Eva ½ by John Rossmaier the_rossmage82@hotmail.com Disclaimer: The series Neon Genesis Evangelion and Ranma ½ are not mine, but I'm sure you guys know that already. Plus, suing me will get you nothing. Just don't try to sell this. As if it has any monetary value anyway. * * * * * Episode 1: Here's Ranma, Again! * * * * * [Scene opens over the Tendo compound. It's early morning, the day after Soun's appointment to AGMA. The sun has yet to emerge over the distant horizon, and the sky is still rather dark. One shape is visible atop the roof of the Tendo household. Ranma sits cross-legged at the highest point on the roof, glancing off towards the approaching sunrise. He seems lost in thought, with his arms crossed over his chest.] RANMA: [thinking] I didn't mean it. I didn't really want everything to change. Just a few things, like the girls' mad obsession with me... and all these rivals and enemies... and Pop and Mr. Tendo always trying to get me and Akane hitched. I didn't really want to move outta here. [A bird flies by overhead. Ranma eyes it lazily as it swoops low, descending into the open branches in a tree on the Tendo property. Ranma sighs, then rubs his arms together as he eyes the horizon.] RANMA: [thinking] What all's gonna change now? Mr. Tendo says that we've gotta move. Pop's made this outrageous claim that we've gotta go too. And they say that me and Akane have *got* to be there. Says that we're important to Mr. Tendo's new job. [Another bird appears on the horizon, winging furiously as it swoops through various updrafts and breezes. One of those breezes tugs at Ranma's shirt, and he leans back against the roof to stare upwards at the fading stars.] RANMA: [thinking] Is that just some new plan to get us together? Somehow, I don't think so. This time. They were so serious about it. Even Kasumi and Nabiki seemed to think this was more than a plan to get the clans joined. But then what could be so important that they'd drop everything and move to Tokyo? I don't get it. [A repetitive sound begins to emerge, coming from the direction of the approaching bird. It sounds quite angry, if the harsh tone is any indication. Ranma pays it no heed.] RANMA: [thinking] Oh well. I asked for a change. And this can't be too bad. [The sound becomes clearer, and Ranma rolls his eyes. If the enraged quacks are any indication, that means that Mousse is approaching. He sits up and watches as a bespeckled waterfowl makes its way towards the Tendo compound.] RANMA: [waving] 'Sup, Mousse. What're you doin' out this early? [A cacophony of enraged quacks answers Ranma's question. Ranma leans over slightly to dodge a pair of thrown daggers.] RANMA: Ya want me to get you some hot water? [Mousse touches down at the other end of the roof. Reaching beneath one wing, he pulls out a large kettle. Deftly, he dumps the larger object over his head. Quickly donning some robes from... somewhere, Mousse levels a frosty gaze at Ranma.] MOUSSE: [enraged] Finally, Saotome! After searching all night, I've finally found you! Now, prepare to-- [Without further adieu, Mousse collapses unconscious to the roof. Ranma groans.] RANMA: Oh brother. What a moron, flying to exhaustion. Ah, well. I can't leave him up here... [Glancing all directions, half expecting a follow-up assault by Ryoga, Kuno, Happosai, or anyone else in the universe that he, his father, or any of his acquaintances might have pissed off sometime during their life-span, Ranma picks Mousse off the roof and leaps. Landing in the backyard, he silently makes his way to the living room. Already, numerous boxed litter the floor, a testament to last night's furious packing frenzy. Ranma eyes the boxes.] RANMA: Well, I'll have to give Kasumi credit. I never knew anyone who practiced Martial Arts Unrestricted Packing before. What was it she called it? Oh yeah... U-Haul-fu... [Finding a clear strip of couch, Ranma unceremoniously dumps Mousse onto it, careful to avoid crushing a package or two. After acquiring a warm glass of water from the kitchen, he proceeds to douse Mousse over the head. The blind master of hidden weapons jumps to his feet with a start.] MOUSSE: [drowsy] Uh? Where am I? RANMA: Nice to know that you're still alive, birdbrain. Care to tell me why you're hellbent on killing me this early in the morning? MOUSSE: [growling sleepily] Grr... Saotome... I've come to... ungh... [Mousse drops to a knee, holding his head. Ranma rolls his eyes.] RANMA: C'mon, Mousse. You're completely worn out. Do you really think you can beat me like that? Just take a breather. [Mousse, pouting, assumes a cross-legged pose on the floor, still cradling his head. Surprisingly, he has kept his glasses in the proper position. He glances around the room, finally spying the large amounts of packed material.] MOUSSE: [bewildered] Wha...? What's all this? Are you packing up to leave for someplace? RANMA: [sighs] Yeah. Sometime today. I couldn't get any sleep last night. That's why I was on the roof. [turns to glance outside] I don't know, Mousse. This all seems too sudden... MOUSSE: [eyes sparkling] You're really moving away?!? RANMA: [turns back] Urk... [sweatdrops] Mousse, you know that, even if I move away, Shampoo will still follow. MOUSSE: [eyes dying] Urk... [sighs] You're right, Saotome. [eyes Ranma] You know, if you'd just tell Shampoo to leave you alone-- RANMA: [interrupting] Really, Mousse. Has that ever worked before? MOUSSE: You've never tried it before. RANMA: Oh really? MOUSSE: Really. RANMA: I'll bet I could name at least one time I've told her to leave me alone. MOUSSE: [challenging] I'd like to hear this one... RANMA: How about any time she's grabbed onto me? MOUSSE: [eyes turning red] Why you-- RANMA: [hands up] Hey, now. I'm just citing an example. Think about it. I've never grabbed her, and I've always tried to get her offa me. MOUSSE: Well... [frowns] But you never try to force her off of you. RANMA: [exasperated] Now really, Mousse. If