Nandagopal Rajan
"Pachas rupaiyye ka phool lelo sir, Bhagwan khush ho jayega," says a vendor in Pushkar, pushing aside a teenager who wants me to do some yagna beside the Sarovar, so that my ancestors rest in peace.
Well it was later that I realised, I was in the land of "God's agents" inhabited by a specie found thriving on the "religiously inclined." Found in almost all popular temples of the country, they live by selling Gods. They are a greedy lot with nothing better to do. No wonder these pandas, pujaris and 'helpers' have always thrived on the fear they have been successfully generating in generation upon generation of devotees thronging the many 'God's Abodes' in the country.
The most unique variety of this money crazy species can be found in the East Indian temple city of Puri. In fact, this abode of Lord Jagannath also houses the biggest 'organised mafia' of Pandas. An aggressive lot named like a very docile beast, they hunt in pairs and have the weirdest of blessings to offer you. For Rs 50, you could get a few nice whacks from their divine canes. And if you are in no mood to dish out whatever they demand, then don't count on being able to spend more than a few seconds before Lord Jagannath.
Well, a persistent lot they are; for I overheard a young chap shout: "Leave me alone." With an impish looking Panda following him for quite some time, the poor chap seemed at his wits end. In this temple of the Lord of the World every thing comes for a price,
More south in Tirupati, you come across the rather lucrative business of selling appointments with God. The agents of Lord Balaji in Tirupati, in many ways the God of Business, score above everybody else on this count with a minute-long midnight appointment costing in the excess of Rs 100.
But thankfully, this a very 'secular phenomenon'; for even the world famous Ajmer Sharif has its own share of middlemen who decide the sort of intimacy you should have with 'their God.' Here the costlier your chaadar is, the more time you are allotted before the Chisti's tomb. And the more twines you tie (bought from the right person though) the more closer you will be to Chisti.
What is rather shocking is the contempt with which they treat even the Gods. Many of them can be seen smoking and cracking jokes inside the sanctum sanctorums, with scant regard for the sanctity of the place. Orissan temples are supposed to be very strict, but not strict enough for the pandas to dry their undergarments just feet away from the main structure as observed in a much-frequented temple in the state.
Kerala and Tamil Nadu are somehow devoid of this menace other than for the 'friendly pujari' who might do a bit more for the wealthy devotee who is willing to offer a better dakshina. Ironically, the devout South Indians are ruffled even by the pestering paravukaran (or attendant) who asks you to move along so that others have their audience with the Gods. But without these attendants, who bring in the much needed 'equality before God', even these places of worship would have turned into a business, the business of selling God.
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