� bare back, fingertips wiping away the newly formed beads of sweat. His hair hung loosely above her and his eyes were closed, head tilted up and a thin line of concentration on his brow. Even though it was she who started all of this, Trunks was content to be on top. She was so warm, so enveloping� her body clung to him and excited him. She was small, petite, but everything about her was so perfect. Trunks began to moan, softly at first, then louder. Pan�s nerves shot on fire as his viciously beautiful onslaught continued; the feeling was enough to drive her mad. She was on the verge of spilling over into ecstasy but Trunks� control kept her from it. Her mind was a jumble of touches: the touch of his mouth on hers; the touch of his rough hand on her small breast; the touch of his velvet member between her legs. She wanted nothing more than those feelings for the rest of her life.
"Pan," Trunks whispered as he felt her contract. Her inner walls hugged him tightly as she groaned and climaxed; he was soon to follow, and she felt him stiffen deep inside her. They did not move, and the only noises to be heard were the sounds of their mingled breathing.
* * * * *
"Pan-chan?" Pan nuzzled sleepily into Trunks� bare shoulder. His arms were snaked around her waist, her fingers were tangled in his hair, gently massaging his scalp.
"Hn?" Trunks took a deep breath.
"I�m going to America soon." The fingers stopped moving. Pan scooted up to look Trunks in the eyes. He would not meet her stare.
"Nani? I think I heard you wrong, Trunks�" He smiled feebly and shook his head.
"Iie, you heard right. I�m going to America next month." Pan fell back to the futon. She let go of Trunks, pushed his arms away, and rolled on her side.
"So you tell me now," she muttered, hugging her bare, smooth legs to her equally bare chest. "You tell me now that--" Pan broke off, tilting her chin downward to hide the hurt on her face. Trunks immediately held her again.
"It�s not like that, Panny. I just found out today, I tried to tell you earlier this evening but then� well, you know�" His cheeks turned pink and he continued. "Anyway, I want you and Midori to come with me. I know the last man told you he wanted you there with him as well, but Pan, I�m not him. I love you and I want to be with you."
"I have to go now," Pan said icily as she pulled away from him and stood, gathering her discarded clothes. "Kiri and Midori must be worrying." Trunks sighed, grabbed his night kimono, and went after her.
"No, Pan," he declared as he grabbed her by the arm, stopping her. "You�re not leaving me. Not now, not ever. I need you, Pan! Why don�t you believe me?" Pan turned around to face him, tears threatening to spill out of her eyes.
"Why should I?" she asked quietly.
* * * * *
"Pan-chan! You look awful, what happened?" Pan forced a smile as she took Midori from Kiri.
"Trunks knows about Midori now, Kiri-san. It�s over." Without waiting to hear more from Kiri, Pan left the older woman�s apartment for her own. She was not prepared to see Trunks standing in front of her door. He had, she noted, changed into more appropriate clothes.
"You never let me finish," he said.
"What else do you have to say, Trunks? This has happened to me before, I�ll get over it," Pan sighed as she bounced Midori absently in her arms. Trunks watched her, then reached out for the child. Pan eyed him skeptically, then handed her over. The baby stared at him with large curious green eyes, and Trunks stared back at her. Her chubby hand clasped onto his cheek as she cooed and checked him out. The same chubby hand changed to a chubby fist and she socked him in the chin, laughing. Trunks laughed too.
"Midori!" Pan gasped, but Trunks waved her off.
"She�s cute, Pan. Beautiful like her mother," he added as he gazed down lovingly at the small woman. "I want you to come with me. I want to be able to call you my wife and to call Midori my daughter. Dozo, Pan. Dozo, come with me." Pan chewed her lip. Her heart fluttered wildly in her chest, straining between yes and no. ::Nicholas� But he isn�t Nicholas. Remember Nicholas? Nicholas� Not Nicholas� Trunks.:: The dull ache in her heart exploded and warmed her all over. She smiled; she knew what it was. She loved Trunks. It was her love that was spilling over.
Bowing low, Pan replied, "Hai, Trunks-sama. Midori and I will go."
* * * * *
"Sayonara, Kiri-san!" Pan shouted and waved from the ship. Kiri, standing alone on the seaside dock, wiped her eyes with the sash of her kimono and waved back.
"You take care! Write to me, Pan-chan!" Kiri called back. Once the small harbor was out of sight, Pan dried her tears and turned to Trunks. He was sitting on the deck playing with Midori and laughing. The sun shone down warmly on them and Pan smiled out of true geniality. They had decided to wait until the fall to leave; in the meantime, Pan had wrapped things up at the caf� and she and Trunks had been wed ceremoniously in the middle of the summer. Kiri played the role of her mother. It was hard for Pan to leave her friends and family behind; but everything in her being told her Trunks was the one. ::And we will have a beautiful life together.::
"Pan! Come over here, this gentleman�s going to take a picture for us!" Pan nodded and ran over to her new family, smiling widely for the camera. The flash bulb ignited and so did the rest of their lives.
* * * * *
THE END. Much awaited, neh??? Gomen nasai, minna-san! I didn�t mean for it to take me this long to complete. But now that it�s done, lemmie know what you think!!! I changed a bit in the beginning, but I think it�s for the best. Read in review, Trunks and Pan forever! Woohoo!!!