I tried to force her off, where would I put my hands? [Mousse turns red, a bit from fury, a bit from a healthy blush. Ranma nods his head.] RANMA: You'd really be after me then. The first thing you'd see would be me grabbin' her breasts, not me tryin' ta get her offa me. MOUSSE: Damn. [looking away] I hate it when you're right. [The two sit in silence, listening to the breeze blowing from outside. Darkness still blankets the compound. It is another hour or so before daylight. After a moment, Mousse turns to look back at Ranma.] MOUSSE: Say, why are you moving anyway? RANMA: [leaning back] Well, yesterday this guy in a suit came over and offered a position at some company located in Japan. I think Mr. Tendo was gonna reject the offer, but the guy brought in honor and all that stuff. Of course, Mr. Tendo accepted. MOUSSE: You make it sound a bit like you don't really want to leave. RANMA: [sitting up] The problem is, I don't know if I want to leave or not. Yesterday I mentioned that I wanted a change or two, but this isn't what I had in mind. MOUSSE: Hmmm... What does Mr. Tendo have to do now? RANMA: I don't really know. All they told me is that they needed me to go. MOUSSE: Why? RANMA: I'm not sure. Something about needing people our age to help. MOUSSE: Help with what, I wonder... [Silence reigns again. After a moment, Mousse stands up.] MOUSSE: Well, I guess we're parting for now. RANMA: Yeah. Ya'know, Mousse? I think I'll miss havin' ya around. [smirks] You're not so bad when you're not trying to kill me. MOUSSE: [smirks back] You too, when you're not hugging Shampoo. [turns to go] Be seeing you. [Mousse wanders out through the front door. A splash is heard, followed by flapping which slowly fades into the distance. Ranma stands and walks to the back door. Padded feet make their way down the stairs, and Ranma turns to catch Nabiki standing knowingly in the hallway. Ranma grimaces.] NABIKI: Well, Saotome, it's nice to know that you get along with your enemies occasionally. RANMA: You'd think so. [turns back] Just because of the lack of property damage. NABIKI: And the peace. That's rather nice too. [Nabiki wanders through the living room, stopping at the other side of the back doorway. Ranma eyes her curiously.] RANMA: What's up? I didn't know you were a morning person. NABIKI: [smirks] Not usually. [leans against doorway] So, you didn't sleep either? RANMA: Uh, yeah. [quietly] So you're thinkin' about this change too? NABIKI: [frowns] Un. There's something fishy about all this. RANMA: Eh? Oh, you're just being suspicious. NABIKI: Around here, it helps to have a few suspicions. [turns to Ranma] Think about it, Saotome. Why would someone come up from Tokyo and offer daddy some high ranking job in a company we've never heard of? I tell you, there's something going on underneath all this... [Ranma quietly stares out towards the backyard. He has nothing to say about it. After all, deep down, he believes it too.] * * * * * [Scene opens over the Tendo compound. It's mid-morning, about an hour after sunrise. All the Tendo's property has been packaged and is now sitting on the front lawn. The Tendos and Saotomes are also hanging around in the front yard, apparently waiting for something. Genma and Soun are playing shogi, having refused to pack the board and pieces. Kasumi is flitting about, trying to find something to do. Nabiki is watching her older sister with a slight air of exasperation. Ranma is goading Akane, as usual.] AKANE: Get back here, Ranma! RANMA: Yeah right, ya dumb chick! [A thud is heard, followed by a smattering of moved earth. Kasumi rushes quickly over to make sure that nothing was damaged.] RANMA: You missed! AKANE: Argh!! You pervert! Get back here! [swings mallet dangerously] NABIKI: Well, it was only a matter of time. Quiet around here lasts only between episodes. [Near the front gate, Soun and Genma eye their children warily. Well, Soun eyes them warily. Genma is eying the shogi board.] SOUN: Saotome, I don't think they'll ever come to terms with each other. GENMA: [moving a piece] Whatever you say, Tendo. SOUN: It's been a year, and they're still fighting tooth and nail. GENMA: [nodding, moving another piece] As you say, Tendo. SOUN: At they rate those two are going, the clans will never be joined. GENMA: [nodding, moving another piece] Right you are, Tendo. SOUN: [turning back to game] Well, I suppose there's... what? You've won again? How'd you manage that? GENMA: You must be getting sloppy in your old age! [begins laughing] [Soun eyes Genma, wondering where this hot streak had come from. You'd think he'd learn to pay attention by now.] NABIKI: Daddy, you're hopeless. [Meanwhile, a large moving van pulls up to the front gate. The black van boasts the letters 'AGMA' printed in red on the side. A burly man steps out of the driver's seat. Kasumi steps up to the front entrance to greet him.] DRIVER: Alright, people. Let's get this loaded. GENMA: [standing up] Ranma! Get over here, boy! RANMA: Wha...? **thud** OUCH!!! AKANE: [putting mallet up] Serves you right. [After a brief moment of bickering, the group begins to quickly load the truck, much to the amazement of the driver. Genma and Soun stand in the yard, casually hurling objects over the Tendo property wall. Ranma stands on the other side, catching each object and masterfully hurling them towards Akane, who's standing within the van's trailer. Akane snags each incoming object and positions it inside the trailer, as per Kasumi's impromptu instructions from just outside the trailer door. Nabiki stands next to Kasumi, timing the event. After a few seconds, the truck is fully loaded. Nabiki toggles the stopwatch, then approaches Ranma.] NABIKI: Sorry, Saotome. Too slow. I win. RANMA: [grumbling] Alright. Here's the 2500 yen... [hands over a few bills] Last time I gamble against YOU. NABIKI: [smirking, counting cash] I'm sure, Saotome. [Genma dusts his hands as Soun steps up to the