Title: Remember Me This Way
Author: Kalynn
[email protected]
Rating: PG (just a word here and there)
Classification: V/A
Keywords: M/S friendship, character death
Summary: Scully thinks of losing Mulder, and a song helps her move on.
Spoiler: Up through Emily, although vague
Archive: Okay for Gossamer, no for anything else, thanks!

Disclaimer: I've written very few fan fictions, but the disclaimer dance was old a long time ago. This isn't written for profit of any form, other than the hopeful enjoyment of the reader. The characters of Fox Mulder, Dana Scully and Walter Skinner are the property of Chris Carter, 1013 Productions, FOX Television, is that all? "Remember Me This Way" is from the Casper Motion Picture Soundtrack, 1995 Universal City Studios, Inc. & MCA Records, Inc. The scenes mentioned regarding the song are from "Casper" - a great movie if you've never seen it - it's owned by Universal Studios I believe.

Remember Me This Way

Quietly, a melody drifted across her memory. She couldn't quite place it, for it was just a scant few bars and half a dozen words. The melody had been plaguing her since early the day before, and it stubbornly refused to leave.

As she walked across the busy parking lot, she caught herself humming the tune. I bet Mulder would know what it is she sighed. Clutching her coat closer to her body to ward off the brisk December wind, she hurried toward her car, anxious to reach the safe confines of home.

While driving, she let her mind drift back in time. To when there were many questions left to be answered, true; however, many more difficult questions had yet to be asked. Before her partner and best friend was forced to leave her side. They had been assigned together to the X-Files for just over five years when the unthinkable happened. That is, when Scully's world seemed to go into slow motion, and eventually come to a halt.

Things between the two partners had been on an upswing for months. Ever since her cancer had miraculously gone into remission, even through the misery that had followed the holidays. Talk was again flying rampant through the rumor mills of the J. Edgar Hoover building that they were more than partners and best friends, but as in times prior, the pair ignored the gossip. Instead, they concentrated on their work, and their friendship.

There were always more unexplainable cases to be tackled, and she was glad to see the spark return to Mulder's eyes. During the previous fall and winter, that spark had seemed to dull and disappear. Yet, with the spring, life returned to both of the agents. Spring is when things grow and are reborn, and it could be considered true for Mulder and Scully as well. Laughter even found its way back into the basement.

Then, for part of the summer they had been assigned to assist with a tricky case being handled by the VCU, Mulder's previous department within the FBI. Profiling the killer had been up to Mulder, as no other methods had panned out. When they had attempted to arrest the suspect, he had turned the tables on the agents, and taken Scully hostage.

In the time between her capture and release, Mulder would blame himself for missing something in the pattern or overlooking key information. And when the opportunity presented itself for Mulder to hand himself over for Scully's release, he jumped at the chance. But once again, the killer had a surprise in store. He planned to kill Scully as Mulder watched, and then kill him as well.

Mulder entered the abandoned building. Wasn't it always an abandoned building? he mused. Moving slowly through the rooms he managed to catch the killer off guard. However, before he could get to the killer, or free Scully, the crazed man took aim at the bound agent, who was secured to the far wall. In one motion, Mulder threw himself at his partner, and fired at the suspect. Both rounds found their way home. One, lodged in the brain of the killer, the other in Mulder's chest.

Screaming for help, Scully reached as best she could for her best friend, who had just taken the bullet meant for her. Fear and adrenaline are powerful tools, and she managed to wrench her hands free from the ropes and crawl to her partner's side. Pulling his head into her lap, she reached for a pulse only to find it rapid and weak.

"Mulder, stay with me. You can't leave me like this," she begged of the still form. She grew more and more convinced that she would never again see his hazel eyes so full of life, or hear one of his absurd jokes. This time, death had won.

"Scu . . ." a weak voice called out. So weak, she thought she'd imagined it.

Tears fell off of her lashes as she leaned down to hear her partner's voice. "Mulder. Fox, I'm right here. Talk to me, stay with me. Stay with me," she repeated the last line like a mantra, a life preserver thrown to a floundering swimmer.

"Dana," he gasped, his face tightening in pain. "Hurts. Are you . . . okay? Did . . . he hit you, too?" His words were slow, and labored.

"No, I'm fine, you saved me. You got him." Her words came in a rush, like the tears that were now cascading down her cheeks. "Now it's my turn to save you, but you have to help me. Open your eyes, Mulder, look at me." She could hear footsteps approaching from inside the building now, she just had to help him hang on a little longer.

