Sitting in the medical lab next to the Professor, I am doing my best to try and ignore what is going on around me. It isn�t working, but I keep trying. Even if it only worked for a little while I would be happy. It isn�t my usual approach to things, but events of late have hardly been usual.

Jean left some time ago to try and sleep. Since then I�ve been alone with my thoughts and the muted chirping of medical equipment. Everything is too quiet. Normally I would be the one to prefer quiet, ask for it, occasionally lose my temper for it. Not now. Now the quiet seems to be pressing in on me, tightening like a vise.

I shudder when I look at the Professor and think back on what happened earlier at the train station. Things are spinning out of control. I do not like being out of control, I never have. Some say I am orderly to a fault, obsessive even. If I am, it is because I have to be. I almost want to laugh hysterically at the thought, somebody has to be in charge and for whatever reason it fell to me.

Remembering where I am - and why - quickly ends any urge for laughter. Suddenly I am the leader. Even though it is what I�ve trained for - lived for - these past years, the responsibility looms large over my head. For a moment, I rest my head in my hands and let my rigid control slip.

I did mean what I promised him. I will take care of them. Still, can I help it if everything in me longs for him still to be here to take care of all of us?

I think back on the last time we spoke and that in turn leads me to think of Logan. The newest addition to our ranks, I can�t bring myself to trust him - not yet. But the Professor was right, if we are going to have a chance at defeating Magneto, we are going to have to get past our problems.

I shake my head, at least until Rogue is safe and our mission accomplished we cannot keep bickering like children. I almost smile, but don�t. Something tells me that it won�t be him approaching me for a truce, however temporary.

A quick glance at the clock and I realize it is finally close to dawn. Even after four hours of supposed sleep, this has been the longest night I can remember - easily the longest since I lost my eyes for the first time.

Standing, I stretch my arms above my head. I can hear someone approaching and a moment later Ororo walks through the doorway. I try to smile, but only manage to press my lips in a line. She nods before turning her attention to the Professor. With a last glance at the unconscious man behind me, I leave the medical bay and head toward the sleeping rooms.

It�s time to go find Logan . . . Time to settle this.