boggling driver.] SOUN: Well, now. I believe we're ready. DRIVER: Um... sure... [Another car pulls up behind the moving van. A slim-looking young man with short black hair steps out of the car.] MAN: Good morning. Allow me to introduce myself. I am Makoto Hyuga. My duties here are to transport the Commander and his designated Lieutenant. RANMA: Lieutenant? SOUN: Ah... that would be you, Saotome. GENMA: [squinting] Oh really, Tendo? SOUN: [motioning Genma aside, whispering] Of course, Saotome! Think about it... I can't trust anyone else to help me take care of this business! Who else can I turn to? HAPPOSAI?!?!? GENMA: [looking sick, whispering] Of course not! Not that miserable troll! Alright, Tendo. I'll help you out. SOUN: [nodding] And in the meantime... GENMA: [grinning] ...we can get our two wayward children to realize the truth! SOUN: It's Soun... GENMA: ...and Genma's... SOUN & GENMA: ...Operation True Romance!!! [Everyone else sweatdrops. Somewhere, an otaku is screaming bloody murder, while a Viz employee senses a prospective piece of plagiarism afoot. Silence then reigns for a few seconds. Genma and Soun suddenly realize they've shouted the last out loud. Both chuckle nervously for a moment, before grabbing Hakoto and hauling him into his car. With a screech of recently purchased tires, the vehicle speeds off towards the horizon.] RANMA: [frowning, thinking] Well, I was wrong. Looks like they *are* trying to get us together. AKANE: Hey! Who are we supposed to ride with, then? [The moving van driver shrugs his shoulders before climbing back into the cab. After a moment, the engine roars to life, and the van is soon tracing the path previously traveled by Makoto's vehicle. Akane fumes for a moment before Kasumi lays a hand on her shoulder.] KASUMI: Don't worry, Akane. Our ride will be here shortly. But first, we have to wait for someone. NABIKI: [curious] And who's that? KASUMI: Well, since we won't be coming back for a while, father hired someone to watch over the house while we were gone. AKANE: How'd dad find someone on such short notice? KASUMI: Well, father did have to call in a temp to take the position. Lucky for us, someone nearby was on call. He should be over within a few minutes. [Another car pulls up before the front gate. Well, more like slides into the curb and bounces once before coming to a halt. After a moment of silence, the door opens, emitting a beautiful woman with long dark hair. She casually pulls off her shades as the Tendo daughters fidget nervously. Ranma watches the proceeding impassively.] NABIKI: [whispering] She's not the house-sitter, is she? KASUMI: [whispering, worriedly] Father said the temp was a he. AKANE: [whispering] And where have we heard *that* before? [The three girls glance at Ranma momentarily, while the cursed boy fumes.] RANMA: [calming slightly] C'mon, guys. You just gonna stand there? We've got a guest. [Ranma walks over to the woman, meeting her at the front entrance.] RANMA: Hi, I'm Ranma Saotome. WOMAN: Misato Katsuragi. Nice to meet you. [Akane grits her teeth slightly, before marching up towards Ranma. Undoubtably, thoughts concerning Ranma meeting this woman are marching around within her cranium, demanding an immediate update on the situation... or at least a Ranma-bashing. Typical Akane logic when considering Ranma-female interaction. Carefully avoiding their sister's red battle aura, Nabiki and Kasumi follow.] RANMA: Can... can we help you with something? MISATO: Well, I've been sent here to transport the rest of you over to Tokyo. [she glanced about] I *am* at the correct residence, right? [Ranma and company blink. Kasumi noticeably relaxes.] RANMA: [turning to a calmer Akane] Well, here's our ride, guys. [Kasumi tenses up again. Misato relaxes.] MISATO: [sighs] Alright. I guess I'm late, though. Seems that the others have come through already. [looks up] Well, are we ready to go? NABIKI: Not quite. Kasumi mentioned something about daddy hiring a temp to watch the house. He hasn't shown yet. [As if on cue, a bicycle bell sounds from down the street. Immediately, Ranma panics, briefly considers the possible threat of an Amazon crash-n-glomp, and jumps behind a confused Misato, maneuvering her to completely hide his presence. Akane sees red, and hefts her mallet. A loud thud resounds, and Japan sinks one millimeter further into the ocean.] KASUMI: [hand to mouth] Oh my! [Seconds later, a bicycle screams to a stop beside Misato's car. A young man disembarks the bike, quickly enters the Tendo compound, and bows before Kasumi.] YOUNG MAN: Hello, ma'am! Kintaro Oe, at your service! I'm here to watch the house! [Kasumi stands rigid, viewing the happenings with a detached bewilderment. Kintaro suddenly notices a flattened pigtailed boy, an irate short-haired girl hefting a glowing mallet, a bored-looking brunette, and a... a... a *beautiful* full-figured woman watching the tableau with barely restrained confusion. Kintaro begins to drool slightly.] NABIKI: [flat] Okay people. Enough with the games. Let's get moving, now, shall we? KASUMI: Y-yes. W-we should be g-going. Miss Katsuragi? MISATO: [shakes her head] Er... yeah. Well, c'mon gang. [to Akane] Uh, you wanna give your boyfriend a hand, miss? AKANE: [turning red] He... he's not my boyfriend! NABIKI: [flat] Don't start that again, little sister. Just grab the guy and let's go. KINTARO: [losing drool] Um, excuse me but... what do I need to do? KASUMI: Hmm? Just keep an eye on the house, please. Try to keep it clean and in good shape. Oh, and collect our mail for us. We'll be staying at this residence... [pulls out slip of paper] ...so forward all our mail here. [Kasumi hands the slip of paper to Kintaro, while Akane and Nabiki drag Ranma into the back seat. Misato mutters to herself for a moment, pulls a beer from the cooler in the trunk, and takes a swig.] KASUMI: Our number's on the paper, so call if you have any problems. Father will be sending