Ever so slowly, a set of perfect hazel eyes opened to look up at Scully. To her it was the most beautiful thing she had ever seen. Yet, she could see the clouds of pain masking his eyes. Enduring a personal hell, but not voicing it.

"Scully, I'm so tired. Just wanna sleep now," his eyes drifting shut as he spoke.

"NO!" she screamed at him. "Don't you dare close your eyes, do you hear me Fox Mulder? Keep looking at me, you have to stay with me." When his eyes remained closed, her body shook with sobs, gasping for air, the only word she could form was "no" over and over again.

Her world had been in slow motion since she had watched the slug hit him, and it ground to a halt when she heard him draw a staggering breath, and then draw no more.

Leaning to place a kiss on his forehead, she spoke to her best friend once more. "Good bye, Mulder. I love you."

Skinner and several members from the VCU entered the room just in time to hear Scully's last words to her beloved partner. Glancing away, to allow her the moment, Skinner ordered one medical team over to the suspect, then turned his attention to his agents. He had been filled with dread from the moment they had heard Scully's yells for help. Something had felt different this time, now he knew why.

He crossed the dusty floor to where Scully held the now lifeless form of Special Agent Fox Mulder in her lap. In Scully's memory, the rest of the night passed in a blur. She had no recollection of being led from the building to an awaiting ambulance, nor of the funeral with honors at Arlington three days later.

In the time following Mulder's death, Scully stayed with the Bureau, working closely with Skinner to maintain the status of the X-Files within the FBI. At least the long hours meant that traffic was light on the way home she thought. In the time since Mulder had died, work had been her saving grace, keeping her mind occupied from thinking to much of her best friend.

Still humming when she reached the warmth of her apartment, she decided to give in and call a local radio station and find out what the name of the song was. After changing into jeans and a sweater, she was walking into the living room to call the station when she glanced at the calendar. Six months. Could it really be six months today since he died? Her eyes were clouded as she picked up the phone and dialed.

She spoke briefly to the D.J. and luckily he thought he knew what she was referring to. He gave her a title, "Remember Me This Way," and promised to play it within the hour. During that time, she left the radio in the living room playing as she fixed dinner for herself. That was when she heard it. The haunting first chords.

Suddenly she placed it. In her mind she saw a high school dance, a blonde boy and brunette girl dancing in the middle of a larger group. Years ago, when she and Mulder were just becoming closer outside of work, he had brought a movie for her to watch. She had joked it was a little kids movie, but by the end of the film she was entranced. He had remarked how he liked the song, even though it was outside of his usual fare. Now, on the six month anniversary of his death, it had found it's way to her.

She collapsed on the couch, listening to the words that came from the stereo.

*****

Every now and then, we find a special friend,
who never lets us down.
Who understands it all, reaches out each time we fall,
you're the best friend that I've found.
I know you can't stay, but part of you will never ever go away,
your heart will stay.

*****

The tears that had been threatening to fall since the song had began, traced paths down her face. She sat, absorbed by the words. They pierced through to her heart the way nothing else had in six months.

*****

I'll make a wish for you, and hope it will come true,
that life will just be kind, to such a gentle mind.
And if you lose your way, think back on yesterday,
remember me this way, remember me this way.


I don't need eyes to see, the love you bring to me,
no matter where I go.
And I know that you'll be there, forever more a part of me,
you're everywhere, I'll always care.


I'll make a wish for you . . .

*****

The song began to repeat the chorus and she found herself thinking, true, it might not exactly be us, but it's close. Besides, in a way, finding this song, was like finding a hidden part of her friend. A part just for her to find. That's how she would remember her partner, too. The boyish enthusiasm that had brought Casper to her door late one night. The gentle mind that was the real Fox Mulder, not what the world was privy to, the side only she knew.

*****

And I'll be right behind your shoulder watching you,
I'll be standing by your side in all you do,
And I won't ever leave, as long as you believe,
you just believe.

I'll make a wish for you, and hope it will come true,
that life will just be kind, to such a gentle mind.
And if you lose your way, think back on yesterday,
remember me this way, remember me this way.

*****

The song ended, leaving Scully sitting alone in the dim light emanating from the kitchen, where her forgotten dinner sat. For a moment, she just sat there, silent. Then she realized the best thing she could do for Mulder, was to continue on with their work and continue to live. To never forget, true, but to also not live in the past. As long as she remembered him, he would go on.

"Good bye, Fox," she whispered into the night, a single tear tracing a path down her cheek, "I'll always remember."

fin

 
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