you a check every month, so be sure to check the mail frequently. Be sure to let us know if anything happens. KINTARO: [straightens] Of course! I'll do the best I can, ma'am! AKANE: [leaning out of back seat] Oh, and if you find a little black pig wandering around here, please call and tell me, okay? His name is P-chan. KINTARO: [slightly confused] Uh, sure thing. KASUMI: [smiling sweetly] Thank you very much, Mr. Oe. Good luck! [Everyone piles into Misato's car. Moments later, the vehicle lurches away from the curb, barely missing Kintaro's bike before blazing down the street. The young man watches the car for a bit before turning to glance at the house.] KINTARO: This shouldn't be too hard. How much trouble can it be to watch over a house? [Thunder rumbles ominously in the distance. Kintaro wonders curiously about that. There aren't any clouds in the sky.] * * * * * [Elsewhere in Nerima...] GOURRY: Man, Lina! When's the last time you ate? LINA: [groaning] I'm starving! I can't help it! [...galactic circumstance strikes again.] * * * * * [Scene opens over the bustling city of Tokyo. It's about mid-afternoon, and the sunlight is glinting brightly off a long stretch of interstate. A small, packed car is lost in the sea of traffic. Upon closer inspection, the car seems to be rocking slightly back and forth. Scene cuts to inside the car where there is...] RANMA: Shut up, you tomboy! AKANE: Why don't you, you pervert! [...a fight in progress. Misato and Kasumi look on from the front, worried, while Nabiki looks exasperated, the unwilling partition between Ranma and Akane.] NABIKI: [tired] Will you two cut it out? This is getting extremely annoying. RANMA: Tell that to the flat-chested gorilla over there. AKANE: [growling] RANMA NO BAKA!!! [Angrily, Nabiki clouts both Ranma and Akane over the head. Both glare at her. She returns with her frosty business gaze.] NABIKI: If you two don't shut up and get along, I'm going to triple the interest on your outstanding loans. [Both pale immediately. Moments later, they are sitting rigidly in their seats, eyes staring blankly forward, mouths closed tightly. Nabiki smiles wearily in satisfaction. Misato shrugs while Kasumi stares at the immobile traffic.] MISATO: Cruel, but effective. [Nabiki nods in reply.] KASUMI: Miss Katsuragi... MISATO: [looking forward once again] Misato's fine, Miss Tendo. KASUMI: You can call me Kasumi, Misato-san. MISATO: Very well, Kasumi-san. What did you want? KASUMI: Well, I was curious. What type of company is this 'AGMA'? MISATO: [leans back in seat] Well, Kasumi, 'AGMA' was created to combat an alien race of beings called the Angels. NABIKI: [curious] 'Angels'? You mean like messengers of God? MISATO: Don't ask me. I didn't name 'em. KASUMI: I see. And how will father go about fighting these 'Angels'? MISATO: [winking] That's a little surprise! You'll have to wait 'til we get to base to find out! AKANE: [murmuring] At the rate we're going, it'll take all day. MISATO: [looking about] You've got that right. If I could only... [spies a hole in traffic] Aha! [The car lurches forward, squeezing through the hole by suddenly popping up on it's left tires. The vehicle rip-roars around traffic for a bit, before turning off-road.] RANMA: [loudly] What're you doin'? MISATO: [smirking] Taking a shortcut! This'll get us to base faster! NABIKI: [sarcastically] Provided we make it there at all... [The car is last seen slamming through some dense foliage before it's lost from view. The screams of terror, however, continue for a few moments before also fading into the distance. Drivers, be afraid. Be very afraid.] * * * * * [The Nekohaten. Cologne is furiously pogoing back and forth in the kitchen while Shampoo hurriedly closes up shop. A large amount of infuriated quacks sound from the storage room... a testament to Mousse's sheer will that he hasn't collapsed unconscious, considering he hadn't slept the past night. Shampoo locks the front door and rushes up to the wizened old crone.] SHAMPOO: All done, great-grandmother! We go now, hai? COLOGNE: Yes, granddaughter. [looks towards the storage room] We must find out if what Mousse was blabbing about is true. If son-in-law has indeed moved with the Tendo clan, we must follow, and quickly. SHAMPOO: Of course, great-grandmother! [waves towards the storage room] Thank you, Mousse! [A pair of enraged quacks answers the lilting taunt. The two Amazon warriors leave. Frustrated, Mousse begins pecking at the weakened bars. He'd been working on this cage for about a month or so, and the reinforced, treated wood might crack any day now...] * * * * * [Ucchan's Okonomiyaki. Ukyo is preparing for Friday morning school. Konastu fires up the grill, preparing to open the store for business. Ukyo nods, watching the male kunoichi's eager, yet slightly flawed handiwork.] UKYO: [accusingly] Just try not to burn down the store, alright Konastu? This is the first time I've let you cook without me in the building, and I don't want to come back to a square plot of ashes. KONASTU: [stricken] Of course, Ukyo-sama! I'll try my hardest! [Konastu looks determined, wielding a pair of mini-spatulas while trying to keep his kimono from touching the cooking surface as the grill heats up. A spark catches hold, and Konastu blushes as he beats the flame out of his garment with a spatula.] UKYO: [sighs, thinking] He's determined, I'll give him that much. I can only hope he can handle the male crowd by himself. [speaking] Alright, I'm heading... [She trails off as Cologne and Shampoo rush by her store, running as if the hounds of hell were trailing close behind. Ukyo sets her jaw before trading her bookbag for her combat spatula. Konastu looks worriedly at Ukyo as she prepares to leave.] KONASTU: Something wrong, Miss Ukyo? UKYO: Nothing a thirty pound cooking utensil can't take care of... Watch the store. I'll be right back... [The spatula-wielding martial artist quickly departs the store, taking to the roofs. Konastu debates following for a moment, shrugs his shoulders, and continues preparing the ingredients. If Ukyo said to stay here, then that's what he would do.] * * * * * [The front of AGMA transit headquarters. It's a large gray building with a wide entrance clearly marked for use by vehicles and trucks. Misato pulls up inside one of the vehicle entrances, following the guidelines painted on the floor. Well, trying to follow them. The car swerves a bit as it trails the jagged path towards the vehicle lift.] MISATO: [sweating embarrassedly] You'll have you excuse me. This is probably my second time to come through here. NABIKI: [quirks eyebrow] New recruit too? MISATO: Um... yeah. Only for a few days now, in fact. [Kasumi smiles nervously, gripping the seat a bit tighter. Nabiki spies this and smirks. Akane and Ranma continue their indifferent vigil of the outside world, pretending not to care that the other is ignoring them. Misato leans over to Kasumi while keeping her eyes on the path.] MISATO: [whispering] By the way, what's up with those two back there? KASUMI: You mean Ranma and Akane? Well, they're engaged-- MISATO: [loudly] Engaged?!? [turns back to Ranma and Akane] You're engaged? RANMA: [grunts] Technically. MISATO: [pauses, then smirks] Oh, I get it now. AKANE: Get what? MISATO: [turns to front] All the screaming, the fighting, the violence. RANMA: Really? Finally, someone understands that we just don-- MISATO: I've never seen someone harbor that much lust before. [Ranma and Akane facefault. Nabiki busts out laughing. Kasumi smiles knowingly.] RANMA: W-what?!? We're not-- MISATO: Oh, you can't fool me, you lovebirds. Just let me know when the wedding is. I'm sure you can't wait 'til the first night. AKANE: [blushing deep red] B-but... MISATO: And you're both martial artists, right? Must give you a lot of stamina. The first night'll be a doozy, not matter how experienced you two are. [Ranma and Akane stare at the purple-haired woman, mouths agape and faces approaching a color best described as vibrant crimson. Nabiki convulses in the middle seat, trying to reign in her laughter. Kasumi shares a glance with Misato, matching the other's smirk with a twinkle in her eyes. Scene pans out as Misato's car slows and is secured upon the vehicle lift, with two blood red martial artists still working their useless mouths in the back seat.] * * * * * [Kintaro sets his backpack down in the Tendo's now-clear living room. He glances about for a moment before staring forlornly at an insanely clean square of floor, most probably the resting spot of the Tendo family television set. He sighs to himself before heading into the kitchen. A few minutes later, he returns with a hot cup of tea. Sitting down, he pulls out a book labeled "Quantum Physics and You" and a pillow.] KINTARO: This might be easy, but I'm bored already. I've gotta find something to do... [As Kintaro stretches out over the floor, book in hand, a small, shadowy figure creeps along the rooftop. Gracefully, the shadow leaps down onto the second floor laundry porch. The prowler slides up to the door, nudges it slightly, and crawls through the opening. Stealthily, it slinks down the hallway, peering inside various rooms. The shadow accidently nudges a door, causing it to creak loudly.] KINTARO: [head jerks up, looking insanely serious] What was that? Shoot, I didn't mean that I wanted something to happen... [The sound happens again, a bit closer, probably another door.] KINTARO: [thinking] It's a prowler. [flash of lightning behind his head] Aw man... Now I wish I'd taken that temp job at the martial arts place last month... [Soft footsteps approach the top of the stairs, then linger for a moment.] KINTARO: [thinking] Probably deciding whether or not to come down. They couldn't have missed the light. [face looks pitiful] Why? Why on the first night? Can I never get a normal temp job? [shakes head] If it were normal, it wouldn't be a learning experience. [The footsteps resume. Kintaro glances up fearfully to see... a small purple cat peer down the stairs. The animal looks around for a moment as if confused, then slowly descends the stairs.] KINTARO: [relaxes, sighing] Ah, it's only a cat. [assumes an extremely goofy expression] C'mere, kitty... kitty... kitty... [The animal pauses on the stairs, then scampers down and hops into Kintaro's lap. He began to casually stroke the cat, inciting a loud contented purr.] KINTARO: Gave me a scare, there. I thought you were a prowler. [Surprisingly, the cat seems to shake its head at it looks at him.] KINTARO: Well, then. Are you a stray? [cat shakes its head] Hmm, a regular then? [cat nods] You're a pretty smart animal. [Kintaro looks slightly amazed to see the purple feline apparently grin at that statement. He continues petting it.] KINTARO: Do you belong to someone in this house? [cat nods crazily] Hmm... well, I'm sorry but they've all moved away for a while. [The animal sits up, looking for all the world like it wanted to ask where they had moved. Kintaro shakes his head, wondering about this cat. The animal meows pitifully, gaining his attention.] KINTARO: Well, they've moved to Tokyo for a while... [Suddenly, the feline jumps off his lap. He whirls about, accidently knocking over his glass of still warm tea. Which happens to spill on a certain form-changing cat. Kintaro's eyes bug out at the startled feline grows into an exotic, and quite exposed, young girl. During the split-second before the purple-haired girl belts him over the head, Kintaro suffers an extreme amount of thought processes.] KINTARO: [thinking] WHOA!!! THAT'S something you don't see every day. And what a BABE too! Look at those curves! That cute pouting face! Lush purple hair! SO exotic! Oh, man, I wish I was petting her again right now! OH YEAH, BABY!!! [About that time, Shampoo's fist impacts Kintaro's face, and the horny young man joins his dreams. Looking slightly sick, Shampoo stumbles out the back entrance, where a shriveled old woman waits perched on a stick.] COLOGNE: That took longer than necessary, granddaughter. SHAMPOO: [grabbing her clothes] I sorry, great-grandmother. Could not be helped. COLOGNE: I understand. Now, we must hurry. Wherever son-in-law goes, we must follow. We cannot allow our laws to be subverted. SHAMPOO: [pulling on last garment] Hai! [The two pause for a moment, before escaping into the distance. In a nearby tree, a flat, metallic surface glints in the evening sun.] UKYO: Ran-chan's gone? He must have been dragged along. And now the Amazons are going after him too. [frowns] Well, if he's moving to Tokyo, then so is the Ucchan's. [Ukyo also gets up and leaves the Tendo compound. A third shadowy figure also departs the premises, in hopes that his master will not be too displeased with the news.] * * * * * [Scene opens deep inside AGMA headquarters, a Geofront located beneath downtown Tokyo. Ranma winces as the moving walkway shuffles the group through an updraft of air. Warily, he scans the wide, metallic chamber.] MISATO: [fidgeting] It's because of these things that I hate to wear a skirt around here... KASUMI: [blushing, fidgeting] I see what you mean. MISATO: [checking map] I wonder where in the heck Ritsuko is... I'm sorry. I'm not used to this place. AKANE: Haven't we been though here before? NABIKI: [dryly] We've passed it twice. MISATO: Well, don't worry about it! They make these transit things to be used, ya know! NABIKI: [smirking] Not for going in circles. RANMA: Yeah, that's Ryoga's job. AKANE: [reproachfully] Ranma, stop teasing poor Ryoga. It's not his fault he's got such a bad sense of direction. NABIKI: Yeah, it's all Ranma's fault, isn't it Akane? RANMA: [crosses arms] Ain't my fault ole' Lost Boy couldn't find the stupid lot behind his own house. AKANE: Well... you shouldn't tease him about it! RANMA: Oh, lay off, you tomboy. What do you know? [Nabiki and Kasumi sigh as Ranma and Akane begin another endless argument. Misato shakes her head in wonder, slightly happy that attention had been momentarily taken away from her bad navigational skills.] MISATO: [thinking] How can those two argue so much? And what does this Ryoga guy have to do with it? * * * * * [Somewhere in backwoods Japan. Ryoga is wandering past a rocky ledge on the outskirts of a cattle field. Suddenly, he sneezes loudly. The earth beneath him gives way, and he begins falling towards a large lake.] RYOGA: Why me? I don't know how, but... [shakes fist] RANMA! This is somehow ALL YOUR FAULT!! **splash!** * * * * * [Somewhere inside AGMA headquarters. A large pinkish-purple pool of liquid is seen surrounded by steel, massive metallic tubing, and electronics. A diver surfaces near the edge and departs the pool. A PA announcer is heard faintly in the background.] ANNOUNCER: Would the chairperson of E project, technical division one, Doctor Ritsuko Akagi please contact Captain Misato Katsuragi... [trails off] RITSUKO: [removing scuba gear] I don't believe it. Is she lost again? [Ritsuko hangs her suit to dry, then collects her lab coat and clipboard.] RITSUKO: [muttering] If she's stuck on that loop again, I'm going to kill her. * * * * * [Two minutes later, on a company elevator...] MISATO: Hi, there... Ritsuko... RITSUKO: [darkly] Misato. [thinking] That's it. She's gonna die. MISATO: [thinking] That's it. I'm gonna die. [The two stare at each other for a long moment, while the Tendo sisters fidget nervously and Ranma checks his appearance in the mirrorlike wall of the elevator.] NABIKI: [clears throat] Excuse me. [The older females break their visual deadlock. With one last glare, seeming to say 'We'll finish this later,' Ritsuko turns to the guests.] RITSUKO: So, I assume you're the children of Mr. Tendo? KASUMI: [nodding] That's right. RITSUKO: [turns to Misato] Have they labeled the children yet? RANMA: [frowning] Wha...? MISATO: I'm not quite sure. [pulls out file] Let me check... NABIKI: [frowning] Excuse me. RITSUKO: I wish you'd get more organized, CAPTAIN. AKANE: [frowning] What's this about...? MISATO: [gritting teeth] I do what I can, DOCTOR. [Sparks flare for a moment, and Ranma shies back, recurrent thoughts about irate fiances alerting his senses.] KASUMI: [sweetly] Excuse me, but what are you discussing? RITSUKO: [blinks] Um... one moment... [turns to Misato] Have you found it yet? MISATO: [pulls out sheet] Right here! It says... hmm... that 'Ranma Saotome' is the First Child... RANMA: [blinks, then smirks] And why not? I'm number one, after all... MISATO: ...and 'Akane Tendo' is the Second Child. RANMA: [crosses arms behind head] Heh. That's right too. AKANE: [growling] What are you saying, Ranma? RANMA: [closes eyes] Isn't it obvious? I rank above you. AKANE: [glows red] YOU JERK!!! [A few minutes later, the party disembarks the elevator, with Akane grumpily dragging an unconscious Ranma behind. A wide-eyed Ritsuko pauses for a moment to notify a nearby maintenance worker that the elevator needs a new floor before following the rest down the hallway.] * * * * * AKANE: What the hell is THAT? [The group stands before what appears to be the face of a monstrous robot. The machine is dark crimson, and sports an angular head with two large eyes, long black pointed 'ears,' and a label reading EVA-01 on the side. The robot is submerged up to its neck in the purplish fluid, so no other noteworthy features are identifiable.] RITSUKO: Is this a trick question? MISATO: What does it look like? NABIKI: An ugly red rabbit. [The group is silent for a long moment, before Kasumi bends her head slightly.] KASUMI: She's right. I can see it now. [Everyone but Nabiki facefaults.] NABIKI: [rolling eyes] I was joking, dear sister... RANMA: [muttering] Sometimes I wonder about that girl... AKANE: [getting up] Anyways, I asked a question... I'd like an answer, please. RITSUKO: [gesturing towards robot] This is man's ultimate fighting machine, the synthetic life form known as Evangelion, Unit One. Built here in secret. It is mankind's last hope. [Silence.] AKANE: That sounds kinda heavy... RITSUKO: It's supposed to be. [gestures towards robot] This is only the prototype... the final production model is still in the developmental stage. NABIKI: How nice. What's it for? MISATO: Remember those 'Angels' I mentioned in the car? AKANE: The ones you said we'd have to fight? MISATO: That's right. RANMA: You're telling us that we're going to fight these 'Angels' with this giant robot thing? SOUN: Correct. [The group looks above the robot to see Mr. Tendo standing by himself on a little overhang a couple floors above. He's dressed in formal martial arts attire, save a large double-breasted black coat. The result is something somewhat serious, and somewhat comical... a proud exaggeration of his typical self. Ranma, Akane, and Nabiki groan, while Kasumi smiles and clasps her hands.] KASUMI: [waving] Hello father! SOUN: Why hello, Kasumi! I assume you've been well taken care of? KASUMI: Absolutely, father. Miss Katsuragi has been most pleasant. [Misato beams. Ritsuko snickers, and Misato gives her a red-eye. Ranma and Akane shrug, while Nabiki taps her foot impatiently. Finally, the silence is interrupted by blaring klaxons.] SOUN: [panicking] What's going on? What's happening? Somebody save me!!! [dives to floor] NABIKI: [dryly] Good job heading the organization, daddy... [A technician rolls his eyes before helping Soun off the catwalk and into a back room. Meanwhile, numerous AGMA employees begin milling about the room, unhooking cables, making computer adjustments, and preparing some long, white, tube-like object.] RANMA: *I'd* like to know what's going on... RITSUKO: It's an Angel attack. [turns to Ranma] Ranma Saotome? RANMA: [blinks] Er... yeah? RITSUKO: As the first child, you are the designated pilot of Unit One. [points to robot] Duty calls. RANMA: You mean, I've got to get in that thing? I don't even know how to use it!! MISATO: I agree, Doctor Akagi! He's had not training whatsoever! RITSUKO: That's where you're wrong, Captain. He's had plenty of training. RANMA: [blinks] You mean, my martial arts? RITSUKO: I was told you were a renown fighter, a combatant to be reckoned with. Someone who could learn and improvise new fighting styles on the fly. RANMA: Well, yeah, that's all true... NABIKI: [muttering] So modest, too... RITSUKO: Then I don't suppose you'd have any trouble adjusting your technique to fighting within a giant robot. RANMA: But I wouldn't know how to *move* it. It still doesn't-- RITSUKO: [interrupting] All you have to do is climb inside. Your thoughts and reflexes will do the rest. RANMA: I don't know... RITSUKO: [looking away] If you're scared... RANMA: [hardens glare] I ain't afraid of anything! Let me at it! [Ranma rushes off the platform towards a waiting crew at the large white tube. After a moment, Misato walks over to Ritsuko and pats her on the shoulder.] MISATO: Good job. Looks like he bought it. RITSUKO: [smirking] Hook, line, and sinker. AKANE: [shakes head] That idiot... NABIKI: How typical... KASUMI: [hands clasped] Poor Ranma... * * * * * [Tendo household. Kintaro lies sprawled across the living room floor, near a large puddle of liquid. A tremor in the Force... er, the floorboards... jostles him slightly, and he moans and begins to sit up.] KINTARO: [rubbing head] Ugh... I think I had some sort of bad dream... Though that purple-haired babe wasn't so bad... [A loud smashing sound causes the pervert to jump upright, frequently glancing in all directions in an extremely comical fashion. Another smash follows the first, closer this time, and a dark shadow passes over the household. Kintaro rushes determinedly out the front door... only to quickly leap back beneath the roof's overhang.] KINTARO: [eyes wide] What... what the...? [The hundred meter tall figure takes a brief moment in it's trek towards central Tokyo to glance down directly at Kintaro. It's circular head wobbles slightly, before the giant black humanoid resumes its leisurely gait. Kintaro watches in silence for a moment, before jumping up and down and cursing.] KINTARO: [furious] Dangit! I've got a job to do, and I can't leave. Man, tracking that thing would be such a WONDERFUL learning experience... * * * * * [AGMA headquarters, deep inside Eva-01's storage chamber. Ranma, recently outfitted with a red and black plugsuit, glances about the interior of the entry plug before looking back out at Ritsuko and Misato. The Tendo family watches nervously from the control room, while Genma grumbles about his son's own jitteriness.] RANMA: Okay... now what? RITSUKO: We're going to close the hatch, then insert it into the back of the Evangelion. Are you ready? RANMA: [fidgets slightly] Sure, why not. [Ritsuko and Misato turn to leave. The access hatch closes over the entry plug, and after a moment, the plug is inserted into the Evangelion. Ranma nervously glances about the darkened entry plug before Ritsuko's voice filters through the internal speakers.] RITSUKO: Are you alright, Ranma? Before we start, we must insert the LCL fluid. Just remain calm, okay? RANMA: Fluid?!? [A yellowish liquid begins to fill the entry plug from the bottom up. Ranma begins to panic.] RANMA: Hey... what the... NO!!! RITSUKO: Ranma! Don't panic! Just let the LCL fill your lungs and your blood will be oxygenated directly! NABIKI: [muttering] I'm certain that Ranma understood all *that*... [Frantically, Ranma edges towards the upper end of the entry plug. However, the liquid continues to rise, and Ranma soon runs out of room. The yellowish liquid splashes onto him, and for a moment, he gargles and waves his hands crazily.] RANMA: [thinking] That's it... I'm gonna change, then I'll become a lab rat, or something even worse, or they'll make fun of me, or ridicule me and send me back as a reject, or... [Suddenly, it registers that the liquid was rather warm, and he is, in fact, still male. Chuckling through the liquid, Ranma visibly relaxes, returning to his seat. In the control room, Ritsuko shares a confused glance with Misato, while the Tendo family and Genma offer a quick prayer of thanks.] RITSUKO: Okay... RANMA: [sweatdrop] Er... just forget you ever saw that. MISATO: [muttering] Something like that is not easily forgotten... RITSUKO: [blinks] Anyway... Ranma? We're going to initiate the primary nerve connections. You're going to feel something like an expansion of your senses, or something else touching your conscious. Just remain calm, and we'll take care of the rest. RANMA: Um... alright... [Lights begin to flash down the entry plug, and Ranma tightens his hold on the two handgrips aside his body. A tingling sensation enters his mind, and his whole body shudders slightly. After a moment, his visual becomes that of the chamber before him. He blinks.] RANMA: I'm... looking through the robot's eyes... RITSUKO: That's correct. All sensations and feelings experienced by the Eva shall be yours to share. That should make it easier for live action combat. RANMA: That's great! I thought I'd be losing my martial arts edge in this thing... RITSUKO: Not at all. [thinking] Must have been some plan devised by the old men upstairs... selecting a superb combatant as one of the children, just for the combat skills. [frowns] Are they plotting something again? * * * * * [Scene resembles a holographic table in a darkened room, similar to the first scene in the prologue. Five men are seated around the table. An elaborate series of graphs and pictures are present upon a large glowing screen at the empty end of the table.] THIRD FIGURE: Well, we have the latest version of Lynix available for the public. This new version has an even more user friendly interface, but requires a tremendous amount of upgrades to operate any hardware and software on the system. And these new upgrades can only be acquired by signing up for the internet service provided by a Lynix internet provider, which charges incredibly high rates. SECOND FIGURE: Excellent. The public will be truly intrigued by the prospect of the 'ultimate user friendly platform,' despite the obvious downside. FOURTH FIGURE: Also, the developments for the next release of Windows is underway. The program is sure to include many problematic features, like the latest release, and will bog the system memory down with useless help menus, constant driver errors, and numerous 'blue screens.' But more programs will be available for this platform than Lynix, so people will purchase Windows despite the numerous bugs. [The fifth figure nods his head while grunting in approval.] FIRST FIGURE: Marvelous. The OS franchise will soon be under our complete control. BWA HA HA HA!!! [The five figures break out in evil laughter, which echoes throughout the large empty room...] * * * * * RITSUKO: [shaking] Brrr... MISATO: What is it, Ritsuko? RITSUKO: I've got a bad feeling about something... [shakes head] Anyway, Maya, what are the readings on Ranma's sync ratio? MAYA: [checking computer readout] He's stabilizing around 43%, ma'am. No abnormalities or problems with the pulse readings. His syncrograph appears normal. RITSUKO: [peering over Maya's shoulder] Amazing! His first time, and no abnormalities? And the first time we've tried this, no less... [The Nerima crew facefaults.] AKANE: You mean to tell me that you haven't tested this before?!? RITSUKO: Well, we did... once. It wasn't very pretty... [Ritsuko turns rather ashen, while everyone else in the room spots her with wide eyes. Ranma's voice filters over the intercom.] RANMA: Um... is everything alright? Did everything go okay? RITSUKO: Absolutely, Ranma. We're ready to move out. MISATO: Prepare Evangelion Unit One for launch! [One by one, commands ring out over the intercom system, listing such activities as the removal of Eva-01's primary restraints. After all restraints and deadlocks are released, Eva-01 moves towards one set of tracks on the far wall. The ceiling above the robot opens up, revealing a long passageway leading to the surface.] MAYA: Launch passage secure. Eva One is cleared for launch. MISATO: Understood. [pauses, turns towards Soun] Commander, can we really do this? [Soun begins a shrug, until Genma elbows him.] SOUN: [rubbing arm] Of course. MISATO: [nodding] Alright... let's do it. Eva launch!!! [The control latch shudders and falls away, launching the Evangelion straight up the launch tube. Ranma's screaming barely overlays the loud roaring of screeching metal, showering sparks, and moving air. Just as sudden as the launch, the Eva grounds to a halt, just above ground level. Ranma's eyes widen further as he spots a monstrous black humanoid marching towards his robot.] RANMA: Whoa... [Inside the control box, everyone watches a giant viewscreen intensely, as it displays Ranma and the Angel preparing for the upcoming battle. Akane clasps her hands together tightly.] AKANE: [whispering] Ranma, please... don't get killed out there... [Kasumi places her hand on Akane's shoulder. Startled, Akane glances up into her oldest sister's smiling face.] KASUMI: [whispering] He'll be alright, Akane. Remember, Ranma Saotome never loses... [Akane offers a slight smile and a nod, before returning her attention to the battle at hand. Her eyes sparkle for a moment, before she clenches her fists.] AKANE: [thinking] Kasumi's right. You can do it, Ranma. I believe in you... * * * * * End of Episode 1 * * * * * Afterward stuff: Episode One completed. I'm trying to go for an inbetween for Ranma and Eva's story lines, mostly from Eva's point of view, of course. At any rate, I think it's progressing nicely. If there are any adjustments I need to make, please let me know. And tell me if you like it so far. Just no flames... I'm still not sure if I can stomach it. My email address is the_rossmage82@hotmail.com.